(Content Warning: Violence and Gore)
I open my bloodshot eyes and watch the shadows dance from the flickering torches hanging on the cold, dripping bricks. My legs and buttocks are numb, but I can’t deny the annoying sensation coming from my right hallux. I see a pair of tiny red eyes looking up at me. My mind screams in silent terror as a piece of flesh is torn from just below my curved toenail. The rats are unrelenting in their quest for flesh.
My long tenure in this malicious prison has eroded the cobblestone floor. Thick iron chains keep me anchored to the ground, and in this madness of delirium, not one soul can hear my screams. The moisture seeps into my skin, and words from my captors echo through my disillusioned conscience, “You will beg for death in the end.”
For the past two years, my body has been rotting away, or at least, I think it’s been that long. One tends to lose track of time when your freedom has been shackled. It’s hard to discern reality from illusion. The mind creates walls to shield itself from unnecessary damage but only after your psyche is shredded and hanging by a thread. Oh, the irony.
I rub my lanky fingers down the ridges of my shirtless sternum until I reach the white, tattered rags tied around my bony hips. There, I find my salvation. A forgotten photograph the wretches missed during their extensive searches upon my arrival here. Seeing the brittle paper in the roaming light makes my lips curl upward. Ah…my beautiful Reyna.
Her exquisite cocoa eyes pierce my soul, and her soft red lips ignite a fire in my heart. Those tender sparks of love have kept my lungs expanding. I extend my trembling index finger and stroke her long black hair. Her skin—a sparkling diamond in the darkness.
I remember the first time I laid eyes on my beautiful Reyna. She sat beside me in English Literature when I attended the University of Boston. I dropped my pencil and she graciously dipped down to grab it for me. When our eyes met, I knew she was the one. The peace I felt told my soul there was no other woman for me. It was like coming home to a warm hearth. My universe exploded into a trillion shining stars, and the best part…she felt it, too.
Our wedding was filled with family, friends, and happiness. We said our personal vows and cried a river of tears. When it rained at the reception, we couldn’t wait to dance in the deluge. As the cool droplets soaked our clothes and flowed down our bodies, we were reborn as one.
Alas, the conflicts of a raging war in the Middle East pulled me away from Reyna when I was drafted by the military. We had our hopes set on having a baby, but those plans had to be postponed. Of course, Reyna supported me all the way, but I didn’t want to leave her side.
The training I had to endure was difficult, but I found solace in Reyna’s love letters. I would receive one every week, and I, in turn, would send my love through the wire. We longed for the chaos to be over so we could resume our lives.
It was mid-winter when the letters stopped through no fault of our own. I was placed on a secret mission with a group of twelve soldiers to infiltrate the enemy stronghold to seize top-secret files on a nuclear weapon. Everything was going smoothly until Captain Ziggy tripped an alarm on our way out of the complex, and needless to say, we were captured.
I can imagine the pain and worry my dearest Reyna had to deal with because I felt it, too. How many oceans has she cried?
Sergeant Radagon tortured us for days and wanted to know why we were there and who we were working for. I wouldn’t say a word. Not even when they threatened to cut my tongue out. Thank goodness it didn’t come to that, but I fear my time is running out. One by one, the cries of my fellow comrades grew silent until I was the last man standing.
A second pair of elongated teeth biting my peripheral nerve remind me of the horrific reality I find myself in. I shuffle my feet and watch the mangy rodents scatter. I hear the weary sound of boots stomping toward me and take a deep, shuddering breath. A robust man with great authority steps into my view, holding a brown bowl and a lit torch. It’s Sergeant Radagon. My dinner has arrived.
“Hungry, Godwyn? You’ll need your strength to endure the pain to come because I’m not finished with you yet. My questions will be answered!”
With that, the sweaty man tosses the bowl at me. The smell of molded oatmeal tickles my nostrils and makes my nose hairs retreat in defeat. My skin crawls like a thousand insects searching for a new home. As Radagon leaves with a deep chuckle, I cup my hands and scoop what I can. The taste is horrible, but it will give me the energy to do what I must.
I wait for darkness to come and know this from the stampede above my head. The guards are more active during the day. At night, they’re all but absent. I glance at Reyna’s picture and remember the first time we kissed.
We were walking at the Pittsburgh Zoo when Reyna stumbled on a stray rock. I caught her before she hit the ground, and as our eyes met, we pressed our lips together. The planet’s axis spun loose and found a new home in us. Those were happy times, and my soul aches for more precious memories, but there will be time for that later. Right now, I have work to do. I put her picture back into the rags they call my clothes and wait….
