Love, X

Jan 28 1986

Dear Diary,

Mommy and Daddy gived me this diary for my birthday yesterday!  I am 7 now! I had my birthday party and everyone came but Sammy L.  Mommy said that he was sick but I don’t care because he called me the B word at gym class and that’s a bad word so I don’t like him anyway.  Dana gived me a Get In Shape Girl ribbon and a book just like hers. It’s my favorite present because I want to be a ballet dancer when I grow up. Today at school we watched TV!  I didn’t know they let us watch TV at school! Mrs. Bello said it was a special day because a teacher was going up in space, but it wasn’t a teacher at our school or in our town.  Mrs. Bello teached us about space, but I don’t know how people get to go there. Mrs. Bello said that it was a good thing for the teachers to go into space so that’s why we get to watch TV.  Mrs. Bello said that she was happy. On the TV show, we saw the space men and the teacher. She looked like Mommy. She was very pretty. Then they got into the space rocket. But then a bad thing happened.  There was lots of clouds and fire. Then Mrs. Bello started to cry and we couldn’t watch TV anymore. Some of the 6th graders were crying at recess and some of the teachers were crying too. Brian F said that the space ship exploded and all the people died.  I wonder if the teacher died too? Maybe her class will have to get a substitute teacher now. I am sad for her class. Brian G said that he is going to be a space man when he grows up but I am not because it is scary and you can die. I don’t want to think about space ever again.

Love, X

Nov 10 1989

Dear Diary,

Last night I slept over at Dana’s house because we don’t have school today and her dad TOTALLY LET US WATCH MTV!! They didn’t have any videos on though.  Dana’s dad said that it was an important day because they were tearing down the Berlin Wall and all the VJs were there to see it. I don’t really understand what the Berlin Wall is. Dana’s grandma is from Germany and said that East Berlin was really strict and bad and everyone wanted to go to West Berlin but they couldn’t.  She said that her sister lived in East Berlin and she wasn’t allowed to visit her and that made her really sad. Last year Mrs. Reese told us that President Reagan told the guy in charge of Germany to tear down the wall but then he didn’t so I guess now he did? All the people on MTV looked so happy. I saw a lot of teenagers dancing and waving flags and some of the VJs were crying.  It was totally cool and weird. One had a mohawk! I thought about what would happen if they put up a wall in our town and I couldn’t go visit Brad anymore and that made me happy. I wish I had a sister instead.  

Love, X

Aug 27 1990

Dear Diary,

Uncle TJ came over this weekend.  He might have to go to war. President Bush went on the news and said he's calling up military reserves for a war in Kuwait. Uncle TJ is in the Army but he never went to war before.  Dad says that he will probably be okay because he fixes computers and isn't a fighter, but I am still very scared. We started school today. I am in 6th grade. I am in Mr. Davidson’s class. He is very nice.  I am excited because everybody says he likes to play pranks on his class at Halloween! Dana has Mrs. Carter. She has Megan B. and Megan R and Tara in her class too. Today at the bus she said she wants to be best friends with them and not me.  I guess I hate her now. Amy and Missy played with me on the playground at recess. Missy taught me how to flip on the monkey bars. Frankie got Reebok Pumps! Nobody else has them! Nicky D is in my class too. I have a crush on him but I won’t tell anybody!  That would be sooooooo embarrassing! 

Love, X

Jul 6 1993

Dear Diary,

Uncle TJ was here for our 4th of July picnic and brought us a computer that he built and guess what?! WE GOT THE WORLD WIDE WEB AT OUR HOUSE!  It is like the coolest! There’s this thing called Prodigy that has these things called Bulletin Boards and you can talk to people across the country and there’s all sorts of fan clubs in there...don’t tell, but I talked to people in a Are You Afraid of the Dark board.  Mom says I’m not allowed to go on the bulletin boards because she doesn’t like the idea of a teenage girl talking to strangers, but CeCe has been my pen pal for 3 whole years and she was a stranger from across the country, so what’s the difference? Sooooo lame. Dad said that since I am going to start high school I can use Prodigy because it has an encyclopedia, too, and maybe I WON'T HAVE TO GO TO THE LIBRARY ALL THE TIME!  Oh! There’s also this thing called electronic mail where you can MAKE UP YOUR OWN NAME!! It’s soooooo cool. Uncle TJ said he’d show us how it works when he comes to visit for Christmas. He said that no one really uses electronic mail so it isn't really a big deal. The best part is that Brad is not allowed to use the computer at all because he’s too young, so he HAS TO leave me alone when I’m using it. Finally!  Some peace and quiet!

