This endless void has remained long enough. It is time to begin—time for the light.
Let there be light.
A watery orb is suspended in the dimness—shapeless, lifeless, so still, and dark—a murky drop in the void of the universe. Oh, the things I can do with this, what a wonder it will be, this liquid sphere of potentiality. It hovers, quiet, waiting, yearning for its beginning. Now, I will begin.
I shall push the waters down, pour them away from the great beyond, and fill the gap with atmosphere—air—nitrogen, oxygen, the perfect components for life—yes, life—to thrive and multiply. The waters below, the air all around, oh so many ideas of how to fill them, but first—land. It sleeps, submerged beneath the still waters, but I will call it up, rouse it from eternal dormancy, where its surfaces will touch the new air and there, I will let it settle—let it dry, let it breathe.
Oh, this land will be wild and wonderful—some parts I will raise up, carve ridges in its rock, and shape it into spears that pierce the sky. Some, I will flatten, spreading it out thin and low, laying across the waters. It will be rich, layered, yes, this land will have depth—variation—rings of dirt and soil and bedrock down to its molten core. It will have mountains and valleys, cliffs and caverns. A sightless hand could glide over its surface and know it by its rises and dips, like the face of a lover in the dark. Yes, yes, this is good.
But there must be more.
It should be filled with life—plants spreading their seeds and flowers unfurling in dazzling color and trees bursting with fruit and grasses spanning the flat lands and mosses blanketing the mountains. Like a sea of green, life will cover the land—and the waters too—yes, growth will spread to the deepest parts. It will cling to the ocean floor and waver and dance in the moving waters. It will sustain itself—all of it—spreading and multiplying and thriving in its place. Oh, what a sight. Yes, yes, this is good.
But there must be more.
There will be order, lights up above to rule the passing of time. Time. Yes, time has begun. A great light, placed just so, will warm the new life—tell it when to sleep, where to look, and when to bloom. It will be the planet’s obsession—the unfailing center of its cyclical journey from season to season. This great light will burn—a heat so fervent and boiling and bright that it cannot be touched, it cannot be looked upon. It will hang in the great expanse and sustain all that orbit around it.
There will be many such lights—a number beyond notation—scattered as far as the darkness stretches and then further still. These lights will arrange themselves in clusters and patterns and will burn for eons. They will sustain order, marking time and tilt and turn around the great light, visible to all those on the land. The land. Yes, the land:
There will be creatures—swimming, slithering, and flying creatures beyond the wildest imagination. They will have gills, scales, feathers, wings, tails, and they will be marvelous! Some will own the sky and hug the clouds, light shining upon their backs. They will glide on weightless wings, high above the earth below—below. Yes, some creatures will live below. They will bask in warm, shallow waters, close to the comfort of land’s edges, and they will fill the silence with a bubbling chorus of hisses and croaks. Others will lurk like mysterious shadows in the darkest, greatest depths of the seas, ruling the waters in all their enormity. Yes, yes, this is good.
But there must be more.
There will be creatures on the land—lumbering, leaping, slinking creatures of all shapes and sizes. They will have skin, fur, hooves, horns, stripes, and spots. They will traverse the tallest trees, burrow in the ground beneath, roam wild and run free, yes, yes. From the wondrous beasts of land and sea to the smallest insect with invisible wings; they will share the planet and live in harmony, in order with one another.
It is good, all good, but there must be more.
There must be one—a creature unlike the rest—who is more than skin and fur and fin, who appreciates the beauty of this land teeming with life and bursting with color, one who comprehends the order in the orbit of the lights above. One who thinks, who feels, who loves, who sets its mind and its hands to create and sustain and nurture and retain all there is to see and know of this new world. Someone who can reason. Someone like me.
This creature will walk like the animals but will stand erect and upright beside them. It will run like the animals, with strong legs to carry it to and fro. It will be covered with skin, on its back, on its hands—skin delicate enough to find the edge of the smoothest grain of sand, strong enough to grip rock and tree and climb to where the land and sky meet. These hands will learn through touch—speak through touch, and it will speak with words—not bellows and caws and growls, but with tongue against teeth, with precision, with intelligence. This creature is special, it will be nothing like the rest. It will learn and grow and adapt to where it goes, it will be sustained by the land, but it will subdue the land—cultivate it, nurture it. Yes, yes, this is good.
