Perfect timing

Dear Uncle Colin,

I am sitting here in a branch of my favourite coffee shop with three hours to fill in before the interview so I thought I would drop you a quick letter. It is funny to think that you are the only person that I send letters to nowadays. With all my other friends and relatives I usually communicate by email or what’s app but I know that for obvious reasons you prefer letters. Letters are more special, aren’t they? When you sit down to put your thoughts on paper it means that you care about the person you are writing to and you have something important to say. But I reckon that in a few years time nobody will know how to write a letter. Nobody sends faxes nowadays, do they? Perhaps you never sent a fax anyway?

As you will remember, I always like to get to places early because I’m still a bit anxious. I was going up on the train to Manchester on Saturday and I somehow managed to get to the station four hours early. There is plenty to do at Euston. I can usually manage to fill in the time there without any problem. The funny thing was that actually my train was 20 minutes late setting off so in all I had four hours and twenty minutes to kill. I spent some time in Smiths and read 20 pages of the new Jeffrey Archer. I popped in Marks and Spencer’s to see if they have brought out any new flavours of crisps. I went in the toilets a couple of times just to be on the safe side. There is so much to do at stations now. It is so different. The trains are very different now. It is not like the old days of British Rail that you would remember so well.

I don’t suppose you get much chance to try out different coffees nowadays, do you? I usually have something called a flat white - although I have no idea why it is called that as it is not flat and not white - unless I decide that I’m going to have a cup of tea. I am having a flat white now. Not sure if I will order another one or just pretend that I am still drinking this one for the next three hours. Or maybe I will order a cup of tea. Decisions, decisions.

I think my obsession with not being late goes back to that time when I was late for that exam and I failed my Maths A level. It wasn’t really my fault that I was late but mum and dad never forgave me. They always said that if I had done well in that exam I could have gone to university. Anyway, on that day I resolved never to be late for anything ever again. Nowadays it means that I spend a lot of time sitting in coffee shops, hanging about in stores thinking about whether to buy something or wandering about in stations checking things.

I remember there was a boy at school who was scared of spiders. I don’t know what became of him but it would be funny if he had got a job in the zoo. And perhaps he would have been quite happy to deal with all the lions and the tigers but would have got scared if he saw a little spider. Anyway I didn’t keep in touch with him so I have no idea what job he ended up doing. Perhaps he went to a therapist to get over his fear of spiders and developed a fear of therapists. That’s a joke. I don’t think having a fear of therapists is a thing, is it?

Anyway, still got about two hours and fifty minutes till I have to get to the interview. It is just over the road so should only take about 2 minutes and I reckon that I should arrive about 30 minutes early so as to appear keen not desperate. Just need to decide when I should go for my pre-interview pee. Will probably go just before I set off for the interview so about 33 minutes before the start of the interview but that might be risky as there might be somebody in the toilet and that could delay me. Some people stay in the toilets for a long time. I don’t know what they are doing in there! Well, I do know what they are doing in there, I just don’t know why it takes them so long.

Do you remember when I came to visit you 3 months ago? I got there a couple of hours early and spent the time in a little cafe over the road from where you are. I don’t suppose you have ever been in there but it was very nice. I did have a problem with the toilet though. The lock was very stiff and it took me about five attempts to open it. I thought I was going to be in trapped in there forever, which would have been a bit ironic.

Anyway I will draw my letter to a close now as I should probably spend some time going over my notes to prep for the interview. I am sure that you are very much looking forward to your release from prison next year. I expect that you have found it quite stressful to be locked up in a tiny cell for such a long time. Thinking about it now I suppose you must be a bit jealous of me with the freedom I have to go anywhere at any time but the funny thing is that actually to be perfectly honest I am jealous of you. You never have to worry about getting anywhere late, do you? You should be really grateful for that.

You know what it says in the Bible, “Every cloud has a silver lining.”

Your loving nephew

Phil