Almost

“Next.” The clerk behind the desk calls out.

I am next, but I have no idea where I am. I wish my alarm clock would go off and wake me up from this disturbing dream I am having. Tilting my head, I walk up to the clerk behind the counter. I hear someone scream.

“Name.” She says without looking up.

Another scream. 

“Elias Grundle.” I answer as I try to locate the source of the scream.

“Yes.” She opens a thick ledger and uses her finger to scan down the page.

“Where exactly am I?” I ask as she continues to scan the next page.

“You are in a holding area.” She says without emotion.

Another scream pierces the air.

“Holding area?” I repeat shaken from the scream. “And who is screaming?”

“I would venture to guess, they are souls who have learned of their unfortunate outcome.” She finally looks up at me with eyes as dead and colorless as tombstones. “Tell ya what, Elias.”

“What?”

“You need to join that line over there.” She points to a line that wraps around the entire place.

“Are you kidding?” I gasped.

Another scream shatters the silence.

“If you don’t, I will have to send you to a line I don’t think you want to stand in.” She glances over in the direction of the last scream. I follow her eyes and see three people in line. Above the clerk with a very stylish van Dyke beard is a sign in big letters that reads, “Hell.”

I was beginning to get the idea of where I was. I had no idea how I got here, but that seemed to be a moot point as I made my way to the long winding line. Standing in the long line, I reached my hand into a pocket. Immediately I became confused, because my cell phone was not where I had put it and not only that, I had no pockets in my jeans.

The guy standing in front of me, turned to talk to me. His face was long and shapeless, “Hi, my name is Pete.”

“Elias.” I shook his hand. His skin had a very strange feel to it like melted plastic.

“So what happened to you?” Pete smiled, but his smile gave me the creeps. 

What happened? It was like I went to sleep and woke up in this chaotic place. How long have I been here? I looked in all four directions, but did not see a single clock. I glanced at my wrist where my watch had been, but it wasn’t there. What was going on? Pete got bored and turned back around.

After what seemed to be an eternity, I watched Pete shake his head and walk away from the single man standing behind the counter.

There was a scream. It sounded like Pete. I swallowed hard.

Above the counter there was a sign that read, “Almost.”

“Next.” The man's voice was lifeless.

I stepped forward wearing a smile.

“Name?”

“Elias Grundle.” I answered.

“Welcome to Almost, Mr. Grundle.” He did not bother looking up at me and my smile.

“What is this place?” I shrugged.

He looked up glaring angrily at me. “You don’t know where you are?”

“Not a clue.” I shook my head.

“You are in the Sorting Section.” He appeared annoyed with me with complete disdain. “Mr. Grundle, I have no time for this.”

“I would not ask the question if I knew where I was.”

“I told you. You’re at Almost.” He snapped.

“What is Almost?”

“Almost is where you ended up.” He spoke to me as if I was a child, “You have come here because in your life you are undecided on whether you are headed up there or down there.”

He pointed with his finger in both directions, up and down.

“I still don’t get it.”

“Why do I always get guys like you when I am so busy?” He was not asking me the questions as he tilted his head back looking skyward since there didn't seem to be a ceiling.

“Am I dead.” I could barely get the words out of my mouth.

“That’s how you get here.” He smiled a smile that was more sarcastic than friendly.

I was stunned. 

Dead.

“What happened?”

“Simple, you pocketed the coercion money you collected from some of the businesses you were shaking down.” He arched an eyebrow, “Your employer did not take that lightly. While you were in the restroom at the gas station, a couple of Big Jimmy’s thugs put a bomb in your car.”

I stood there with my mouth agape.

I was dead.

“You want to see a video of your last moments?” He asked, turning his laptop so I could watch my final moments.

The bomb had an electrical connection set so when I turned the key in the ignition, it would explode. I did and it did. There was a flash and when the smoke cleared it was raining pieces of my car.

I sighed.

“So, you have a choice. Sign this.” He put a document in front of me.

“What does it say?”

“Did you bother reading it?” He shook his head. “We are sending you back to apologize to Big Jimmy for taking his money.”

“Apologize? Are you kidding? The man is in charge of the biggest syndicate on the East Coast.”

“And we will deal with him when he gets here.” He rolled his eyes.

“And when would that be?” I asked.

“Sorry, that information is confidential.” He slapped the counter next to the document he presented me.

“What happens next? C’mon tell me.”

“You agree to go back and apologize, like I told you.”

“It just doesn’t seem right.”

“That isn’t up to you.” He shakes his head again.

