A Fool for April

He met April in January. The dreary month after Christmas when you’re broke and cold and the only thing to look forward to is Valentine’s Day, unless you don’t have a lover. And Dave was single. Dave was lonely. He was painfully shy, as his mother always said. That’s why you’re a bachelor, she’d added lately, followed by a laugh. Not really a James Bond though, are ya.

Nope, Dave didn’t go from one woman to the next breaking hearts. He didn’t have a phone filled with ladies names and numbers. He’d had a few encounters with work colleagues that had led to nothing other than hangovers and awkwardness the following morning. But a girlfriend, intimacy, declarations of love, this only happened in his head. Every evening he came home alone to his small apartment and slept alone in the narrow bedroom. But this year was going to be different.

On New Year’s Eve he’d watched the couples in the bar kissing at midnight and vowed that, no matter how difficult it would be for him, in twenty twenty he would approach a girl he liked. He just couldn’t endure another twelve months of loneliness. 

“My new year’s resolution is to get a girlfriend,” he whispered, as around him corks popped and horns blew, and cheered up he finished his drink contemplating how the two twenties now symbolized for him the perfect match. A couple united in the common cause of love. A week later, on his way home from work, his resolve was challenged.

Head lowered against an onslaught of hail, he didn’t see April until after he’d bumped into her like a fool. Startled, Dave looked up into the face of a woman as fresh and beautiful as a bright, spring day, her hair thick and dark like sudden rain clouds.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

“It’s fine,” she laughed, and walked away.

And that’s when Dave became an April fool. He followed her through the park, out the gates and along the street. She turned a corner, he turned. She went into a pharmacy, he waited outside pretending to text.

He kept following her until she went into a shop. Nearby, he bought a magazine and waited. Wind flipped the pages spattering them with icy rain. She didn’t emerge. Lowering his head he walked by the window and dared a look inside. There she was behind the counter. At work. She had a shift ahead of her. He could either go inside and talk to her or go home. Dave went home, weighed down by his sodden coat and a heavy heart.

The next day on his way home he found her at the duck pond tossing in some bread crusts. He followed her out the park gates and to the shop. In a persistent drizzle, he stood for twenty minutes trying to force his body to go inside and talk to her. It didn’t obey; instead he hurried by to get a quick look at her before going home.

Week after week it continued. On the days she worked he followed her through the park to her workplace, then stood outside frozen by cold and fear until he went home. At night he gave himself pep talks, watched you tube videos on dealing with fear. He started an exercise routine, something he could do in his small apartment, sit ups, squats, planks, hoping a toned body would raise his confidence. Over the weekend, he jogged in the park, which had a double purpose, maybe she’d also be there. Maybe she jogged too and he could strike up a conversation about running while they caught their breath by the duck pond. Was she also an animal lover? This could be another thing they might have in common, another conversation starter he could use. 

Day and night, thoughts of her filled his head. April filled fantasies to ease his aching heart, to somehow alleviate his terrible frustration. He pictured them walking hand in hand through the park engrossed in conversation, or not talking, just being with each other, occasionally leaning in close to kiss. He could almost feel his fingers lightly lifting strands of that dark hair. The thought of bringing her to meet his mom was satisfying and he pictured it quite often. He knew his mom would be impressed and more importantly he knew she would like her.

Winter gave way to spring and still he hadn’t approached her. The brightening days couldn’t reach the gloom filling up his soul. Four months into the year and he’d achieved nothing. He hadn’t even discovered much more about her. Already feeling like a creepy stalker, there was no way he would follow her home. Though a few times he’d gone back to the shop where she worked and had followed her to the supermarket. He’d even dared to walk down an aisle she was in and joined her in studying the frozen foods. He’d liked how she’d lifted the containers to read the ingredients indicating she was health conscience, and he almost made a comment about how ridiculous all the additives were. The moment was there, stretching and beckoning to him. He had even opened his mouth, then faked a yawn, turned and left the store. In all this time, that was the closest he’d come to approaching her and certainly the closest his body had ever been to hers. 

His mood grew darker still. What hope the power of the fresh new year had given him had disappeared. It’s all nonsense; he chastised himself, just another failed New Year’s resolution. Weren’t they always doomed to fail.

One evening, after following her, he arrived home and didn’t bother to make dinner. Heading straight to his room he laid down on his bed in the dark. Dread poured over him slow and thick like tar. He knew there was only one way to end this torture. A cramp seized his stomach, he shuddered. Only one way. A gun.

Standing in front of April’s workplace, Dave took a deep breath, opened the door and walked right up to the glass display counter. Behind it April stood facing the back wall lined with semi-automatic rifles.

Dave stared at her shiny, long hair, that perfect figure. Could she hear the pounding of his heart? She turned.

“Hello Sir, can I help you?”

“I, I, I’d like to buy a gun.”

“You’ll need to fill out this for...“her blue eyes brightened like a sky cleared of cloud. She smiled. “Have we met?”