Next Time

Stella was almost ready. She gave her eyelashes a last little flick with the mascara wand, cursing under her breath as she missed and almost poked herself in the eye. A tear trickled down her cheek through a runnel of mascara and foundation. Blinking and dabbing at her eye, she jumped as she heard a little giggle behind her.

    “You look funny, mommy. One eye looks like a raccoon.”

     “Ceci, what are you doing? You’re supposed to be in bed. Linda will be here any moment now to read you a story.”

Ceci had stopped giggling.

      “Mommy, why can’t you read me a story? You’re always going out.”

 Frantically trying to salvage her makeup, Stella took a deep breath.

       “Ceci, I'll read you a story next time. Mommy has told you before that I have to meet some important people from work. If Mommy doesn’t work, we don’t have money. If we don’t have money…”

      “We can’t pay the bills and we won’t have a house. I know,” said Ceci, with a resigned sigh.

Stella stared at her daughter’s reflection. The bathroom was still steamy and Ceci’s pale face seemed to waver in the condensation on the mirror. She saw her own clown-like face and Ceci behind her. Suddenly the figure of another little girl materialized in the mirror behind Ceci. Stella whirled around and Ceci jumped back.

        “Mommy, what’s wrong? Are you mad at me?”

Stella stared at the empty spot behind Ceci, her heart pounding, breathing hard.

       “No, sweetie, I’m not mad at you. I’m sorry if I scared you. My imagination ran away with me for a moment. Come here for a hug.”

She felt her heart swell with love as Ceci threw her skinny arms round her neck. At that moment, the doorbell rang. She carefully disentangled herself and let Linda in.

        “Linda, Ceci’s been very good today, so she can stay up a little later than usual and watch a movie.”

Linda grinned as she hung up her coat and Ceci capered around the living room. Stella shook her head ruefully and rushed back to the bathroom to fix her face. She eyed the mirror suspiciously for a second. Nothing unusual, thank goodness.

         In the cab on the way to her meeting, she told herself that she would slow down at work soon. Once she had secured this latest promotion, she could take it easier. No more putting Ceci off. She would be the one to put her daughter to bed. She would be the one to read stories. She felt her stomach clench in a familiar knot of stress and dread. Competition at work was fierce. She was the only woman to have made it this far. Calling out because of childcare issues would be a big chink in her armor. Ceci would thank her for it later, when there was money for a good school and college. They’d go on a nice vacation and she promised herself that she wouldn’t read emails next time. The last time they’d gone to Disneyworld, she’d checked her phone every ten minutes until Ceci finally burst into frustrated tears.

         “Mommy, you’re not listening to me!”

         “Sweetie, you’re right. I’m sorry.”

She had stuffed the phone deep into her purse and checked it only furtively when she thought Ceci was distracted.

        She suddenly realized the cab had been idling for a few minutes and rapped on the window.

         “What’s going on?”

         “Roadworks,” the driver said tersely.

Stella sighed and gazed into the darkness, idly staring at the group of pedestrians waiting to cross, drumming her fingers on her purse. She gasped in disbelief as she saw the little girl in the crowd, staring at her with the same intensity as she had in the bathroom. At that moment, the cab lurched forward. Stella twisted around, frantically peering out of the rear window, but the little figure merged with the crowd and disappeared. Stella wondered why the girl looked so familiar and if she was even real. Perhaps she really did need to take things easier.

        The cab pulled up to the hotel. The driver looked back at Stella curiously.

         “You okay, ma’am? We’re here.”

Stella started, unsure of her whereabouts for a moment.

          “Sorry, yes, lost in my thoughts.”

She paid him and hurried inside. Her feet sank in the deep, luxurious carpet of the lobby. She approached the reception desk.

         “Hi, the Acme Industries meeting?”

The receptionist smiled with professional friendliness.

          “Yes, that is in the Azalea Ballroom. Down the hallway to the right.”

Stella ducked into the ladies’ room and checked her makeup. Immaculate, with no sign of her earlier mishap. She sighed with relief, took a deep breath and entered the ballroom, smiling and elegant, meeting and greeting. She found her table, nodded pleasantly at her fellow attendees and tried to look as if she was enjoying her meal. Afterwards, sipping a cup of tepid coffee, she sighed as the lights were dimmed and the presentation began.

           Her attention drifted after about ten minutes, until she suddenly saw a movement at the side of the room. A little figure was flitting in and out of the heavy curtains. She glanced around, but no one else seemed to have noticed anything. They were all gazing raptly, or pretending to, at the speaker. Stella froze as the girl crept closer. She was wearing clothes several decades out of date and had a chunky home cut hairstyle. Stella realized she was staring at herself. She shook her head in disbelief. She hadn’t been drinking. Maybe she was losing her mind. Suddenly memories came flooding back. Waiting up for her father who always had important meetings. Who was always going to take her to the zoo or the park or the museum next time. Each important meeting was going to be the last Turned out that his important meetings had included his lady friend. By the time she was a teenager, he was the frazzled father of three young children and had even less time for Stella. She’d rebuffed any attempts he’d made to reconcile after that.

              The little girl looked at her pleadingly. Stella grabbed her coat and got up so abruptly that she almost knocked over her chair. People turned to stare, but at that moment applause broke out and attention switched back to the speaker. She winked at the little girl who grinned in delight.

                 “Come on,” said Stella. “We’re going home to read Ceci a story.”