Psycho Nicole

“You are a miserable wretch. I am done.”

He put on his sweats and went out for a run to clear his head. 

Dammit. Just halfway down the block and he already felt winded. How long had it been since he went running? He looked down at the gray sweatpants he was wearing, unwashed and picked out of the hamper outside the laundry room. What kind of person takes laundry out of the basket to wear? He had it ass backwards.

It was her fault. Nicole. How did this happen to him again? She got under his skin, causing havoc in his life. And he let her. He allowed her to take over, steal his time and attention, consume his every thought until she became an obsession.

He stopped in the middle of the road doubled over, the stitch in his side sharp and sudden. He was out of breath and pathetically out of shape. Damn her. Too many hours agonizing over that psycho did this to him.

Straightening up, he pulled his phone out and called Ayden. “Hey, man. Can I stop by for a bit? I’ll bring beers.”

Silence. 

“Hey, you there? You up for a drink with an old friend or not?”

“Sure, come by. I’m here.”

***

Walking into Ayden’s apartment, he put the beers into the fridge, grabbing two first. He opened one and handed the other to his friend.

“Here you go, man. Glad you’re around today. It’s been too long.”

Ayden looked at him expressionlessly. “Taking a break from Psycho Nicole again?”

“What?” He was surprised to be called out on this. “Why would you ask that?”

“I lived with you for two years, remember? I recognize those dirty sweatpants, that look on your face. I didn’t realize you had gone back to her after the last breakup.”

He hung his head, feeling defeated, memories flooding back from graduation weekend when he thought he could start a new life without her. It hadn’t worked then. It had to work this time. He was on the brink of losing everything. 

“You’re right. I don’t want to talk about her. What’s new with you? How’s…” he paused, his mind going in circles. What’s her name again? “Your girlfriend?”

“Jackie’s doing great. We’re thinking of getting a place together.” 

“Really? So soon?” He took a gulp of beer, trying to clear the cobwebs. Jackie, of course. Almost forgot her name for a minute there. 

“Soon? We’ve been together two years. Since graduation.” Ayden took a sip of his beer looking at him with a look of … what? Disgust? Disappointment?

“Right.” He was shocked, tried to hide it. Two years? How was it possible that they graduated two years ago? He looked around his friend’s apartment. It was really nice, he realized. He must be doing well. He glanced down at his own self, his dirty stained sweatpants. What had he accomplished in two years? His girlfriend had recently walked out on him, another casualty of Psycho Nicole. She had accused him of being obsessed with her, always putting her first. He still heard those words that she screamed before walking out the door for the last time. “Until you end it with that bitch you are never going to have a normal life.” He had laughed and said good riddance. Now he wondered.

“You working these days?” His friend’s question broke through his wandering thoughts. 

“Yeah, of course I’m working.” 

“I don’t mean… you know…” Ayden’s voice trailed off.

“Oh. No. I haven’t gone back to the office.” He couldn’t go back. He had been fired. Too many missed days and late arrivals. The last time his boss saw he was involved with Nicole again was the day he got sent packing. 

So basically, he lost his girlfriend and his job over that psycho.

It’s over. Finally over. He could see that now. She was not good for him.  

“Sorry, man. That’s rough.” Ayden took his last gulp of beer and put down the bottle. “Look, Jackie’s coming by in a bit. You’re welcome to stay, but I don’t know. It’s up to you.”

He felt a flush creep up his neck. Ayden was trying to ask him to leave. He got it.

“Nah. I gotta go. Great to see you.” He gave his college buddy a casual hug and was gone.

***

Returning to his empty apartment, he wished he had brought those beers back home with him. He sat down in the kitchen, drumming his hands on the table, listening to the silence. Ayden’s look of disgust; his haunting questions. He really did need to get back to work; the money was quickly running out. Even in his cheap studio apartment he hardly made ends meet. If only…

Psycho Nicole. He really had believed in her for too long. He wasted so much time. He was glad it was finally over. 

***

Jeeze, how long was he asleep? He woke up to find crumbs on his lap, the empty Dorito bag on the coffee table mocking him along with the empty beer bottles. They were enjoying themselves at his expense, the loser on the couch sleeping for days.

Nicole. He longed for her. 

He closed his eyes, thinking about their relationship. It was a week since he had called her a miserable wretch and walked out. He did feel somewhat better. His thoughts had straightened themselves out during her absence. The break was good for him. 

But he missed her.

Maybe … an idea began to form. Maybe if things were different? Maybe if he set boundaries? A shift in expectations? 

He stood up, orange crumbs falling onto the already stained carpet. He was excited. But things would have to be different, and he would have to be accountable for his actions. 

He reached for his phone and hit ‘record’ while beginning to pace around the small room.

“Nicole.” He felt good saying her name.

“It’s been a week. The break was good for me. I see things clearer now.” He spoke slowly, recording the words as they came out. 

“I want to pick up where I left off. But I have conditions.” His words became stronger, louder. His pacing increased.

“First of all, no more all-nighters. I can’t function on no sleep; it makes me crazy. No more missed meals or liquid lunches.”

He paused. 

“I’m going to have to look for a job. Any kind of job. But you cannot come with me. No one is going to turn a blind eye when I focus my attention on you rather than what I’m being paid to do. It’s not cool and I see that now.”

He grabbed a garbage bag as he spoke, tossing the empties in, finally done with their mocking ways.

“I cannot put you first anymore. I want a new relationship. A girlfriend. When that happens, you are going to have to be quiet, stay in the background, know your place. You will be number two moving forward, not number one.”

He dropped his sweatpants. Finally, he put them in the washing machine where they belonged, added detergent, and hit start.

“I’d like to see where this goes. Let’s make it work.” 

He switched off the recording, put on a clean pair of jeans and a new t-shirt. He sat down at the kitchen counter and opened his laptop. 

It had been a week since writing that difficult scene. Psycho Nicole had just woken up with blood on her hands and a wicked hangover. The scene had been grueling for him to write, dragging him into that world of psychosis.

Reading that chapter a full week after writing it, he was surprisingly pleased. It was good. No, it was great. It was really freaking great. 

Smiling as his fingers flew across the keyboard, the words appeared under that last paragraph. He was back. This time it would be different.