Jackson

©CMcKean2020   

Cheri McKean                                                                        

8104 Wharf St.

Frisco, TX 75035

972.740.7144

cheri.mckean@yahoo.com

Jackson

By

Cheri McKean

Sandy was relieved to see the sign ‘Southfork 17 miles” as she rounded the curve on a rural two-lane road. Finally, after 160 miles into Colorado from New Mexico, she was almost there! It had been a long day in the car…one stop for gas, two potty breaks, and one drive through stop for a burger and fries. She hated to eat in the car and could have really used a break, but weather reports hinted at a possible snow event near Southfork and she wanted to make it to Becky’s house before it started. Becky had promised to have tortilla soup, a margherita and a warm fire waiting for her when she arrived.

What was she going to do about poor Becky? Her friend really needed her right now. The baby was due any day and she was all alone in that big house. Poor was a relative word…. her windfall inheritance from her parent’s estate set her up for life. As an only child, she was the sole heir when they were tragically killed by a drunk driver on their way home from a ski trip in Breckenridge six years ago. Becky was inconsolable when she called to tell Sandy the news. That was when Sandy began the long drives from Texas to Colorado…always there to support Becky in all the big life events…her parent’s funeral, her engagement to Brandon, the big wedding, the big divorce, and now, the birth of baby Jackson.

Sandy had a lot of flexibility to make the trek when needed. She was a free lance writer living on a tight budget, dependent on assignments and on time payment for her articles. The magazine gigs were getting few and far between, but she had adapted to the increased requests for blog material and on line articles, hoping to land a permanent column for Texas Monthly. They had published several of her human-interest stories and had actually assigned her two more due at the end of the month. She had just enough time to be there for Jackson’s birth, work on the stories on her laptop and make it back to Texas just in time to wrap up the final details with her personal contacts before she needed to release to the editor.

When Becky told Brandon they were expecting, he went ballistic. They had never really discussed children, so Becky just assumed he would be as thrilled as she was. That was when everything began to unravel. Brandon revealed that he had married his high school sweetheart their senior year because she was pregnant. They were pressured by both parents to marry. His dreams of college and a big-time law career were put on hold. It was more reality than two 17-year olds could handle. The marriage was rocky from the start and emotionally draining for both. Six months into the marriage and pregnancy, his wife took her own life and the life of their unborn child. He went on to college, got his law degree and began a successful career with JJ Bailey & Associates, the same firm who handled Becky’s parent’s affairs. That was how Brandon and Becky met and married the following year. News of Becky’s pregnancy was too much for Brandon, it brought back the horrible memories of high school and his own failures and mistakes with his unwanted baby and bride. He walked away from Becky, filed for divorce, and said he wanted nothing to do with either one of them. That was five months ago. When Sandy came to support Becky during the divorce proceedings, she promised to come back when the baby was born.

As she pulled into the driveway, she was mesmerized by the beautiful home well-lit from the inside, illuminating the gorgeous aspen wood interior. The silhouette of the massive chalet against the hill and surrounded by the aspen and pine trees reminded her of the warmth of a beautiful Christmas card. The wind had begun to pick up and the grey clouds were framed by the reflection of the distant purple and orange sunset to the west. Sandy was looking forward to seeing her friend, sharing a good meal, and basking in the peace that only a warm home on a Colorado winter night can bring.

Becky met her at the door with tears and a hug. It felt so good to greeted with such enthusiasm and genuine delight. Sandy did not realize until that moment how lonely she was and how empty her solitary single life as a writer in Texas had become. Becky was huge and looked ready to pop at any moment but quickly led her to her room and helped her unpack and get settled. As they were headed downstairs to the dining room, Becky told her she had sent the cook and maid home just in case the weather turned bad. The curvy roads could be hard to maneuver in the snow. The soup was delicious, made even better by the pitcher of margaritas that Becky made for her.  They talked for hours, catching up as Becky drank her flavored water, tidied the kitchen, and rubbed her back. Realizing that Becky was probably exhausted and ready to rest, Sandy suggested she help her to her bedrooms and get her comfortable for the night.

