Charisma is a Cheating Man’s Best Friend

Hello. I’m Ruri. Let’s gossip for a bit. Just you and me, okay? This scenario feels somewhat unhinged to me. A casual man who lives in London, UK is tearing up the friendship of two women living in two separate countries by dating to one of them, which caused her to push away the other woman, driving a wedge between them . I should have seen the red flags, right? I should have known, based on the whole character trait that singularly defines him (that being he talks in a flirty way to everyone who has a vagina) that he is a cheater, RIGHT?! No. Unfortunately, I did not see it coming. What does that got to do with me? Well, I used to date him. We are “Nevermets”, as what people call it on Reddit, meaning we never met in person, but dated as if we were physically together. I prefer the term long distance relationship, rather than online dating. Anyways, the girl he’s dating now, Alex, lives in Italy, and she was my friend, until she ghosted me. We all met in this one group chat dedicated to video gamers. London man, whose name is Jamie, dated at least three other women who were in the same group chat.

We had a great relationship, or so I thought, until we didn’t. Jamie is a wuss, and he figured out that the best way for him to dump me, is to tell me a week before the break up that he has something important he has to tell me. Those were his exact words, and immediately, my heart skipped a beat. I thought, “Oh my God, did he purchase a plane ticket to come see me?!”. Somewhere in my puny brain, I knew him as a broke college student, and it did not register that he might be giving me bad news. One week later, he couldn’t even spew the words out of his mouth. I had to say it for him. Do you hear me? I HAD TO SAY IT FOR HIM BECAUSE HE ASKED ME TO GUESS IT FOR HIM. I finally realized what he wanted to say.

He called me, but he couldn’t talk, so I had to talk while he stuck to texting me. I asked him what it is he wanted to say to me, after being so excited waiting for a week. He was quiet. As though on cue, that silence gave me some type of clarity, not an answer, and I couldn’t help but say “You’re breaking up with me.” He didn’t respond for a minute, then he said yes. I was getting ready for work when that happened, by the way. Go ahead and pile a list of the what makes Jamie a shitty person, and while you’re at it, make a list of why I’m a clueless fuck. I sat down on bed. I didn’t deny the break up, nor asked any questions. I simply cried. He was my first boyfriend, and my feelings for him were so strong I thought we’d someday get married. Before the call ended, he made me promise that we’ll always be friends. Three months later, without me knowing, he started dating Alex.

Two years later, I’m still foolishly getting caught in Jamie’s narcissistic love trap, believing that one of these days he’ll ask for me back, even when I found that he started dating Alex three months after we broke up, which a mutual friend told me about on the ninth month of our break up. I am guilty of letting Jamie use me as a tool to cheat on Alex, and I condemn myself for letting my ego get the best of me.

Let’s call that mutual friend Lizzie. Lizzie is the type of person who would spill the truth to those who deserve to know it, almost in a clueless way, like when he told me about Jamie and Alex’s relationship out of nowhere. I find it calculating of him to break the news to me as he used to like Alex or probably still did. Either way, I am grateful to him, and through that, we formed a friendship of our own, glued together by the pain of our heartbreaks at the hands of the couple. Alex, after all, lead Lizzie on with the promise of dating him as soon as she’s allowed to, until she comes out with the news that she started dating Jamie.

I’m sitting here in my kitchen, with only a stove light on, staring at my phone in a mix of delight and anxiety as Lizzie shares to me what had transpired during the day. He’s recounting his conversation with Alex, who messaged him this morning, seemingly nervous and vague about her intentions.

For two years, Jamie painted me as this desperate ex who would kill herself if he was to stop contacting me, so Alex, alongside her sister and her cousin, demonized me to elevate Jamie’s image. In return, Lizzie, who is friends with all of them, tried to defend me and warn them about Jamie’s cheating behavior. They refused to listen. Now, Alex is asking questions, and though she came to the right person, Lizzie was tired of her vague and insincere attitude. I could tell because Lizzie showed me the screenshot of their exchange. In the end, Alex didn’t get the answer she was looking for.

Jamie is in hot water. Lizzie and I could tell that Alex is suspicious of him. Two days after Alex messaged Lizzie, Jamie, Alex, her sister and her cousin had Lizzie blocked on social media. I suppose I don’t have to tell you who won the convince-Alex-who’s-lying contest. Jamie has a way with words. He is charismatic, handsome, and persuasive. That is enough for me to blame him for all my misfortunes within the two years post break-up events that happened to me, even the ones that had nothing to do with him. It’s easier for me to cope that way.

I was hanging out with Lizzie through a phone call when Jamie messaged me. He wanted to spend time with me, and when I told him I was with Lizzie, he got upset and instructed me to not believe anything Lizzie is saying. That he is a “shady” person.

That’s when this little padlock in my chest loosened. The padlock that kept me from breaking away from my Jamie prison. I heard the pain in Lizzie’s voice and with that I realized I had to pick a side. Lizzie freed me from the torment, so Lizzie deserves my loyalty.

Meanwhile, Jamie is terrified. In an effort to control the unfolding of lies happening right in front of him, he creates more lies, which unsurprisingly, convinces Alex to stay with him. I am done with him. Lizzie is done with him. I am free, and that luck that kept Jamie in a blissful relationship is fading away, and eventually, he will have nothing but excruciating pain, just like I did.