A sudden tickle disturbs my sleeping toes. The rats are back.
I watch tiny red eyes and long whiskers flicker around my feet. When I feel teeth stab my skin, I lean forward and snatch the intruder with my bare hands. I hold the rat to the flickering light and wince at the terrified squeals.
“Well, my little friend, I’m sorry about this, but there is no other way.”
Crack!
I snap the rat’s neck and let the blood paint the shackles around my wrists. I’ve grown quite skinny, so all I needed was a little lubrication. After tossing the rodent to the side, I work my hands back and forth until I’m free from the bonds. I gently lay the links on the floor and stand. My joints pop like snapping twigs, but I ignore the pain.
My muscles forgot what it was like to stand. The chains kept me anchored to the floor with little slack where I had to sleep in my own filth. The pain feels great. It reminds me I’m alive.
In the corner of my eye, I see a rumbling mound growing in the dark corner. I reach to the wall and grab a torch. Casting a glow, I see a hundred rats eating their fallen friend. They don’t appreciate the light and hiss at me.
“You nasty fiends!”
I use the uneven bricks in the wall as a crutch until I reach a narrow corner. I realize now more than ever that this catacomb is a maze. The light reveals a horde of rats in every direction. How can there be so many?
The smell of rotting flesh mixed with rancid sewage makes me vomit. I have my answer. The rodents are quick to clean up the mess, and I use the opportunity to move further into the abyss.
About halfway down the corridor, the jugular veins in my neck throb in protest. The confined space spins to mock me, and my heart drops like a bowling ball. I close my eyes and reach for Reyna’s photo. Through the slits of my peripheral view, I see my angel. My mind ventures back to the first time we made love.
We were nervous. The fact that we were saving ourselves for that moment still amazes me. I remember the warm blanket of peace and understanding that enveloped us. Our fears were eroded away, and even though we had no clue about what we were doing, our instincts and passions led the way. As we became one, that journey met a happy climatic ending and marked the beginning of our sexual revolution. It was all about trust in ourselves and each other.
I place Reyna’s picture back into my loincloth and smile. Through uncertain circumstances, we always find a way to keep going. We need to believe in ourselves. I must get back to her!
With renewed motivation, I place one foot in front of the other and wobble through the wavy light.
The rodents hound my every step. As long as the flame burns bright, the little monsters keep their distance. I weave through the dark labyrinth only to find more rats chewing on the carcasses of people who would never be identified. I wonder if any of them were my fellow soldiers.
Rounding another bin, I hear a clanking sound and quickly discover a bald man anchored to the wall with boils all over his skin. “P-please…help me…”
I narrow my eyes and ask, “What’s wrong with you? Are you diseased?”
“No…I need the light to shine upon my skin once more, and all my ailments will be cured!”
I wave my torch up and down his flabby skin and see a spider burrow into one of the pustules. I take a few steps back and grab my heart. “Good heavens! What madness is this?!”
In my hasty retreat, I rush by another torch and inadvertently erase the flame. It was the only light shining on the plagued man. With the fire gone, I hear his screams first.
“NO! Get them off me…HELP!”
The sound of a hundred scampering paws makes me cringe. As the rats eat the man’s tarnished flesh, I turn away and take no pleasure in this madness. My journey must continue!
I whisk around another corner and see a dangling man with a hollow chest. I extend the torch and gasp. It’s Captain Ziggy!
He looks like he was left to starve to death. I poke his arm, and an army of hungry rats storm out from the hole in his sternum. I withdraw quickly and fumble for Reyna’s picture. I need her inspiration now more than ever!
The memory of buying our house washes over my trembling mind. That small two-story shack needed a lot of work, and I didn’t want to bother with it. Reyna told me the foundations were strong, and that’s all that mattered. We worked hard to rebuild everything and made that place a home. It was a castle fitting for a king and queen. Faith, love, determination, hard work, and willpower were all we needed.
I replace the keepsake with renewed vigor, bite my lower lip, and trudge on.
After what seems like an endless journey, I stop when I see a staircase down a long, curvy hallway bathed in light.
It’s the exit!
A dozen skeleton bodies line the walls like Halloween decorations, and I wonder what wicked fate they must have encountered to deserve deaths like that. I take out Reyna’s picture once more and kiss it.
“My sweet angel…if I can reach the light…if I can escape this hellish prison…I will be in your arms again! Please…give me the strength!”
A distant memory slaps my face. Reyna and I went rock climbing in the Appalachian Mountains, and I remember coming to a gap I couldn’t cross. Reyna, being the fearless warrior, tossed her rope across the chasm and swung across. She urged me to do the same, which I did, but it took a lot of coaxing. “You can do it, my love!”
