Kids in the Summer

I blinked wearily, looking down at my feet as the frigid cold stung my cheeks with a harsh slap. Puffs of air flew from my mouth as I shivered, nudging the pack of hard ice that rested by my foot. The night was quite calm. The trees were swaying in perfect harmony with the wind, their branches adding to the melodic symphony. Crickets hummed somewhere in the dark abyss of the forest and an owl pierced the night sky with its familiar call.

I stared up at the sky, taking in the stars that were usually drowned out by the city lights. But here, they were a sight to behold. The stars burned brightly with a flame that seemed like it would never go out, and the constellations were perfectly outlined. They were so close that one could believe that if they reached out and grabbed the star of their choice, they could pluck it out of the sky with ease. But of course, that was just a fantasy, maybe even a wish. I sighed.

It was the last day I would spend up in the mountains in my family's log cabin. After a week, I was starting to long for my own bed and the satisfaction that came with knowing the score of the NBA games. But there was something about the log cabin that made me want to stay.

Maybe it was the familiarity of it. Countless summer hours were spent up here in these mountains. It was a family tradition. The highlight of the year. Back then, the sweet fresh air would quench my throat and I could be whatever I wanted. A dragon, a wizard, a knight in shining army,

I could be what I was: just a kid in the summer.

I had a large family, so vacations were always unusually interesting. Tommy, John and I always had a blast coming up here. Our older sister, Jasmine, would roll her eyes and glare at us. "Could you three try and enjoy the nature without giving Mom and Dad a heart attack for five minutes?"

The answer was always no.

The memories burned into my mind as I rubbed my hands together and looked around the large clearing behind the cabin. A hammock swayed back and forth in the wind, its fabric a bit worn out. The bright red had started to fade away, leaving a light pink color that seemed to mock what it used to be.

I could almost picture Tommy swaying in the hammock, a guitar in hand as his baritone voice would flow over the mountains and echo through the valley. Whenever he sung, it was like the woods stopped and listened. All the rustling of shrubbery stopped, and all the chirping and cawing of birds ceased. His voice would roll richly through the cabin, and Jasmine would sweep me up into a slow dance. "I want to practice for the prom," she would say, even if it was a few years away.

My cheeks would burn every time I would step on her toes as he took the lead with a laugh. "I feel sorry for your future girlfriend, Lucas," she would tease. "But you are quite the gentlemen, I will give you that."

John would snicker and laugh, making smooching noises until I looked as red as an apple. Mom would shush him, and he would grin sheepishly, because he knew he was the real gentlemen.

His curly almond brown hair seemed to glow like a halo on the top of his head, and his hazel eyes seemed to sparkle with compassion and care. His smile was truly infectious, and his light freckles would highlight his cheeks, making his eyes shimmer with an even greater light. Tommy would always joke about John's future love life. It always seemed inevitable that he would find true love, it was only a matter of time before he found that lucky girl.

Mom and Dad always let us run wild when we were at the cabin. That left Jasmine with the liberty of supervising us the whole trip, to her disgust. But, it was painfully obvious that she loved doing it. Tommy dragged us all off into the mysteries of the woods. We would chase bunnies down into their holes and climb the tallest trees.

I would always climb the highest, teasing my older siblings as they scrambled to catch up. Tommy would shake the tree, and the limbs would tremble and creak until John shoved him away. "You idiot, you're going to kill him!"

"Relax, Johnny ol'boy, our little Tarzan here will be fine," he would reassure.

An evil grin would slip onto my face as I would jump down from the tree, scaring the heck out of Jasmine and would cause John to faint. I received an hour long lecture from John when we got back to the cabin.

The four of us were inseparable, but we were all different personalities. On some days, we would all attend to our different activities. Tommy would sing, of course. His guitar was his spirit and his life. It was like he shared his soul with it, and he would sing the woods to sleep. Jasmine, on the other hand, loved to write. Pages and pages on pages would pile up over each other, littering the wooden floors of the cabin. Dad would pick them up to read, his glasses nestled on his nose, while Mom battled to organize them.

But I was the quiet one of the family, always running away from the comfort of the cabin to wander the woods. The sweet pine air seemed to burn my lungs as I inhaled it, listening to the birds sing and flutter through the trees. Wood mice and squirrels would scurry out from under dying logs, squeaking in greeting as they ran past. The occasional deer would prance through the trees, bucks and does alike. Their ears would perk up and search the area, and I didn't dare breath. Then, they would stalk away silently, their magnificent postures making the woods go still.

