Leave the Book, Jennifer

The book I’m looking for is unlike any other I’ve read. I briskly brush my fingers along the spines of many different novels. From science fiction, to dystopian, to romance, I would read them all. But there is one book that I just love. It’s not in any specific category, and the only person who checks it out is I, Miss Jennifer Stewart, the twenty-three-year-old librarian of this building. And no, it’s not a librarian’s manual or anything like that. It’s something… special.

     “There it is!” I whisper under my breath. I make sure no one else is present in the library and turn to page fifty-two, right where we left off. As start reading aloud, the letters start floating off the page. The words become objects and the scenery changes. Grass comes up from the ground and the ceiling morphs into a baby blue sky. The bookshelves melt as trees take their place. I’m in a forest, just where I wanted to be. A whimsical whoosh surrounds me and I know who is behind me. A smile sneaks onto my face.

    “There you are!” a deep voice calls from behind me. “I thought I had lost you. Again.”

    “Adam!” I laugh lightly as a walk to him. “I was just wandering off. You know, exploring like the adventurer that I am.” A lie, of course. I was no adventurer, but what was I supposed to tell him, “Hello, I just came from the real world and you’re just fictional?”

    “Well, are we going to continue our picnic like we planned or are you going to disappear again?” he teases.

    I take his hand and we walk to a meadow filled with sweet scents and flowers. Adam is my boyfriend, and he’s fictional, yet real at the same time. With the book I was holding, I could be immersed inside an entire different universe. My fantasy, as one would call it. If my dream world were a book, it would be a romance novel, where the protagonist is on a search for her one true love. In this world, I had found it and we were in a budding romance. In reality, I had been on the same quest, but failed miserably. No one wanted to be with a librarian in her mid-twenties. Then the mysterious book appeared on the shelf one day, I opened it, fast-forward a few months, here I am, living my dream.

    “What’s on your mind, love?” Adam asks me. “You seem… distracted.”

    “Oh, nothing. Just my mind wanders off to places sometimes. I just love where we are at right now. Nothing interrupting this moment.”

    “Well,” he has a mischievous smirk on his face. “There’s one thing we could do.”

    Our eyes meet, and he cups my cheek into his hand. My stomach explodes with butterflies, and my hands go numb. He leans forward, and presses his feathery lips against mine. It feels like paper on my face. My hands reach for him; then everything disappears. I’m back on the bookshop floor. It wasn’t real.

    One of the rules of this “book traveling” process is that the book has to be in my hands at all times. If my hands are not on the book, no fantasy world.

    “Excuse me,” the voice behind me makes me jump. I turn to see a tall figure hovering over me. He has dark, mussed hair, and his spherical glasses match mine in a way. “Are you the librarian here?” he asks as he holds his hand out to help me up. He stares at me intensely with a small smile on his face. Our eyes meet for a few seconds, and it gives me some sort of... feeling. I break our connection.

    “Yes, that’s me.” I reply as I struggle to get a footing. “Is there anything you need help with?”

    “Yeah, actually,” he shows me a list of books that he needs from some project at his college. I tell him we have them in stock and guide him to the aisle across the way. He glances back at me casually while he is looking through the shelf; I go over to the returned book pile to gather my thoughts. I don’t take much notice to him; he was just another customer after all. Instead, my mind wanders to that moment I had with Adam. It was the first kiss I had ever had with him. It was a magical scene… then it turns into a saddened one.

    It was only… a fantasy. Even though it felt so real, I know it wasn’t real. Yes, I had what I wanted in that fictional world, but it would not feel the same whenever I would come back to reality. Each world seems so dull compared to each other, and like in any type of book, it is hard when juggling two different lives.

   “Miss, I think I’m ready to check out.” The man snaps me out of my trance. He hands me the four three-inch books he picked out when he says, “I’m William, by the way. William Howard.”

    “Jennifer Stewart. But everyone just calls me by my first name.”

    “Jennifer, that’s a lovely name you have.”

    “So is yours, Mr. Howard.”

    “Please, just call me Will. Do you like working here?”

    “You bet. Books hold many different worlds you can travel into. There are now digital books that you can reads online today, but I just like the feel of the physical pages in my hand. And the fireplace here gives reading a cozy feeling.” I’m familiar with most of my customers’ lives, but none have asked me questions about my side of the fence before. Nor has anyone looked at me like he has.

