Goodbye From My Hello

I guess this journey was long enough for me to say goodbye, let me explain. It started off from my childhood, not knowing I was never beautiful or gorgeous like others said, but like usual I agreed to it. Sigh.. to my future self it’s ok to not agree with the disagrees, though it’s plenty of other options of diguisments I know next time what’s good for me. Not once have I ever questioned myself what’s needed for an improvement, that’s another blame to throw at me. I’m starting to understand the moment of silence I finally endured, goodbye to the sad words that bounced off my tongue, and flowed to my head as the words became permanent scars to the motion of my head that was fed. Have I encountered the best motivation speech? Mhmm not quite, but that’s alright I know, I can’t remember the bad that was said. Should I get started on my surroundings? The unbalanced, mixed up, confused, the generational change? Yup!! Goodbye to those items of mine. Can I leave forever? Of course not, but I can control those motions just by time. Why should I sit in a circle where I don’t fit? The balanced couldn’t control my hormones even if birth control was first put to mind. So sorry for the mix up, but yes they must go as well. Why am I ok being put into a category based on looks, color, body shape. Damn now I’m starting to question my beauty again. Some say mixed up doesn’t always mean confused, but once again I’m somewhere where I’m just not used to. Used to rejection that was never new, but I wanna say goodbye to that old way, I no longer want to be that confused. Generation after generation changed every point on the spot. To where I think my spot is not even a new shape, but some unwanted guess just came in the spot. No! I’m not saying I hate my family, but why do people commit bad energy, unwanted crimes, lies? It's more than generational change above it whatever it is, farewell to you. I want to have that one day where it can be the best! When I say the best I mean just lit! That’s what new kids say though. What’s lit? A good time? Well goodbye to those times where now when we cut on tv, it’s sad we might see a loved one in a bad time. Can we say farewell to bad moments? Yes, if someone provides good vibes. Goodbye to time. I’m tired of waiting on you. Wait wait! I can’t leave time that’s not possible, but wait yes I can! Goodbye childhood! But now I’m heading towards maturity, not everything is sweet at all.

Deep to say my childhood thinking process was enough that it was said, hello to my adulthood goodbye to the items that came with it. In high school I can say where some of the times where I grabbed the most comfort. Besides having teachers, school counselors, peers, I had a little of it all in my place. Started off by meeting my homeroom teacher. I only saw her once a day, which was homeroom of course, but conversations felt like they were carried home by me. Mrs.Superior, that was her name. She always taught me how to maintain happiness even when the situation from it is nowhere to be found. I remembered when I had a class project on scientific matters, & this project was counted for a really big grade. My father was going to kill me if I failed. The pressure from it shocked my waves. Due to Mrs. Superior always encourages me to keep a healthy balance which I thought was impossible at the time, I remember to find a safe place for it, take time, and remember I’m always smart. So sad that before graduation Mrs. Superior has lost her life due to stage 4 liver cancer. To where I met my happiness it has left me. Where I was only in the battle of coming into a home with no longer the main picture representing the house. Farewell to my daily encouragement, my lifetime remembrance. What’s the saying, when one is taken another one comes in making. Well that’s exactly what happened to me. Going through the loss of my teacher I had no choice but to go to counseling, where at my school I met my counselor Mr.Hazard. Mr. Hazard was a very unique guy. He helped me heal just within the matter of time. Where time was only my healer with prayer. Hard to say I wanted to escape time as a child, but talking to him made me realize how precious it was. Mr Hazard knew how to find my good places when I was blurred by gloomy all day. I went to visit Mr. Hazard 3 times a week at school. While I was doing counseling I met my best friend Kim’ammi. Kim’ammi was also visiting Mr.Hazard, for a moment I thought I was the only one to see counselors, felt a little different seeing someone talk to someone. We clicked instantly. Not knowing why we both were seeing counselors we ended up learning each other's situations. Kim’ammi parent were in a middle of a divorce, and she recently learned after graduation she will be moving out the country with her father. On the other hand I’m crying down tears thinking of her and Mrs. Superior. Days gone past I went to Mr. Hazard office for my daily appointment, but his office's empty boxes were gone. I saw someone gone past, and asked where Mr Hazard was. He had left the job for good. Him and wife were going through an divorce, and he could no longer stay in the situation he was in so he left. Not knowing I wouldn’t see my counselor, but my only new friend who I just met also was leaving. Though she said she was moving after graduation, divorce was finalized sooner than later, she was gone. Mentioned that graduation was only 3 days away. I lost it all within the matter of seconds in a month. I don’t know what could’ve been better saying hello to things I can avoid, or saying goodbye to my hellos before they even come. Everything I knew would last did not. It’s ok, we learn, and experience. That’s why I knew I could label something so perfect for me. Good bye From My Hello..