Frozen by Dread by Caroline Savard

DECEMBER 17 2019

Reedsy Contest

She searched desperately for the third time in her purse, but once again to no avail. Come on, Lexy, would you get it together she grumbled to herself. Coming out of the bathroom stall, she lay her purse on the counter, opting for her lipstick instead, in hopes of shaking it off. As she was trembling, trying not to make a clown of her face, she is startled by a ding from her cell. Shit! Lexy throws her lipstick back in her bag and leans over the sink. She is relieved to have the lady's room all to herself. She imagines strangers in the bathroom, talking amongst themselves, pointing her direction, laughing at the psycho lady at the sink. Breath!

Splashing water to her face in hopes to snap out of her twisted thoughts, she dries her hands. Breath!

Sensing her vision strained, she rubs her eyes and reaches for her cell phone — message from Toni. Good luck, Lex, thinking of you. Call me when you are done and don`t forget to inhale and exhale. Lexy quickly replies, T.Y. xx Feeling grateful for her best friend who is away on business, as she clicks send. Shaky, she hears voices just outside, so she grabs her purse and hides in the last stall at the end. She sits on the loo with her head tilted towards the floor, she feels her heart racing and settles her hands through her soft sandy hair, her elbows on knees. She sits silently, hoping the women who just entered will not hear her trying to catch her breath.

``Can you believe it, Jen``, smashing the door open and kicking it as it closes. her voice furious.

``Calm yourself, Diane, you don’t want to make things worse for yourself. ``

Lexy starts getting a bit sweaty.

``Calm down? The bastard won again. I`m going to kill em``, she shrieks as her fist slams down the counter.

Lexy covers her mouth to make sure not a sound comes out as she launches to her feet. Her throat feels as if it wants to jam up almost like a choking sensation. She doesn`t dare cough, not to be discovered by the aggressive stranger.

What seemed like excruciating hours of hearing the woman complain about her cheap ex, how he didn’t want to give her a dime more of his wealth, to his horrible taste in fashion; the two finally exit the ladies' room. She opens the stall door, takes a peek and steps out. She walks back towards the mirror, straightening herself out, starting with her hair. She applies her eyeliner and lipstick in an attempt to look like a half sane person. She stands there, gawking at herself, questioning if her attire is appropriate. Lexy loathed when she felt this way. Alright, can`t stay in here forever. Stepping out, no one would even tell what she just experienced.

She heads towards the drinking fountain next to the vending machines to satisfy her thirst, her throat feeling so dry as the Sahara desert. She leans over and takes in as much as she can even though it tastes grouse, small pause and swigs down a little more. Distracted by someone who slowly brushes up against her, Lexy tilts her head to the side still bent over; she notices men's shoes. She wipes her lips and slowly unbends herself straight. As she adjusts her purse to her shoulder, she glances over to the person who didn’t even excuse themself for the bump-in. Horror hits when she sees who it is. Lexy backs away as her colour drains from her face. Thomas is standing there with the most arrogant smug and waves his fat fingers up in a hello. Lexy backs away some more abruptly overcome with nausea. So desperately wanting to be anywhere than here. The woman picks up the pace, accidentally stumbling into a plant, although she manages to stabilize it before falling over as she continues her sprint down the spiral staircase, in desperation to get as far away from that evil-minded man. Feeling dizzy and wondering if she will make it down the stairs with her feet or bottom end.

Once safely down to the first level, she looks around herself, her chest tightening. All Lexy wanted at this point was to be in her pyjamas under her covers, but she knew she had to see this through this morning. I feel like I`m going crazy. She decides to get some air. Yes, some fresh air will do me right. Once outside, she takes deep breaths. She notices some people smoking down the steps and decides to try and bum a cigarette. An occasional smoker, a friendly older man, offers her a slender, then flicks his lighter toward her. After lighting up, she thanks the gentleman and goes off to the side to be alone. She couldn’t wait for this day to end, she thought as exhaling.

Heading back towards the grey and white edifice asking herself, why, why me, why anybody? How could I have been so careless and stupid, why didn’t I see what was coming. Damn you, Lexy! Entering the big glass doors, she decides to take the elevator back upstairs, feeling too exhausted. As the doors open, she steps out and notices the crown prosecutor searching for someone, her most likely. She heads towards her at the same moment prosecutor Steele lifts her arm as if to say finally, found you.

``Good morning Lexy; let`s go to my office to discuss what is going to happen today. Have you had breakfast, you look very pale.``

``No, not much of an appetite lately,`` she replies.