William gives me a warm smile. “Do you have a favorite?”

    “Yes. Here is your receipt and these should be returned in two weeks.” I say before I can get into any detail about ‘The Book.’ Luckily, William doesn’t notice the quick change in subject. He lingers for a little while, and our eyes meet once again. Then he leaves.

The next couples of weeks, William keeps stopping by the shop, either to pick up books, drop them off, or just to hang out. I’m skeptical at first, but eventually I warm up to him. He is kind, charming, and funny and we become great friends. But for some reason, when I’m traveling with Adam, my mind wanders off to William at times. It is so weird; this has never happened before. I have no idea why, but there was something different about that man. I decide to talk to Ramona, a lady inside ‘The Book,’ but also my best friend. She doesn’t know about my real life, but I still enjoy our talks.

    The setting inside ‘The Book’ is a quaint small town like the one from Beauty and the Beast. Ramona and I sit on the edge of a water fountain in the middle of the town.

    “What’s on your mind, sugar?” she says in her sweet country accent. “You’ve been distracted these past couple o’days. Falling head over heels for Adam, again?” We sit on the water fountain, like the scene from Beauty and the Beast.

    “Not this time, it’s something else.” I bend the truth slightly. “Theirs is man that comes around to my house-”

    “Is he handsome?” she interrupts.

I gently push her as I say, “He comes to my house every now and then to chat. We’re friends, but there’s something more to him, and I don’t know what to think.”

    “Well, if he is in fact handsome, just follow your heart. I know that you and Adam are meant to be, in a way, but just see where this path goes. As long as no cheating. Cheating, bad. Being friendly, good.”

    I smile and she returns it. For the next hour, we walk, laugh, and grab some lunch. Then a mystical wind surrounds me. It was always Adam’s trademark to let me know he’s around. You wouldn’t get that in the real world.

    Adam jump scares me from behind. We say goodbye to Ramona, but I catch her sneaking me a smirk. One, since Adam is my boyfriend, of course. But also one that says, “Follow your heart, Jennifer.”

I’m working late at the library when I hear someone enter through the door. I look over my shoulder to find William. Why is here ten minutes before closing?

    “What are you doing here?” I ask as I place a few books back into the shelves. When he doesn’t answer, I notice he is fidgeting a lot. In all the time I’ve known him, he has never been nervous like this. “Did something happen? Are you okay?”

    “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” William walks over to the seating area by the dying fireplace. After I place the last book, I go to join him. I say, “Something’s up. I know you. What’s going on?”

    It takes him a while to get whatever is on his mind into words. “I… you know, it’s okay to say no. I wouldn’t mind if it were a yes or a no, it’s totally up to you. Just-”

    “Just tell me. Whatever it is, it’ll be fine.”

He takes a deep breath. “Jennifer, would you… like to go out with me? Like, for a date? And… be my girlfriend?”

    Air leaves my lungs. My heartbeat beats four times as fast. A date? Me? Did I hear that right? No one has ever asked me to go out with them, let alone be in a relationship. At least, not in the real world. I have been thinking about what Ramona had said, and I don’t think I realized until now, I think I caught feelings for William as well. For once, William isn’t looking at me, which I’m grateful for because I’m sure my face is red at the moment.

    It takes me a few minutes to finally blurt out, “Yes.”

His head perks up. “What? Really?” I smile.

    “Yes, a million times yes!” William gives me the cutest smile and reaction ever. He picks me up, spins me around, and I can’t hold in my laughter. Nothing can compare to this moment.

It has been two months since William and I have been dating, but recently I have been feeling some guilt recently. I’m really happy in my real world, but I have a completely other life inside ‘The Book.’ I can’t just abandon the people in there like they’re nothing. I care for them a lot. But that world isn’t real. It’s just a book, just paper stapled together with ink printed on it. I instantly curse myself for thinking that. The real Jennifer inside of me would know what to do. What would the real Jennifer do? Or should the fictional one decide? Goodness, I felt like a hypocrite in both worlds.

