EMP Survival 6: A Change of Expectations

**Mature content, mentions of violence***

The clouds drifted above Masa, their puffy white edges haloed by the orange light edging over the wall of the canteena. She squinted, wiping the sleep from her eyes, and stretched. Behind her, Leron grunted, pulling her back towards him. “Stay,” he whispered, kissing her cheek and resting his head beside hers. It had all happened so fast. One kiss had led to more and before she knew it they were lying together beneath the blanket she kept in her pack on the roof. She felt a twinge of guilt. Her father had drilled into her the importance of marriage before such activities. Leron rubbed his soft hand down her arm sending tingles along her skin. She smiled, feeling no real motivation to leave, and closed her eyes.

“I should've known better,” said Arion from the direction of the ladder.

Masa yelped, and sat up, taking the blanket with her. She opened her mouth to respond with - It’s not what you think, but she couldn’t say it. It was exactly what he thought.

“You weren’t in your bed with the others when I sought you out last night,” he began and scowled at Leron, “I see Leron finally found the courage to take you for himself.”

Leron wrapped his arms around her protectively. “Exactly, and now you have no reason to seek her out,” he warned. His muscles tensed up behind her and Masa could sense he was ready for a fight. From the corner of her eye, she caught the look of determination on his face.

Arion’s eyes narrowed to a glare. He looked away. “The council needs you,” he spat. “Everyone has been looking for the both of you. They are preparing to meet with Don Marco tomorrow.”

“I’ll be down in a few minutes,” Leron said.

“I’ll be ready, too,” said Masa.

“Very well,” said Arion. With his gaze directed at her, he said, “We need to talk.” He disappeared down the ladder.

Masa quickly dressed and put on the harness containing her handgun, fearing what Arion meant. Was it his feelings? Or did he intend to remove her from the raid group? Fearing the worst, she walked towards the ladder. Before she could climb down, Leron pulled her back and caught her in a long kiss. She pulled away, afraid to be drawn into a repetition of the previous night.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, giving her a look filled with confusion.

“Leron. Last night....my father, he…. he wouldn’t want this unless I was married.”

Leron frowned, “Mine wouldn’t either. Marry me.”

"We're too young."

"Not now. Everything has changed."

Masa forced a smile, unable to respond. She was distracted by her fears of Arion and stared at the tip of the ladder with dread. “I have to go. We can talk about this later.”

“That’s fine,” he said, “If he touches you again, tell me and I’ll deal with him. Once we're done with Don Marco, we can look at finding you a new raid group.”

Masa climbed down and went in search of Arion. After all this, marriage? She was far too young, but Arion said he had also planned to seek her out last night. What a mess. Everyone around her seemed to be going mad, and she right along with them. Such lines of thinking could get them all killed. She knew she needed to take a moment to clear her head and focus on the mission with Don Marco. She washed her face in one of the water barrels they stored against the wall.

She found her raid group gathered in a corner of the building surrounded by shelves. Arion was crouched on the floor, drawing out the plan with an old marker. He gazed up at her and acknowledged her presence with a nod, before returning to his task. “The other raid groups will be stationed at these locations,” he said, pointing to two areas beside the old Walmart. We’ll be using the radios we salvaged to communicate between the groups.”

“You were able to get those working?” asked Raphael.

“Yes, but we’ll have to be wary that Don Marco’s cartel may also have access to the same tech. At the first sign of trouble, the radios will be abandoned. Our role will be to act as the escorts to the council since we are the ones who initiated the contact, they will expect to see us with them”

“If a gunfight breaks out, what are we to do?” asked Samuel. “They outnumbered all of us last time. We only escaped because they let us.”

“The third raid group, Filipe's raid group will be stationed here on the roof with sniper rifles.”

“We could just take them out,” suggested Raphael.

“But then no one would benefit,” Arion said. “Raph, don’t forget that if this trade goes south, the other cartels won’t think twice before taking us out. We have survived this long by flying under the radar. Everyone understand?”

The men nodded and began to head out for training. Masa followed behind them, but Arion rested his arm on her shoulder, stopping her. “You are going to stay here, tomorrow,” he said.

Masa turned, “What do you mean?”

“You are emotionally compromised and I can’t have you out there,” Arion said, “You’re not thinking straight.”

“And if you had taken me last night, how would that be any different?” Masa demanded.

“It wouldn’t. After your defiance yesterday, you were never going to be part of this. It’s why I decided to bed you last night. Masa, you need a reality check,” he said. “Come with me.”

Arion led her from the space between the shelves to a different corner of the building. Here the women of their group were folding the bedding and working on laundry. Masa had not spent much time with them, though she was quite fond of Loretta whose tent she had stayed in for a time. She hadn’t noticed before, but all of them were pregnant. Her eyes went wide and she stumbled backward into Arion.

“You see it now, don’t you?” he said, resting his hand on her shoulder. “You’ve been so blind. Call it a group, a gang, or a tribe. It doesn’t matter. We have gone back in time. The men defend and the women keep house. The married women are all with child and all at about three or four months from the time the bombs dropped. There is no protection. Those who aren’t pregnant are either too old or young. And then there was you. The one single woman of some age.”

“No…”

“Yes,” he said, “You are the reason I joined the group from Monterrey. There were no single women anywhere in Nuevo Laredo and you are much younger than I prefer, but beggars can’t be choosers. The other women were all taken during the looting, either by rape or by men who offered them the protection of their beds. I watched you and the others walk by the city as a scout from my last group and knew I had to have you.”

“You’re just jealous,” she accused.

“Not at all. I'm realistic. Now that you are Leron’s, I will move on after this deal with Don Marco to find myself a wife,” he said. “I don’t want what Leron has already taken," he spat, "This is your future. You might as well join them.” He pushed her forward.

