6 Years...

“Hey…”

“Hey, it’s been a while.”

“Yeah, yeah. You, um, you wanna find somewhere to sit? Or do you want to stand?”

“Um...there’s a bench over there, but it has snow on it, it’s probably wet.”

“What time do you have to leave? I feel like we need to hash out everything, but if you have somewhere to be, I don’t want to hold you up.”

“Oh...I actually do...um...I have to get something for my dad, and he wants me to be home soon.”

“How long can you stay?”

“Maybe an hour?”

“Should we do this inside?”

“I’m actually kind of hot right now.”

“Go figure, climate change, am I right?” 

…

“Okay...we’ll stand?”

“Standing is fine, yes. So, um, how are you?”

“Good.”

…

“Actually...horrible. A lot has been going on the last time we talked. Like, talked-talked.”

“Same here. Um, I hope I don’t sound rude but I’m kind of working on myself a lot more--”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah, and what I think is best for me is to not listen to anything so...um...heavy… I can’t help you or give you advice like I usually do, I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay, you don’t have to say anything. Sometimes the best thing is to just listen.”

“Yeah but--”

“So, I’ll go first as to why I’ve been distant, if that’s okay with you.”

…

“Yeah...that’s fine.”

“So, the last time we talked was when Bryce broke up with you, and when Kayla...you know.”

“Yeah...have you talked to her mom?”

“Her mom doesn’t like me, remember?”

“Right, right, continue.”

“So, after Kayla died, my mom cut me off so I’m staying at my cousin’s place for now.”

“Bree told me, I’m so sorry to hear that.”

“It’s not that bad, you know I’ve never liked my mom, it didn’t really hurt when she did that, I was expecting it, to be honest. Since I’m technically eighteen I can live by myself, it’s just been hard for me to get a job, you know? I remember a few years ago when we went out job hunting, we wanted to work at the same place so badly, we thought it would be fun.”

“I would offer you a job, but my place isn’t hiring.”

“No, it’s okay, I’ll find one eventually. And we aren’t in the best place right now, kind of feels like those awkward breakups.”

“Tell me about it, ha.”

…

“Why’d you stop talking to me? You started acting weird after you sent me Kayla’s funeral invitation. I thought we were both grieving so I gave you space to deal with it on your own. But then you unfollowed me and blocked me on everything.”

“I know...I know… It was just a lot. I didn’t realize how...present death is. And I was tired. I was so focused on making sure you were okay, I got you chocolates, we went to church, we went to the park to walk and talk about how you felt, I forgot that I was mourning a friend who had passed. I didn’t have time to fully register her death. When I finished listening to you, you asked me how to stop another person from committing suicide and...I broke. I lied and said my break was finished but I wasn’t working that day. I went to my mom and cried… I don’t remember the last time I cried in front of my mom.”

“I know.”

“...You knew I was lying?”

“Of course I knew you were lying. We’ve been friends for six years, I know you, Alice.”

“...You knew I was lying...you knew I couldn’t handle all that pressure and yet you still asked me for advice?”

…

“I had no one else to talk to…”

“Right, of course you didn’t.”

...

“When did you stop liking me, personality wise?”

“What?”

“Was it in the tenth grade? You went through a phase not knowing what best friends meant. Then you started going out with Bryce.”

“What do you mean by ‘phase?’”

“We talked less, you hung out with Bryce more.”

“Our friendship matured.”

“Ah...”

“You were following me every waking moment and it got annoying.”

“That’s not the reason.”

“Fine. It did start in the tenth grade; I had some family issues--”

“What were they about?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“Okay.”

“I had some family issues, some trust issues. I didn’t know who to trust. I didn’t know what friends truly meant--”

“Until you met Bryce.”

“Right…”

“So why did you unfollow me without talking to me first?”

“I did it on a whim. You weren’t the only person I unfollowed—”

“Who else did you unfollow?”

“Why is that relevant?”

“I just want to know.”

“People who weren’t good for me. Who caused problems all the time. Just trust me on this, you weren’t the only person I cut off.

“Do you want to know what my problem is?”

“What’s your problem?”

“I don’t know how to make friends. I told you this before, right? All throughout high school it’s been so hard to make friends. I’m not like you. You click with everybody you meet, it’s like you understand them. I can’t keep a friendship; I ruin every friendship I touch and I honestly thought that I wouldn’t ruin this one”

…

“Remember when we went to church, how the pastor talked about friends?”

“Yeah, a proverb, ‘iron sharpens iron so one person sharpens another.’”

“Yes, how the right friends will lift you up and the wrong ones will bring you down. Alice, I think I’m the friend who pulls you down.”

“Tell me something I don’t know”

…

“How did I ruin this one? This friendship?”

“I’m not going to give you the answer to that. You’re going to have to find that answer yourself.”

“Can I fix it?”

…

“I can’t fix it, can I?”

“I talked to the people I trusted...my pastor, my parents, even Bryce before we broke up. They all think that we should stop being friends...to benefit each other.”

“How will it benefit me?”

“I can’t be your friend if I’m your therapist and I can’t be your therapist if I’m your friend. I have to do what’s best for me, and four out of the six years we’ve known each other I’ve been putting myself after you. I can’t do that anymore. You need help and I can’t be the one to give it to you.”

“Okay...can you do me one last favour though?”

“What is it?”

“Can you not...talk about this conversation...to anyone?”

“Who will I tell?”

“It’s just… I don’t want you spreading rumours about me and--”

“You think I would spread rumours about you? Shay...I’ve shut down rumours about you. I told people to stop talking about you--I-I went to the principal with you to report your bullies. We are seniors in high school with only three months left until we graduate. I have colleges to worry about, my grades to worry about! You honestly, completely believe after six years of friendship I would start a rumour about you? Now?”

…

“So those six years of friendship meant nothing, right?”

“They do--”

“If you honestly, truly believe that I would waste my time and energy spreading false things about you to people who wouldn’t give a damn, then you don’t know me like you said you did.”

…

“I got to go; my dad wants me home.”

...

“Alice…I’m sorry for being a horrible person.”

“You aren’t a horrible person, Shay. But do me one last favour, do what’s best for you and see a professional for the things that keep you down. If I can’t help you, maybe someone qualified would. That’s the only advice I can give you.”

“Goodbye, Alice.”

“Bye, Shay.”

…