Light Years Away

The cab climbed up the driveway of Hotel Celestial Royal. It led to the main entrance at the third-floor level. When one got dropped off there, the feeling was one of landing in the sky. It was so magnificent and vibrant that I started feeling intimidated all over again.

One of the attendants opened the cab door for me.

"Wide Explorers' party?" he asked.

"Yeah..." I said, trying to sound confident.

"Welcome, ma'am. Please go straight and take the left stairs down."

Attending such a huge party alone was daunting, especially for an introvert like me. But I had this wild idea of meeting someone here and telling him something, so I decided to attend.

"What will I do alone? What will I talk about? How will I react if I meet him?!" I kept dreading.

Banners of "Wide Explorers" were everywhere. A massive poster of Pangong Lake of Ladakh with a bunch of young people jumping up in the air with their hands skywards caught my attention. The picture was so full of life that I got nostalgic. Something seemed familiar about the poster, but I could not place it then.

This party was the opening ceremony of a two-day annual bash of Wide Explorers. They had a chain of hotels, adventure sports events, travel clubs, and conducted tours. My friend, Dia, and I had joined their photography and trekking trip to Spiti Valley in the Himalayas last year. As a company strategy, they invited their patrons to the next year's annual party. So, I was here.

Dia was the one who had dragged me to the trip. I could be quite an unspirited person at times. But she was like, "Just stop being a sloth! I will drag you there, no matter what!"

And that summer in the mountains turned out to be the best thing ever happened to me.

I walked down the stairs. So many people were here, all in colorful clothes. The mood was one of holiday and fun, true to the party theme. I tugged at the hem of my pullover. I was clad entirely in black - jeans, turtle-neck top, and a black Cloche hat. The only things standing out were the white rhinestones in the shape of a globe at the front of my pullover. I took out my phone to check once again if I had read the dress code right. There it was, "The Blackest Night." Moreover, Dia and I had discussed it, too, when her dress code was mentioned as "Color yourself bright."

I shook my head and walked down.

With peppy house music and frills and confetti everywhere, it felt like those fifteen days in the mountains all over again. I missed Dia and started taking photos and sending her.

People were talking, laughing, and catching up all around. 

"Did you go for any other trip after the Maldives?"

"That bonfire was so memorable."

"I loved the paragliding! I told all my friends to try it once."

"Do you remember Uncle Grumps? He is here too! Hahaha! Hope he doesn't start scolding again…"

I started getting relaxed. So many people were here and enjoying, but nobody was pestering me. What could I ask for more? But some were indeed giving me fleeting gazes for my outfit.

I started looking for him secretively. I was still dreading the prospect of starting a conversation on my own. The question of telling him what I intended to seemed unthinkable. I almost shivered at the thought. Yet, my eyes kept looking for a happy, smiling face.

Rony. He had joined our trekking team as part of a motley group comprising people of different nationalities. On the first day, we had an ice-breaking session on the banks of Bias. There, around the sunset, I noticed this handsome boy with the sweetest smile possible.

"Hi, I'm Rony from Delhi. I am here with my friends from university. They are here for an all India tour. So, I thought I would show them around. Nice to meet you all. Looking forward to a very nice time together. Happy trekking!" He then had gone on to shake hands with everyone. He had such a happy personality that he brightened up the mood wherever he went. I had liked him instantly but ended up just nodding and smiling when he shook my hand. And he had returned the smile warmly.

We were twenty-five odd people on the trek. Within the first two days, we had known each other by name, background, and hobbies. We were in each other's friend lists on social media. We even had formed a Whatsapp group named "Spiti Pals." The hardships of trekking and camping gelled us together quickly. I was overwhelmed. It was something I had never experienced before. All my life, I had just a handful of friends. And only one best friend, Dia.

"Thanks for pulling me out of my hole and bringing me here…" I told Dia. She just made a face that said, "I told you so!" So typical of her!

I was the silent kind, clicking away photos of the enchanting landscapes, the people, our slips and misses, our achievements. Dia did the rest, socializing and talking.

Even after forty-five minutes, I could not find Rony. He had said he would be joining in our "Spiti Pals" group. Over the months after the trip, my activity in the group had dwindled. Some members were very active, posting photos and life events regularly, like Dia. Apart from birthday wishes, I posted almost none. Dia kept me informed, though. She was the one who had shown me Rony's post saying, "definitely joining."

Suddenly I felt somebody smack my back. I turned around to find two of my trek pals. They were also in bright holiday colors.

"Hey Silent Girl, you came!! Wow! Where's Dia? Oh yeah, she sprained her leg! So bad!" said Annie.

I just smiled.

"So, what are you doing these days? Joined somewhere?" Jobi asked.

"Nope… still freelancing. Let's see.." I said.