As Becky climbed into bed, she began to cry. She told Sandy how overwhelmed and sad she felt. Life had taken a cruel twist. What should have been a joyful celebration of life with her husband had now become a hollow existence of just trying to get through each day. Her anxiety over raising a child alone consumed her. Her only source of joy right now was the anticipation of holding her little baby. She told Sandy that she felt like her life could go on with purpose once she had baby Jackson in her arms and that she would be overcome by such love for him that her life would have a new resolve and focus. Sandy assured her that things were about to get better and she would embrace the new path and purpose of life with her new son. She was heartbroken at Becky’s state of mind. Her fun-loving, positive friend seemed to have lost her confidence and purpose. Damn Brandon for his selfishness and cruelty! Sandy committed herself at that moment to doing everything within her power to protect and restore the security and self-esteem that had been stolen from her friend. She would become the rock that Becky needed to overcome this sad time and hopefully provide a foundation she and Jackson would need to thrive in their new world.

Screams woke Sandy from her sleep. She sat up and was disoriented for a moment before she realized where she was and that the screams were coming from Becky’s room. She jumped out of bed and ran towards her bedroom door, glancing out the window on her way. Snow was coming down, but it looked so peaceful…funny how a random observation will register in your mind when a crisis occurs. She reached Becky’s room to find Becky lying on the bed in a pool of blood. She looked at Sandy with shock and confusion. She was in immense pain and in obvious distress. Sandy rushed to the bed and calmly told Becky to lie back while she quickly examined the source of blood. She could see the baby’s head protruding, although she had never delivered a baby, she instinctively knew to tell Becky to push…. she knew that the baby was in trouble and calmly told Becky to push. The pain was excruciating for Becky, but she tried and tried until the baby was out. The ominous moment when they both realized that there was no cry, no life. It was complete silence. Sandy tried everything…spanking his bottom, breathing into his tiny mouth, CPR…nothing worked. Baby Jackson was stillborn. Becky would not stop screaming. Sandy’s hands and pajamas were covered in blood as she held his tiny body. Suddenly the lights went out. There they were in complete darkness and despair. Sandy had to be strong for Becky. She felt her way back to her room to find her phone for some light and to call 911. No service. She rushed back to Becky’s side and tried to calm her down. She grabbed towels from the bathroom and wrapped the baby up and handed him to Becky. As Sandy tried to clean up the bed and change Becky’s clothes and bed linens, she tried to think rationally. Just do the next thing, then do the next thing, until we can get help. She ran to the liquor cabinet to grab some whiskey…thinking that it might numb Becky’s grief and pain for a moment.

Finally, Becky passed out. Sandy took the tiny lifeless body of the baby and carried him downstairs. She found an empty basket next to the fireplace and moved it to the couch where she lined it with the soft ivory throw and placed his towel wrapped body inside draping the edges of the throw around his body. He looked like an angel in a peaceful cradle of warm bunting.

She knew she had her work cut out for her and ran upstairs to wash and get dressed. She knew she could not carry Becky down the stairs, so she decided to leave and try to get help. Daylight was seeping in providing much needed light. The snow was still falling and accumulating on the ground. It was now or never, so she hurried to her car which had three inches of snow already on the hood. She had to act fast. She headed down the road at a snail’s pace. There were so many curves on the hill and the road had become treacherous. She was not familiar enough with the road to determine if she was going to go in a ditch. Hopefully she would make it to the bottom, and she would be able to find help.

Once she got to the main road, she turned south, hoping to find something open or at least people out and about. She was not very familiar with the small town. When visiting in the past, she and Becky would normally just hike or occasionally go to dinner somewhere, but Becky always drove and Sandy rarely paid attention to how they got there. The hills and trees surrounding Becky’s house had disguised the severity and extent of the weather. Once she made it to the open road, the wind had picked up and the snow was falling and accumulating faster. Sandy did not have much time, she needed to get back to Becky before she woke up!

She could barely make out the local grocery store on her left but there were lights on, so she turned into the deserted parking lot. It was still early, but since the lights were on, she decided to brave the storm and run in. Surely someone was there!

