Song of the Soul

It was a windy morning the sun was hidden slightly afar by the silver toned clouds; the breeze blew swiftly whining with the fear of being caught into the depth of the ocean. The birds were few; it was the time when they visited our land to take refuge from long silent winters from all over the planet. I was quite busy with my daily goings, though instructed not to attend to the daily routine due to my ill health, as advised by our family Health consultant Dr.Rai, I had to change myself out of all damp and dry coated days but it was a necessity to meet with the demands of my family. I am very much into the wish and desire of the needy members around me. It has become an inevitable passion for me since my wedding. The day I stepped into the new ambiance, as every bride is cautioned to create a personal space of where she is left to.

The traditional outfit of the canopy ornamented with a sign of culture and rituals. It was a highly conservative tharavad with innumerable strings of members enrolled into various duties in and out of the familial hemisphere. The person who became the best part of my life was Mr.Achutha menon, who is with great passion called Achu, is an educated agriculturalist who spared his duty as an HR from a well reputed IT firm from Bangalore, after eight years of service, resigned the job and shared his affection for the native land and for the fragrance of the newly wet rain by the first monsoon drizzle. It was a heavenly experience to own the ecstasy of fresh mud, the dew dropped flowers, the green blanketed fields, the newly born sun which bore the warmth of pride all were the assets of our land. The most attractive of all was the Shiva Shethram located in the middle of the village with the perception of harmony to all religions. The temple welcomed all the villagers towards piety in spite of caste, creed, religion and age.

Tharavad : homestead

Shethram : temple

 The villagers also had of tune of oneness amidst them. Every morning the village was awakened by the swift moving express which took the villagers at 3 in the morning to the nearest city after two hours’ sleepy journey for merchandise. Shivapuram was also blended with a range of mountains and a deep forest that floated around to promise a hale and hearty existence for the inmates.

It was a Saturday morn, with my kids roaring along, I was never so perfect in handling the households in a huge tharavad, because brought up in a city atmosphere, and having close informal relationships with the surroundings a  close knit tie with a few people around and professionally equipped in a mere sophisticated e-world, I had at times failed to meet the expectations of Mr. Achutha menon and the Scenario, Achu was  one amongst those who held at heart the scent of his raw and rich environment .In fact it was a surprise for me at times to see him roam along the greenwood trees, among the fields as one among them working in the field, he had a genuine passion for the wealth of nature. Applying the knowledge of an IT professional, technical innovations were merged together with the experience he had from his childhood encrusted with the advice and guidance of Appa, to plough the land, to sow, to protect the fields from pests, everything was so natural a process for Shivapuram was a glory of heaven for me who has spent 90% of the life inside the cubicle walls of a customized city.

Nature showered the first rays of blessings every harvest and people had no other complaints in life. Achu used to go to Ernakulam once in a month to update himself with the innovative inventions in Agriculture and it had helped the unremitting fruitful progress in the field. Achu had a call last week from the organic farming association to collect new varieties of seeds which have be promoted all over the state for better yield.

Thambichettan our Karyasthan came in the morning to collect the key of the motor shed. Amma declared to Appa who was about to leave to Shiva Shetra   

“ today we have to go for omanakuttan’s daughter’s wedding”, she continued. Amma was a person with charm and vigour of the crystal clear water of Shivapuram. Even at the late sixties her elegance sparkled among the other young votes of the tharavad. She had an identity of her own and was a genuine human being. It was with great wonder that she was looked upon for what she did during the time of Achu’s birth. Amma was left alone at home and on the very day when she sensed pain she herself walked towards the Grama Panchayath hospital all alone and Appa came to know Achu’s birth only when he reached home for lunch in the afternoon, and that was how Amma showed her bravery among the delicate and tender minds of Mampuzhakal Tharavad.

         ‘Sree,  mole Sree’, Amma called me. I went towards the courtyard to know the outcome. “Mole, Achu Eppazha etha”? When will Achu return? She asked with great expectation. ‘Amma Poikkolu, Achu ethaan Sandhyaavum’, she was pleased with my reply hearing that Achu will reach only by evening.

         Reading was fervor for me which could lead me to a different world of experience. It had the power to lead me into the imaginary world, surrounded by the spontaneous overflow of powerful emotions, as Words Worth experienced. But I was in dearth of time for greater responsibilities have encountered my passion and leisure, my gentle angels.