And oh, he is marvelous. He stands tall, blades of grass bending beneath his feet. He walks, uneasy at first, but his legs are strong. He runs through the garden scented with fruit and flowers and herbs and honey. He follows the sound of birds singing and sees them perched in pairs on branches. Deer and gazelle pad in the mist. Lambs graze, and wolves bask in the warm morning light. Lions tussle and nuzzle their young. They all gather at the river, and he counts them, two, three, twelve, fifty, too many. He strokes their fur, learns the curves of their bodies, the twist of their horns and snouts and hooves and bones. He knows them all, names them all, speaks to them all. But they never speak back. He is alone.
No, no, this is not good, something is missing. There must be more.
There must be another.
A creature like this one, who stands upright and walks on strong legs. It will be covered with skin, on its back, on its face, on its hands—hands that will wield strength and grace. This creature will learn and grow and adapt to where it goes. It will be special—discerning, divining. It will be one who thinks, who feels, who loves–one who sets its mind and its hands to create and sustain and nurture and retain the beauty of this new world and know its mysteries. Someone who can reason. Someone like me.
And oh, she is incredible. She stands tall, blades of grass curling between her toes. She walks, unsteady at first, but they can walk together now, run together. She is life itself, as lush and green as the ground beneath her. The other creatures come to greet her, welcome her, breathe her in and nuzzle her skin, and she laughs.
Yes, yes, she is perfect. It is all good, so very good.
They will lie in beds of clover and gaze up into the great beyond, counting the lights that shimmer and shoot across the endless black sky, unable to number and name them all. They will close their eyes against the evening and sleep until morning brings a new day.
And I think I too will rest now.
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34 comments
I am stunned Aeris. This has the most beautiful descriptive passages, and I did wonder when you would cease outdoing yourself. It was with a sigh of sweet relief to read the ultimate sentence. It reads almost like poetry. Very good!
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Thank you so much, Mary. "Poetic" was what I was aiming for, without being too "purple." I greatly appreciate you taking the time to read and share your thoughts :)
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Wow, so creative! A bit of the way through I realized who the narrator was and I was like ooh! Truly marvelous imagery and sentences, Aeris, they flow like water. I love the repetition of "there must be more" and the fact that the narrator sounds like they're talking to themselves (it highlights their obsessiveness to perfect the world). If I may offer a small critique; I think it would be interesting if you included the part about Eve and the snake. Then, when the narrator/God casts them out, they is making Eden more perfect and the last l...
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Hey Sophia! Thank you so much for reading, and I really like your suggestions. I think if I were to flesh this story out and make it longer, it would naturally need more conflict—and the perfect conflict is conveniently right there. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I always appreciate it!!
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You have such elegant prose to bring such an abstract scene to life. I feel like I'm watching a billion years of earth's history on a nature program. Perhaps there is some unknown force in another dimension we can't see that shapes things, who knows. You did miss a chance to write a snarky sentence about a few humans becoming writers as the final stage of evolution;)
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A nature program, yes. I should have put a note: *Please read this story to yourself in the voice of David Attenborough.”
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Love this. An outstanding and creative response to the prompt. Your poetic language is flawless, as usual, and I think your take on the inner monologue of God is brilliant. Beneath the surface, I find that the idea that the earth is a work in progress, something that constantly needs tinkering with and improving, is quite appealing. It gives a valid reason for the imperfections around us and implies that our task as humans is to do our bit in its improvement. In this sense, your story is like a work of philosophy. Anyway, fantastic work as...
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Hey Daniel! Thank you very much for reading! I always appreciate it ;)
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On the surface, it's an almost poetic (as others have pointed out) accounting of the Christian creation story. But here's a curious thing. The prompt is about tinkering with something to obsessive levels, and the creation keeps zooming in and in. First, abstract concepts such as light. Then, the void and the watery orb. Then vast landscapes, stars, broad life. Then more focused animals, then finally super focused humans. Is this seeing the trees but missing the forest? Fine tuning one detail, but perhaps missing a flaw? It sounds like it...