Love, X

Apr 5 1994

Dear Diary, 

Kurt died.  

They say he shot himself. I can’t stop crying.

The world is so terrible and so cruel.  

-X

1/1/2000

Dear Diary,

Y2K was a goddamn jooooooooooke!! The world didn’t end.  The computers didn’t rise up and defeat us. Y’know what happened?  I got druuuuuuuunk at Emily’s mom’s house and slept in the bathtub. Stupid sheeple.  

-Yours, X

Sept 11 2001

Dear Diary,

The world is chaos right now.  I’ve found a minute to take a break from it all and write down what has happened, because this feels like everything is on the brink of change. Someone evil purposely flew planes into the World Trade center and the Pentagon.  They are calling it an act of terrorism. Our country is about to go to war. It started this morning. Debra who cleans the Psychology building was outside when we got to class. She was freaking out and sobbing and trying to call her daughter on her cell phone, but she said that all the lines were jammed.  She told us that someone flew a plane into one of the towers at the World Trade Center in the city, and her daughter works in the other tower. April and I went to class but Professor Jackson told us that he was cancelling last minute so that we could go home and turn on the news. When we got back to the house, Eric had the news on.  As we walked in the door, we saw a second plane hit the other tower. The rest of the day is just a blur, to be honest. We’ve been watching the news all damn day. April has been trying to call Vincent for the last 4 hours because he’s working in the city this week. The lines are absolutely jammed. God, I hope he's okay. I finally got through to Mom earlier.  She and Dad are fine. They are waiting to hear if they will be evacuated because they live so close to the power plant. Brad is fine, too. The plane that went down outside of Pittsburgh was nowhere near his campus. I am on the back porch now. It is deathly quiet outside, almost as if someone has just hit the pause button on reality. Eric finally turned the news off a little bit ago, because we just couldn’t take it anymore.  He’s playing Mario Kart instead. Fifteen minutes ago James asked me to marry him. He is convinced that he’s about to be targeted because of his political beliefs and wants us to flee to Canada. I have no idea if he’s serious. It would be laughable if everything wasn’t already on the brink of insanity. God, I hope we all get through this. I pray and I cry for my country tonight, and I don't even believe in that stuff.

With Love and Light, X

Mar 24 2020

Dear Diary,

I am officially unemployed just like about 80% of the neighborhood right now. This virus has spread very quickly, and we’re now taking precautions. I’ll be honest; I selfishly cried when I closed the shop door today. I'm so thankful that it’s just me; that I don’t have employees’ livelihoods to worry about, but what if the economy takes forever to recover, and I’m never able to open my doors again?  Will there ever again be a demand for obscure antiques? Do I have a right to worry when the Abbott Family or the Browns or the Davises depend on every cent they make at their shops? It was a heavy decision, and I worry that we’ll eat through our savings faster than it takes them to lift the quarantine. I worry for Bill, who is forced to go to work every day because he’s “essential” at the hospital, but he keeps telling me that he’s taking every safety precaution. We have been advised not to leave the house unless it is absolutely necessary, which is frustrating when you have such an active child as Barbara.  She and I are slowly driving each other crazy, and every time she tells me that she prefers staying at Miss Lindy’s house rather than with me, I die a little. I want to leave the house! I want to just go wander the mall or take Barbara to the playground. I’m anxious that Barbara’s dance recital will get cancelled, and I won’t get to do her hair and makeup. I’m upset that I can’t stop snacking because I’m bored when I really need to drop these last 20 lbs before our beach trip in July...and then I think of what a terrible person I must be to worry about such stupid, trivial nonsense things when there are so many other, bigger things to worry about. I hope this is over soon.  I miss normal. I don’t know what normal is anymore, but I miss it.

Love, X

PS-  I’m sending Mae and the boys some money.  She is on the brink of losing the house and doesn’t want anyone to know.  I hope she doesn’t trace it back to me, though, because she’d be super embarrassed.