So the prosecutor goes on to explain the process. You could read your victim`s impact statement. Also, add how the assault affected you and by that, I mean not the act itself but more the consequences afterwards. Such as your diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Generalized Anxiety and Panic disorder. Your prescription for Anti-depressants and Xanax to ease your anxiety. Flashbacks insomnia and your not being able to go back to work. Especially, Lexy, how the constant state of your disquietness is quite debilitating. Stating she wished that she would have brought someone for emotional support. Time and time again explaining to her that she had nothing to be ashamed about nor embarrassed about that she was the victim of a sick man's obsession, finishing off with the prosecutor telling Lexy that she was there for her. Lexie nods her head, gratefully rubbing her hands together once again, getting shaky. She asked what happens next. Ms. Steele replies with certitude that Judge Walker will announce his sentence. Her phone then rings she picks up and answers that we are on our way.

Before entering the courtroom, the prosecutor rubs her back and says it will be fine, Lexy. Our case is solid and continues to explain. I am fully aware that it has been a long process, but today your going to get justice. You will be able to focus on your healing and eventually put this ugly and senseless crime behind you. Don`t let this define you and then opens the wooden doors.

A vague feeling of apprehension comes over Lexy as she finds her seat next to her prosecutor. She settles in her chair, nervously and anxious to get this over. She can feel a disgusting presence behind her that sends chilling shivers down her spine — cussing to herself for letting him get to her. Slowly walking past the victim is his overconfident, holier than thou and snobbish lawyer with his arrogant and pompous ass woman abuser client. During testimony, he was so cruel and degrading with his questioning Spinning around now facing her; he gives her a wink then disgustingly licks his lips, finishing off with a wicked grin. Bile rushing up and burning my throat. The security guard points him away from her with a try that again look. Then the guard kindly fills her a glass of water. Lexy wants to chug the whole thing down and decides half.will do the trick, besides she didn’t think she could without feeling she was drowning. That’s what anxiety does. The truth of it is, even though on the inside, we feel like we are going to die and people can see through us, I do a good job not showing it at all. However, internally, mentally, physically, it is pure torture. I can`t believe I forgot to put my Xanax in my purse of all days. She hears ALL RISE so unexpectedly it snaps her way out of her torturous inner world back to real-time.honestly not much of a better place. Her heart feels like it is going to pound out of her chest as she turns to the prosecutor and whispers; this is it!

I numb out most of the court mumbo jumbo, not out of disrespect more in a state of dissociation. I feel a tap on my hand; the touch helps me snap out of it. That is when I realize it is my turn to go up there and read my victim's statement. In reality, I wish to have powers and make myself invisible this instant. I don’t want to give my aggressor the satisfaction of how vulnerable he had made me when he beat and sexually assaulted me. Then I think of my best friend Toni, and all of the dominant woman warrior messages she gave me. Suddenly, for the first time in ages since this nightmare started, I found the courage to stand up not just on my feet but for myself. I confidently walked up to speak to the Judge. I take a look at the defendant Thomas who, throughout court proceedings, felt no shame for his crimes nor remorse for all the inner scars and bruises he inflicted upon me. These realistic thoughts anger me. I take fifteen or twenty minutes with the Judge. Once I am done speaking, the Judge thanks me and says that I am a courageous woman and wishes me a bright future. I return to my seat and don’t even bother to look his way. I have decided that I will never let this weak man intimidate me anymore.

Ms. Steele, the prosecutor, gives me a proud smile. Minutes pass, and the defendant seems much less smug as he stands. You can see his forehead is sweaty, and his hands appear to be shaking. He has a coughing fit and asks if he could have some water. The Judge waits a moment and continues with his sentencing. He begins with a ten-minute sermon on his as he put it ``despicable and inhumane behaviour.`` Followed by his telling the criminal that he best make good use with his time in jail, strongly suggesting anger management classes and books, a lot of learning books on how to treat and respect a lady. He glances back at his defence lawyer with a panic-stricken look that says help me out here. Make this stop. His lawyer shrugs his shoulders to his client as if to say I did my best bud, sucks to be you

``Thomas Lester, as a result of your crimes that you were found guilty of last month, I sentence you to ten years in prison without the possibility of parole. He then asks the security guards to escort the now prisoner to a cell to await transfer to his new home. He grabs his chest, claiming he feels dizzy and thinks to be having a heart attack. Wailing he can't breathe, he feels tingling in his arms a dreaded fear of dying or going crazy and on and on he went as the guards took him away.

Lexy leaves the courthouse feeling symptom free(for the moment) and takes the calmest breath ever. She reaches in her purse to take out her cell to call Toni and feels a bottle she takes it out and realizes it's her anxiety medication. She laughs and says. I am good for now and puts her Xanax away, enjoying her calm moment.

``Hi Toni, guess how my day went?``

THE END