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I like your comparison of sculpting clay. Yes, my attempt was to not-too-blasphemously dramatize the creation story, and somewhat ironically respond to the prompt by giving God this “borderline obsessive” voice/tone, in the sense that a mad genius might approach a painting/sculpture/work of art. As always, thank you for reading Mr. Przywara 🙂
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Clapping. (It's getting harder to respond after someone (cough cough)...) The words made me happy.
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Thanks Tommy!! Always happy to see a comment from you 😊
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You know I love it! Brilliant piece, well done!
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Thanks a million, Seán!!
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Whew! How brave of you to write from God's POV. You most certainly pulled it off. One bit that resonated with was the description of hands-- 'delicate enough to find the edge of the smoothest grain of sand, strong enough to grip rock and tree and climb to where the land and sky meet'. Beautiful imagery!
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Brave or foolish, one of the two 😬 Thanks for reading, Jim! Looking forward to seeing something from YOU this week.
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I won't tarnish this story with comments; its beauty is as wide, as deep, as wonderful as the world itself.
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Thank you so very much ☺️☺️
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I liked how you used the account of God creating the Earth for this piece. I love the descriptions you used and it made me really feel like I am there. Good job, Aeris!
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Ha, I'm so glad! Thank you for reading, I really appreciate it :)
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Wow. This is awesome. I love how you wrote this out!
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Thank you so much, Kayla 😊
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Hey Aeris, I was enchanted by this one. As a faithful Catholic, I’ve always found the story of creating a fascinating one. I consistently remind my husband it was Adam who asked God to make Eve. This piece had such beautiful imagery and a hopeful ring to it. I also thought you did a good job of characterizing your MC. NICE JOB!
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Amanda, Thank you SO much for your comment, I really appreciate it. I wanted so badly to make this story idea work without coming across as “irreverent” lol, so I am glad to hear your positive opinion of it!
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Gorgeous, Aeris!
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Thank you, Rama!
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A clever fit to the prompt. Beautifully written. A few things that caught my attention: [Some, I will flatten, spread it out thin and low and lay across the waters.] I get caught up on [lay across the waters.] It just doesn’t read smoothly to me. Perhaps make it {Some, I will flatten, spreading it out thin and low and laying it across the waters.} [and climb to the where land and sky meet.] I believe [to the where] should be {to where the} [and wolves bask in the warm, morning light.] I think this would read better without the comma. ...
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Guadalupe--I sincerely appreciate you taking the time read and comb through the story with such attention to detail. I am so glad you caught/pointed out some of those sections, and I agree with all your suggestions. That's how I think too when reading others' work; where did I stumble over the wording/have to double back? I know this thorough, close reading takes time and energy, so thank you very much!
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Your story really touched me, and it rang true in my heart. G. K. Chesterton said that God must be childlike, for children don’t tire of something that delights them. They will say “Do it again,” until the grown-up is nearly dead with doing it. God says “Do it again,” to the sun every day. I can feel that intelligent energy of creating when I read this. But I get hung up on this line: [She is life itself, as lush and green as the ground beneath her.] I don’t think this is how God viewed Eve. Women have the ability to carry and nurture n...
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That's lovely! Yes I absolutely see how there could have been some deep diving done in this story (theologically speaking) but my intentions were to keep it simple and in alignment with the text while adding a creative layer--fantastical visuals behind each "let there be" statement. I know there are endless implications behind every word and phrase, but I tried not to deviate much past/bring too much into this passage. Glad you've found it thought provoking! I look forward to reading some of your writing when I get a chance ;)
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I really enjoyed your visuals, springing from the original text. Some of my favorite parts are these: It sleeps, submerged beneath the still waters, but I will call it up, rouse it from eternal dormancy, where its surfaces will touch the new air and there, I will let it settle—let it dry, let it breathe. It should be filled with life—plants spreading their seeds and flowers unfurling in dazzling color and trees bursting with fruit and grasses spanning the flat lands and mosses blanketing the mountains. There will be many such lights—a nu...
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Aeris Perfect story for the season 😊
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Thanks, Suma—and congrats on your shortlist!! 🥳
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Thank you 😊
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