Ms.Webbers' Caffeinated Ordeal

Submitted into Contest #47 in response to: As you check your mail, you notice a letter that makes you stop in your tracks.... view prompt


Funny Creative Nonfiction Drama

There I was, shrunken to a shadow in the deepest corner of my room, unable to fight with the demons that had broken out. I couldn’t blame them, you know? It’s my fault they had been caged for too long. A lot of people wonder “How does she do it?”, “How is she able to get back up after life literally sweeps her off her feet?”, and a lot of times I find myself wondering the same thing. It’s more of a cluster of randomness rather than a deep quest. But, the truth is, I was used to it. I mean, wouldn’t you be, if you had just lost something very dear to you. Yes, I know it’s depressing, but please don’t mistake me, I’m NOT depressed. I’m just anxious. 

*Oh, ‘Why?’, you ask. Well, my friend, curl up because this is going to be a long night…*

It all started that night around  four days ago, give or take. The rain was pouring down heavy, adding on to the chaos in this world drop by drop. A white triangle poked through the edge of the misty ominous clouds, showing evidence that the crescent was still alive. It almost reminded me of the beauty of the dark, as I focused all my attention to the silver hangings adorning the night sky. In my hand was my third cup of coffee, that I was choking down my throat in the utter ridiculousness to stay up late. Being more of a fellow old soul, sleep just comes to me in a way it doesn’t to you *no offence*.

**Again, I can see you, out of the corner of my hazel droopy extremely fatigued eyes, interrupting my plot line. 

Yes, I know your doubt, “ why were you up so late if you were such a buzzkill...ehhh?”**

Well, let me enlighten you Einstein, I was up for a JOB. Yes, I said it.  I said the ‘J WORD’, and no regrets. Absolutely none..I think. I was going to give up my care free, willy nilly, ‘i don’t care who’s dead’ attitude, for an ordinary, boring, life sucking nine to five job. YAAAAAAAAY!!! I can feel your eyes judging me so, let me break this down for you, basically, I’m BROKE. A few extra bucks (or any for the matter) will be handy, you see, if I ever have to say, buy non- expired food. 

**Ugghhh, get that question mark look out of your face, I know what you are going to ask next, “ How does this end with you unleashing demons?”, God, HAVE PATIENCE. A true writer never reveals all the suspense at once, because if I do, who is going to read this bunch of baloney? **

Anyways, Where was I? Oh right, my job. So, I applied for a receptionist job at a local spa, that I am hopefully qualified for and they were supposed to reply by the end of the day, today. And that should connect your dots as to why I was looking out my cramped apartment window, that I haven’t cleaned even once since I moved in 2 years ago.

(don’t judge me, you try living on a minimum wage salary)

My phone lit up with an alien song, my 4th alarm of the night, it was time for a refill! The multi-couloured screen displayed the ticking hour  ‘10:55’ (again, stop judging, i worked all day for 2 dollars, it’s practically a miracle how I’m not drooling yet)

**Another doubt!! How many questions can fit into that head of yours? And yet again, I know what you are about to ask, “ If you are such a sleepy head, how did you start this pathetic narrative all alone in the dark like some melodramatic 80’s ghost story?”

Well, Smarty pants, you will know the answer in a few hundred words ok, bear with me, I’m high on coffee…**

As I went for a refill, it happened. The one thing I had been dreading for so long, finally happened. “TING!”...

Silence filled the air as I tip-toed my way to the phone. I’m so thankful none of you could see me, I looked absolutely ridiculous.As I made my way up the device, prowling and half - dead inside, a part of me felt frozen with fear. Thoughts of failure and anxiety quickly began their rounds of shame and out of nowhere, springs of tears burst out of my misty looking glasses. 5 minutes of speed crying later..I finally with absolutely no courage and hope, picked up my inanimate bully. 

There lay the much- awaited notification. “ 1 New Mail”

I could feel my insides tearing themselves apart with agitation. My heart pounded itself out of its safety cage, my brain, high on coffee, went berserk. A few seconds of craziness later, I convinced myself to take another sip of this highly addicting freshly brewed beverage and to click that mystical blue envelope that for some reason determines the fate of free mani-pedis in my otherwise miserable life.