“What if I don’t?”

He doesn’t say anything. He just points to the nearby line labeled “Hell.”

The next in line screamed as he was forced into the open door next to the counter.

“So what’s it going to be?” He leaned his head on his open hand.

I signed the document without another word.

“So, what next?” I asked handing him the pen.

He laughed and clapped his hands together.

The ambulance crew stood there at the flaming wreck of my car.

“Well, I don’t think we can do anything here.” One of the paramedics shrugged.

“Yeah, what a mess.” The other paramedic shook his head.

“When are these hoods gonna learn?” He walked back to the ambulance. A couple city workers stepped out of their vehicle and began to wash away the mess I had left behind. I kicked the muffler that was laying in the gutter.

When I looked down, I noticed I had my jeans on with my cell phone in my pockets. Lifting my wrist so I could see that I had my watch. Everything was where it was where I had left it prior to---. 

“Hey, just pick up the big pieces and throw them in the truck.” One of the city workers told his partner. His partner just nodded as he threw a dented hubcap into the back of the truck. 

“I think I found a piece of the driver.” He announced after tossing the hubcap into the bed of the truck.

“Oh.” The worker grimaced. “We have a plastic bag for that.”

“Where?”

“Under the front seat.”

“I’ll get it.”

I had to walk away. I did not want to see the worker put what he had found into the plastic bag.

I drifted for a couple of blocks when I decided to go to one of my old haunts, Maxie’s. I needed some coffee to clear my throbbing head. Maxie was a heavy set woman with a heart of gold. I heard in her younger years she worked the streets in this neighborhood.

“Hey there sugar.” She greeted me when I walked in.

“Maxie.” I sat on a stool near the counter. Many would call this place a greasy spoon, but to me it was a warm welcoming place. While the food may be flooded with grease, it reminded me of my mother’s cooking. “Coffee.”

She plopped a cup in front of me and poured the dark liquid from a glass urn. “Anything else?”

“Naw.” I shook my head. It dawned on me, I should be famished, but I did not feel a single hunger pang.

“I’ll be around if you change your mind.” She smiled, “Business has been a bit slow since that explosion earlier.”

“Yeah.” I shuddered as I took a sip of coffee. It was really strong.

As I sat there sipping my coffee wondering what my next step was when Clifford Bellinni walked into the diner. “Hey there Maxie, how about some meatloaf?”

Clifford was one of Big Jimmy’s strong armed enforcers. It was a good bet, he was the one who had put the bomb in my car.

“Heeeeyyy Elais, I didn’t expect to see you.” He laughed which told me that my hunch was accurate.

“What’s up, Cliff?” I said as he took the stool next to me.

“Same ol, same ol.” He chuckled.

“So, how’s Jimmy?”

“He’s kinda ticked off at you for skimming off some of the coercion funds.” He shook his head, “You know what a hothead his is.”

“Yeah.” I raised my eyebrows.

“You should go by and let him know that you did not mean to do that.” He winked. I hated Cliff and his confident wink that he used to mark a victim. When he winked, the chump died, accidentally of course. Nobody seemed to be able to finger him. If they did, something accidental would happen to them. 

“I might just do that.”

“You know El, it’s bad practice to do what you did.” He jammed his finger on the counter next to my coffee cup.

“C’mon, you know me. I don’t do something like intentionally.”

“Are you tellin’ me you done this on accident?” He asked as Maxie put his dinner in front of him, a steaming pile of ground beef and gravy. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

“Sure thing, sugar.” She winked at him, but her winks meant something different.

“She’s a real sweetheart, ya know.” He said as his fork plucked up a piece of the meatloaf. “I’ve been workin; this business since I was a numbers runner when I was a kid.”

He reached out and put his hand on my cheek and gave me some love pats as he called them. It made my cheeks turn red meant to be a reminder of pain inflicted and what could be delivered if need be. As far as I was concerned, he had delivered it earlier in the day. I found myself wishing that he would choke on his dinner.

“You go by and see Jimmy. Get right with him.” This time Cliff poked his finger into my sternum. 

“Yeah, I’ll do that.” I nodded in agreement, “I was planning to go by in a few and do just that.”

“Hey El, you’re a good man. Jimmy always said that to me.” He patted me on the cheek again, delivering his message or threat one more time.

I threw a five spot on the counter, “Keep the change, Maxie.”

“Thanks sugar.” She blew me a kiss.

Once I was standing on the sidewalk, I hailed a cab. 

“Where to?” The cabbie had a thick accent.

