Quarantine Nights

I woke up this morning to a text, not just any text, the text of a lifetime, the text from him. We had known each other since preschool. The two of us weren't always close, we actually didn't speak for years, but I always felt a strong connection toward him. My mom used to jokingly say his name, as though I liked him, and I always remember blushing. In middle school, I finally admitted to myself that I liked him. It was too late when I recognized my feelings for him because he was in a relationship with a girl a year younger than us. Our school went from preschool up to eighth grade. We had known each other for eleven years, and it took me so long to realize my true feelings for him. During our last day in our school, we exchanged Snapchat accounts and said we'd keep in touch. That was the last time I saw the boy of my dreams. Nonetheless, I told myself I didn't like him anymore and got over him.

During our freshman year, there was a virus going all around the world that was killing people. School ended for us on March 11th because of COVID-19, which is a virus that had been killing people throughout the world. Since school ended in person and we were ordered to stay in our homes in New York we had nothing better to but to talk all day and night.

I didn't think I'd ever like him again. I thought he would just be my forever friend that I had a small crush on. Maybe it was the quarantine haze, or the late-night talks, or the funny TikTok's in the middle of online classes, or even the memes we would send back and forth, I don't know. What I do know is that he stole my heart. He stole my heart in the best way possible. He stays up with me and calms me down when I get nervous about the pandemic, we stay up joking around to make the hard days lighter, we show each other the weird food we eat during quarantine, and there's so much more. He is fun, light has the kindest heart, and is so easy for me to love. 

I didn't know how to tell him or what to do about these feelings I haven't felt before. Of course the one time I would feel such a strong connection with someone would be during a lockdown. I can't even see him, I can't believe I fell for someone during a pandemic, people are dying all over the world but I can't stop freaking out about my feelings for one guy.

School ended and quarantine was still in effect in New York. We still called, texted, and stood on FaceTime for hours. I couldn't tell how he felt about me. It was driving me insane. 

As the weeks passed by the way I felt for him continued to evolve into something grand, a feeling I couldn't explain, a feeling that was taking over my life. I couldn't eat without him on my mind, I couldn't sleep without thinking of him, and the long quarantine days made it so much worse.

I decided, I decided that I would tell him how I feel. I made a plan to tell him how I feel. I made a plan to keep him up on FaceTime and tell him before hanging up. Doing that would give him time to process how I felt and reflect on his feelings as well. I planned to do this four days after my birthday. 

On July 16th he and I stood on FaceTime all night. I was a complete coward and didn't tell him how I felt as I had planned to. But when he finally fell asleep my heart burst. My mouth, brain, and heart screamed "I like you". It didn't matter what I said, he was sleeping and he didn't hear me. I had accepted that I am a coward and I hoped my feelings would just go away again. 

The next morning he wasn't on FaceTime anymore. He hung up without saying good morning, which was odd for him but I just brushed it off and thought maybe his phone died. A few days had passed and I hadn't heard from him. My mind was racing. All my mind did for days was make up the worst scenarios and scare me. A week had passed and I still hadn't heard from him. After a week and a half, I just gave up. 

Then this morning, on the morning of July 31st I woke up to a text. I woke up this morning to a text, not just any text, the text of a lifetime, the text from him. The text read "Took you long enough, I like you too."

When I read that text my heart must've skipped a beat, I was overwhelmingly joyous. I didn't think he would've felt the same. When I found out he did all the fear and obsessiveness, thinking of how he felt about me instantly let down. I finally knew he liked me and I liked him. 

There was just one part I was confused about. How did he know I liked him? While speaking later that day he told me he was pretending to sleep to try out a TikTok trend, but he was awake. 

Together we decided that once quarantine was over and there was no longer a pandemic, we would go on a proper date. For now, we are just continuing with our relationship the way it was before. We FaceTime, text, talk on the phone, send each other memes, and TikTok's. It's not how I thought my first real crush and relationship would go but I'm really happy that we're taking things slow. 

Quarantine scared me at first, but with my crush drama and all the fun we had together just through a screen, I've been very fortunate throughout this quarantine. No one close to me died, my parents didn't lose their jobs, I continued to do well in school, and I was able to buy toilet paper. All of those pros without even mentioning the fact that I've encountered new feelings, found someone I like, and will be beginning a new adventure with him when the pandemic is over. Overall, I guess I could say thank you to quarantine and all those quarantine nights that gave me a chance to feel something so strong for someone so amazing.