Dear Ms. Webber, 

We are pleased to inform you that we were very impressed with your resume and your qualifications. Welcome to the family! We would like you to start right from this Monday, your package includes 2 complimentary mani-pedis, 1 complimentary facial and 2 complimentary hair stylings, apart from your normal and fixed salary and tips

The second I read that, my heart skipped a million beats.  Huzzah! Being a waitress for peanuts, talking to all those goddamn frustrating people and all those terrible hair days finally paid off! I am going to be working at a spa.

Happiness was short lived…

** Yes, I’m not blind, I can see you raising your hand with another one of your completely predictable doubts, “ How can you say ‘happiness was short lived’, you are getting spa days for FREE, do you know how many would die for that?” And the answer to this well thought out doubt is simple : KEEP READING ( please) **

2 snoozy nights and hyperactive morning later I found myself confronting the worst possible devils of every working adult: ‘The first day of work’. Despite the normal anxious discouraging factors,I got out of bed pretty excited. I wore my best floral black short gown that draped me perfectly and brought out my jet black eyes, curled my naked brown wavy hair into the perfect bun, adorned my thick lashes with mascara and after three layers of make-up, I left for my new job.

20 minutes later, I found myself nervously dragging my feet through a solitude spa. “THE MOONLIGHT”, shone the name behind the receptionist's desk. 

‘ OMGGGGG , you are gonna be working there’ I cried to myself. ‘ NO more stained tables and spilled egg salads for you!’ I paraded.

With a new found confidence I made my way to the manager’s office. Wobbling my knees as hard as I could, I knocked the door and slowly turned open the door to my destiny as a receptionist. As I entered the office, I became the prey to eight pairs of eyes. Standing under the spotlight was never my strong suit. 

**Save your rolling eyes for yourselves, and please think of better queries next time, because you are about to ask me, “With such terrible people skills, how did you get the job as a receptionist, as a matter of fact what even gave you the courage to sign up?”

Well, you see, truth is, my barista friend from the diner signed me up for it what telling me, I have often engaged in conversations about my future with her and so she took the liberty of sending in my resume, which she told me on the last day, as in the rainy night my boring narrative began..Question answered?**

Coming back to my ordeal, the manager was very pleased to meet me, to be honest he sounded kind of like Olaf from frozen. Every time he spoke with that cheery smile and weirdly friendly hand gestures I couldn't help but give out a chuckle or two. This might come across to you as a surprise, but I picked up things very quickly, I mean my whole job revolved around answering phone calls and fixing appointments. It was perfect, until it wasn’t. 

The next morning, I decided to cash in my coupon for one free mani - pedi. All was fine until I reached the counter when I heard Olaf, I mean Mr. Gonzalez let out a piercing cry.

“Ms. Webber, What in the world were you doing for the past half an hour? Do you know the catastrophe you caused me?” 

I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about,

“Um, sir I was cashing in my first complimentary mani-pedi, why? Is there a problem?”

The second I said this, his face turned into a tomato, His eyes were fixated on me and shot me a deadly glare. He began pacing around madly,

“Foolish imbecile!” he finally declared. At this point, I did not know who he was referring to, I mean he was the one who gave me the complimentary gifts.

He turned to me again, as though he read my mind, “Ofcourse, this is what I get for throwing away complimentary gifts, UGHHHHH!”

“Because of your utter incompetence today, Dylan Ross, the leading People Reviewer left completely frustrated at the lack of customer service.After months of hard work we were finally recognised by him and I had fixed an appointment for him today, which you would have known about if you did your work! The man,seeing how the receptionist was missing from her designated spot and with no one was present to guide him, left rather hastily, thinking we were busy and left me an agitated voicemail, asking me why I had wasted his time. Our business is going to go down the drains because you wanted to paint your nails! Ms. Webbers YOU ARE FIRED!” 

I felt my whole world crashing down. At that moment I couldn’t even speak out. I was so humiliated that all I did was remove my badge and walk out the door. Thought of utter embarrassment resonated in my mind.’How could I have been so foolish?’

I dragged my foolish feet back home and shut myself from th world, right where I began narrating my terrible irresponsibilities to you, in the depths of my mind pondering over whether I will ever land on my feet or will I just drift like the wind carelessly without anywhere to come from and without anywhere to go?  

**Poetry makes everything feel  better you know..**

As I was wallowing in my own self pity, I heard a noise …”TING!”

An advertisement for a writing agency. Something just felt right about that deep in my heart and before I knew it I was signing up shakingly.

It felt my true heart’s calling. And it certainly was, the letter that shook my life up.

June 22, 2020 10:04

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