         It was in 2002 that I met Achu, at the Indian Institute of Technical Studies, where I was doing my MCA. He came as an Instructor of Management studies. The first sight of him had embossed an impression in all of us. A dedicated and sincere, young, handsome, pious and respectable person. A new kind of sensitivity was credited in me but genuinely it was a teacher-student relationship. Later when I joined the same as an instructor, did our relationship begin and led to our union.

“Mole, Achan vanno?”, asked Amma.

No, not yet Amma, but you get ready for the wedding. Amma, went to her citadel which was the best place where she could be herself. By the time Amma came all set ready to leave Appa had reached with Appukuttan, our Caretaker, who accompanies achan where ever he goes. Appukuttan was the God father of Mampuzhakkal Tharavad. He was a pinch of salt in the family who could never be neglected. He called out to Ammu and Anandhu, my children, who are very much excited at the arrival of Appukuttan because he entertains them with a handful of mulberries or gooseberries freshly plucked from the garden.

As Amma and Appa left we were getting ready for a noon nap, I heard someone calling out at the padipura, the entrance of the Tharavad. I moved forward to check who had come and it was Neeli, who introduced me to a 5 foot 10 inches, well built and well dressed man carrying a Reebok air bag. I couldn’t recognize from a two meters distance. I heard a very familiar voice calling me, Sree! I was thunder struck hearing a voice which parted years back.

Ram! I was so excited to see him again, who was believed to have left in search of now pastures.

“Ram! What made you here at last?

“Come, Come in ,Achu is not here presently, but he would reach by evening, let me ring him, or let it be a surprise when he returns”. Ten long years of absence and now… “ but why Ram, why? Why didn’t you contact any of us, your Achu, whom you loved so much, even Achu was not known of the reason for your absence? Remember, the day when you left. Achu and I searched for you the whole night in the city and at last learnt from Priya that you left for Dubai all on a sudden. And now, it’s a great surprise after so many years”. I went on with great excitement, but I failed to invite him into the house, we stood there at the padipura , the entrance , for nearly twenty minutes expressing my grievance, It was when Neeli called out “Mole, agathu Kayaru”, that I realized my absent mindedness.

“Oh! sorry come, get in, Ram It is a surprise that you are back”. Ammu and Anandhu came running.

‘Amma aara’?Ammu asked, who it was.

“Molde, Achande Kootukaarana”, and I said that it was her father’s friend.

“Achanillallo’, Ernakulathu poyeka, vitthuvaangan”.

She exploded that he had gone to Ernakulam to collect seeds.

         “Ram now tell me, what happened, why was your retrival to such a secluded place persist without contacting us?”Actually I didn’t wanted to remind him of the past, but couldn’t control my curiosity.

         In spite of all queries, he just remained silent and smiled, the smile meant a lot, a lot of mysterious emotions, was it happiness or pain I couldn’t recognise. “Ok now tell me, how are you?” He didn’t respond, I don’t know what made him stare at me, he looked into my eyes, his eyes shuttered rays of sorrow, I couldn’t read his profound emotions. His eyes were swollen, which conveyed a lot more, thoughts which could break down and dissolve if given an occasion. I was put in a very strange situation, I couldn’t compromise with the hard-cold point, I wished if Achu was here to share shoulder. I remember Ram who was such a smart and intelligent person who was looked upon by all the inmates of  ITIMS. We were all once impressed with the ability of Ram, when he solved a highly critical situation which was confronted by the institute’s running committee on the tough scale of communication with a French collaborative academy. He initiated the challenge and came out with an excellent package of programme that was conducted in great success. Such an admirable personality was sitting across with eyes of agony was a highly quizzical thought.

         I pondered again, ‘Ram what’s wrong, Shall I call Achu?

         Ram whispered, ‘Sree’, after a period of two hours of our meet. I was pulled out of the moment like a bird that flew accidently from the hands of the hunter. I waited in anticipation to know impatiently what he had to share. My children were asleep by the time and the glistening noon had slithered into a solemn evening. The silent breeze awakened its sleepy moment of silence. ‘Sree!’ he uttered again. I served the graveness of the situation. Until then though I was in an excited tone, I found his eyes speak to me of his conflicting mind. ‘Sree!’ he gently stepped ahead and reached my chair, knelt in front of me took both of my palms and hid his face, blasted out into tears. I felt embarrassed, I couldn’t console him nor could I leave him away. I was empathetic for the painful occasion and was also not at ease, for in Shivapuram, it was not an acceptable situation for a married woman seen alone with a stranger. But I had to handle it with care and concern, with a humanistic membrane. I stroked his head and tried to console him; he laid his head on my fragile lap and started to weep like a little child who was hurt for no reason. I couldn’t bring him back to normalcy, and just allowed it to happen, for to make him a person who he was, he had to leave his penned up pain. It went on for nearly half an hour and the time was five fifteen, it was like the twist of ocean which had lost the gravitational pull.

