Two Mutual Friends (and their Quest)

“Tranquil here, ain’t it?”

“Mmm…ya, I guess. To be honest, I don’t get the appeal. It just seems like any other random café to me.”

“Maybe it doesn’t seem that way to you because you befriended him long after he stopped showing up here…”

“And yet, in all these years of having known him as a friend, the two of us never hung out here.”

“I stopped being a regular here after one fine day.”

“Food sucks here?”

“What? Nah…that ain’t it. Although, the taste isn’t what it used to be. Honestly, I can’t blame them, knowing how intense the past few years have been.”

“Hmm…I guess so.”

All this small talk… why is it that neither of us are addressing the elephant in the room?

“The chicken sandwich is pretty good, I must admit. The stuffing and flavor. Perhaps the best I’ve had in my life, by far.”

“Huh…ya, it’s good, I guess. For me, the best dish this place had to offer was lamb shawarma. They took it off their menu. It was the past year? No, wait, more than that, stopped seeing that…shawarma…. machine-thingy after last July.”

“It’s always the good ones that go first, huh…”

“Well… they still have ‘the BrainFreeze’, surprisingly enough.”

“What’s that?”

“Something a person has to try out at least once in their lifetime. Pre-BrainFreeze, I wasn’t a regular in this place. Showed up if I was REALLY hungry and had to have a quick snack. It was an intense summer day. Faiz and I wanted to cool ourselves with something from the menu. Lemon Soda, Milkshakes, Ice Cream….nothing fancied us. It was when he ordered this sundae. Thinking the name was corny enough for it to warrant his taste buds’ curiosity.”

“I swear, it was what I thought too about the name. Corny”, as he starts chuckling.

“Seems like that’s how he became best friends with you, I guess. Two of you seem to have the same way of thinking.”

He pauses for a while, and turns his head away from our table, as he begins casually, but patiently, looking over the pictures fixed on the wall. Customer testimonials.

“It’s a privilege, I’ll admit. To meet someone and foster a great sense of brotherhood and friendship with him, as grown-ups, a few years shy of turning 30. Well after our student days are long past us, where while we were students, such bonds tend to be formed among people, even if they take no effort on their part. Almost to the point of suffocation, even.

Life is weird just like that…..it’s as if you’re drowning in an ocean, only to be washed ashore as an adult on a dry, hostile land parched and dehydrated, but not enough to the point of instant death. And I met him, seeming perpetually thirsty as how I was, after wandering endlessly and aimlessly. Our knack for instantly recognizing the struggle that the two of us endured was mutual, made us become friends immediately, even if it did not solve our predicament. And I am very grateful just for that, frankly.”

He lets out a sigh, his eyes conveying a sense of longing. Even if this is his first time, here.

“We’ve gone to countless joints and places together. Enjoying as much as possible, our time spent well together being that pain nullifier. For both our bodies, as well as our souls. And yet, I’ve never visited here with him, oddly enough. After all these years of good friendship.”

“When we were still pretty close, visiting this café was almost a weekly, maybe even twice or thrice per week program. A place for the two of us, him especially, to wind down and forget whatever was plaguing our lives at the moment. This joint is his retreat of comfort…..used to be, at least.”

“That seemed nice. A habit that we savor at the moment, only for it to become a memory worth cherishing years later.”

“It surely was. I still recollect myself that I am no longer in college, whenever I step inside this place and have something.”

“Mmm hmm…so any idea where he is right now? Or what he’s up to?”

“What? I assumed you would be knowing this? Coz I am at a loss here myself, either. Which is also why I had to reach out to you.”

“Oh…okay. Seems like a dead end from here.”

“We’ll try asking the guy who runs this place. See if we can farm any clues from his responses.”

“Excuse me, sir. The two of us wish to know of something.”

“Sure, I wanted to ask this young man, myself.”, he means me.

“Faiz has not paid a visit here for months now. He got a job overseas, I take it?”

“Not that either of us are aware of it. Maybe so…”

“Weren’t you his bestie, lad? I thought you’d be knowing what’s he been up to, as of lately?”

“It’s been years since I saw or spoke with him. Let alone be his friend.”

“I am sorry to hear that. Well, boys…I’m afraid I can’t help much. Have you tried asking his family? Mother, father, anyone else related?”

“His mother was who made us aware that he’s retreated away from all of us. She is in the dark herself in regards to where he is.”