John... John was always by my side. We were never apart. He was my best friend, teaching me everything I knew. We would wander the unknown parts of the forest for hours. He would bring out a different side of me, one that wasn't afraid to speak his mind. One with confidence, one with passion, one with a purpose. "You only have one life, Lucas," he told me one day as we skipped rocks on the nearby creek. His shimmering eyes locked with my own, and I pursed my lips. "Don't waste it. Live it."

He threw a rock across the water, and it skipped four times. Then, he nodded to me with a slight grin, all the seriousness melting from his face. I threw my rock, and it skipped three times. "I guess you win," I drawled, and John laughed and coiled his arm around my shoulders fondly.

"I guess I do."

When night fell and the owls came in search of their destined night time meal, John would point out each and every constellation, his eyes shimmering with excitement. "I'm gonna go up there one day, Lucas," he whispered. "I would take you with me, but I'm gonna get there first."

It was true, because he was two years older than me, but I wasn't interested in going up to space. Studying about the stars was enough for me. "I don't mind, but I look forward to seeing you fly up there."

He grinned. "I know. But when I go up there, I'm gonna miss you."

"What about Mom and Dad? Or Tommy and Jasmine?"

He raised his eyebrows. "Of course, but I'll miss you a sliver more."

I blushed so hard that John laughed until tears spilled from his eyes.

And that's how it was for the next few summers. But as years went by, it became harder and harder to come together. Four years later, Jasmine was already twenty-one, almost done with nursing school. Tommy was barely nineteen, figuring out college little by little. John was eighteen, graduating from high school, and I was still sixteen.

I tried to feel happy for John, but it scared me. He was leaving to study in California, leaving me behind. I was about to lose my best friend. On his graduation day, Jasmine and Tommy were on their feet, yelling and cheering their lungs out. Mom and Dad were shedding tears of joy, even though they had gone through this process two times already.

But I was staring at my shoes, shuffling back and forth, blinking back the hot tears that threatened to suffocate me. When John walked over to us after the ceremony, he wrapped everyone up in a hug before walking over to me.

I should have known he would figure out something was wrong.

He stopped and stared at me, his brow burrowing in concern. I quickly smiled at him and tackled him in a lung crushing his, slipping a small box in his hand. He returned the hug with much more force, and I buried my face in his chest, before tearing away and dashing through the crowd.

No footsteps followed behind me.

Until John found me sitting on a lone bench half an hour later.

I looked up at him guiltily but said nothing, my throat still tight with tears. He wordlessly sat down next to me and looked up at the sky, which was starting to dim. Stars started to peak out of their slumber, and the moon was in full shape. John's eyes lit up at the sight of it.

Finally, he cleared his throat and held up a necklace to me, the shape of a crescent moon as its pendant. "You bought this for me?"

I nodded and watched him grin. "Its beautiful, thank you."

Quickly, he slipped it on and it glistened on his chest. "I-I'm glad you like it."

John nodded and wrapped me up in a hug. "Hey, I'm not leaving forever you know."

I gulped and searched for the words to say, but my mind was blank. But hearing John say it himself was comforting. "By the way, we're all going to the cabin this summer," he said excitedly. "We're gonna have the time of our lives up there."

He grinned brightly, outshining the stars above.

That was the last time I saw that smile.

Just a week before our trip up to the cabin, we received the news that John had died in an accident. He had been out with his friends when a drunk had hit their car. There were five people in the car, and only three survived. Two died shortly after impact. And one of them was John.

I didn't believe it.

But the trip was cancelled, and I screamed as I realized it was a reality.

We never went back to the cabin.

Jasmine and Tommy kept close tabs on my for the next four years as I quickly spiraled into the never ending abyss of depression. The funeral was the most painful thing. Pictures of John were everywhere, his smile everywhere I looked. The smile I would never see again, the smile that seemed to never disappear.

I broke down when it was my turn to speak, and Tommy rushed me off the stage.

The paramedics said he was alive when they arrived on the scene, barely holding onto life. When the found him, they said he smiled, and he was clutching onto something as if it was a lifeline. They handed me the necklace without a word, maybe a mumble of condolences, but I didn't hear them.

I never cried so hard in my life.

Now, four years later, I found myself standing in the same place John had stood, staring at the stars. But he wasn't standing beside me this time. I quickly blinked away the tears as my fingers clawed over my heart. The shape of the crescent moon was safely tucked under my shirt.

The memories of John were like a warm fire. Every time I thought about him, it was safe at first, it was happy. But after a little, it became painful, the memories burning my conscious with guilt and regret.