I harnessed her encouragement and made it in the end. Nothing is impossible as long as you have love and courage!
As I step forward, I see thousands of rats in the darkness. A sea of hungry ruby eyes yearning for me to make a wrong move. I glance at my torch and see the cherry embers growing dull. I don’t think the flames will carry me through this nightmare. If only Reyna was here to toss me a rope….
“You can do it, my love!”
Reyna’s words ignite a new fire in my gut. The time for thinking is over. If I toss the torch and run for the bright staircase, I might make it out of here.
“Here goes nothing. I will get back to you, my sweet Reyna!”
I throw the torch to the middle of the hallway and watch the rats scatter like flies. My legs scream in holy agony as I run for the staircase. I don’t look at the menacing creatures, but my ears can’t deny their screeching protests.
My eyes stay locked on the prize ahead, and as I reach the top of the staircase, the light stabs my eyes like a million suns. The toxic fumes of nicotine smoke pierce my lungs like a sharp spear.
“Well, where do you think you’re going?! Have you come to give me some answers?”
I know the voice well. It belongs to the man who killed my fellow soldiers— Sergeant Radagon. I keep my mouth shut, and while I can’t see much, I can tell his face is flushed like a red tomato. Wait…it’s not a tomato…it’s a cigarette!
“Ah…now I will burn out your eyes for trying to escape!”
I shuffle my feet to the side as the hot cherry comes closer to my pupils and hear a raging ruckus as Radagon trips on my blistered feet and crashes down the stairs. He lands in the middle of the hallway where my dying torch screams its last breath. The red eyes are ever watchful, and the next thing I hear is a blood-curdling shriek of horror as the rats eat him alive.
I pull out Reyna’s picture and smile because I know my beloved wife is waiting for me with open arms. As the sound of a thousand chomping mouths echo in the abyss, I stumble out from the catacombs and into the light.
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81 comments
Vivid. High impact story of a brave soldier who is saved by the memories of his beloved Reyna giving him the strength and motivation to keep going despite the horrors of war. It made me think of Edgar Allen Poe's dark horror and of the vivid horror writing of Stephen King. War is horrifying and thoughts of loved ones can give meaning to the efforts to keep trying to survive against the odds despite the suffering. Insightful story about a difficult subject. Extremely well written!
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Thank you so much, Kristi!!! I really appreciate you reading this one. Stephen King is one of my favorite authors, so this was a great compliment! Thank you!! :)
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My type of story. Intense. Love it.
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Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it :)
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Daniel, I have to admit I read this because I was curious as to why you had so many comments. Stories with a lot of gore are generally not in my comfort zone. I skimmed through some of comments so I was prepared-rats and all. However, I must say that your writing is impeccable-the imagery is haunting. I cringed sometimes, yet cheered for the MC, hoping he would find freedom and ultimately return to his beloved (which is in my comfort zone!). I believe that was the desired effect. So kudos to you! I am confused as to why some thought th...
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Thank you for skimming through this story. As a horror writer, I get the occasional rude comments about how it's not realistic or to much fantasy. I can't please everyone, but I do stand up for my work and stories, as I think every author should. The whole basis of this story was to show how he was locked away in darkness with only his memories about his wife to give him courage to escape. The hidden photo was his only salvation and kept him from mentally breaking. Who's to say if he remains sane...lol Thanks again, I appreciate you taking t...
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My goodness this is gruesome. I had to skim read parts of it it was too much for me 😂 Great job!
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Thank you so much, Jessie! Sorry for some of the gory parts...lol. I really appreciate you taking the time to read this! :)
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Very vivid prison setting and set pieces (poor souls). Everything was described in just enough detail. I also found the rats to be satisfyingly built up to that climactic ending! One critique, if you care to hear it, is that the introspective paragraphs about Reyna may flow better as either more integrated, shorter thoughts woven into the action or by having fewer of the style you’ve produced. I could also be very wrong and would have to read it both ways. I just found that towards the ending that is where my immersion broke just a little. ...
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Hi ! Sorry for the intrusion, but I just can't help noticing that the bit that you were critiquing happens to be one of my favourite things about this piece. I love that Reyna, the reason the protagonist kept going, is so infused in his thoughts. Too much of the action and (to me at least), it loses the heart of the story. I tried to imagine the story with your suggestions and it feels a bit too cold for me. But then again, I love emotionally-packed, introspective stories. Different strokes for different folks, I guess. Hahahaha ! Sorry, I...
