I Guess...

They were standing in front of a person’s home, all lit up like a Christmas tree inside. A red, green and white Christmas wreath hung smilingly outside on its door. These strangers didn’t know each other. They’ve never even met. Still, these strangers have united in a tightknit bundle of reds, purples, blues, greens and yellows to avoid the wind’s howling chill and air’s icily frigid atmosphere. They were all singing Christmas carols.

When they stopped, one said, “Why, they haven’t even come outside yet!”

“Everyone on this block hasn’t.” The speaker looked out across the sidewalk to the other big houses parallel to the road. Passersby threw fleeting smiles and then scurried off as if the singers were evil people in disguise, waiting to capture such innocent folk. Shoulders scrunched up, necks bent and heads childishly gave in to the temporal warmth of a black collar or white fluffy collar.

“Everyone’s too wealthy to listen to us.”

“Everyone’s too wealthy to listen to us every year!”

All these strangers immediately turned on each other. Such clamor had never been heard between people who barely knew each other! They spoke in rapid-fire tones, eager to understand one another’s love for caroling and Christmas at all. Such expressions as “You’ve been around here?” and “Did you know this is my fifth year caroling?” spewed from their mouths faster than someone’s chewing at a food-eating contest.

The wind picked up, and the carolers wished each other a Merry Christmas before hustling to their cars and homes. Once all of them had gone home, one of them wished she had gotten their numbers. Pursing her lips, she headed home, carefully picking her way across the sidewalk and eventually getting to the doorway of her home. Opening it with her keys, she muttered come on over and over as her hand shook. Finally, the stupid key went in and she was home safe and warm. Flicking on some lights and getting a big pot, she filled it with water and then waited impatiently for the boiling to occur. Then she took the big pot over to a mat on which laid her cat and sat it down.

“Yes!”

She hurriedly took off her boots and socks (very thin with no promise of warmth at all) and placed her feet in the water. Her cat meowed.

“Oh, don’t be jealous!” She called her to her, and stroked her white Cornish Rex, who leaped into the pot and splashed and then ran back onto her cat tree. Licking her paw, the Cornish Rex meowed at the woman’s glare and curled up. Soon, she was asleep.

“Sure. Ruin my perfect night!”

The phone rang. The smiling woman frowned and groaned as she forced herself to go answer it. She jolted as she recognized one of the stranger’s voices with whom she went caroling. “Hello? Is this—”

“Yes, this is Sandra. I’m calling because I slipped and fell, and I can’t get back up!”

“Oh!” The shaken woman dashed to get her coat, grabbing her keys. Jamming her naked feet into her boots, she tied them while reassuring the woman. “Yes,” Sandra repeated. When the woman carefully picked her way down the porch stairs and along the sidewalk, she asked the woman how she knew her phone number.

“Oh—I know where everyone lives and who they’re living with. I just know. Please help!”

The woman grasped her phone. When she went to put her hand on the handle to the car, she froze, staring, as her arm had a little fur on it. When she tried opening her car door, her arm became furrier. The phone clattering onto the sidewalk, she struggled to get the freaking door open. Her arm was completely furry, and claws extended from her fingers.    

I’m becoming a dog! Am I a shapeshifter?

She imitated those characters in movies and books in which they morph into an animal. She became a dog, looked for her cell phone and stared, distressed, as it lay cracked and splintered before her on the ground. A car must have run over it. She panted and leaped up, clawing at her car. Unable to get into her own car, she tried morphing into herself again, but she couldn’t.

Come on, she demanded, chasing her black and brown-sugar brown tail. I’m a shapeshifter!

After trying multiple times, she ditched cellphone and car, escaping to the woman who needed help. No! I’ll get someone to help—

She started barking frantically, prancing up and down the sidewalk, avoiding the ice. Searching for something to look at herself, she finally found a piece of glass. Pausing, she admired herself. “I look good as a German Shepherd!” After flicking her eyebrows up and down, she felt she knew where she was. Hurling herself up at the doorknob, she scraped it while simultaneously thrusting her body against it.  

Finally, the stupid door opened, and the German Shepherd bolted towards the woman. Lying on the floor, the woman sniffed and whined and put her tail between her legs.

“Do you have anyone living here?”

But everything came out in loud, piercing barks.

The woman seemed too much in pain to answer, but the woman was a dog! She—

No, the woman thought. She dashed to the stairs, barking and whining and jumping up on doors and scampering into the bathroom. No one. The dog ran downstairs, searching in other rooms. Nothing. The woman was—    

She banged her shoulders on the window beside the door, hoping someone would answer. Barking, she soon backed up. Crashing through the window, the woman opened her mouth and latched onto the hood of a young man’s jacket.

“Whoa!”

As the woman landed in the island of green to the right of a tree, the man, having whizzed around, stared. “It’s a German Shepherd!”

Barking, the woman guided the young man to the door, thrusting herself against the door. He told her to hold on, and when he had opened it, he had widened his eyes to see the woman on the floor. She wasn’t moving, and the woman stayed with her, whining and moving her with her big black nose.

