Things That Change, Things That Don't

I opened my eyes and stared dazedly at the few white specks floating aimlessly in an otherwise blue sky. The summer breeze blew a few locks of hair all over my face and I flicked them away. I eventually remembered the book that had led to my heavy slumber, it was lying open on my stomach to a random page number. Siddhartha. It has been a while since I had been suggested this with the promise of being filled with a weird evangelical zeal, but I keep on pushing it for later. I made a mental note to finish it on the weekend. Retrieving my dangling leg from mid-air, I struggled to get down from the hammock, but lost control and somehow managed to land on my bottom. 

"Leah, are you alright? Here take my hand." I clasped onto the hand offered without looking up at the owner and got pulled up instantly. 

"Thanks Val." I smiled at him gratefully as he picked up my copy of the Siddhartha from the ground. A part of me expected him to start laughing at my lack of balance, but he seemed much interested in my book. His eyes lingered on the title for a while, before giving it back to me.Sensing something akin to skepticism in his silence, I was suddenly fueled by the need to defend the story. Val belonged to the species of humans who would poke fun at any and everything. Nothing made his day better than a good laugh. People who tend to know him for a short while would either end up hating him for being the butt of his jokes or clinging on to him simply because he knew how to make even the toughest nuts to crack up with laughter. So I waited patiently for him to mock me for reading philosophical fiction. 

"I just came to wake you up. Skye and Eddie arrived a while ago and I think we can officially get started with the 6 year reunion weekend." Val informed me as we started proceeding towards the cottage. Something about the figure six washed me over with a wave of nostalgia and the thought of seeing Skye again set my pulse racing. Technically though it should have been five year reunion, but it took us an entire year to match our schedules. As we entered, we were crushed into a big bear hug. 

“Ah….can’t breathe…..” I mumbled against Eddie’s strong arms. Val struggled beside me to free himself and I heard a low chuckle from the opposite corner of the room. The sound froze me for a brief second, long enough for Eddie to let us go. I discreetly stepped around him and took a good look at my college friends. Apart from a clean French cut, everything about Eddie seemed just the same. His innocent eyes all ecstatic, probably at the prospect of spending time together with us. Though I couldn’t say the same for the other two. Val’s face emulated a calmness even though he was smiling too, it was quite unlike him to be so quiet on such a happy occasion . He was someone who would’ve probably chosen to express his happiness in a much verbal manner. 

As I was inspecting everyone, Skye put her arms around me gently and whispered a soft “I missed you” in my ear. And before I knew it, she had already taken a step back and was smiling at me. It struck me then how well time has worked its charm upon her. Her once sand colored hair was now a pretty blue and just like her name, it seemed to tell us that she always carried a part of the summer sky with her. Realizing that I was staring at Skye like an idiot, I choked out an incoherent compliment, “ You look great. Your hair matches your eyes now.” 

“Thank you and so do you. I’m too hyped up for this. A weekend in a pretty little cabin like this with few of my most favorite people with whom I’ve not had a chance to hang out since forever- I don’t see how it gets any better.”

“You seem too excited for something you have been avoiding so hard.” Eddie grumbled from behind me. 

Skye made a momentary grimace, “You know I had been busy with the engagement and everything.” I felt something heavy settle in my heart on hearing this statement, but I pushed it into a dark corner. I had already settled on letting it go when I first saw it in one of her social media posts. Either way, it has been six years. In Skye’s words, ‘I have had enough time to shut the lid on my feelings, put it in a spaceship and send it to another galaxy.’ Nothing should dampen this sweet reunion of old friends.

“It’s alright. All that matters is that we’re here now and we’ve got lots of catching up to do. So anybody needs any help with the bags?”

Eddie sighed , " I was just joking. When did you get so serious?" He moved in a slow circle as he surveyed the inside of the cotrage, " So far this seems homely." 

We all made a quick tour of the rooms- there were two on the ground floor and two on the top floor, a kitchen connected to the living room and one of those pretty movie porches that usually comes to mind when one thinks of peaceful summer evenings. All in all, very quaint. 

