R Is For...

Once again, I felt like I had had enough of it, but still, didn't have where to go and didn't know what to do.

It was a cycle: I tried; it didn't work; I became tired; recovered my energy; I tried. Cycles are great in biology questions, I always get them right, but when you're stuck in one it is the prime reason for tiredness. Repetitiveness, roundness, restlessness; all of your sentences become alliterations that make you want to shut your thoughts and run away. 

Last week, it was that they never asked if I was okay when I disappeared due to a last-minute trip to the other side of the country I was obliged to go with my family. Yesterday, it was a non-invitation to a dinner party. Today, it happened that someone stole my graduating class hoodie before they even gave it to me. Ah, my reassuring responsive group of friends. They are the cause of my rancor today.

Walking home from school I decide to take a different, longer path because I don't feel like getting home and processing the so described routine I was tied to. I realize there's a store I have never seen other times I passed that street and it catches my attention. I come closer and discover it's a bookstore for second-hand books. I enter.

''Good evening!" - I say to the lady on the counter, trying to be as friendly as possible, despite this rule not giving any effect at school. 

   "Hello, may I help you? Are you looking for any genre specifically?" 

     "No. I was just passing by and decided to take a look at the books." - My shyness must have shown through and she must have understood I wanted space because she let me ramble alone through the shelves, which I preferred anyway. 

        I spend the next minutes picking up books that interest me by the cover and reading their synopsis, but I'm not sure which one to buy until I pick up one called Reckless - 5 Rules To Live By. The cover is white and the title is silver, surrounded by stars of the same color. It catches my attention for two reasons: my mind was full of words that started with R, for some reason, and I was desperate for tips on how to live. I open it and am surprised by a photo of two girls hugging each other, leaning towards the camera. One was winking, with her tongue slightly stuck out and the other was with both her eyes closed, kissing the air.

      "Dear Cait,

       Happy Birthday!!! This book reminds me of us being reckless and crazy and goofy LOL plus it talks about manifestation which I've been getting into lately.

       Anyway, here's to turning all the boring Tuesdays into fuuuuuun adventures and the monotony into... multitony * u* 

      #didn'tevenfinishit #didntknowwhattogiveyou #smtgelsetool8r #harvard22 #nochill

      Best,

      The best a.k.a. Jas"

      I read on the back of the photo. I feel like entering someone else's private life, like seeing something I shouldn't be seeing, but I love it. Something about the picture is magnetic. The way the girls were seemingly having so much fun, how the note was careless to grammar, so authentic and funny. I wish I had friends like this. I wish I was like this, reckless like the girl who wrote it. 

       "How much is this one?" I ask the lady, showing her the book.

       "You can take it for 2 dollars." 

     And so I do. Yes, it does feel wrong to buy something so personal. I wonder how it ended up there. Maybe it was an accident. It has to be, right? They seemed like good friends, why would Cait let the book go to a store? She must want it back, so I'm going to find her and give it back. I know their names, and I suppose they're freshmen at Harvard, due to the #harvard22. It's going to be easy. 

The sun is almost setting, it's beautiful. I continue my walk home smiling every time I remember the word multitony, forgetting about what happened at school and wondering if I will finally have a rightful group of friends once I meet the girls in the picture. 

    Once I get to my bedroom, I take out the book from my backpack and lay the picture on the ground, next to where I sit, lying with my back on the wall. Then I take out my cellphone from my backpack, and start to Google ''Harvard 2022''. Nothing. "Harvard 2022 Cait" should do. Nothing. I should go study.

   I study until late. When I go to bed and all the lights are out I try googling once again. "Harvard 2022 Jas". I go through links and pictures until I finally find a photo in which I recognize Jas. There is her name and surname. Next step: finding her Instagram. Probably spent 10 minutes stalking Harvard students' profiles - which is pathetic, but my life was already pathetic and I was desperate to change that - until I find hers and... it's private. Great... this is going to take a while. I send a request to follow her and go to sleep hoping she doesn't think I'm a creep for doing this.

      The next morning I wake up, check my phone and see that she accepted my request. I open the windows, feel the fresh air, and smile. If there is a word that starts with r for today, it's going to be radiant. I'm going to college next year and find people who match my energy. I send a dm to her explaining the situation and go to school.

      Hours later, I see her reply:

      "Hi!!! OMG I talked to Cait and she doesn't remember giving it to the shop, sure you can give it back to me let's say..... tonight?"

      "Sure thing! :D" - I text back.

      Multitony. I smile as I look inside my locker. Two people from my resentful group of friends come closer, laughing out loud. 

      "Hi, guys! What happened?" - I ask with a smile, trying to look as radiant as possible.

      "Oh, it's an inside joke. You wouldn't get it." - One of the girls says and they continue to laugh and reassure how funny it was. 

      "What a pity..." - I have an idea and get my phone to send a voice message to Jas -  "A bee can die eating fruits gathering hope." - I laugh as I say, knowing pretty well they will never see me as a normal person after that, but just hoping it would lead to more conversation at Harvard later on. Or not... maybe they will just think I'm weird, too. Whatever.

       "What?" - they both stop smiling, looking at me like I was the weirdest creature they've ever seen. 

        "Oh, it's a thing with my friend..." - I laugh more, making it sound like it's a lot of fun, but they still don't have it. I don't care. I turn my back and go to English class.

       R is for reckless. No more alliteration. 

       Around 7 PM I go to the Harvard campus and search for Jasmine's dorm with the address she gave me. I knock on the door. 

       "Oh, hi!!'' - she looks surprised, and my stomach trembles, I'm shy and maybe this wasn't a good idea. - "you're the girl that found Cait's book, right? Come in!" - she smiles and I feel comforted. 

       "I can't believe you let it go to... a thrift shop?" - she looks at Cait, who was playing Uno at the table with a boy and another girl and then at me. - I put all my love in that book! How dare you? - she was noticeably joking. 

       "Sorry, what can I do? I got sick of it after the third page." - Cait jokes as I take out the book from my backpack. 

       I was about to give the book to Jasmine when she, thankfully, introduced me to the people there.

       "So, Elle, these are my friends: Anthony, Beatrice, and, as you probably know, Cait! By the way, what was that message you sent to me about a bee? I was so confused, it was so out of nowhere!" - she laughs a lot, and I laugh too.