“Yeah, boy. Yeah, I’m asking for help—”

I’m a girl!

He grabbed his cellphone out of his pocket, and punched 9-1-1. Talking to the person on the other side, the man bobbed his head. Soon, paramedics showed up, and the woman was rushed to the hospital. The dog went with him, he saying ‘boy’ every other word, it seemed. The woman clamped her mouth shut.

It’s—I’m a girl. I’m a girl. I’m a woman, but I’m a girl. But I hope to be a woman again. The dog leaped into the back seat of the man’s car, and circled, laying down. Sighing, she put her head on her outstretched paws. Maybe…I’ll change somehow. I’m not a dog. I’m a woman!

She was like this at the hospital, the annoying man calling her ‘boy’ and he messing wth her head between her ears. She groaned, envisioning herself with her cat. At least I’ll be a woman again. Somehow. But I’ll have an animal beside me, not be an animal.

The woman silently hoped all the way to the woman’s house. Surprised by the other strangers she recognized in the house of the fallen woman, the woman studied. How—how do these people know? Well, wait. I know—the woman told me she knew everyone, so she must’ve got their contact numbers and let them know!

The woman wished she could tell him to get a German Shepherd. The man shrugged sadly, but the woman desperately wanted to wish him a Merry Christmas and watch his frown turn upside down into a smile that split open with joy and cheer as a German Shepherd puppy bounded into his arms—    

“Hey, dog. What’s her name?”

The strangers gathered around the woman.

It’s Herodias. It’s not a great name, but I’m serious!

Then she began to wail.

A beautiful skinny black woman bent down, hugging her. “I want you!” She said.

Yeah, okay. The woman softly growled. Now I want to be a woman and let everyone know who I am!

It was a while before the woman who had fallen came to. When she did, she smiled warmly at everyone. “Thanks for everyone who pitched in! I’m so glad we can get together and celebrate such a wonderful Christmas.”

“Not to pry, but how is it wonderful if this restless dog is here? I don’t recall this dog being here. Do you own her or him?”

“You know how you all came here?”

“Yeah?”

“I knew all of you would come here to celebrate—”

“Ma’am, we’re strangers!” Everyone squinted their eyes at her. “How in the world are we going to Christmas if everyone’s here just because?”

The woman threw on a funny smile. “I just thought we’d have a nice Christmas…” She looked around. “How do I know?”

The woman who had morphed into the German Shepherd startled, backing away, tail tucked right under her bottom.

The other woman had long straight hair that was gelled back so that it was extremely pretty, and sharp icy blue eyes. She smiled crookedly. “Now we can celebrate Jesus’ birth—”   

The woman had a sudden urge to spring upon the demoness. Her razor-sharp teeth chomped onto flesh, but she vanished.  

The woman barked.

“You want to be a woman again?”

The dog’s head whipped around. Yes!

“Just know you can.”

Know I can? The woman evolved back into the woman she was. Running over to a mirror in the kitchen, she gasped, clutching her face. “Look, everyone! I’m a woman again. I’m…” She turned around. But they weren’t there.     

She hugged herself.

Someone sat on a chair, her pin-straight white hair hiding her profile. “Hey—want to know where some Starbucks is so we can grab a cup?”

“Where are the others? How’d they disappear so quickly? Who are you?”

The woman didn’t back down. “Why did you—”

These guys are angels. This woman’s a demoness. She has no part in Christmas. She just wants to defeat us all.

The woman returned as a dog, crashing through a window above a flower pot. Pounding the snow-laden grass, the woman charged for a church, but she saw a group of familiar faces all around a manger scene.   

“Hey!”  

The people—the strangers—invited her! The dog went over to them and returned as a woman. Warm hands held cold, shaking ones. She thought of returning as a dog—

I’m a woman, and I’m staying a woman!

But she pursed her lips.

I need to curl up with my best friend. Not my mom, not my dad but with someone I can trust! Hands struggled to make fists at the words ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’. The woman blinked back tears, sniffing. Why can’t that be so? It’s Christmas! They can visit me now, can’t they? Can’t they? Hands squeezed, but an angel told her physically with a warm hand enclosing hers to not be bitter. Her mouth clenched, her teeth gritted.

She didn’t want to be here. But her cat was her only family. And friend, really. Her best friend always gave gifts—even to Mom and Dad. Mom and Dad wouldn’t be there to get them. The woman shifted her eyes away from the manger scene. Anger pulsated through her. How’s this Christmas if the stupidity of Mom and Dad’s absence isn’t going to vanish? I just want Christmas. Just a celebration with family!

A past dream came to her: her mother was returning to—

“Need your mother?”    

A whisper, icy as the biting wind, distracted her. Shivering but not because of the cold, the woman inched closer to the others, a hand grasping hers warmly.

“Need your mother?”

The woman looked in its direction, but it didn’t leave.      

“Lonely? Then go get her. Tell her she’s wrong. She’s the one who left you. You can’t live without knowing she should feel your pain. If you tell her, she’ll listen. Besides, who doesn’t?