I cursed aloud and kicked at a lone stone on the ground, watching it clatter across the ground until it fell off the edge of the clearing. Anger coursed through my veins as I huffed, the whispy puffs of air swirling in front of me. My cheeks were wind burned and red, but I ignored my pain and paced back and forth.

Four years. That's all it took for life to take away the one thing that I truly loved. I gritted my teeth. He never met the girl of his dreams, he never got to experience college. He never got to visit the stars.

"You only have one life, Lucas."

I cursed as his words echoed in my head. That day... when we were just kids in the summer. "Take me back," I whispered to no one in particular. "I'll do anything."

The only response I received was the whispers of the trees as they swayed with the wind.

"Don't waste it. Live it."

Tears rolled down my face as I fell to the ground in a torrent, emotions churning inside of me. I gasped for air, not knowing what was happening. Fear gripped my mind as I clawed at my chest, my heart pounding against my rib cage. The world seemed to go dim before I heard, "Lucas, what are you doing?"

I sucked in a breath and jerked my head up, but there was no one there. In a panic, I scrambled to my feet, even though my chest ached horribly. I whirled around. "Hello?"

There was no response. Thinking I was going crazy, I rubbed my head and took greedy gulps of air. The voice still buzzed in my head as I leaned against my knees, cursing my luck again. "Uh, Lucas? Lucas."

I must be dead.

I jerked away as I saw a familiar figure stand in front of me. At first, I didn't know what to do. "What the hell, John!"

Well... that wasn't planned.

I've been cursing a lot lately.

John- John's ghost, spirit?- laughed as he tilted his head at me. "That's how you greet your older brother?"

"You're dead- been dead- for years now."

He shook his head with a smart look. "No. Four years."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better? You're gone!"

He scratched he back of his head with a sheepish smile, the same one that would have girls falling head over their toes, making them scream. "Yeah... sorry about that, little brother."

At this point, I didn't know what to say. Heck, I don't even know if I'm dead or alive.

"You've gotten taller."

I rolled my eyes and fought to keep my tongue in check. "Am I dead?"

"Last time I checked, you were very much alive."

"Then why are you here?"

John shrugged and closed the distance between the two of us. I flinched. "Do you want me to leave?"

I raised my eyebrows. "I asked you a question first."

"And I declined to answer, and now I'm asking you one."

Even when he was... dead, it seemed the John hadn't lost his snark. I scowled. "Of course not, I wish you could stay forever, but forgive me if I'm in shock after you've been dead for four years!"

John chuckled. "Well, enjoy it while it lasts."

Without another word, John grabbed me in a tight hug. For a few seconds, I was too stunned to move. After four years, he was here. Cautiously, I returned the hug, afraid that it would all disappear. It didn't.

I held onto him like he was a life line. My best friend, my brother, my rock. It was like all those years ago, just two kids in the summer.

When we pulled away, John gave me a sympathetic look. "You know you can't stay..."

I pursed my lips together. "John-"

"Lucas."

His voice was unusually sharp, but the same calm tone coated it. His eyes were as bright as ever, his freckles reminding me of the stars hanging above the cabin. "Lucas, I'm always there, okay?"

I blinked back tears as I tried to keep my composure. It was easier not saying goodbye. "John-"

He held up his hand and I bit my tongue as he smiled, the same smile he always wore, his freckles seemingly glowing. "I love you too, Lucas. Take care of yourself, alright?"

I blinked. "John!"

I woke up with a start, my face pressed against the cold earth. Quickly, I scrambled to my feet to find myself in the same spot. But John wasn't there. The stars were flickering brightly as I dusted the dirt from my jeans and rubbed my face, finding it wet with tears.

Slowly, my eyes scoured the sky. John said he would go up there one day. I always thought he hadn't. But now, I smiled softly. Maybe he had.

Each star glittered softly, just as they had all those years ago. Maybe one was a planet, but to the naked eye, it was disguised to look like another star. Childishly, I reached out to the sky and held my palm up. My fingers ran over a star as one shot by. A wishing star. But I didnt know what to wish for, so I let it pass. Maybe someone else saw it, and they had a wish that would be better than mine.

Slowly, I closed my hand around a star and brought it close to my chest. But of course, my hand was empty. It fell away to my side and I continued to stare up at the sky. The stars aways seemed to mock me, but tonight, it seemed like they had a change of heart. I smiled. I always thought they would burn forever, shining their light for all to see. But John was right: you only get one life.

Live it.