That Night, At The Lake

 July 24th, 1998.

Perth, Ontario, Canada.

“I'm getting tired, honey.” Sherie said as she closed her book and got up out of her lawn chair. The sun was still bright over the cottage lake’s horizon, and it was getting late for Sherie; she hadn’t usually stayed up much past 9PM.

Sherie walked over to Jonathan and kissed him on the forehead. Jonathan, sitting on his chair, looked up from his fishing magazine and grabbed Sherie by her hip when she tried to walk past. She twirled back towards him, smiling. He pulled her in for a kiss. Sherie laughed.

“Don’t get too frisky now, hon. Alex is right over there playing.”

Little 4 year old Alex was playing with her toys in the sandbox down by the lake, paying no attention to her parents; clearly lost in her own world.

“And what’s the problem with her seeing a little bit of love from her parents, eh?” Jonathan said jokingly as he winked at Sherie and slapped her butt.

“You’re a sicko.” Sherie replied with a smirk. “I’m off to bed, are you two gonna come with me?”

Jonathan looked down at Alex playing by herself in the sandbox and then returned to his fishing magazines.

“I’m gonna stay up with Alex for a bit, maybe show her some constellations.”

Jonathan was always fascinated with the night sky. He was no astrologer, but he could point out every constellation the naked eye could see. Maybe Alex would have the same interest in the stars as he did.

“All right,” Sherie replied as she made her way back into the cottage, “You know where I’ll be. I love you.”

Sherie went inside.

The sun quickly faded into the lake and the stars began to shine bright. Jonathan loved the nights in the cottage country. The lack of light pollution in the sky made it easy to see the thousands of stars that were always there. As opposed to the nights they usually got back at home in the city, where the artificial cloud of man-made light was blocking the natural beauty of the sky.

Jonathan lit the campfire and sat beside Alex. Together, they roasted marshmallows and made s’mores for each other. It wasn’t long before Jonathan was entranced by the rich night sky, and Alex’s interest followed. He didn’t even have to tell her to look up; her head was tilted as far back as she could put it, and her mouth was wide open in awe.

Jonathan looked down at Alex and smiled, then looked back up.

“What’s that bright star there, daddy?”

Alex said curiously, pointing up at the brightest star in the sky.

Jonathan looked around to see what she was looking at.

“That bright star right there? it’s a planet, actually. It’s Venus.”

“Venus…” Alex repeated softly.

“Yep, one of the planets right here in our solar system.”

“Wow,” Alex couldn’t stop looking at it. The longer she looked the brighter it seemed to be. “Can we go to Venus?”

Jonathan continued to stare up at Venus himself and took a deep breath. “Well, yeah, I suppose we could.”

Alex thought of flying in a big spaceship and imagined flying by all the other stars she saw in the sky to fly to Venus. It was so beautiful, so bright.

“I want to live there.” Alex said.

Jonathan looked at her and smiled.

⁂

November 23rd, 2000.

Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

“All rise for Justice Patterson.” Everyone in the courtroom stood as Justice Patterson walked out of the Judges’ Chambers to the bench.

“You may be seated.” Everyone in the courtroom proceeded to sit down, though Jonathan and Sherie did not sit together.

“Your Justice, we are here for the divorce of Jonathan and Sherie Keaton, and to settle any dispute regarding custody of their 5 year old daughter, Alex Keaton.”

The divorce between Jonathan and Sherie was amicable when it came to the house and other possessions. It was decided between them that Sherie and Alex would get the house in the city, and Jonathan had the cottage in Perth. Jonathan didn’t fight for much, he knew it was his fault they were getting divorced. The lies… the cheating… the drugs…

‘Just don’t take Alex’ He thought to himself. His mind was only half present.

Justice Patterson looked at Jonathan. “Serving community time for a minor drug possession. Fired from your job. Prostitutes and hookers. When are you going to grow up? You have a kid. A little girl. Can you give any reason why I should believe you are responsible enough to have custody over Alex.”

Sherie wasn’t shy in telling Justice Patterson about how Jonathan was over the past year. About how he changed completely. Hid a drug secret from her and slept with women behind her back.

Sherie firmly believed that she deserved full custody over Alex, and if Jonathan was going to continue this life of sex and drugs, then he will never see Alex again. Jonathan was ashamed. He couldn’t even come to this courtroom without getting high, though he hid it well. Instead of responding to Justice Patterson he looked behind him to the audience of the courtroom. Sherie’s mom, who was holding Alex earlier during the session, left the room with her. Alex was no where to be seen.

“She needs her father, Your Justice.” Jonathan said shakenly, like he was talking to his mother after being yelled at.

Justice Patterson stopped for a moment, then said “You’re right. She needs a father. Not a man-child.”

The judge swung his mallet.

⁂

June 1st, 2018.

Perth, Ontario, Canada.

Around this time of night, Jonathan would presumably be out drinking himself dry at a pub, but tonight was different. Instead he was at the campfire of the cottage. No fire was lit, but the stars shared enough light with him. He named every constellation, and stumbled across some planets. He could see Mars, Saturn, Jupiter… Venus…

He thought about Alex, and about how she wanted to live on Venus. ‘Does she still want to live there? Does she even remember?’ Jonathan thought to himself.

it was 12AM, and the phone rang 6 times in Jonathan’s cottage. Only the fly on the wall was there to hear the voice on the answering machine. It beeped.