    I close the library early in the evening to get my mind in order. Rekindling the wood in the fireplace, I grab ‘The Book’ and just stare at it on the floor next to the fire. One thing was for certain. Tonight was the night I was going to decide.

    My feelings for William honestly grew more each day, but it seems when I’m with Adam, something is off now. Unless a drop the book, at least. In my fictional world, it’s fueled with a feeling of magic. But in the real world, the feeling of safety is not always guaranteed. My eyes then wander to the dancing flames. I don’t know how long I stay in that daze, but the sun is setting by the time I snap out of it. My hands then open the book and my mouth starts speaking words without my full consent. Tall trees spring up from out of the ground, and the ceiling becomes a purple-gray tint and is dotted with little white lights that twinkle. I can now hear crickets chirping and a soft breeze fills the room. I’m sitting near the edge of a cliff overlooking the sea, and the view is breathtaking. Something I definitely would not have in reality. The breeze hits me hard then slows down. I know who’s here.

    “Adam,” I call out to him as I run towards him. I can no longer speak in a cheery voice. “I couldn’t wait to see you.” Adam lifts my chin up to his face. He says, “You know you can tell me everything, right?”

I start tearing up at this point. “Oh, Adam. I’ve done something horrible.”

    “Jennifer, tell me what happened. No, don’t shake your head. Please. I’ve never seen you like this before.” I force my crumbling self to meet his diligent eyes.

    “I’m leaving, Adam. I’m not going to be able to see you, or Ramona, or anyone else again. I’m leaving. I can’t stay here.”

    “I can come with you. We’ll be there together, Jennifer.”

    “No, you can’t. Not where I’m going.”

    “Jennifer, you cannot do this to me, not after all we’ve been through.”

    “I’m sorry. I truly am. I just can’t live the lie. I can’t continue to live my fantasy knowing that I have something waiting for me in reality.”

Adam backs away from me in disbelief. That was the closest I’ve ever gotten to speak about my real life.

    “What are you talking about? Are you breaking up with me?”

All I can do is hang my head and I grip the book in my hands, hard. I hear the hurt in his voice; it’s almost real. But I know it’s not.

    “But Jennifer, I love you.”

That’s when I lose it. I don’t know when my knees hit the ground, but they do. The chirping crickets are replaced with the crackling of a fire. I let my tears overflow so much. I could drown in them. I thought I loved him too. I did at one point, but now…

    Nothing matters at this point. Nothing can matter. I lost a part of me. That part of me just died. It hurts, so much. Then my hands are no longer numb. I feel the binding of the book. I can still go back! Fix what I’ve wronged…

    “Jennifer!”

I groggily stand to find William dragging me towards the door. My foot is covered in ashes. Orange and yellow is all I see until I realize…

    “Fire! The library is on fire!” I stumble to get a footing, but the book slips from my grasp and my instincts take over. “No!” I’m not leaving it behind. Not now.

    “Jennifer! Get back over here! I’m not losing you!”

I don’t take notice of his words. I reach through the flames, inches away. A little bit closer…

    “Leave the book, Jennifer! It’s not worth dying for!”

The flames then licked my hands, and I jump back. That’s when William’s words hit me. I’m fighting for a fictional world, something that isn’t real, and something that will never be real. But he is, he is the one that I now love. But as I’m being dragged away through the building door, I can swear that I hear my old friends screaming to their deaths.

It has been one month since I lost ‘The Book.’ Some of the books were salvaged but a new library is being built at the moment. I’ve taken some time off a work, since I have no work at the moment. But I have been writing my feelings down and plan to get it published someday, under fiction, of course. Books have always been my comfort place; even the recent trauma of my fantasy world hasn’t driven me away from my passion for good. I love exploring new authors creations, and seeing what stories and worlds they’re painting out for others to explore.

    William is a great help too. I had told him everything, and instead of leaving me, he believed me and helped me sort things out. He really is a great guy, and I’m right to love him.

    Three months later, I’m engaged and now am currently walking down a block to a publisher’s office. I am ready to get my story out there. I walk with my head high, and I have the biggest smile on my face. But just as I am about to open the door, a grand whoosh surrounds me, and my face has changed from happiness to dread.

    A familiar voice behind me calls, “You didn’t think you could get rid of us that easy, did you?”