Into The Shadows

Kriss eyed the edge of her blade under the setting rays of the sunlight. The myriad shades of the honeying orange intertwined with the pinks and reds of the sky reflected off the gleaming surface of her dagger.

She stood up and dusted down her pants as she watched the crowded streets below her from the top of the clock tower. While the setting sun initiates the end of the day for most people, it was the opposite for Kris. She ran her eyes through the crowds and spotted the tall, auburn-headed girl drifting amongst them. 

She leapt down the clock tower with her grappling hook in hand and landed with the graceful litheness of a cat. Being in her line of work, Kriss could never hesitate, and she didn’t. She never had a problem wiping the victim’s blood off of her hands, but for the first time the thought of it formed an uneasy lump in her throat. 

The sky had completely darkened and she pulled her hood up and was able to melt into the shadows of the streets. No one noticed her as she walked by. Though few would look at her unsuspecting pretty face and think that she was an assassin by profession. 

8:30 P.M. Kris could feel the oncoming nausea that was always followed by the flashbacks threatening to overwhelm her shattered mind. She was being careless. She should have taken her medication earlier.

She wasn’t herself this time. She was sloppy, careless, and nervous. There couldn’t be any mistakes tonight; she was going to have to make a detour to her house. She slipped into the alley to her right and used her grappling hook to climb up the side of the building. Kris leapt from rooftop to rooftop, the closely packed buildings made leaping across rooftops a much faster form of traveling. 

The edges of her vision started to blur as the nausea hit her. She doubled over and retched onto the rooftop of an unfortunate building. Stabbing memories of the past seared through her head. 

“Hold my hand Kriss. I’ll keep you safe!”

“Kriss it’s chocolate! I found it on the streets.”

“Kriss, mama is sick. I don’t think she’ll make it.” 

“Kriss I’m sorry.”

Kriss. Kriss. Kriss. Kriss. 

Her head was exploding with the memories. She lifted her arm and bit hard into it as she screamed into the night. The flashes subsided and her vision cleared. The specks of stars spread around the sky seemed to be judging her as they watched her from the dark void. She always thought of them as guiding her, but today, it felt like the stars had abandoned her. 

Sweat trickled down her forehead and she wiped it away with the back of her hand. Kris couldn’t trust herself to maintain her agility, so she decided to walk the rest of the way on ground level. She had to take her medication before the next set of flashbacks hit her. With an immense level of difficulty, she managed to find her way to her house. 

The building seemed to get filthier every time she came back to it. The cries of the second floor baby echoed all the way throughout the entire building as she climbed the rickety staircase up to her room. 

She was the only one who could afford to rent a whole floor. The rest had up to ten families living on the same floor, sharing the one bathroom. Disease spread fast amongst them. A whole floor got wiped out last year because of that nasty flu. 

Kriss paused at the landing of the second floor. The mother caught her eyes and stuck a finger into the baby’s mouth in fear to stop its dreadful cries. Kriss snarled at it in disgust and thrust a handful of money at the woman, “Get that thing some food, I don’t want to hear another sound from it.” The woman scrambled to snatch the money away and scuttled back to her position. 

Her husband would probably take the money from her and drink himself unconscious. It was always like that. Kriss wished she could just finish him off, but she was an assassin not a murderer. 

The first three floors were packed, and it was a relief to enter her peaceful space on the top floor. While still shabby and brown, it was a huge upgrade compared to the floors downstairs. She needed to change places, but this area was inconspicuous and it was imperative that she remained under the radar. 

Her vision started to blur again as the next wave of flashbacks hit her. These were much more vivid, and she braced herself for the flood of memories.

“It’s a flower! I got it from the meadows when I went with mama.” She put the lilac flower beyond my ear and placed the hand mirror into my hands. The delicate flower looked like a mockery in my dirty hair. I took the flower out and placed it into her hair. It looked like it was made to fit her. She looked like a fairy. Her mouth made a surprised “o” shape and then burst out into laughter. She took me in her arms and twirled me around the tiny room. 

Kriss clutched her head in pain and screamed as the memories tore through her deteriorating brain.

Her pale face assumed an expression of seriousness that I had never seen before. I didn’t need her to tell me what happened. Tears fell down the sides of her cheeks as she crumpled to the floor in a heap. I could feel the sun shine ironically onto my face as the news of our mother’s death settled within me. 

She stumbled towards the drawer next to her bed and grabbed the bottle of pills.

I watched as she walked towards the door with a meager bag of her possessions. “I have to go. I couldn’t save mama, but I can save others, and I can’t do that from here.” She gently placed her palm onto my face, “Kriss I’m sorry.” 

Her hands fumbled as she counted out two of the pills and swallowed them down dry. Her sister’s kind face started dissipating from her head as the medicine took effect. She collapsed onto the floor and held her head in both hands, trying to soothe the memories completely out of her head.

That was a different time. It was eons ago. She didn’t share the same empathy and compassion as her older sister. She never did, though she may have hidden it well; Kriss was certain her sister knew of the sickness that ruled over her head. Maybe that was why she decided to leave in the end. 

And yet, there was that lump in her throat. She felt a nervousness that she had never felt before. What an odd feeling for her. But why? Because it was her sister? Since when did she care for these things? 

Kriss was extremely meticulous when it came to her work. She usually spent the hours leading up to the kill to go through her plan and scout the area a couple times. But here she was, a complete mess on the floor. 

She got a job and she had to finish it. She did not contemplate. She did not ask questions. She did not hesitate. She just did the job. That’s who she was. That’swhy people came to her. 

9:23 P.M. She was going to wait till 11 P.M., but she knew this job was different for her. She knew there was a chance of not completing the job, and she was not going to do that. People relied on her complete lack of ability to feel remorse or empathy. They knew she could do the job. Then what was it that she was feeling? Why were the flashbacks harsher than usual? 

There was no time to waste. She had to finish the job. She took out the dagger and slowly sliced open her arm. Blood trickled down her arm and onto the floor. Good. It was sharp. No, she definitely was not like the others, but it was still her sister. She was going to do this as quickly and painless as possible. 

Kriss crouched down onto the window seal. She could hear the wailing of the baby start up again. A spark of annoyance flared up in her again. She was going to have to deal with that when she came back. She secured her grappling hook onto the window seal and fell into the arms of the night. 

 ****

Kriss stood inside the envelope of the shadow behind the cupboard. She had been standing there for what felt like hours. 

11:33 P.M. She had to meet with her employer at exactly 12 A.M. with confirmation of her death. In and out. In and out. Go in, kill, and get out. Why couldn’t she just kill? She felt for the revolver in her holster. She rarely used it, she preferred the dagger especially in such close quarters, but she couldn’t bring herself to get any closer to the sleeping girl.

She realized then, that she probably couldn’t do it. That maybe she was not as heartless as she thought she was. Maybe she should just – “Who are you?” She grabbed her gun and shot it straight towards the source of the voice. 

Kriss expected her to be shocked, but instead she had a melancholic smile plastered onto her face, almost like she knew this was going to happen. She seemed to be mouthing something as she fell down dead onto her bed, a bullet hole splayed starkly across her forehead. Kriss held the gun tightly in both hands, still pointing it towards her sister. Her voice trembled, “I’m sorry Elina.” She could feel hot tears pouring down the sides of her cheeks. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. She shouldn’t have done that. She should’ve just left. 

She felt herself disappear as the shadows absorbed her into its wraths. The last string of sanity tethering her mind to this world broke free. A single sentence kept running over and over through her head.

I’m sorry Elina.