"Great... But what's with the black?" Jobi asked, noticing my attire.

I cringed. "Dunno… my dress code was black. Somebody else's must be too…" I looked around to check but found none.

"Anybody else came from our team?" I asked, trying to find out about Rony.

"Yeah… Juhi, Maliya.. they are here. They are at the cocktail counter," Annie said.

"Did you see Rony?" Jobi asked. My heart skipped hearing the name.

"He's here?!" I asked.

"Haven't seen him yet. But you don't know?! Oh.. I thought... you were so close… well... he said he is coming. Such a cute boy!" Jobi chirped. I felt a bit insecure inside.

"Let's grab some food, come…" Annie pulled at my wrist.

My mind was already elsewhere. All the memories were flashing back again.

"Wow! That's a fantastic snap. It could feature in a world-class travel mag cover!", "Did you eat? The Maggi is nice today. Try..", "I want that photo. Gees! Am so clumsy! But we are here to goof around, aren't we?", "Apply to Nat Geo... they will surely take you up...", "What do you think about the Wild Explorer brochures? Don't they seem a bit lifeless?"

The conversation would go on. Rony did most of the talking initially, and I used to nod, smile, and use monosyllables. But by the end of day four, I had started talking to him. In the next few days, I had talked so much that it was more than what I did in a whole year with everybody else. And how I loved those times! I laughed. I joked. I even played the fool. I became a different person. Dia was always busy with others, and let us be.

After we returned, the connection stayed steady for a few months. Rony had done his MBA in the US, and he was returning there for an internship. I was doing photography and photo editing courses here. Eventually, we became busy. How much my heart yearned, I could not get enough time for Facetime or Skype. Our timelines also differed. He would ping occasionally, I would reply late. The connection waned slowly.

But I kept missing him. It was a perpetual state of gloom for me. I would browse through his social media profiles several times a day. All those bright, happy photos made my heart ache even more. Occasionally, he would post some old pictures from our trip, tagging us. Those days I would have spring in my steps.

"What's wrong with you, girl? Can't you text him?" Dia asked one day.

"I don't want to intrude someone's private space... he must be busy," I said dejectedly.

"Bullshit!! I am texting him, wait!" She said, snatching my phone away.

"No.. no.. no.. no.. no!! Please! If he feels like he will ping." I jumped up, trying to get my phone back.

"Why can't you? Who said a girl couldn't propose?" She said.

"Propose?!! Are you mad? Where's that coming from?" I was shocked.

"Seriously?! You can't see it?"

"No… we connected well... yeah… but I don't think…" I fumbled. The whole idea of love was overwhelming.

"You connected... you?! Are you connected with me like that? We all thought you were quite a couple back then. Why do you think we gave you two such a wide berth?" she shouted.

My face turned red. "Oh, no! What he might have thought about me! How embarrassing!! Ishhh…."

"You should have warned me that I was acting promiscuously."

Dia rolled her eyes. "How old are you? Promiscuous?! He should have been your boyfriend by now, and you should have made out quite a few times already…!"

My face turned scarlet this time.

"It doesn't happen that way…" I said.

The thought that what I felt for Rony could be "love" was too much to handle. I shrunk back into my shell, uttering no further words.

Dia kept shuffling through my photo prints silently. She understood me so well, and that fact frightened me even more. What if she was right? What if it really was love?

"It could be infatuation…" I tried to say.

"No. You are too old for that," Dia concluded.

"Please welcome our very own, young and talented Mr. Raj Acharya. CEO, Wide Explorers!" the host announced.

A very handsome man in navy-blue smart casuals walked up the podium. He smiled elegantly.

"Thank you. Welcome, everyone. I am so grateful that you could join and make the party a huge success. Thank you so much." His deep voice flooded the room. Everybody cheered. The significant number of young people, along with the colorful ambiance, made the event very informal.

"Oh, my God! He is so handsome!!" Jobi said, jumping.

The host and Raj Acharya had some private discussion. The host invited other dignitaries on stage and introduced them. Then she announced, "We will go on with the cake cutting now. And after the inauguration, we have many surprises for you…"

The crowd cheered again.

Raj Acharya said, "We are still missing some important people here. They have apologized for being late. Please bear with them, and let's carry on."

The cake cutting started. Jobi and Annie moved closure to the podium while I stayed by the cocktail counter at the back. I started feeling quite miserable at this point. It was getting more and more evident that Rony was not coming. My emotions were in turmoil. Absentmindedly, I reached into my sling bag and touched the little photo-book I had made for him with the photos of his goofy self at the trek, the images he had wanted. I started having mixed feelings that I would not have to speak up ultimately. Then I got worried, what if something had happened to him? I thought of texting him but gave up the idea. I wondered how I had even thought of proposing him?! I felt exasperated.

