VIEW INTO A LIFE

I am Kate and I am 27. I am tall and look attractive. I’ve been married 2 years to Ted, a research scientist. I am qualified to be a journalist but I have not taken up a job though I had the opportunity. This morning after breakfast, I was at home watching TV. I really didn’t care for what was being shown and switched it off. I thought why not clean up the showcase? I got up and finding a photo album on top, took it down and seated on a sofa started looking into it. The pictures had been carefully arranged chronologically with occasional comments to clarify.

The first picture I saw was of my Mom and Dad after their wedding. He was a trim tall man with a nice moustache standing with my Mom. Next came the photo of me as a baby being held in my dad’s hands with my Mom looking on. I had seen this picture several times and moved on. Then came the picture of me standing with my satchel on my way to school. Dad was standing just outside with car door open. He would drop me at school.

I paused and made some coffee for myself. Sipping it I opened the album further. Now came pictures of my eighth birthday. I was standing eating a piece of cake as Mom and Dad looked on. Beside her was Ted who lived in the neighbourhood. He was 10. Another neighbour Sylvia, my mother’s friend, was also there with her accordion. She was a good player of the instrument and often would be invited to perform at functions. I saw the photo of Sylvia with extended bellows with her fingers on the keys. I was fond of Sylvia and was deeply grieved when she lost fingers after a road accident. That ended her musical pursuit. Pictures showed Ted talking to Sylvia and touching the accordion which he hadn’t seen before.

The next picture I chose to look at was when Ted and I were cycling around. He was good at cycling while I was still trying to find my balance on a bicycle. He is seen with a cap on his head. The next picture showed Ted and me outside the school with class mates. I remembered playing on a seesaw with him. I wouldn’t climb to the high end which he would. Now there came a picture of Ted and I on an elephant headed slide.

 I finished the coffee when the doorbell rang. I opened it to find it was an Amazon delivery man. I collected the items, closed the door and again sat to watch the pictures in the album. There was a picture of a party to felicitate Ted who had graduated summa cum laude from high school. I am now grown up and look fetching as I wish Ted. Mom and Dad are beaming as they swatch.

Opening the album further I am seen standing beside my parents on my 16^th birthday. Ted who is in college has come as it is vacation time. Next is a picture of Ted prior to his leaving for the USA where he has secured admission in a college. He won’t be back for 3 years.

Lookin at the old time pictures I was moved but continued looking into the album. Next came a graduation picture of Ted which he had sent. Then there were pictures of his farewell party in the USA. He is flanked by 2 females. His comment: ‘You can see Luz Santa a Brazilian on my left and Satu Mattila from Finland who studied with me.’ I saw both of them were not good looking and the Finn was obese. This picture was followed by pictures of Ted on holiday in the USA.

The following picture showed Ted at a party in our home when he had got a job as a research scientist with a multinational firm. Mom is patting him on his back. Then came pictures of Ted’s engagement with me when several of our kin joined.

That was the end of the album and I now took up the next album . It contained pictures of my wedding with Ted. It was produced by a commercial photographer. I had seen it many times and was was familiar with each scene - my hair style, my make-up, my dress, my jewellery, every one of those. I had looked transformed in each ensemble. Ted appeared the same despite his change of dresses. The album ended showing Ted and me leaving for our honeymoon.

I sighed as I put the albums away. I didn’t attempt to clean up the show case – the idea with which I had started. I sat back and reminisced about my two years of married life. Was I content? Was I happy? The answers to both questions came negative. He was content to be working as head of a research team which included a Dr.Sindhu. Don’t think Sindhu was a good-looker! Far from it! She was tall. She was fair. She had plenty of hair on her head which she kept knotted. Also she was two years senior in age to Ted. Only she had an always smiling face. Always dressed in a staid sari. She wasn’t married. I know Ted had no romantic interest in Sindhu. Only he had an appreciation of her intelligence and her deep knowledge in her field of research. I’ve told him several times “Take me abroad on a holiday” but he was always putting it off. The latest answer “There is an important international conference coming up where I have to submit a paper. My team is busy. I’ll surely take you abroad .” He doesn’t believe in surprising me with nice gifts. He would only buy me something if I asked. On memorial occasions like my birthday he would only give me money to buy whatever I chose.

That night I was in bed and was randy. I had primed him when he gets a call. There is a fire in his lab! He calls up Sindhu and says she should go with him to the lab. He would pick her up. He leaves me molten merely saying “Sorry Kate!” It is now 11 in the night and he returns at half past two in the morning and starts snoring. I didn’t talk to him for 3 days though he kept apologising. And a similar incident happened again when Sindhu had a problem at an ungodly hour. Either he didn’t understand women or was indifferent towards me i couldn’t make out. I know what men seek in the wife: Fidelity, intelligence, beauty, sense of humour, sincerity, ability to appreciate good food, appreciation of monogamy, and of course, courage. I have evaluated myself on these aspects and found I wasn’t wanting. Why then was he ignoring me?

Finally one night when we were in bed I said “Ted, I feel our marriage isn’t working. Our interests are clearly different. Let us part.”

I saw he was shocked. He said “Kate, we’ve been together since we were kids. How could you talk about parting?”

“That is a lame excuse for various aspects where I find you wanting. I assure you I have no extra marital interest. I’m simply bored in life with you. I would like to find my independence.” I had the courage to speak my mind even though within me I felt I was wrong in what I was doing.

“I think what you’re saying is clearly wrong. I had expected you to adjust yourself to me.”

“Your expectation is a mistake. Release me soon. You may probably find, say a Sindhu, conforming to your needs.”

He didn’t say anything further. I had decided on this way to solve unbridgeable differences. I had started my move and hope to see it ending my way.

END