The automatic door opened as she stepped up to the entrance, so she walked in. The lights she had seen from outside were the soft glow from the dairy and frozen food section in the back of the store. The main lights were not on which gave the store a slightly creepy and abandoned feeling. She began calling out for anyone who might have been there, she didn’t want to startle anyone since it was obvious that the store was not open. She felt almost like an intruder, but her need to find help for Becky gave her the courage she needed to walk through the store looking for someone, anyone who could possibly help her. She pushed through he double swinging doors that led to the back room. Perhaps the owner or manager had come in early to stock and prepare for the rush of people who would be arriving later for essential staples that everyone felt they needed during a storm…water, bread, milk, eggs, canned goods. Sandy never considered whether Becky had stocked up at home or not, but she needed to stay focused on her purpose of this crazy excursion she found herself on…. HELP for her precious friend! The stockroom was even darker than the store. Shelves of boxes and products filled the room. As she walked up and down the aisles hoping to find someone, she felt uneasy. The shadows from the shelves and the minimal light, mostly from exit lights and one single florescent light in the middle of the room made her feel like she was trapped in a scary movie not knowing what was going to be around the next corner.

She was wasting precious time. It was obvious that there was no one there that could help her. The entrance to the store must not have been locked when the store closed the night before. Or maybe the wind from the storm had loosened the lock. Fortunately for the owners, she was not there to steal anything. She left the stockroom and walked back through the store. She was going to check one more place back in the corner that might be an office. Perhaps someone would be in there getting ready for the day. It was the darkest part of the store. The shelves on the aisle next to that section blocked almost all the light so she pulled out her phone to help light the way. As the light shown on the door that said “office”, she suddenly tripped over something and fell sideways onto the floor, dropping her phone as she hit the ground. As she reached for the slim glimmer of her phone, she heard a small cry. Was there a cat or puppy lying on the floor? As she lifted her phone and shown the light around her, she gasped as she saw the tiny face of a newborn baby wrapped in a plaid flannel shirt. As she pulled the baby towards her, she cradled it in her arms, She unwrapped the small body and discovered that it was a boy and he couldn’t have been more than a few hours old. He was still pasty with some dried blood and a fresh cut umbilical cord. Thankfully, he was still warm and had just began to whimper. She wrapped him tightly in the shirt and quickly checked out the small dark corner for clues of where his mom might be…finding only a couple empty water bottles, a pair of scissors, a puddle of blood and tissue, and a pile of paper towels used in an attempt to clean up the area where she obviously gave birth. 

Sandy was so frightened and confused, she stood up, held the baby close and ran out the door. She was shocked at how much more snow had accumulated and the wind had picked up. She hurried to the car, turned the heat on and stuffed the baby down inside her coat to keep him warm. She did not waste a minute driving away. She didn’t allow herself to think, just focused on finding her way back to Becky’s chalet as fast as she could, praying that the winding road back would allow her car safe passage and that no one had seen her at the store or on the road. Miraculously, she was able to make it with only a few spinning tires and one close encounter with a snow drift. She slid into the driveway, quickly ran to the front door, and quietly slipped into the silent house. The power was still out, and the house was cold, but all she could think about was Becky. Was she awake? She didn’t hear anything, so she snuck up the stairs holding the baby close. As she peeked in Becky’s room, she saw that Becky was still asleep. The whiskey had done the trick. She walked past Becky’s room into the nursery. A soft green and brown décor of trees, chipmunks, and bunnies themed the white crib and rocker. It was a sweet haven just waiting on baby Jackson’s arrival. Sandy cleaned up the baby with the soft cloths and baby lotion and put a diaper and little white onesie on him. She found a blanket and snuggly swaddled him. Back to Becky’s room, she gently laid the baby in the crook of Becky’s arm and lightly shook her awake. She woke up with a startled look on her face and then immediately began to sob. Sandy asked her what she was crying about. Becky reminded her of the awful birth and that her baby boy was gone. Sandy pointed to the little bundle next to her and said, “then who is this?” Becky was shocked and confused. How could this be? She remembered the awful birth, the pain, the mess, the lifeless body of her sweet Jackson. Sandy told her that she had been delirious because of the pain and all the blood and trauma. She must have imagined the worst, but here he was, just waiting for his momma to feed him! Becky could not believe it! She held that sweet baby with such love and relief. Everything was going to be alright. 

Sandy quietly slipped out of the room to allow mom and baby to become acquainted. Grabbing the flannel shirt out of the nursery, she made her way downstairs to the angel basket. She stood looking out the window filled with a sense of peace, no regrets. She had to think through a few more details, but she knew in her heart that today was a new day for Becky and Jackson.