To Sell Her Soul

She spent the entirety of her year gazing at him from her little rocky cove. The handsome sailor used her waters to catch fish each day from sunrise to sundown. Unless the weather rendered it unsafe, he was there first thing in the morning on his dingy paint-chipped boat.

She’d always considered herself to be as happy as any mermaid could be. Freely she swam in the azure waters of the sea, her home, her whole world. She soon found herself thinking that perhaps she could expand her horizons, now that she was beginning to feel something entirely unfamiliar.

On days when she felt particularly bold, she dared to get a bit closer to him. After watching him for hours, observing his behaviors, listening to him talk and sing to himself, she had grown fond of the man. When he turned his boat around and left for the day, she felt an ache in her heart that she neither understood, nor cared for.

She had limited knowledge of human world, but she didn’t think it could be much worse than the sea. All mermaids were raised to understand that the sea should be revered in its beauty and majesty, but they must be aware to the fact that it is rife with hazards. They lived in the unpredictable wild, unlike the humans who seemed to have more structure and security.

There were tales of mermaids who decided to become human and live among them, forever abandoning their life in the sea. The stories say that the transition is agonizing and permanent. Once human, they’ve sealed their destiny.

It seemed ridiculous, yet the more she lived with the discomfort at watching him go, the less absurd the idea became. She lived a life of survival, every day exerting great energy to provide food for herself and her community. Some days, the food was scarce, and once in a blue moon a mermaid would die and become nothing more than sea foam and memory.

With the sailor, she envisioned feasting daily on all the fruits of the sea that she could imagine. Each day he’d bring home a bounty for her, and each day she would be filled with a love she’d never before known. She made her decision. She would go to him, and he would be hers, and she his.

It was a decision made too lightly, by some people’s standards, but it was the one she made, and she didn’t look back as she swam towards the sandy shore.

In the dead of night, she dragged herself out of the ocean and far from the water, where she would dry out and allow the transformation to commence.

Her tail started to burn and she was overcome by a sensation that made it feel like her scales were crawling. The sizzling pain in her fin caused her breath to quicken, and groans escaped from her mouth. She bit down on her lip to keep herself from screaming, and soon a trickle of blood dripped down her chin.

The real suffering set in as her tail began to rip itself apart. She could not bear it and screamed for the sea to release her from her consciousness. The sea did not answer her prayer. She felt every moment of pain until finally she looked down to see a pair of legs attached to her torso.

When it was over and the pain had subsided, she felt like she could breathe again. She wiped her tears and laid down to rest before setting out to win the heart of the sailor man.

  The light pierced through her closed eyelids, awakening her to see the familiar face above her. It was her sailor man.

“Ma’am, are you alright?” He asked, laying a towel over her nakedness.

“I don’t know who I am or where I am.” She answered, drawing him in with the mystery of her being.

“I don’t know who you are, but I can tell you that you’re on the coast of Alabama.” He said. He looked her in the eyes. “You been through quite an ordeal, huh?”

“I don’t remember what happened.” She lied.

“Hmm, well why don’t I take you in and get you cleaned up and clothed.”

“Thank you.”

“The names Dale.” He said as he helped her up.

She was not accustomed to standing on legs and she toppled over. Dale helped her up again, this time supporting her as she stood.

“You don’t remember your name?”

“Not for sure, but the name Celine sounds familiar.” It wasn’t her birth name, but she chose it as her human name.

“Then I’ll call you Celine. Sure is a pretty name.” Said Dale.

Dale took her home and allowed her to bathe herself. He scrounged up something for her to wear, then cooked her up a hot meal. It was her first time eating land food and her eyes lit up with delight at the taste of it. Dale was nothing but kind to her, and it seemed her plan was working. She thought they would have their happily ever after.

Every day, thereafter, she would come aboard his boat and keep him company while he fished. They would watch the sunset every evening, before heading home. Before long, Dale found himself falling for Celine.

After a few months Dale asked her to marry him, and she accepted the proposal, gleefully. The two felt complete in each other’s arms, at least for a little while.

She busied herself some days by keeping her nose in a cookbook, in attempt to learn cooking, per Dale’s request. Mermaids had never cooked their food before, so it took time for her to improve. Every dish had something wrong with it, according to her husband. She would grow frustrated that he didn’t want to eat what she would make, and of course he never helped her clean up.

Every Sunday Dale made her go to church with him. It was a Southern Baptist church that was so far from anything mermaids believed. The sea was their god, and she struggled to understand and accept the Trinity that was preached about.

“Dale, I don’t think I want to go to church.” She once said.

“Well that’s too bad, ‘cuz you’re my wife and I say you’re going.” He replied sternly.

“Why don’t I have a say?” she questioned.

“It’s God’s will for you to do as I say.” He said. She didn’t understand, but she hated fighting with him, so she continued to attend the services without resisting.

An uncomfortable feeling developed inside her, like her stomach was doing flips. She realized she was not meant to ask many questions and was expected not to defy her husband. She was stripped of her autonomy.

But she had what she wanted. She had the love that had alluded her in the sea. She thought that was all that mattered. But her idea of love was continuously challenged as Dale grew colder towards her.

The months stretched into years and she began to learn her place in this human world. She was somehow beneath Dale, according to his view, or the church’s view, or perhaps society’s view. He made the money, giving him a complete sense of entitlement. Her identity became merely that of a wife. She was supposed to please him, obey him, support him.

He would often come stumbling home late at night in drunken fits. Sometimes he would pass out, and other times he would become aggressive towards Celine.

Her days grew sadder, harder, and lonelier. She needed something of her own. The other women that she knew all had jobs, so she set out to get one of her own. It was difficult to find a job, having had no experience working. She finally found employment in a canning factory, where the workers were little more than machines to be controlled.

Though it was not much, she was proud for a while of the money she was making, until the labor felt too heavy on her shoulders and she was worn out.

Is this life? Is this all there is in the human world? She found herself thinking more and more often as days went by.

The first beating at the hands of her husband left her shaken to her core. If that was how love was in the human world then she wanted no part of it.

“Hey, where you goin’?” Dale slurred as she walked out the door straight into the darkness one night. In his drunken stupor he chose not to go after her.

She left a trail of footprints through the sand as she ambled barefoot towards the ocean. Her heart ached as the twinkling ocean, reflecting the full moon on its surface, came into view. It felt like she was seeing her previous home for the very first time. She let her garments drop to the ground and stepped into the water, feeling a relief wash over her.

She took a few more steps, then a few more, until eventually the dark water was up to her knees. Though the change was said to be permanent, she still held onto an inkling of hope that she would sink into the sea and return to her original form.  She’d made her acquaintance with the life of the land folk, but she was ready for it to end. She knew it could be another 50 years if she let nature have its way, so she went her own way.

As she floated out into deeper water, she found she could no longer swim. She thrashed about, pushing herself farther out, just the way she wanted. The waves became stronger than her, tossing her around and plunging her beneath them.

By the time she was fully submerged she realized the reality of her situation. Her tail would not return to her.

Being incapable of making the change, she dreaded the pain that would accompany her imminent death. She did not mourn losing her life. She only hoped it would leave her as nothing more than sea foam, to forever remain in the sea where she realized she belonged.