Masa stumbled across the floor and caught the edge of a table. She turned to scowl at him. “You…you bastard…” she yelled.

“Is everything okay here?” asked Loretta. She left the laundry she was folding at the table and approached the two of them with a deep scowl aimed at Arion.

“Everything’s fine,” said Arion, glaring at her. “Leron bedded her last night so now she belongs with you. I don’t want a woman in my raid group who is possibly with child.” He glared at Masa and stormed off.

Masa’s hands shook and she collapsed into a nearby chair half in shock. It was all over. Loretta pulled up a chair beside her, putting her arms around her. Tears filled Masa’s eyes and she buried her head in Loretta's chest and wept. It was all happening so fast. One minute she had been free and standing on her own, and now she was dependent on the men around her. Her feelings were a contradiction and fighting within her. She had been so happy beside Leron this morning, but if being with him meant all her hopes and expectations of ever defending herself would be lost, she wasn’t sure she wanted that.

“What happened?” asked Loretta. The woman reminded her of her Abuella, so strong and kind before she passed. Whimpering, Masa told her everything. “I’m not surprised,” the older woman muttered. “The three of you have been trading glances for a long time. I am surprised it took this long.”

“What do I do?” asked Masa. “Leron asked me to marry him, but I….I don’t want this…” she said, watching the women work. “I love him, but I want to fight and defend myself.”

“I don’t see why you can’t,” Loretta said, “At least until we know something has changed and then I would advise against it for a time, but there is no reason you can’t go back to fighting if that is what you want. We could look after the child for you. Arion may have made up his mind about how things will work, but it doesn’t mean he is right. All you have to do is adjust your expectations of the dreams you have, not abandon them.”

Masa managed a weak nod and wiped the tears from her eyes. “It is what I want.”

“You know, being a mother isn’t as bad as it looks,” Loretta said, rubbing her hand over the small bulge at her waist. She smiled and a look of peace filled her eyes that confused Masa and filled her with curiosity. “There are changes that happen when you become pregnant. You become content to just be with other women and do housework. There is a need to shape a home and create a safe place for the little ones even in a place like this. I feel...joy.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Masa said, “My mother left me with my father. I don’t know what a mother does or what women do.”

Loretta pulled her close, “We can help you if you only let us in. Let us be your family. It’s not the end of the world.”

“I suppose.”

“Now, about Leron,” began Loretta, giving her a stern look, and Masa’s heart sank. Leron was the last person she wanted to talk about. She started to leave, but Loretta forced her back down, “Don’t you dare storm off. I am rather fond of that boy. If you were with him last night, you had better stay with him. He loves you and will make sure you have what you need, but you must trust him. This is also what women do, we learn to trust our husbands, and they need this.”

“I can’t trust anyone,” Masa panicked. It was dangerous to trust people. People only hurt you and let you down. Her mother had left and then the people who were supposed to protect them had destroyed the world. Leron had appeared to betray her once before, and she had gone mad and attacked him. She hesitated and frowned. Leron hadn’t betrayed her. He loved and protected her even when she had hurt him.

Leron appeared at the entryway; his eyes filled with rage. He crouched before her and looked her over. “Are you alright?” he asked, taking her hands. Before she could respond, he pulled her towards him and clutched her tightly to his chest. Masa couldn’t find the words and managed a nod. “Good,” he said, and releasing her, looked toward Loretta. “What happened?”

Loretta explained the altercation, and Leron’s eyes grew darker. Masa saw him in a new light. He might be a pacifist, but there were some lines you did not cross with Leron. “I’m going to kill him,” he seethed beneath his breath.

“Don’t,” Masa pleaded, taking hold of his arm. Arion, with all his experience with fighting and weaponry, would kill him and she didn’t want that. She couldn’t lose him - not after almost losing him in the valley. “It…it doesn’t matter. Arion said he will move on once the deal is done with Don Marco."

“What he did was wrong and he must answer for it.”

“No, he doesn’t,” Masa said. “Arion was right. We crossed a line last night and if we hadn’t, he intended to cross it with me.”

“All the more reason…”

“No. No, you won’t,” Masa said, taking his hand before he could leave. “You will go with him and he will protect you and the rest of the council from Don Marco.” She reached up, brushing the side of his face with her hand and he leaned into it, closing his eyes. Masa pulled his head toward hers, swallowing the tears she felt at possibly losing him again. “And then," she choked, "And then you will come back to me and I…I will marry you.” Masa saw Loretta giving her a look filled with approval.

Leron's eyes opened, filling with joy. He hesitated, shifting uncomfortably on his feet, "You don't have to decide now."

"No, I want to," Masa argued. Loretta's speaking of a different way forward gave her hope, and the joy she had seen in the older woman's eyes told her that marriage and motherhood weren't so bad. She had been so locked in her own ideals of how things should be that she hadn't seen it. She hadn't wanted to.

Leron pulled her in and met her lips with his and Masa became distinctly aware that the other women were gathering around them to watch with grins of glee on their faces. Her cheeks burned hot and she did her best to ignore them.

Pulling away, Leron brushed a loose hair from her face. "You won't have to stay here. When someone warned me what was happening, I was discussing your situation with Manuel and Filipe," Leron said. "Filipe will take you into his group. You'll have to learn how to use a sniper rifle, but he has said he is perfectly fine working with a woman." He met her gaze and grinned, "He said women often are better long-distance shooters. You can go with him tomorrow, but you'll have to stand by and watch."

Masa smiled. Being married to Leron wouldn't be so bad. He supported her in her dreams and the Monterrey group was not going to fully embrace the ideals of the past like Arion said they would. They intended to support her, too and all she had to do was adjust her expectations of what her life would entail and trust her new family.