         ‘Sree’ he called me for the third time, but the voice had the depth of impalpable attachment in it. He lifted his head from my lap and looked at me; I couldn’t encounter his sparkling eyes. I felt I were responsible for his destruction, and could sense my inevitable presence in the time span. I was totally upset. “Ram!”

         He felt my concern for him. I wept for the unknown participation which led to the ordeal. I couldn’t compete with the guilt put upon me. Wished for Achu’s presence, for he was the only person who could tackle with my untamed emotions. Achu accompanied me in all my setbacks. It was with his strength, more than the traditional, ordinary husband, he had been a shock absorber and a strong pole of confidence to me. The emotional strength of Achu was experienced when I reached Shivapuram leaving everything behind the minds and he was the one who supported me to overcome my technically equipped intelligence. I was once thwarted by the thought of residing at Shivapuram because of the city bred habitat in me. Both Achu and I had entirely different passions and both of us understood and respected each others with our professional intact.

         ‘Sree’ Ram began to speak but not too many words, he spoke about an incident which happened ten years ago, which had already faded from the room of my memory, but all were returned and I could identify that whatever he said was formed in my presence. Without a word of response I listened to all his elucidations about the incidents, I was tongue tied to all that was heard, It was a revelation to me, how did this happen, why put on me? Was I responsible to his present condition?

         “Sree” He held my hands tightly with redeemed eyes and asked, “tell me Sree, tell me what I should do?”

         It was six in the evening and suddenly I heard the sound of a vehicle, it was Appa and Amma, I couldn’t react, I was oblivious of handling the situation, I asked Ram to leave, not for the fear of exhibiting him as a stranger, but he was not to be presented because of his swollen red eyes which spoke about the long years of desperate agony.

         “Mole, Sree, makkalevida”?

         “Amma, dhe varunnu”, I wiped my face and moved ahead. She didn’t identify the change that had occurred. Everything came to its normalcy very soon. By the time I checked the presence of Ram. He had already left.

         After the tragic explosion, I was not able to react naturally, for my mind bore the pain of guilt. I investigated myself about what Ram delivered. I waited for Achu’s arrival. It was ten O’clock, but he had not yet arrived. It was twelve when I got a call from Achu,

         “Sree, I’ll be late, its traffic block all over, straight from Ernakulam, you needn’t wait for me” by the time I expressed about the arrival of Ram, the phone got cut.

         Krishna! “Where is Ram?, Where did he go?”, I was worried, nothing went into my head, only the faces of Achu and Ram reflected in me.

         Suddenly I heard Achu speaking to amma, “Sree, Sree, Where are you”? I ran towards him, but before I happened to express, I saw something in Achu’s hands, a few papers and a book, I went near him and grabbed it from him, ‘Sree’, the book was named, I couldn’t bear it. I looked into the eyes of Achu, “Sree, Ram!!!”, “What happened to Ram? Where is he? Where in Ram? Achu”

         ‘Achu didn’t respond.’ he was standstill, silent, grave, “did you see Ram, Achu?” I shouted.

         ‘Karanavare, Karnavare’, a voice yelled from out, it was none other than Appukuttan. His voice trembled, any one could easily identify his trembling voice and he came running into the house, standing at the portico he shouted.

         “Karnore, avide, aa rail palathilu oru aale vandiidichu, pularche moonu manikkullavandiya.”, someone was hit by the 3 o’clock train at dawn.

         “Sree, Sree, Where are you going Sree?”

         Sree ran out swiftly, took the car parked at the porch, in spite of all resistance she drew ahead.

After an hour…..

Amma                 “Rama, Rama, Rama, Rama

                            Rama, Nama Pahima…..”

Achu: “Hello, Sree, Sree, Hello…..”

Appukuttan: “Karnore, Karnore, Nammadakutty, Nammade kuttyde vandi malamcheruvilu maranju..!!!! ”He yelled that our child’s vehicle had fallen into the valley…

Achu : Sree! Sree!

Amma : Rama, Rama, Rama …..

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Karnavare : addressing an old person who belongs to an upper caste.