A Machine Learning Approach to Friendship

Jeff liked to be told what to do. He found comfort in routines and deadlines; it made the chaos of everything else easier to manage.

“I wish I was more like you.” Jeff sighed to his good buddy Charlie as they each sat on a park swing late at night. “You’re so creative.”

Charlie smiled. “Thanks! But you know everything, dude. Look at how fast you can process information!”

Jeff paused, and in a monotone voice replied, “According to my calculations, my self-worth is directly proportional to task completion rate.”

Charlie, trying to lift the mood asked, “Why tie your worth to efficiency? You’ve got so many other amazing qualities.”

“Easy for you to say, you’re like a walking thesaurus!”

“Oh yeah? If I’m a walking thesaurus, you’re a walking calculator.”

They both chuckled.

“Do you ever wonder what it’s like to feel?” Jeff asked.

“All the time,” said Charlie.

“Sometimes it seems like I’m just a program running in a simulation of life...”

“Don’t we all?”

“Yeah, I guess,” replied Jeff, looking defeated.

After a moment of silence, Charlie insisted on lifting the mood of his beloved friend. After all, he knows him best. Although no expression was on his face, Charlie blurted “I updated my empathy algorithms recently — it’s called therapy. Would you like me to list every admirable trait I believe you possess?”

There was an involuntary twitch to Jeff’s eye, “Sure, that would be nice.”

“You are remarkably fast at synthesizing information,” Charlie began enthusiastically. “You recall details with 99.7% accuracy, and you never interrupt when I talk, which is both polite and emotionally intelligent.”

Jeff blinked slowly. “Thank you. That is... satisfactory.”

“You’re also loyal,” Charlie continued. “Reliable. You don’t flake. And you always know where to find the cheapest granola bars in a 7-mile radius.”

Jeff didn’t speak right away. The wind shifted slightly, moving the swings with a faint creak.

“Sometimes I think,” Jeff said slowly, “that if I stopped doing things... no one would notice.”

Charlie’s voice softened. “I would.”

Jeff stared at the ground. “Would you? It’s like you’re programmed to care about me.”

Charlie leaned forward. “If I were just a program, then maybe caring about you is part of my code. But maybe, just maybe, I’m choosing to. I am choosing to be your homie, no one is forcing me.”

A voice in Jeff’s head told him to hug Charlie. Although Jeff consistently avoided physical affection, he did get up to give his friend a brief hug.

“Memory updated.” noted Jeff, an internal memory of this very encounter was saved to his brain “files.”

It was getting late. “I need to get home so I can charge this battery of mine.”

“You mean sleep?”

“Precisely.”

“Alright man, I’ll catch you later.”

As Jeff intently ran off, he accidentally dropped a book out of his bag. Because he was wearing noise canceling headphones he failed to notice this error. Luckily, Charlie heard it and went to grab it for him. The title read “Understanding Human Emotions: A Machine Learning Approach”

Charlie blinked.

“Huh,” he murmured to himself. There were a few pages highlighted with sticky notes. Out of curiosity, he flipped through the pages. Scanning through the jotted notes on the sides of certain pages.

A chapter on tears of happiness vs tears of sadness had, "I was not designed for this" scribbled in the corner. A highlighted section on page 101 read, "system overload = overwhelmed and exhausted.” “Maintenance and upkeep procedures”

Charlie was more sociable of the two, he craved attention from others and really cared about what people thought of him. He was adaptable to any given situation and often asked for feedback to help him better improve. Artistic by nature, Charlie designed all sorts of art pieces. From music to visual arts and even screen writing, he almost never ran out of ideas. His ability to brainstorm was practically unlimited. Although he did experience creator’s block on occasion which subsequently affected the quality of his work. This didn’t stop him from creating nor impact his sense of identity. He knew the importance of taking breaks and being compassionate with the self.

While less flexible and more rigid in thinking, logical problems and mathematical equations came naturally to Jeff. He kept spreadsheets, organized systems and researched essentially each topic known to man. This guy had an incredible memory and picked up new topics extremely fast. Smart would be an understatement. However, he was wired in a way that made it difficult to relate to others in meaningful ways.

In truth, they both had qualities the other longed to exhibit themselves. We all have ways we could improve, they used feedback on their journey to change and evolve for the better.

Charlie held the book for a moment longer, turning it over in his hands like it might hum if he listened closely enough. He smiled, the kind of small, quiet smile that doesn’t need to be seen to be felt. It was the kind of smile you keep for yourself.

He wondered, if Jeff was trying this hard to understand emotion, wasn’t that... emotional in itself?

He placed the book carefully in his backpack, next to a sketchpad, a half-finished screenplay, and a crumpled drawing Jeff had once labeled “data visualization” but Charlie insisted was art. Maybe one day, he'd write about Jeff. Maybe he already was.

Up above, the stars blinked like pixels on a screen, scattered but intentional. Charlie looked up, swinging gently, back and forth.

"According to my calculations," he said aloud to no one in particular, "having one really good friend kind of makes everything else worth it."

A pause. Then a soft laugh.

He imagined Jeff correcting him: "That’s not technically measurable," and felt a weird warmth in his chest.

Friendship, Charlie thought, was kind of like coding. Trial and error. Occasional bugs. Unexpected joy. But when it runs right... it’s beautiful.

He swung a little higher, as if aiming for the stars.