It was already sometime in the afternoon, so Skye and I decided to fix a light meal. We were anyway planning on surviving on junk food, it was a vacation after all. 

“So what’s up with you?” Skye asked conversationally.

“Just the usual, you know. Work and stuff.” 

She raised an eye at the generic answer and then continued, “Did I tell you how proud I’m that you finally came out? I always believed that you were braver than you let on.”

But I wasn’t. If I really had the courage I needed, I would have probably told Skye back in college. I would have told her how I loved it when she talked about the stars and constellations and her eyes would grow wide with excitement. I would have told her how I loved the way she would stop at nothing to go after her dreams and how it made all the difference for someone like me who was even scared of her own shadow. I would have told her that while I was coming out, the people in my pride support group urged me to think about the bravest person I’ve ever known and I thought of her. But I swallowed the words every time, for I knew someone as rooted as me could never touch someone as free and infinite as Skye. So instead, I settled with a “ Thank you” , hoping that she would somehow hear everything else that these two words encompassed. Everything that I was and everything that she had helped me be.

We spent the entire evening remembering the good old days.  Nothing quite beats the laughter that comes from old and long forgotten jokes, not when they have become such good memories. And even more so, when they are being shared with the very people they originated from in the first place. This continued for a while until our happy moment was broken in by something unexpected. A power cut. After doing our best to fix the switches and wires and still not making any headway, Skye suggested collecting some blankets and spending the night outside. We had no choice but to agree for it was too hot inside without electricity. There were already beads of sweat on my forehead.

It felt nostalgic to say the least. There was a reason for the existence of so many metaphors on the contrast of light against dark. There, amidst the trees and far away from the city lights, we were free to observe nature in all of her glory. The million little lights hanging above us put a momentary spell on us and for a few minutes we just stared above in silence. The only noise was the occasional buzz of a mosquito as our hands swat it away and the sound of uneven breaths.

“I took to Buddhism two years ago.” Val confessed.

“What?” The three of us gasped simultaneously.

“Don’t get us wrong, that’s great. But you seemed like the last person on earth to do something like that.” Skye explained.

“It was this book I read- Siddhartha. Leah has got a copy of it. It made me question my way of life and I started to know more about it. After doing a whole lot of research and talking to a monk, I realized I needed a change. I reasoned with myself that if this didn’t work out, then I could always revert back to my previous self.” Val insisted.

“So far, what do you think?” I wondered.

“I feel like a different person altogether. Back in college, I always found stargazing slightly boring and I never got why you guys liked it so much. But right now, I am finally seeing things for the way they are and everything is so beautiful.”

It struck me then what Val’s silence from earlier meant. He was apprehensive of us, of what we would think of his religious views. It occurred to me that in some ways it wasn’t all that different from my coming out of the closet. 

“And you guys probably know this, but still I feel like I need to say it again maybe. I like girls.” As I spoke the last statement, I closed my eyes, Skye’s fingers clasped around mine and I found the strength I needed. 

“We know Leah and we were waiting for you to bring it up. Guess what? We are best friends regardless.” Val’s voice assured me. I let out a deep breath that I didn’t know I had been holding on. I experienced a strange buoyancy after this confession. Friendships that let us just be ourselves must be so rare. When I was coming for this vacation, I was uncertain and uneasy, afraid that everything would be different and I tried to pacify myself by saying things always change . Was being accepted my friends all it needed for me to feel free? But something seemed to tell me that I wasn’t rooted any more, that if I tried, perhaps I could even touch those stars.

Eddie broke the silence, “ So Skye is getting married, Leah is a lesbian and Val is a Buddhist. Sadly, I don’t have a big reveal up my sleeves? Will you guys disown me for being plain old Eddie from college?”

“We might as well.” Val replied mimicking his tone. Eddie shoved him gently, just as Skye and I started laughing. 

In that moment, under the timelessness of the numerous stars and the vast night sky, a single truth enveloped my whole being-some things don’t have to change, ever.