“Over on Seventh Street.” I spread out in the back seat. “Sixth block.”

“Ya got it.” He nodded as he pulled away from the curb.

As we proceeded to Big Jimmy’s headquarters, I thought about that weird place named Almost. There were a lot of people standing in the line in front of me. I wondered how many had signed the document like I did and how many did not. It left a hard lump in my throat to think that when given a choice, many could not be bothered to sign. In a few minutes, I would find out if signing was worth it. If Big Jimmy saw me coming, he could have me rubbed out on the spot. What would happen then? Would I have to stand in the Almost line? Or would I be sent to the Hell line? I shuddered thinking about it.

Sure, I screwed up a lot, but so did everyone else. Nobody comes through this life unscathed. My mother had me go to mass every Sunday, but then Father McKinney would drink all the wine. He would stumble out on the altar drunk as a skunk. I did what I was supposed to as an altar boy, but even I could not shield him from his weakness that was exhibited in front of the entire congregation. That’s when I learned that adults were not perfect. They could not put into practice what they had been preaching to us. 

“We’s here.” He pulled over to the building where Big Jimmy held court on his syndicate empire.

“Thanks.” Handed the cabbie a twenty. “Keep the change.”

“You’s have a good day.” He smiled as I exited his cab.

I took in a deep breath as I walked to the doorman dressed in a formal tie and tails.

“Good afternoon.” He greeted me as he opened the glass door.

“Thank you.” I nodded as I walked into the lobby feeling as though I was walking into enemy territory. I saw a couple thugs hovering in the lobby. I did not dare make eye contact. Walking to the elevators, I pressed five. Jimmy seldom left the fifth floor during the light of day. 

The elevator opened its oversized mouth, and I stepped into its wide maw. The door shut in a whisper and the car began to hum on its way to the fifth floor.  Big Jimmy had been king of the Atlantic territory on Long Island and Manhattan. Most of his rivals were laid to rest in the Hudson River attached to cement overshoes.

“Elias!” A booming voice greeted him as he stepped from the elevator. 

“Big Jimmy.” I was surrounded by the boss’ bodyguard.

“What can I do for you?” Big Jimmy walked out of his office with his arms extended.

“I came to apologize.”

“The hell you are telling me.” Big Jimmy embraced me, putting his hands on both of my shoulders.

“I guess you could say it that way.” I mumbled to myself.

“Wha?”

“Nothing.” I reached into my pockets as both bodyguards leaned in a bit. I pulled out a stack of bills and handed it to Jimmy. 

“I am touched. I felt bad about trying to off ya like I did.” He looks into my eyes with a wide smile frozen on his face.

“It’s okay, Jimmy, don’t give it a second thought.”

“That’s my boy.” He slapped my cheeks with his open hand.

And just like that I disappeared.

I reappeared at the Almost counter.

“You’re back.” The clerk tried to sound as if he was glad to see me, but the expression on his face said otherwise.

“I did it.”

“Good for you.” He waved both of his hands as if he was excited about my accomplishment. “Since you have completed his contract, I am going to move you to that line over there.”

He pointed to a counter with a big sign over head, “Nice Try.”

‘What are you trying to pull?” I put my hands on my hips.

“Nice Try I for guys who did what they were supposed to but spent their lives in shady organizations.” He handed me a piece of paper. “Take this over to that line.”

“No, I did what I was asked, and I think I should go to that line.” I pointed to a line where the sign said, “Good Work.”

“Oh no, that line is for those who spent their lives doing good works.” He smiled. I wanted to wipe the smug smirk off his face. 

“I did good work.” I put my thumb on my chest.

“For a crime syndicate.” He shrugged, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a mountain of forms I have to take care of.”

I walked away deflated still holding the paper he had given me. I glanced down at it, but to my surprise, “Good Work” was filled in on the paper. As if in a trance, I walked over to the “Good Work” counter.

“Welcome.” The lady greeted me with a smile and took my piece of paper, “We will have a transport coming shortly. Have a seat over there.”

I did as I was told still numb from my good fortune.

I knew that I would be transported to a better place. All my life, I had struggled with the pull between good and evil and it seemed evil was stronger. Why were we made to fail? It always seemed to me that if we were created with fatal flaws, our Creator probably not be such a harsh critic. As it turned out, I was right. Sure, I was not perfect, but that was never the rule, just a pie-in-the-sky expectation nobody would ever attain. Right?

“All aboard.” The conductor for the transport called.

With a wide smile on my face, I found my way to an empty seat on the transport and waited.