Beep

There it was again, that beeping. It was always there, in the back of her mind. Every few moments, beep…beep…beep, no matter where she went or what she did it was always there. She couldn’t remember when it started, it just had always been. That’s how everything was here, as far as she could remember it had all just always been as it was. The sky was the same, the roads never changed, and the rooms remained untouched despite the endless hours she had spent spending her life there. Beep…beep…beep. The beeps in precise cadence with her steps, the hard-packed dirt pressed against her soles. The purple sky gently steeping from lilac to indigo. It would stay frozen in its beauty, balancing the cusp of day and night. Like a spinning plate, rotating so quickly it seemed truly motionless. Beep…beep…beep…It used to be bothersome, that beeping; at one point she thought she’d go mad, then she reasoned that perhaps she already was. She’d tried to find the source of it but always came up empty-handed. She’d tried running from it, but it was always right there. Clear as bells ringing in her ears. Taking a deep breath of cool air, she looked around with just a drop of wonder, unable to help already knowing that everything was always as it had been. Yet still, a sliver of her wanted something, anything, to be different. She looked with disappointment creasing her lips. The trees didn’t rustle in any wind here, the clouds never changed their shapes. There was no birdsong filling the air, no streams ever gurgling their secrets. It was always like this.

She kept walking, the beeps breaking the eerie silence. How far have I walked? She wondered to herself, When did I even start? She pondered deeply, trying to remember anything beyond where she currently was. She paused and turned around, an endless dirt road stretched before her, matching a mirror image of the dirt road she had only a moment ago been walking towards. Beep…beep…beep... She felt a chill crawl throughout her veins. To her left was the house, she already knew it would be freshly cleaned and stocked, despite no one else being there between her stays. In fact…, she thought, …there hasn’t been anyone else anywhere. She must have been walking for miles this time, she felt out of breath, yet her legs didn’t feel sore. She walked up the path to the house, with its wide front porch and open windows. She’d never opened them, but she hadn’t closed them either, and so they continued remaining as they were. Beep…beep…beep… She opened the front door, the screen door gently closing behind her. She knew this home by heart, the cracked brick in the fireplace, the closet with its endless coat collection, the mosaic tile that echoed beneath each step, even the yellow room with the green rocking chair had its own personality, emanating a welcome, beckoning to be lived in and remembered. Gently, she let her fingers graze against her favorite calling of the house, three words etched into the side of the wooden windowsill, “I love you.” Her pointer finger followed each letter, letting each curve and line absorb into her fingerprint. She didn’t know who wrote it, or when but she couldn’t shake the pang in her heart that it was meant for her. Among the things that never changed here, she was grateful for this one consistency. Then, for just a moment, it felt as if the letters were absorbing her, calling to her to slip into the crevices of the wood. She smiled, lovingly at the thought, then ran her thumb along it once more as she walked towards the hallway. Beep…beep…beep…

As usual, the kitchen was fully stocked, but she wasn’t hungry. She rummaged through the snack bin to see if anything enticing changed her mind, but nothing there was appealing. She let out a sigh, beep…beep…beep… then drifted to the living room, the single lamp on the side table was on, as it always was. There was a television with any movie you could ever wish to see, and a record player with a myriad of records, but neither machine ever worked despite both being plugged in. There were books on the shelf, even in alphabetical order, but she’d tried that before and somehow the stories seemed to get muddled into each other, as if no story could stay in its own book. At one point it had been more maddening to her than the beeping. Even though she knew it wouldn’t work, she reached out to turn the record player on, noticing the David Bowie record that was always already set. She pressed the “on” button with a shimmer of hope but quickly realized that yet again, it refused.

She walked over to the lamp, the lampshade filled with familiar designs and swirls of blues and greens, small specks of white popping through with help from the light. Tracing along one of the swirls, she found her hand reaching towards the small black knob. Beep…beep…beep… Slowly she turned the knob, hearing it click once, something she’d attempted numerous times before, but this time, it clicked, and the light turned off. With a sharp inhale she brought her hand back to her side. Unlike ever before, she was now in complete and silent darkness. If she hadn’t known she was in the house, she might have considered that she’d been sucked into a black hole, surrounded by never-ending emptiness. Even if she’d wanted to move, she didn’t dare, the unknown being forever unknown to her. Unsure of how many seconds or eons had passed while she’d been standing there, she eventually slowly, lifted her arms, her hands grabbing out for the lamp switch. It felt like a century had gone by before her hands grasped more than just air. Then, finally, she felt the lampshade, a smile of relief spreading up across her cheeks. She gently felt through the dark for the switch, but as her hand touched the bulb, she felt a small explosion erupt from it, resounding through her, sending her backward landing against the tile. She was shocked, or had been shocked. She had never considered or met such a powerful lamp. Beep…beep…beep… She rubbed her eyes from the blast, expecting to still be enveloped by the void-filled abyss, however, when she opened her eyes, the lamp was on, the room lit, untouched by the explosion. She gazed around the room, but it was as it always had been. As if the explosion had only happened to her. Beep…beep…beep… Maybe some fresh air will be good, she thinks to herself.