“Odd, he never gave such signals prior that he’ll be forsaking all of us without warning. Last time he visited here, he tried out the BrainFreeze.... after that no one seems to be interested to check it out. Faiz and you, when you used to be a regular patron here, were who ordered this regularly. It’s a loss-making dessert for us. Especially with how harsh inflation seems to be getting with every passing month. Intend on shelving it off the menu, next month.”

That sucks…it truly does seem like the good ones are what reach the end first.

….……………………..

“So, where do we go now?”

“Was he close with anyone else in his workplace, apart from you?”

“No, he had many acquaintances, sure. They all just had a surface-level bond. Small talks. Courtesy greetings and remarks. No one hung out with us or solely him after checking out.”

“I see, anyone else you think can give us a clue? Any place? Anything?”

“Should we raise a complaint?”

“You mean to bring the cops? Forget it…I don’t trust them one bit. Besides, we aren’t big shots enough for them to give a darn. They’ll phone it up and close it with some false conclusion. As a suicide case, likely.”

”What if he did take his life? He didn’t seem like that type. Always emphasized on keep pushing forward.”

“He’s a bit 'god-fearing' to not resort to that….. that can’t be it.”

“Anyone else he was good friends with from his childhood and college days? Apart from you, that is?”

“There were another 2 along with us….after graduation, however, we all lost touch. Me and Faiz are strangers to them, for all I know. As is the case with the two of us too. And as might be the case among those two within themselves, likely.”

“Can we go pay a visit to his mother, again? I don’t see how that’s gonna help us, I mean, but…maybe retrace our steps and see what we missed over the course of this quest?”

“Alright. It’s pretty far off from here. A 30-minute commute by bus. 45 by metro.”

“That’s how long it’ll more or less take for us to reach there by car. Or a cab.”

The cab took his time to pick us up. Been waiting with him for 15 minutes. Just awkward, uncomfortable silence. But at the same time…I feel it’s better if it remains this way during our ride to her place, too.

“So…are you a native resident of this city?”

“Yes. Born and brought up here. So were my folks. And you? Are you a native too?”

“No, I come from a small town in the adjacent district. Came to study here. Got a job through placements. That’s how I met Faiz, when we both started out as trainees in our workplace.”

“ I see. Have you personally met his mom?”

“No, I’ve never been to his house. Neither has he in turn, ever visited mine. Even if I’ve invited him multiple times.”

“Hmm, did he seem... depressed, the last time you saw him? You sensed anything out of the ordinary in him?”

“No, not that I could tell any.”

A commotion on the junction outside displaced his attention. He resumes briefly afterward,

“I got married last year. Wonderful girl. Ever since that, it’s been hard to maintain our meetups and hangouts. But, we tried our best. I certainly did.”

“I can relate…sometimes, our best efforts may simply not be ‘best enough’. Demoralizing.”

“Tell me about it…”

He turns his head to look at the city streets outside. Observing a construction site like a curious child. Admiring a Lambo that zoomed past us. All that awe vanishing within a blink of an eye, as his gaze paid attention to a boy and girl, barely 10 maybe, begging for scraps, near the signal.

“So far…”, he starts speaking, still fixated on the outside, having not turned his head to look at me, “…safe to say that the conversation has mostly been about me. Not that I’m complaining. It was an honor, on the contrary, for me to share all of this with you. But….can you tell me something about yourself, if it’s not a problem for you?

Faiz has spoken of this close friend from childhood. Enough to the point that his mom told me you were an honorary brother to him. What happened that made the two of you become distant over the years?”

“Friends, even the thickest of bonds, can and do drift apart, do they not? This is something you too, might have undergone? I’d say that it’s almost a universal experience.”

“Would you believe me if I say ‘no’?,

I feel that I was not privileged enough to not have any friends, let alone many, while I was growing up. Unlike many people, you see….I had a best friend, the closest thing to one at least after I entered the adult world. Faiz was my first ‘proper’ friend. And still is my best. Why do you think I am putting in all this effort? Friends part ways and become strangers, yes. But, I intend to maintain this friendship of ours till my last breath. I want Faiz to be there in all the milestones that might await me. As he was with me on my wedding day. As I hope he will be there for me once I become a parent. And so on.”

“I understand.”

He’s looking at me, scanning my face from top to bottom,

“You don’t seem all that interested to reconcile with him, that’s the impression I am getting. If I hadn’t reached out to you, would you’ve even cared about this whole ordeal? When was the last time you’d given a thought about him?”