They had started distributing the cakes. I checked my watch, and it was about 9 pm. I decided that I should leave. Then my phone chimed. I had a message from an unknown number, "Please wait a bit longer." Somehow, I had a feeling that it was from Rony. My heart started thumping. I started feeling restless.

I looked around to check. The host was conducting some fun games. I turned towards the cocktail counter and took up a glass of Screwdriver.

"There you go. Stylishly late! Please welcome my dearest brother Raunak Acharya!" Raj Acharya's voice sounded.

I turned around to see and instantly choked on my Screwdriver.

Raunak Acharya! Rony!!

He was on the podium, standing tall beside his elder brother. He was wearing a linen blazer, linen trousers, and a Panama hat. Completely white, with an air of being casually stylish. Wearing his million dollars smile, he was beaming at everybody. The way people were cheering, it was evident that they knew him personally. Many of these people were members of their travel clubs and adventure sports' teams. Some were friends. But his social media profiles nowhere mentioned anything about Wide explorers. Of course, he traveled a lot and participated in adventure sports, but I had never imagined he could be owning the company!

 I saw Jobi, Annie, Juhi, and the rest bouncing around.

"Hey, guys… So happy to meet you again!! Very sorry for being late…" Rony said.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I thanked God that I had not done anything stupid already. I would have died of embarrassment. I just hoped that he would not be able to see me, but remembered my dress color. "Was it all his idea then? Some sort of a prank?!" I looked at the stage one more time and slowly started retreating.

"Rony, as you all know, is the soul of Wide Explorers! Though he is still not in serious business and I am yet not able to get him inside the four walls, I am sure Wide Explorers will be in good hands very soon," Raj Acharya announced.

I noticed Rony smile luminously, "Enough, enough big bro.. don't go on embarrassing me further…"

The crowd laughed.

Rony said, "I have two announcements to make... those of you who are familiar with our website, already know that our travel contests are open now - adventure sports, travel blogging, photography… join the league! Winners will have free access to our workshops and more…"

The crowd cheered on.

"The other thing is we have launched a series of new posters for Wide Explorers… have you seen them? What do you feel about them?"

I slowed down a bit, hearing about the posters.

"It's wonderful!" "I loved them!" "Very appealing!" and it went on and on.

Rony continued, "The credit goes to a very dear friend of mine... "

I stopped on my tracks.

"… she had once said, 'posters need people... people enjoying... fooling around like you… otherwise, they look bland, like calendar photos!'"

I ran, remembering our casual conversation.

Before I got out, I heard, "She is in black somewhere…"

I walked down the long driveway. It was a beautiful mid-December night, with a full moon in the sky. I felt the chill already, yet my palms were damp. I walked into the lawn and sat down on an exquisitely engraved bench. It was silent and tranquil here, away from the din and bustle of the party inside. My head was throbbing.

Sweet Rony, with the air of a boy-next-door, was mine, in my dreams. This dashing man inside felt so distant, as if from another world, light-years away. The enchanting smile was the same. The happy demeanor was the same, but the gap between us felt too great to bridge.

I took the photo-book out and flipped through the pages. I sighed. Pressed it to my heart, closing my eyes.

Suddenly I felt the need to leave. Putting the photo-book on my lap, I opened the Uber app on my phone.

"Is that for me?"

I jumped at the voice and did a lot of things together. I caught my phone, almost dropping it, slid the photo-book on the side, and stood up with a jerk.

"What?" I said, looking up.

"The photo-book!" he said, pointing.

"Aah.. I… I mean..." I fumbled.

"Those are my photos on the cover, I can see. Were you planning not to give me?" Rony asked with a smile.

"No.. ah.. I would have…"

"You were booking a cab…" he said in an accusing tone, very much like the Rony I knew.

"It's bad to peep into others' phones…"

"I just happened to see. I wasn't peeping!" he said.

I could not find further words, so we kept silent. I was almost trembling.

"If you are not leaving already, will you come in for a dance?" he asked, gently extending his hand, palm up.

I looked up at him, "I can't dance..."

"I will teach you," he said sincerely.

I swallowed hard and waited for so long. A thousand doubts were clouding my thoughts. All this while he kept his hand extended. I looked at his palm, then slowly met his eyes.

"Would you mind if I say, 'not today'?" I asked feebly.

He smiled, but his eyes betrayed the pain. He withdrew his hand slowly, then said, "I understand... take your time..."

My heart broke, seeing his luminous smile fade away. I felt guilty. But the difference between us felt unsurmountable. I needed to think.

He said, "I will bridge every gap, even if you think we are light-years away!"

My knees started feeling weak. But before they could give way, I began walking towards the gate, with him still standing there.