Through the kitchen and the hallway, she leaves through the front door, greeted by the static orchid sky, and the dirt road empty of any tracks or travelers. She could feel the cold creep up her veins, slowly, spreading across her like a tide. With a heavy sigh, she began to walk along the dirt road again, passing by unmoving winds and trees, the flowers all consistent in their protest of blooming fully, mimicking the sky’s balance of day and night. She knew she must have been walking for hours again, despite any pain in her legs. She thought it was at the most, odd, that her legs never grew tired no matter how far she walked, but that’s how it had always been, so she didn’t give it a second thought. Beep…beep…beep… “Yes I know beep beep” she said out loud. She stopped walking, closed her eyes, and bolted into a sprint. She hadn’t been able to run from it before, but the lamp hadn’t turned off before either. She ran, her heart pounding in her chest, she raced beyond herself, pushing through with the thought in every exhale Maybe, this time, because, the lamp. She could feel this time was different, something in her just knew it, maybe it was the cold in her veins, or maybe even the explosion, but she knew. She ran, her feet slamming in the earth below her. Eyes still closed, she felt everything within her lunge towards an unknown.

Then, silence, for a moment, then, beep…beep…beep… She opened her eyes, the dirt road continuing before her and the same mirrored reflection behind her. She looked to her left, and there it was, as it always had been, the house with its open windows and wide porch. Rage wanted to burst through her, gnash her teeth at the unmoving sky, swing open the front door, and scream through the house, letting it echo down the halls and off the walls. Instead of rage, she simply fell to the ground in defeat. Feeling the stiff dirt under her back, the trees still silent, the beeping still playing against her eardrum, she splayed her limbs out like a starfish on a rock. Watching the immobile clouds, she wondered why she was here to begin with. What brought me here? What’s keeping me here? She bemused, the thoughts bouncing across her mind like tennis balls. What am I even doing here? Beep…beep…beep… the amethyst sky mocked in response. She exhaled, figuring it was pointless, then ever so quietly, she heard the faintest sound, one she hadn’t heard before, a slight ticking noise, coming from the house. Puzzled, she got up off the dirt and went inside.

Through the rooms she wandered, checking everywhere for the source of the ticking. Beep…beep…beep… “Ssshhhh!” She shushed at the incessant beeping. Intently, she continued her search, checking every closet, drawer, and wall space for the strange sound. She came to the living room again, beginning to debate in her mind if she really had become mad, when there, her eyes noticed it, right next to the base of the lamp, a simple wristwatch turned upside down, the leather straps leaning partially against the lamp base. She held her breath, that watch hadn’t ever been there before, and yet, here it was. She peered around the room, curious how it came to be there. Perhaps it’s like me, she thought, I certainly can’t say how I’m here either. Beep…beep…beep… She reached to flip over the watch, whether it was the interest of possibly finding who owned it, or just the prospect of something new to her here, it sparked a sense of excitement within her. The leather straps were soft in her hand, the metal buckle clinking lightly as she turned it over.

It fell to the floor as she gasped, bringing her hands to cover her mouth. This must be a cruel trick, she thought. She looked at it, lying where it’d fallen with confused distrust. Maybe she’d seen it wrong, yes maybe. She picked it up by the buckle, as if it were a venomous snake, quickly turning it over to see the watch’s face. No, she’d seen it right, it really was blank. Completely blank, no numbers, hands, not even a single dash. And yet, it ticked and continued ticking. Counting off every second without having anything to show for it. She wanted anything here to make sense. “But doesn’t it make sense?” Her mind said, “This is all as it was as we’ve always known it to be.” The sense of time slipping through her fingers. Beep…beep…beep… “No!” She cried out, “No it isn’t, because nothing ever was! This never was!” She threw the watch, smashing the glass face against the brick fireplace. She took the records and the nonsense books and barricaded herself in the room with her windowsill. Her thumb continuously retracing the lines and curves of those three words. Tears streaked down her face, pooling in the crease of her shirt. Between her sobs and thoughts of perhaps I have breached insanity, she only said four words, “I love you too.” The words filled with the remaining strands of her soul, she didn’t know who they were to, or whose ears they would land on, but she meant every word. Her eyes began to close, sleep beginning to take hold, the last of her tears escaping. Who needs to know what time it is anyway, it’s just a watch, probably doesn’t belong in a place like this anyhow. She thought as she drifted into the arms of sleep, slowly at first, then before she knew it, all at once. Beep…beep…beep.

Air filled her lungs as if all the missing wind had finally found her and opened her up. She lifted herself gasping, almost choking from the sudden tornado she’d inhaled. Her eyes widened as she became aware of the large tube in her throat, another tube in her nose, and more leading to an IV in her arm. Beep…beep…beep… the noises, tick-tick-tick. Tears began springing from her eyes. The room was empty aside from her bed and machines, but there next to her bedside was a bouquet of fully bloomed orchids, lilies, lilacs, and tulips. A small note stuck out between the flowers, “I love you.” She didn’t know how, but somehow, she had known all along. A single happy tear fell on her cheek. A shriek from the doorway stole her attention. “Louise! She’s awake! Get in here! What time is it? When did she wake up?!” The ecstatic woman was about to jump out of her skin in excitement. “Gracie woke up! She’s awake!”

“I’m awake.” She thought.