A Desert holds Nothing

Heat, and nothing but that. An endless amount of it. I could feel myself becoming more drained as the seconds went by. This was supposed to be fun. How long has it been since I've been out here in this desert?

How long has anything been? My last rations of food and water were gone too soon before I realized I had used them up. I remember coming out here on a journey to find enlightenment in myself or at the very least clear my mind.

I stopped in my tracks, my entire body feels like it's going to collapse any moment. I looked out into the nothingness that there was. The same sight was painfully irritating. An endless stretch of sand dunes filled with mirages that played at your mind. There is nothing here. No rain, no vegetation, and no trees. Just one tree. That's all I prayed for. If I couldn't have water, shade would be the next best thing.

Just as I predicted, my limbs gave out and I fell onto the scorching sand. I'm so pathetic. How did it end up like this?

-

I was headed towards a town somewhere in Nevada. This is going to be so fun, I kept repeating in my head. It was something new and another thing to distract me from him. I've always seen this place as something quite beautiful. No noise, no one to bother you, and no drama.

I headed out into the endlessly open stretch of land with a heavy backpack of supplies hung over my shoulders. I didn’t bring a map, but as dumb as that sounded, I thought about it as an experience to be made. 

Few nomads passed by guiding me to resting spots along the way. I was only hours into my journey and I was already feeling fatigued. Hours eventually turned into days. The harsh wind that would rarely blow was rough against my skin as it carried bits of sand. I carried on, still dragging my legs against the dry land. My sight was becoming deary and I could feel the continuous exhaustion rise again. Everything I had brought with me was already gone. I only carried the weight of my own body, and the few bits of sanity that were left. Looking around into the empty sky, only panic fumed. I was lost. 

-

I layed there on my side, letting the tiny pebbles sink into my skin. I stared blankly at the same sand I was surrounded with. Nothing, absolutely nothing. I would never have imagined I’d die here. It was my idea to come out here, but not this. I can’t die here, like this. As it seemed like the end, my mind did the exact opposite of what I intended. Flashbacks of him began to surge through my mind at an instant.

 “You’ll be good right?,” a delicate voice started. Yes, I promise. “Good, you’re mine, remember that.” Does that mean we’re dating? I can’t believe it. I’m really dating him. 

A few days passed by and he'd wave to me or give me an occasional wink in the halls. He was usually with other girls but that didn't bother me. They weren't important, I was just glad I finally had him. I'd be up at night waitng for him to text me. Sometimes he wouldn't at all. But tonight, he did. My heart skipped as I saw the notification with his name. I read it almost immediately.

-"Hey, you up?" As I was about to reply, he sent another message. "Come over."

It continued like this for about a week. He told me only I could help him, which didn't bother me at all. I remember him once referring to me as a "toy", but I brushed that over. But as precious as that week was, it ended. I remember walking up to him happily as he was making out with a girl in my class.

"Hey!", I had spoke waving at him agressively. He didn't turn to look at me and kept working his lips at the girl in front of me. I stood there waiting for him until he finally broke off from her. The girl next to him was glaring at me with a vicious look. I couldn't care for it. "Should I go," she spoke towards him. "No, stay." He then focused his attention on me. "What do you want," he said in a monotone like voice. "Ah, I was just wondering if-," "Actually, we need to talk." My heart was at a still. Talk? Oh, it won't be that serious, I hoped. "I don't wanna be with you." The words hit my ears like stones. "Wait-," "Alright, thats all I needed to say." He left with the girl following behind him, laughing almost mockingly. It was over. I lost my happiness. I didn't care that he was with other people, I just wanted him.

-

Here I was in the desert. Lost, and dying. I was so naive. I wondered if at any point there was a connection between us. Of course not. Theres was nothing. Just like here, in this open land. You'd think out here with the endless stretch of land there would be so much waiting for you. But only I am here. Laying in the hot sand that would soon claim me.

Just as it was for him, traveling into a strange place, that was made to burn. To hurt, to struggle. Knowingly, but still willing to risk yourself. This place only reminded me of the pain he gave. It was all too similar.

In both worlds, I'm left with nothing. Just here, alone in a desert that burns.