The New Year's Gift

I didn’t want to go. I’m not much of a “party” person. More of a hermit, I’d say. Not that I don’t like going out, but the length to which some of my girlfriends go to get ready for any outing is absolutely ridiculous. Add to that it’s New Year’s Eve, well, you might as well be prepared to wait hours for them to be ready. Not to mention for weeks prior they are talking about it, looking at outfits, lamenting over who they will kiss! It’s a little much for me. 

I’ve never been much of a dresser. I always thought they should make Garanimals for adults. You know, already pre-matched. Even I couldn’t screw that up! Makeup for me consists of a good moisturizer. And my long, mouse brown hair is usually in a bun. Throw on a pair of old jeans and a T-shirt and I’m ready to go. But not tonight. My friends wouldn’t allow it. 

So here I am, at Laura’s house, she’s my best friend, getting made up, coiffed and dressed. I feel like a Barbie doll! And not in a good way…

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity in that chair, I was released to look in the mirror. I have to admit, what I saw was someone totally different. I didn’t quite recognize myself at first, but then I caught the familiar sadness in my eyes and knew it was definitely me. What is it they say? The eyes are the windows to the soul? If that’s true, then my soul has an everlasting sadness that hangs over me like a heavy dark cloud, just waiting to release the rain.

So, yeah, I didn’t want to go.

As we pulled up the drive of Laura’s boyfriend, I knew I was totally out of place, despite how much effort she had put in to making me look NOT like myself. Unconsciously, I began chewing on the nails of my left hand. My nerves were already kicking in...my brain screaming at me to stay in the car. Laura unceremoniously smacked my hand, telling me to “Stop that!” like a small child. I dropped my hand in my lap, gathering my purse and my courage.

The valet assisted us out of the car, well, they assisted Laura. They merely opened my door before they rushed off to her side of the car. You see, Laura is amazing! Deep auburn hair highlighting the creamy softness of her skin. Her perfect form more Barbie-like than I could ever imagine to be, encased in a skin tight dress that complimented her green eyes. Everything about her flawlessly put together, No one could take their eyes off her...ever.

People stepped aside for her as we made our way to the door. Jim, her boyfriend, opened the door before she could even reach for the bell. Like he somehow could sense her very presence. They were so good together. He truly loved and doted on her. And she was head over heels for him. The perfect couple. Of course they were. 

How we ever became friends is a true mystery to me. Such different people. But Laura was an angel. She never once made me feel as though I was a lesser woman. She didn’t have to. I did a great job of that all by myself.

Once inside, we quickly became separated as Laura and Jim went off to be with their friends. The beautiful people. I didn’t mind so much. I really enjoyed standing back and watching them. The way they moved and spoke. Every movement was graceful and stunning. Most of them had been to finishing schools and etiquette classes. So they knew what was acceptable. Unfortunately, I had never been very good at any of that. So I usually found a quiet corner and just watched.

But just as I was settling in to a nice comfortable couch, I noticed someone out of the corner of my eye. I turned to focus on this dark, rugged looking man. Not one of the beautiful people, nor one of Laura’s friends of whom I was aware, this man was different. Magnetic. There was something about him that pulled my attention and refused to allow me to turn away. 

His body was obviously well toned, as his clothes wrapped around him like a second skin, enunciating every sinewy muscle as he moved through the crowd. His hair was dark and wavy, like the wind had permanently mussed it, but it fit his face, with his strong jaw and slight five o’clock shadow. His eyes, though, were what I could not draw my gaze from. He was still too far away to see the color, but they seemed dark, haunting. As though he had seen things of which he couldn’t speak. And as I watched, he came closer and I could see his eyes were pools of brown and gold, shimmering with whatever knowledge he held in secret behind them.

I had no words to utter when he came next to me and asked to sit next to me. Finally, I was able to release my breath I had unknowingly been holding in and mutter, “Yes, of course, please have a seat”.

He began speaking to me about how he was not really into the party scene and something about how I looked, but I couldn’t focus on the words. His voice was deep and rumbling. I could almost feel the bass as it moved through the couch and my body in one swift movement. In that moment, I felt something I hadn’t ever felt before. A connection, a longing to know this man. 

And so I was able to catch myself and begin to have a conversation with him. I had never before wanted to know someone so intimately as I wanted to know him. I asked deep, thought provoking questions, sitting forward on the little couch, listening to his answers in anticipation. He was fascinating! They way he spoke made me feel as though I had been right there with him during each and every adventure of his life.  It was like being inside a novel, only there was more life in that conversation than in any book I had ever read. 

We talked for what seemed like mere minutes, for the time truly went flying by. Before I knew it, the crowd was shouting out the countdown to the New Year. The man and I were holding our champagne glasses and each other. I could not breathe for the warmth emanating from his strong body. Or perhaps it was the champagne that made me feel so warm and light headed. Whatever the case, I was truly thankful to be right there, in that moment, with him.

Then all at once, I heard the end of the countdown, “3...2...1…” and rousing cheers and laughter and noise filled the air. And he kissed me. Fully, completely, thoroughly. I had never known a kiss like that. Never even imagined a kiss could create in me the feelings that suddenly began filling my head and my heart. My head was swimming.

I had to excuse myself and head to the restroom, which took some time finding in the massive home. As I peered into the mirror, I had to stop and look again. My cheeks were flushed. My hair was disheveled. But it was my eyes that caught my breath… they weren’t sad. There was a light to them I had never seen before. It was as if they had been dead before and today, this moment, they came alive. I smiled at the woman I noticed in the mirror. She was beautiful. Just as beautiful as my dear friend, Laura.

With this new confidence and a smile that seemed to fill my whole face, I left the bathroom, seeking the man out. He was not on the couch that we had shared. He was not in the crowded living room. In fact, he was nowhere to be found at all. He had left! Without saying goodbye. My heart fell, just a little, as I realized this man, with whom I had just spent hours with, had just left me. And I didn’t even know his name. I would never see him again.

And then it occurred to me, yes, I would see him again. Every time I looked in the mirror, I would see him in the happiness in my face and the light in my eyes. I would see him again every time I realized what he had given me... hope.