“Jonathan. It’s Mary, Sherie’s sister… Look, something happened to Sherie and…” her voice began to crack, she started speaking louder so she could form words through her tears, “Sherie was in a car accident and I don’t think she’s going to make it.” Mary was bawling now, Jonathan walked into at this moment. He noticed the answering machine was crying.

“Jonathan, please.”

Jonathan ran to the phone and picked it up. It was only a few minutes till he got in his car and began to make his way to Toronto from his cottage.

June 08th, 2018.

Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

The funeral for Sherie was quiet. Everyone mostly kept their distance from Jonathan. Sherie’s fellow friends and family didn’t seem to look down on him as much as he thought they would, they were all too sad to care about that. Jonathan stood alone near the back, watching Mary cry with her mother near the coffin. Alex walked up beside them with her grandfather, Sherie’s dad.

Jonathan looked at Alex, looked at how much she’s grown; how much she looks like her mother. He started to think about all the birthdays he had missed. Every start of the new year together. He was speechless. Thoughtless. Lost in what could have been.

He turned around and began to walk away.

“Jonathan.” Mary came up behind him.

“Oh, Mary. Hi.” Jonathan said nervously. For some reason he thought it was going to be Alex. ‘Would she even call me Dad?’

“Thank you for coming, I know it’s not easy for you to be here either.” Mary put her arm on Jonathan’s shoulder. “She cared about you, you know? I always think she felt terrible for taking you from Alex.”

Jonathan couldn’t accept Mary’s kindness easily. The guilt and shame built up over the years outweigh any reason he has to feel alright about himself.

“Thank you Mary, I always cared about her and Alex as well. I just…”

Jonathan trailed off as he looked over Mary’s shoulder. He saw Alex standing there by herself. He looked back at Mary.

“I just wish I was there. Excuse me, Mary.”

Jonathan walked passed Mary.

“Alex.” Jonathan said nervously. ‘What does she think of me? Am I just an example of what not to end up like?’

“Hi, Dad.” Alex said softly. She was nervous as well, of course. Seeing her father after all this time. Her mother told her about his lifestyle, about how it is as far from stable as ever. This was a man created by her mothers words, in her mind, she has no idea who he is. But she wasn’t going to not talk to him. She didn’t want to wonder any more.

“Everything is going to be okay.” Jonathan said quietly.

⁂

July 24th, 2018.

Perth, Ontario, Canada.

Jonathan came by Mary’s house in the early morning of July 24th, 2018. He had been talking to Alex on and off through text and phone calls and they agreed that they would finally get together and go to the cottage in Perth.

Jonathan had been sober since Sherie’s death. After seeing Alex, he couldn’t think of picking up a bottle of alcohol again. This time, he needed to be there for her. This time, he needed to be a father.

The drive to Perth from Toronto was long and quiet, a few hours of listening to the radio and small talk about Alex being excited to continue her college studies. Jonathan loved learning about her interest for environmental studies and hearing her talk about it passionately.

The sun was still bright of the cottage lakes horizon. darkness began to fell and the campfire was burning well. Jonathan and Alex sat across from each other, both on their own log in front of the fire, watching the embers dance off the flames.

Soon the sun was gone, and it was completely dark.

The campfire was nothing more than a pile of ash and burnt wood shavings. Jonathan and Alex both silently gazed at the bright stars, now their only source of light.

“You wanna know what my first memory is?”

Alex said unexpectedly, taking Jonathan’s attention off the night sky.

“What’s that?”

Alex pointed upward towards the vastness of space, Jonathan’s eyes followed. Even though the sky was infinitely full of stars and it was impossible to tell exactly which star Alex was pointing at, Jonathan knew. The memory came to him like the smell of an old home, or the scent of an old lovers’ perfume. If he closed his eyes, he was right there in that moment where they were 20 years ago.

Before Alex could answer, Jonathan said “Venus.”

A memory he thought his daughter would have never remembered. A memory he himself could never forget. If only he could go back to this moment… maybe things would be different.

Alex noticed tears forming in Jonathan’s eyes then quickly returned her focus back to the stars.

“Every summer, around this time, I would look up at Venus and think about that night, when I asked you what that bright star was.” Alex said, thinking about the simple emotions she felt back then as a child; feeling the innocence and utmost trust she had for her parents again. Those feelings faded with the memory as she began to ponder. “I guess I just wanted to believe that you were always the person I was able to remember, and not just some asshole like mom always said you were.”

Jonathan said nothing and watched Alex as she continued to stargaze. Her face was emotionless. It clearly wasn’t her first time thinking about this. She began to shiver as the night grew cold.

Jonathan got up off his log and walked over the dead fire to sit beside Alex and wrapped his arms around her.

“I’m sorry.” Jonathan said with a light sigh.

Alex put her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. Although she was shivering, she felt warm in her fathers arms.