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Thanks Alexis! I'm so glad you liked those parts!
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But of course ! It's what brings the story heart, which I think is the building block of a good story.
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Hi Brandon! Thanks for the critique. I always love hearing suggestions, corrections, and opinions. I think if I changed the "Reyna aspect" or alter his memories to make them shorter, than that would fundamentally change the story I wanted to tell. The whole point was to see this man in a dark place and the only thing that kept him alive was his memories of his wife. If he didn't have that, then he probably wouldn't have had the drive to escape. I think Alexis is right. If those changes were made the story would be cold and lifeless, which is...
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Totally understand. I wasn’t suggesting removing the emotion, and I agree that it has to be driving him forward through the piece. I find it hard to convey what I meant. Maybe I was feeling that the pace of the emotional side and the action side in the middle were mismatched, and upon a reread of the last few paragraphs, you did do this well at the end. Apologies if that came off as me thinking you should remove the emotional beats altogether. I agree that it’s the backbone of the story and I still found your piece to be fantastic!
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No problem at all...lol. I always appreciate comments! I am happy that you liked the story and will read more of your work soon. :)
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The rats are truly horrifying. You do a good job with the juxtaposition of the grotesque alongside the memories of a beautiful love story.
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Thank you so much, Kim! I'm so glad you gave this story a read. I really appreciate it and your warm comments! :)
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Well written. Descriptions were easy to picture. Good story.
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Thank you so much!! I really appreciate you taking the time to read this. It means a lot :)
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Woah such vivid descriptions of the grotesque that my skin was prickling. Loved the planet's axis line A LOT. Based on the coma story, I was expecting some ghastly ending where Reyna's moved on (there's something understandably delirious in his tone), and yet I'm happy to hold onto a hope for a happy ending! Very pin-pricky descriptions, now I know what a hallux is lol. You've got a great eye for which upending of details will make our skin crawl.
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Thank you, Red! I'm so glad you liked this one. I guess all those years of writing horror has paid off.... If I can get under peoples skin and hear: This was a great story, just not for me, then I know I did my job well, hahaha!!! Thanks again! :)
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Not my type of story (Not one of my over forty stories in Reedsy is even remotely near this level of horror) but it's well written. So easy to visualize. Glad he gets away from his torturer. I think I am now more scared of rats. Ew! You are so correct that memories of loved ones can spur us on when all hope is lost. And his not being able to help anyone will also torture him. I believe Reyna is the right kind of person to help him return to humanity and cope after his ordeal. Hope he gets there soon. Just realized I haven't followed you.
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Thank you! Sorry that this wasn't your type of story, but I am a horror writer at heart, hahaha!! I love pushing the limits of my creative side, and wanted to mix horror with romance and this is what I came up with!! I'm happy you gave it a read though!! Thanks again! :)
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Check out Derek Domican's stories. He likes to write horror as well. Not always. I saw you have many you follow. LOL. Maybe Derek is among them? I recommend him.
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I will see if I can find him...lol Reedsy needs a search option. It will take me days to go through my following list, hahaha :)
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Here's the cheat way to do it. Forget about your massive list. Click on my name and it will bring up my page of stories (incidentally you may want to read the latest which was not entered) click on my measly list of ones I follow (Nothing personal - limited time to read too many stories.) My much shorter list will feature Derek Domican more easily!!!. Click on his name and voila! Then if you follow him if you haven't already - not saying it'll be easier to find him among the hundreds. (I realize some of those are no longer contributing so it...
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That's awesome advice!!! I will do that. I will also read that story you mentioned! If I ever miss any, just holler at me...lol. I'm a fan of course, and love your work!!
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Great read, Daniel. I almost felt that you were filling in the blanks/alluded capture and torture in "in from the cold". Similar idea, using a loved one to keep the faith. Great use of flashbacks. if I may. " ...the zoo in Pittsburgh in Pennsylvania" is redundant - you have already established that MC and R are from the States. (minor detail, I agree) and : "I can only imagine what ....... because I felt the same." either MC knows exactly what she's feeling, or MC is not feeling the same. Try: I imagine that she shares my agony, loss, ...
