6 likes
4 comments
Day 1:
Dear Diary,
Today marks the beginning of my expedition into the heart of the Amazon rainforest, a land I've dreamt of exploring since I was a child. The anticipation is palpable as I set foot on this seemingly untouched terrain. The air is thick with humidity, and the chorus of wildlife fills my ears. I can't help but feel a sense of awe and excitement at the adventure that lies ahead. With every step, I am one stride closer to uncovering the mysteries hidden within this lush green labyrinth.
Day 3:
Dear Diary,
The past few days have been both exhilarating and challenging. Navigating through the dense foliage has proven to be more difficult than anticipated. Every step requires careful consideration, as the undergrowth is thick and tangled. Yet, despite the physical hardships, the beauty of this place is unparalleled. Vibrant birds flit through the canopy above, and colorful flowers dot the forest floor. I can't help but marvel at the wonders of nature that surround me at every turn.
Day 6:
Dear Diary,
Today, I stumbled upon something truly remarkable. While hacking through the underbrush, I came across what appears to be an ancient ruin hidden deep within the jungle. The structure is overgrown with vines and moss, but its grandeur is unmistakable. I can only imagine the secrets that lie within its crumbling walls. It's moments like these that remind me why I became an explorer—to uncover the mysteries of the unknown and piece together the stories of civilizations long forgotten.
Day 10:
Dear Diary,
As I delve deeper into the heart of the rainforest, I can't shake the feeling that I'm being watched. Every rustle of leaves and snap of twigs sends shivers down my spine. I've heard tales of indigenous tribes who call this place home, and I can't help but wonder if they are aware of my presence. Despite my apprehension, I press on, driven by a curiosity that outweighs my fear.
Day 15:
Dear Diary,
I've encountered something today that defies explanation. As I trekked through a particularly dense thicket, I stumbled upon a clearing unlike any I've seen before. In the center stands a massive stone monolith, covered in intricate carvings that seem to pulsate with energy. The air around it hums with a strange power, sending goosebumps racing across my skin. I can't help but feel a sense of reverence in its presence, as if I've stumbled upon something sacred and ancient beyond comprehension.
Day 20:
Dear Diary,
My journey through the rainforest takes a dark turn today. As I push deeper into the jungle, I come across the remains of a campsite, long abandoned and overgrown with vegetation. Amongst the tangled vines and fallen trees, I discover the grim evidence of tragedy—a human skeleton, picked clean by scavengers and bleached white by the sun. The sight sends a chill down my spine, and I can't help but wonder what horrors befell the unfortunate soul who met their end in this forsaken place.
Day 25:
Dear Diary,
The discovery of the skeleton weighs heavily on my mind as I continue my journey through the rainforest. The jungle seems to close in around me, suffocating me with its oppressive silence. Every shadow holds a hidden threat, and every rustle of leaves sends my heart racing with fear. I can't shake the feeling that I am being watched, stalked by some unseen predator that lurks just beyond the edge of my vision.
Day 30:
Dear Diary,
I stumble upon another grisly scene today—a makeshift grave hidden amongst the roots of a towering tree. A crude cross marks the spot, and beneath it lies the decaying remains of another unfortunate soul. The stench of death hangs heavy in the air, mingling with the damp earth and rotting vegetation. I can't help but wonder how many others have met their end in this cursed place, their bodies swallowed by the unforgiving jungle.
Day 35:
Dear Diary,
The jungle grows darker with each passing day, a twisted maze of shadows and secrets. I can feel the tendrils of madness creeping into my mind, whispering dark thoughts and tempting me with visions of despair. I know not how much longer I can endure in this hellish place, surrounded by death and decay at every turn. But still, I press on, driven by a stubborn determination to uncover the truth that lies hidden amidst the ruins of this forsaken land.
