Submitted to: Contest #53

The Popsicle Story - Not the real title

Written in response to: "Write a story that begins with someone's popsicle melting."

General

The strawberry juice was dripping down Pitch’s hand. Hunter stared at it, before passing Pitch a thin white tissue and Potch thanked him, wiping it off. Pitch was holding a strawberry lolly and as Hunter watched he brought his tongue down it moaning in delight. Hunter had already finished his - the lemon popsicle stick was lying abandoned on the table and finally brought aware of it, Hunter picked it up and tossed it in the rubbish bin. Melody, beside him gave a chiding glare before walking over to the trash can and dropping hers in pointedly. Hunter rolled his eyes at her - he was perfectly responsible, but Mel always had it into her mind he would somehow burn the house down if handling a single match, and it was no different with throwing things. Somehow, her argument alway came back to how he whacked Pitch across the face in third grade.

There was the uncomfortable crunch as Pitch snapped his teeth into the wooden stick and Hunter shuddered at the sound. Then Pitch threw one of the halves into the rubbish bin. Spectacularly it missed; and he threw the other half.

”Aced it!” Pitch yelled.

Hunter rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Right.”

Mel picked up the other half of the stick and left it in the bin. “No. This is why I want to sign you up for shot put.”

At her words both Hunter and Pitch shivered. One of the students - Cass, was it - had broken her foot by dropping not one, or two but three of the shot puts onto her foot. Almost everybody quit, despite the frantic reassurances that it was a one-in-a-million kind of thing. Mel hadn’t - of course she hadn’t, nothing could distract her from her studies, not even a death threat from a trained assassin. Which was why, only after three days of their summer holiday Mel was urging them to start in their Summer Project already. They were working together - of course they were, the unstoppable three - but even Mel’s fanatics about studying couldn’t stop them from slacking off. Well, that was what they thought.

Pitch widened his eyes in horror. “Not the dreaded sport!”

Hunter chuckled and Mel sighed, as if she couldn’t believe them.

“Shang will have our heads.” Hunter reluctantly agreed. “And that’s not to mention Harrow - I want good grades for next year, and if that means working through the summer, so be it.”

Pitch had a look of betrayal on his face. “Traitor!” He mock shouted.

Mel was smirking. “Two versus one, Pitch. Isn’t that what you always say?”

”Yeah, but Hunter’s always on my side then.” Pitch sulked. “Although I want to beat Sanne this year...”

Sanne, Pitch’s sister, was three years older than them, and at sixteen was starting her A-Levels. Pitch regularly complained about her - she always was the perfect student and wasn’t afraid to show off about it. Pitch only barely passed - but it wasn’t for lack of trying - Hunter had seen him poring over books at home, doing all he could. But Pitch wasn’t born with a natural study complex like Sanne - Hunter got calls every five minutes with complaints of boredom. Hunter was the average student - level grades, small friend group and one sport - football. And a best friend, too - Pitch and him were closer than they were with Mel but it was unspoken. But true, too - Hunter had met Pitch in kindergarten, on the slide - the famous friendship origin story was told between their mothers, when Hunter had pulled Pitch up it. It had often left Pitch red-faced as it was told how he had been afraid to go down and he crossed his arms, already vexed for the day. So Hunter refrained from mentioning it - he couldn’t say that he wouldn’t have the same reaction if the story was mentioned every time they were seen together.

“You said I always take your side - maybe it’s time for a change.”

“Never.” Pitch playfully hissed. “Although it’s true - Shang and Harrow would kill us if it wasn’t done to the best of perfection.” And they had Mel, so the record was set high - probably the highest in the class, neck and neck with Lin Ling. Pitch and Hunter withheld Mel’s spats with Lin Ling over grades and their poisonous words towards each other, and then Mel’s fuming over Lin Ling. And they knew that for the Summer Project - Lin was Mel’s biggest opponent. It also helped Lin that Shang was her father.

Lin Ling Shang. They were always reminded of the fact that Lin had certain - connections to someone in the staff. Someone is control of both their grades. So far Shang had been unbiased towards Mel, but Lin’s grade would always be moved from a ninety six to ninety eight, or something of that fashion. But with this project - they wouldn’t put it past Lin to ask Shang to downgrade Mel’s score. The only thing they knew is that they wouldn’t be bottom - Cass always took that place, what with breaking her foot, missing school, then missing more school over anxiety over breaking her foot, and also her natural terribleness with learning. Cass has once said she couldn’t absorb anything that wasn’t to do with going home, and Cass still limped after all the years after the accident and frequently used it as an excuse to get out of class. The teachers, so given up on her always gave her permission, sure she would end up on the street or cleaning toilets. But Hunter always thought she would go far - she had ambition, even thought she didn’t show it. Maybe as a YouTuber, or something of the sort. Maybe she would find inspiration and write a a hundred thousand word novel. Cass was smart - but not at anything school-related.

“Yeah.” Mel said, but then she said, the words filled with venom. “We might do well - if Lin Ling Shang doesn’t persuade her to lower our grades. Which won’t be hard - she gets everything.”

Lin did get everything. They had seen her go to school with extravagant clothes and bags from all the big brands.

“Yeah.” Hunter said. “But she won’t get this. We won’t let her.”

Mel’s eyes narrowed in determination. “No. We won’t.”

And inside Mel, there was a fire slowly burning, waiting for the bomb to go off. Waiting for the match to be lit. Waiting for the burning to stop and the bombing to begin.

Posted Aug 04, 2020
Share:

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

7 likes 1 comment

Jo D. Sans
02:59 Aug 13, 2020

First of all, congratulations on your first story posted! Yay! Anyway, this story was recommended to me by the Critique Circle, and that I should leave a feedback (it's optional, of course). So here goes...

First, I'll assume that you couldn't decide on the title yet, hence the title of your submission. Which tells a lot about the story. Maybe you're still just experimenting on how things work, which is understandable since this is your first submission.

Secondly, there's a bit of typos that I noticed, but not too much that it's glaring. I'm assuming you got a little excited in submitting your story that you weren't able to make last minute edits. That's fine.

Thirdly, I'm not sure where exactly your story was headed...? The flow confused me, and I wasn't quite sure what exactly were you trying to convey in your story. What I got from it is that there are three friends, who seemed to have plans to have a productive summer by focusing on... sports? For their grades? And this Lin character is the... antagonist? Or the conflict they have to resolve in order to get to their... goal? I've written this as questions because I'm not entirely sure if my understanding of your story is correct. Also I'm having a hard time identifying characters. You would drop a name here and there and I have to remember them of course but in the end, I couldn't figure out how they are relevant to the story.

And finally, I wasn't entirely sure what POV style you were using. At first it seems like a third person omniscient. But there were a few phrases/sentences in your story that would fit a third person limited or a bit of deep POV. I suggest you decide first on your POV before writing the story. Or after having written the draft. The first draft is just you writing down all the ideas in your head, and then get back to it for editing or polishing.

Hope this feedback helps.

Reply

Reedsy | Default — Editors with Marker | 2024-05

Bring your publishing dreams to life

The world's best editors, designers, and marketers are on Reedsy. Come meet them.