“Last when he said his parting words to me…..it was too bitter and painful for me to ruminate about.”

He had to make this uncomfortable….

“I was his best friend. Out of the many buddies that he had. But, I wouldn’t say that in turn, he was my best friend. He could be insufferable and annoying at times. My college girlfriend, the love of my life, broke up with me on our graduation day. And I blame him partly for such a horrid experience that I had to suffer from. Not a day goes by where I think and lament about the future me and her could have had. It’s very painful to process, nearly paralyzing in its intensity.”

“Why do you blame him, though?”, his face having an expression that wishes he never brought this up,

“I don’t know.... Maybe he was jealous? Things weren’t working out with her, and maybe to cope, I made him a scapegoat? I don’t know. It was either her love or his friendship that I had to choose. And I ended up losing both of them…

I just got engaged a month back with another girl. Pretty, as she is also sweet. One ought to be a fool to pass over someone like her, I mean. But, you know what? I honestly do not feel interested in this alliance. I intend on confessing this to her and halt the whole marriage process.”

“That’s why you never hung out in that place. Maybe the memory and nostalgia were too painful to process, after all that had happened?”

“You could say that. Since then, I’ve made sure to keep my distance with everyone in my life. I don’t want to suffer another trauma. I might not even survive such an ordeal again.”

“I don’t know what to say…I am sorry to have brought this up, was pretty inconsiderate of me. I was desperate to retain my friendship, and maybe, subconsciously tried to pry through yours to see if I’m going wrong anywhere. Again, terribly sorry.”

“That’s okay…I have some apologizing due to you too, really….”

He looks at me puzzled, let’s hope he takes what I have to say to him well….

“When do you think he said those parting words to me.”

“Graduation day?”

“Last week. Received an Email from him, out of the blue.”

“WHAT!? You’re telling me all this now!? We could have avoided all of this if you had forwarded me that mail to my number!”

“ Well, his mother has to know about this, right? He might have sent her a mail, but she is perhaps, not savvy with technology. He could have called her, though. Or maybe due to her old age, she’s suffering from conditions that make her forget things? Faiz had some ‘Mommy issues’, then again.....Besides, I had trouble believing what I received. Still do, to be honest with you."

….……………………..

“What did he write to you?”

“Here’s the mail, forwarded it to your number. I did not tell this to anyone earlier, as I wanted to check if others had received a mail from him.”

(“My dear friend,

It’s been years since we last spoke, I hope you aren’t still angry with me. Rest assured that if you still are, let you be known that this will be my last correspondence with you ever. As this shall be my last correspondence with everyone. I consider this message to be my final one to human civilization.

I’ve finally found a retreat away from civilization. Maybe my calling. Seeing how much civilization seems to not want me. I’ll no longer be a burden to anyone. Finally, I'll be put to good use, in some way or another, I'm confident about that.

I’ve joined the Sufi monastery that’s outside our city limits, atop the hill. I’ll have to compromise a lot of luxuries and privileges modern society has made us take for granted, but it’s worth the sacrifice.

Life hasn’t been the same for me after our graduation. After our misunderstandings and disagreements especially, that is,

You were my sole best friend during childhood, and I am really grateful for that I will always cherish our friendship and all the memory that it has begotten.

After years of cruel, intense loneliness, I met another great friend who made me realize that there was something worth in being part of our civilization. An oxymoron it is. As civilization functions on our cooperation and interaction, but is also cold and detached from us, frowning at our display of vulnerabilities and shortcomings.

I am truly sorry. For I perhaps, played a part in ruining your romantic life. It wasn’t my intention. I always wanted the best for you. Sometimes, our good intentions seem to not be enough. Some of our actions and deeds might betray them, no matter how hard and earnest we may be with our efforts.

Not a day went by where I go to sleep haunted by that experience and woke up equally spooked by the same, almost every single day.

My new friend got married not long back. I wish him the very best for that. He’ll make a great husband and father, I am sure. I did not want to sabotage his life like how I feel I did yours. I’ve done enough harm already. Even if it wasn't my intent to do so.

My mother, she’ll be fine. It wasn’t like I mattered to her when I was still around. She has a pension and her ancestral wealth to rely on.

Take care, my friend. And may you lead a good and fulfilling life. This decision I made, I’m doing it for my own good. As I feel happy and tranquil after a long time, after having made this call.

Farewell, my old, best friend, and may peace be upon you,

Faizal Qureshi")