Day 40:
Dear Diary,
Disaster strikes today as I stumble upon the remains of my fellow explorers, their bodies torn apart by some unknown horror. Blood stains the earth, and the stench of death hangs heavy in the air. I can't bear to look upon their mangled corpses, but I know that I must press on if I am to have any hope of escaping this nightmare alive. With a heavy heart and trembling hands, I gather what supplies I can salvage and continue deeper into the heart of darkness.
Day ???:
Dear Diary,
I don't know how long it's been since I last wrote in these pages. Time seems to have lost all meaning in this accursed place. I am lost, both in body and in spirit, trapped in a never-ending nightmare from which there is no escape. The jungle closes in around me like a living, breathing entity, suffocating me with its darkness and despair. I can hear them now, whispering in the shadows, their voices a haunting melody that echoes through the depths of my mind.
I must leave this place. I must escape before it's too late.
But I fear that I am already lost.
Day 40:
Dear Diary,
Bodies... blood... everywhere. Can't think. Must must keep moving. No time. I think they saw me. I think they're coming. Can't stay, I must escape. Keep running. Don't look back.
Day :
der diar,
no time. lost. they are coming. I can hear them. voices laughing screaming. cant find way out. Must leave before its t
You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.
This is a fun story of exploration. :) I especially loved the ending. The last few entries were the strongest.
I don't know if you're interested in areas for improvement. Let me know if you are and I will share just one or two observations that might be of value to you.
Overall though, well done!
Reply
I would love to hear any tips you may have! Thank you!
Reply
While this applies mostly to the diary storytelling mechanic, it is something to keep in mind for stronger characters in general.
Watching the way you spaced out the days between entries felt like a missed opportunity to express a strong sense of character. For example, at first you did days 1, 3, and 6 (skipping two days between entries). Then you switched to all of your entries falling on a day ending in 5/10 (10, 15, 20, etc.).
Think about your character. Is he/she (we'll go with she for simplicity) fastidious and meticulous about things? She would have a set schedule for her diary writing, and so the numbers would be very predictable. Or is she more fluid and random, writing only when the fancy strikes her? Then perhaps 1, 3, 6, 10, 11, 17, 24, etc. with no discernible pattern would have been better. And rather than just encapsulating that character trait in the numbers, you could have included other clues about the character's order/disorder.
Each entry is roughly the same length until the end. Again, that hints at a fairly rigid character, someone who perhaps likes to see their entries make similarly sized boxes on the pages of their journal. You could allude to this in other ways. "I spent an hour today taking inventory of my equipment, just to be sure everything is in order." Of course, if they are more random and disorderly, you might indicate that with randomly sized entries. Maybe one day she just says, "I am exhausted today! Didn't find anything interested but I can feel I'm getting closer to something interesting!" and that's it for that entry. Another day maybe she rambles on and on about how annoyed she is that she lost her favorite camera in a little accident where she stumbled down a hill toward a ravine, nearly plummeting to her own death.
I'm not always the best at this with my own characters, but I think it's fun to look for ways to make your character's personality shine through. The patterns you chose for the entries (day number and length of each entry) didn't take anything away from your character, but it was a missed opportunity to add another dimension to her. It really got me thinking about my own characters and how many opportunities I am missing to flesh them out and bring them to life.
Also, and again this could have been attributed to the character a bit more strongly if the order/disorder trait had been highlighted more in the text, but after the "Day ???" entry, you repeated day 40. Perhaps that is the result of some character trait and how she reacted to the confusion of a day in which she wasn't sure how long it'd been, perhaps not.
As it stands, the story is very good. I just thought it was really helpful for me to notice how the diary format could have been leveraged to strengthen the characterization of the protagonist by including bits in the text itself to emphasize how orderly or disorderly she is. :)
But again, I really liked the way you used the diary mechanic in the end to highlight the danger she was in. The titular "der diar" was very effective in that moment. Well done!
Reply
Thank you for the feedback!! It was much appreciated!! I definitely see where I could have improved and your tips was very insightful for my future writing. I think "humanizing" the characters make them feel more alive and adding these things you mentioned would have done that. Thank you again!
Reply