A hand reached out, holding it. “Tell her—it’s not bitterness if you tell her to listen. You’re not being disrespectful if you’re expressing hurt feelings—who’s bitter when they’re justifiably angry? So if she’s angry, too, she’ll stay. And ask for forgiveness!”

“You mean avenge her.”

“No, no. No, it’s not vengeance. It’s mere rebuke. What’s more, she’ll love you if you pour out all your disgust towards her. She’ll give you everything you’ve ever wanted and more because she’ll know how bitter you felt towards that betrayal.

“If you do as I say, you’ll feel better.”

The woman glanced at her hands—talons clear but deadly and sharp—maybe sharper than that thorny-pointed hair—that would rake someone’s face open. “She’ll take you by the hand and wrap you up. So you don’t have to curl up alone. Just tell her. All will be good and feel better if you just inject some pain into your mother.”

She whipped up a knife from thin air. “Don’t you want to express yourself? Don’t you want to let her know how hateful she’s been? No hard feelings!”

“She wants you to hate your mother.” An angel told the woman.

“Hatred is—”

“Not what you think. It’s not hatred—it’s pure, unadulterated love, for you’re telling her to feel your pain, and that’s how you’re going to release all that pain from the past.”  

The woman looked at the angel. Thinking, she turned into a dog, and the woman told her where her mother was. When she approached her, she returned as a woman, and threatened her mother with a depleted bank account if she didn’t love her. “You walked out!” She screamed, grabbing a kitchen knife. “How about you’re sorry? How about a birthday party for your little girl?”

“Herodias, I—” The mother looked up at her daughter. “I’m—”    

“My mother!” She clenched it, raising the knife. Setting it on the table, she jabbed a finger at it. “You know what? In fact, you can’t—shouldn’t—be here. The very woman I never had in my life doesn’t deserve her beloved, dear husband! That time when you went out with him, leaving me in some aunt’s hands. A workaholic she was. Her dead husband—never mind. His brother wouldn’t even say hi or hey to me. He probably didn’t even care whether his daughter dated!”

“You—we…” The woman got up, going to her daughter, “But I can—” She tried prying the knife out of her daughter’s hand. The evil’s voice returned.

“Strike her—now! You’re wasting time.” The girlish giggle sent shivers up the woman’s spine. She fought her mother, and shoved her towards the ground. The woman collapsed, staring fearfully up at her daughter.

“You’re my daughter!” The two woman fought, the woman’s fist clutching the knife but not hurting her mother. “Give me it, honey. Stop—”

“Stop!” The woman shrieked, and the women split apart, the mother jumping back, eyes wide. “Stop! Stop telling me what to do. Stop being such a wimp. Such a wuss. Such a weakling. A woman I can nickname all day. Just—just stay. Come home. Celebrate Christmas. We’ll party. We’ll be together—Dad, you and me. Or else I’ll care about my kid!”

“You’re my daughter!”

“You can’t have it both ways, Mom! You can’t have a daughter, and then walk out of her life like that. You can’t just ditch her. You can’t say she’s your daughter and then act like she isn’t. Dad did—Dad’s left. He has a daughter. He’s never seen me. Not watched me for my graduation.” Tears flooded down her cheeks. “Not for my college graduation. Not when I got my PhD in Aerospace Engineering. Not when I got accepted at NASA Problematics. Not when I—not when I was born!”

She screamed the last words, hurling the knife across the kitchen.

The mother grabbed her daughter into a hug, the woman sensing those angels around her. Soft touch of a hand on her shoulder told her to look back. The demoness had vanished.

The woman shook her mother off. “Go away. I don’t want to see you ever again.”

The mother walked out of the house, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Bye, ho—”

“Stop calling me honey. I’ll be the mother you never were.”

“I—“

“Bye!” She yelled, and the door closed.

The angels all circled around her. “It’s not Christmas if there’s so much pain and suffering. In space, you float around amongst the stars and moon and planets. You’re not stuck to anything. On earth, you’re held down by gravity.”

“What?”

“Think about it.”

The woman wanted to return as a dog, curl up and be alone. But she turned to her friends and said, “Okay. I get it. I’m weighed down. Being a loving, devoted mother won’t make my mother have loved me. Or Dad to wrap his arms around me, tuck me into bed and give me a big kiss on the forehead.”

It was a while before the friends could all gather together. But they did. The woman wasn’t a dog. Not until she reached out to her parents.

They were surprised.

“Now’s your chance! Herodias!”

The demoness ordered the woman to grab a kitchen knife and plunge it into the hearts of her father and mother. She reflected on that historic woman, and how she had ended the life of a special man. Herodias was evil—she killed. She hurt. But that didn’t stop the truth from spreading. All she did was end someone’s life. Not kill the truth. Herodias was only destroying someone. She walked away, tears blinked back. Silence reigned.

The angels smiled at her news one day. They circled her. “We’re protecting you!”

The woman didn’t become a German Shepherd. They all stayed around her, saying to each other Merry Christmas. The dog curled up, and sighed.          

Merry Christmas, everyone!