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Great suggestions, Trudy! I really appreciate that! No need to apologize...hahaha! I'm glad you liked the story. I think with naming the state, I wanted to be specific and allude that they were well travelled...lol. With that second line, I was also alluding to how much they loved each other, like they were one. When you love someone with all of your being, you know what they're thinking at all times. Even with a stray look...you just know.... Thanks again!! :)
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I know exactly what you mean. My point (and I may be beating a dead horse here) was that "I can only imaging" indicates that he does not know what R is feeling. Leaving "only" out would change the whole paragraph to what you want. :-)
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Hahahaha!! Good imagery here! I see what you mean and fixed it! Thank you! This story is making some people's skins crawl...lol. I guess as a horror writer at heart, I did my job well! :)
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As you always do. :-) I took a (tiny) page from your book and gingerly stepped into horror for next week. LOL
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That makes two of us ! Not quite horror for mine, but there is a suspense element.
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Ahem....lol I will step in and say that I always appreciate suggestions. Thank you! I can't wait to read this new horror story! I bet it will be great!
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LOL. Trudi. I 'overstep' many times. I worry, but then the fellow writers are grateful. I think we all realize we are blind to our own writing foibles.
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True, but some people don't like nitpickers. So, unless invited, I try (emphasis on try - many failures) to be cautious.
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So do I at times. Sometimes, it's appreciated, sometimes...oops ! Hahahaha ! Oh well !
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The sound of a (?) chomping mouths. I assume a large number... Well, the contrast couldn't be more extreme between the horror and the beauty, the latter passages almost romantically poetic in their delivery. I was even counting syllables at one point. And the descriptions of the rats, and the physical conditions, truly fantasically, gruesome! Certainly one to give you the shivers but that glimmer of hope as well that no matter how dark things get there is love and beauty out there waiting enough to strive for. Yet another good write!
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Thank you so much, Carol! I fixed that one sentence you mentioned. I had to rewrite the ending 5 times because I wasn't happy with it, so I believe I overlooked that...lol. It happens. I'm so glad you liked this story. I worked really hard on it and I'm so glad it hit in all the right places! Thank you for reading this, I really appreciate it :)
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The photo kept his eyes on the prize.
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Indeed it did! Thanks for the read, I'm glad you liked it :)
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Thanks for liking 'Fair Lady Charity'
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Vivid imagery. I could really feel the protagonists despair turn to hope. This is a great story. Good luck to you.
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Thank you, Ty! I'm so happy you liked this one! I had fun writing it :)
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This was quite a read. I am amazed our hero is still sane. The contrast between the memories and his reality is very well done, and helps to highlight the horror of his captivity. We can see that it is only the photo that sets him apart from those who did not make it, as it is his source of hope, soaking his determination to do what is required to escape. One small typo I picked up. The moisture seeps into my skin, and words from my captures echo through my disillusioned conscience,- should that read captors? Thanks for sharing
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Thank you so much, Michelle!! I'm so glad you liked this story! Thanks for that typo catch, I fixed it. Editing is not my favorite part...lol :) I liked the aspect of having a photo of his wife to keep him going. Whether he remains sane after this is anyone's guess...hahaha!
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Great story. I was cracking up when the Captain got them busted. You did a good job of making the rats creepy as hell. Thank you.
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Thank you so much! I'm so happy you enjoyed this one!!! :)
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Fantastic Story!!! It captivated me to the last word! Emotional and detailed, not one to be forgotten!
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Thank you so much! I really appreciate your warm comments and taking time to read this! I'm so happy you enjoyed it :)
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Your story was riveting! I could envision every scene and the horrific situation this poor man was in and the hope he clung to that he would be reunited with his beautiful wife.
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Thank you, Sandi!! I'm so happy you liked this and took the time to read it! I really appreciate that! :)
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Scary stuff. Riveting story and I love the way the hero focuses all the time on the photo of his beloved to get him through. Love and light contrasted with darkness and horror made for a great read. Kept me engaged to the end.
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Thank you, Helen! I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. I'm so happy you liked this one :)
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This is such a well written story; I loved reading it! It felt like a fantasy story in a modern-day world and it's an interesting mix, but a good one. Your descriptions are great and very vivid, which got a little gruesome when you wrote about the rats, but nothing too gross, and it kept the story intense.
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Thank you so much! Every horror writer loves hearing comments like this! :)
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How you managed to grab my attention and carry it all the way through, getting me to read both my least favorite genre and a horror story about rats, says a lot more about your mastery than any words I could say to describe this. Even the theme of fighting to survive for love, overused in movies, you managed to make that work here, as genuine and real. Or maybe I had to believe and focus on that, to escape thinking of the rats as well. Great job throwing me into the pit and maze with the hero, so I felt every twist and turn with him. You di...
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Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed reading this story even though it isn't your cup of tea...lol. I will continue to write great stories that I like and hopefully others will like them too. Writing is subjective and I always try to do my best. Thanks for the warm comments, I really appreciate them! :)
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