Another Day, Perhaps

The house is falling apart. Cracks form across the moldy wall, chunks of rotting ceiling crumble apart with each passing vibration. The bedroom window Alexis once looked through is no longer. All that remains is empty space and soon-to-be tainted memories.

Just last week, a decision was made that causes a deep contemplation in Alexis’ mind. She pondered if it was truly worth spoiling times that she looked so fondly upon. When her mother and father first decided to move her and her older sister, Julia, to the great state of Idaho, they were almost incapable of forming their own thoughts and found joy in the prospect of change. Just 5 and 8 years old, a happy childhood would be a sure thing here. 

Throughout their youth, the pair of sisters were almost inseparable. There was not an exceeding amount of activities to do in rural Idaho and their parents were constantly working, but the two of them always found themselves preoccupied. Stealing clothing and makeup from their mother consumed time. Fantasies of other lives, stories of princesses in love were consistently shared. Realities that only existed in the eyes of the innocent, experienced in bliss.

Time passes unfortunately fast, and suddenly a slight shift occurs, almost invisible but completely present. Julia steps into adolescence and believes she sees something only older age brings, in the silence you hear her transformation. Alexis remains longing for the womanhood her sister will obtain before her, though she will soon realize it is nothing to envy, for it is a cruel stage that can dishearten the weak-minded, as it did Julia.

Subtle comments were just the beginning. Everyday critiques on appearance were placed upon Alexis by her sister, causing a growing sense of insecurity. Once, these words were heavily valued and they continued to grow harsher with time. Quiet degradation chewed through her and as she became a teenager, she was sure the horrors of high school students would be unbearable, yet the worst things she ever heard were at home.

Behavior as such wasn't solely aimed towards Alexis, but her parents as well. Resentments from obscure exchanges would be mentioned as excuses for her wrongdoings and brutal attitude. Baring witness to these fights would only bring her sister a massive burst of frustration. She was aware her parents were truly attempting to display a sort of discipline, but observed that there was always more to be done, yet never was.

At a slow pace, the sisters began growing apart. Different interests and paths were being made clear. Julia found herself highly impressioned by the people around her. She became her friends and fed off of the attention given to her. Anything she could do to please them would be done, no matter the cost. Alexis would sometimes be victim to these actions, for Julia wished no association towards her younger sibling. At school they were forever strangers.

Pointless household fights and endless manipulations would promptly piece together a never ending tension. Whenever Julia was outside of her room a jarring energy surrounded her. Even so, there were moments that felt familiar, where she and Alexis would chat pleasantly and nothing had changed. These instances would briefly convince Alexis that her sister’s integrity was intact, just until the next argument, which would continuously remind her it wasn’t. A cycle that was unbreakable.

Outbursts would continue a long while, until Julia’s departure to university three states away. Finally, a sense of peace has come closer to the family. Worry though, began filling their thoughts. Julia would call at unreasonable hours with complaints, asking for copious amounts of money, which her parents somehow always found a way to give her. “Yes” has always been easier than “no” for them. Forced love is better than none at all. Alexis had long seen through their facade , they had grown tired of trying to alter what never wished to change, succumbing completely to their grievances and ultimately giving up on their eldest daughter.

Once Alexis graduated high school, the family had outshrinked the home and quickly moved closer to town. A fresh start was hers now. In New York, Alexis had the determination to achieve what she always longed for, power. Studying and finishing top of her class allowed many opportunities to find her, and she grabbed everyone she could, holding in tight. Calls with her sister had grown scarce. Julia always had a new anecdote to share and they would chat a while. These conversations left Alexis depleted, her position in life was always put to question, as though she had to prove herself. Nothing would ever be enough for her sister, and it was tiring.

Only experience would grant Alexis perspective. Her friend's misfortunes would make her aware that all of her sisters “worries” about her, were not genuine. Resulted from a long developed envy, Julia has constantly attempted to subtly make her feel as awful as she felt. All of those jabs meant to hurt her had unknowingly built character within Alexis, preparing her for the real world. That anger held so closely to her heart fueled her successes and drive.

After so many years of hurt, Alexis wished badly to start anew but was afraid to share this thought. She knew what her sister would say, that she was being completely ridiculous. They were never ones to share their emotions, and never would be. Some people just grow to be closed off. At this point, Julia made many calls vying for money, stating jobs were much too rare. Alexis was always willing to help her out, and would even ask for video calls to share a cup of coffee. The response received always consisted of more excuses as to what’s keeping her busy. How much longer can a person play pretend until they become what they portray?

Drastic occurrences can make you realize how deep you are in the grand scheme. After a long day of work, Alexis was alarmed to arrive at her home with the door wide open. Preparing to call the police, she halted, for a figure carrying expensive electronics and shoes, stood in front of her. She questioned her older sister as to how she got inside and reminded herself never to leave the key under the mat again. All she could ask was why. Julia cried. Desperation clawed through her as she had come by bus for this simple purpose. To steal from her younger sister. Few words were said between them, as they were not needed. Alexis gave her money and allowed her to take a few things, cause to her that's all they were to her, things. She led her sibling to the door and gave her a hug, knowing it would be the last in a very long time, and said goodbye.

When did that feeble innocence completely leave them? Was it when they both came to the conclusion that no one could ever love them for themselves? It was a sad farewell and disappointment coursed through Alexis’ veins. She desired so badly to understand the root of her sister's behavior, what made her the way she was if they were both brought up in the same way. Some people just have a natural affinity for attracting unfortunate situations. No matter the cause she hoped Julia could find her true path one day and they could be the same little girls they were a long time ago, even if things were already forever altered. Deep down Alexis knew that she loved her sister enough for her betrayal to cause such pain, and she would have to live with that.

Perhaps in the future, Julia would recognize how deeply she was cared for and come to appreciate it. Until then, that awakening without would happen Alexis. There is only so much a person can take until they leave you completely and utterly bare. For the time being, she lays in the withering house that gave and gave, dwindling in what once was, but never will be again.