35 comments

High School Romance

(Still Editing daily any critiques are very much appreciated and welcome <3 )




As I sit on my bed staring into the closet because I just folded laundry and it looks so nice to me, I realize there's something different about my closet something new it is a latch on the side of the wall its little and I've never seen it before A latch that looks weird, "I've lived here for schooling months now and I'm just now realizing that my closet leads to Narnia." I thought to myself sarcastically.




As I begin to step off my bed slowly it creaks I step one toe onto the floor and I feel the cold tiles press against my toe I walk slowly to the closet Taking a glimpse at the red flashlight sitting on my desk beside my closet door I keep walking closer to it once my hand is on the latch I begin to pull down all of a sudden, I hear one thing... "ding"



I quickly realized it was just my phone I left it on my bed I ran back to my bed to see who messaged me and it was a close friend her name is Marmi she is so pretty her long dark brown hair and her hazel eyes that sparkle every time she turns her head to look at something she has beautiful smile and the prettiest skin tone like an ice cream cone and she's so sweet to everyone, but she but she's straight she doesn't know I'm not but she definitely is.


 One other problem... she has a boyfriend A boyfriend that is a little older than me but her type. I don't like him I wish he would just back off and I wish I had a chance with her, but I don't.



The message said, "Hey Brianne I need to talk to you." I quickly responded "Yeah, what's up?" and threw my phone back on my bed to run back to my closet I began to pull on the latch again until it finally unlocked and I was able to pull it open but I couldn't see anything inside of it, it was pitch black dark so I run out of my closet and grabbed the flashlight on a desk.


I quickly turned it on and was amazed at what I saw in my new and my new Cubby there were little lanterns hanging everywhere I walked a little bit farther and saw a cabinet inside was a little box with a paper taped onto it


it said take two pills every five days I was so excited I wanted to try it immediately oddly enough. I got out of my closet and walked to the kitchen carrying my drink to the kitchen I set it on the counter. "My mom is on vacation in Florida right now so if I die it is her fault for leaving me home alone," I thought to myself. I poured the pills in my mouth with a cup of water and swallowed. It did nothing well I thought it did nothing Then I began to see muscles coming in in my arms and legs I began to see hair on my face and body. I began to realize these were masculine hormonal pills.


  

I was about to have a panic attack but then remembered the back of the packaging said "only lasts five days" that helped calm me down a little. Then all of a sudden, I hear "ding" ... oh yeah it is my phone I run to grab it. Marley responded "I broke up with Jake, he cheated on me. He asked another girl to the prom this Thursday 😭😭😭😭😭😭I need you" I didn't know what to do but then I had an idea, she might hate me for it, but I had an idea.




   I replied, "A cousin of mine would love to take you..."Since it was me in a masculine form I decided saying "my cousin" was the best idea I had.


She asked for a picture of "him" so... I sent one.

To my surprise, she said "he" was perfect. She said "he" was hot.

Only if she felt the same about me. She asked for his name, and I said, Bryson.




 Then I got to thinking... if I went to the prom on Thursday well... that's the day this magic potion wears off. The party is going to end at midnight and then I'll be back to just regular Brianne, I'd have to hurry and get out of there by 12. Marley wanted his number, so I gave it to her.



 There are only two days left until prom now and I need to go find a suit and buy her a gorgeous dress like I promised her I would. I went to the mall to pick out some stuff and found the most beautiful matching suit and dress ever. I bought it and then picked out some dress shoes to match. The dress was red and had cutouts around the waist, it was a beautiful sleeveless dress with jewels in the stomach area. My suit was red, and the tie had jewels too. I bought it all and went back home. 



The day before prom I was sending Marley some pictures of the outfits and told her I'd come over tomorrow at 6 pm to help her get dressed and drive her to the prom. She agreed and loved the dress and suit. She was so excited, and I was too but I just wish this wasn't "Marley and Bryson" going to the Prom. I wanted it to be "Marley and Brianne" 




Finally! Its Friday as I'm getting ready for the prom and putting on my shoes before I go to pick up Marley. I grab the car keys and head to the car then I remembered I needed to grab the Corsage off of my bed for Marley. I went to get it and then was on my way. I arrive at exactly 6 pm and open my trunk to grab the things I bought for her. I stepped onto her welcome mat and pushed the doorbell I hear it ring from the outside and then I hear footprints walking towards the door and hear someone unlock the door as it opens, I look down at the Corsage and dress in my hands and I smile. I slowly look up and she gasped and squealed "beautiful!!" She leaned in and hugged me so tight I was panicking I was in love.



She giggled and whispered, "you smell like Brianne" Then I was in fear I forgot I put on my perfume instead of the cologne I purchased a few days ago. I just laughed and said "It must be because I drove her car." She looked weird for a second then pulled me by my hand and into the house we went. I walked into her room and waited for her to put on the dress so I could help her with her hair and makeup. She opened the bathroom door quickly and said, "I love it!" She was so gorgeous in it. I loved it too. I got up and picked up my phone off of her bed and began to walk toward her. 



  I grabbed the curling iron from under her sink and plugged it into the outlet. As we waited for it to heat up, I began doing her makeup. She smiled at me the whole time. I put on her red lipstick to match the dress and red eyeshadow then I put on a light blush over her face. When I was done with her makeup the curling iron was extremely hot. I slowly started wrapping her hair over the iron over and over again. We were silent but it was so nice and soothing to me. She was so beautiful when we finished she grabbed her phone and told me to get in the picture with her.



   I stood behind her with my hands in my pockets while she smiled but before she took the picture, she took my hands out of my pockets and put them on her waist where the cutouts were and scooted closer to me rubbing her body against mine and she took the picture. As I was shaking still, she handed me her phone and told me to put it into my pocket. She grabbed the back of my head and pulled me to her, she gently kissed me with her soft lips. I looked up slowly and she was laughing she said "you look like Brianne" I looked in the mirror and I had lipstick on my lips because she kissed me. I looked like myself I quickly wiped it off with one of her makeup wipes and just chuckled. 




  Marley went out to the car and sat in the passenger seat and began to wave at me. I stood there just gazing at her beauty and daydreaming then she finally caught my attention, and I went to the driver's seat. The prom wasn't far, so we got there quickly. I took the key out of the ignition and opened my door, walked to her door, and opened it while she stepped out of the car.




         I grabbed her hand and held it the whole time. We opened the door together and could hear the music playing in the room over. She said she didn't want her feet to be sore before she got to even dance, so I picked her up and held her in my arms all the way to the dance floor like a firefighter holding a victim. She kept playing with my hair until I finally set her down. I couldn't hold her any longer not because she was heavy but because the masculine pills were wearing off and my muscles couldn't take it any longer so, we began to dance. She layed her head on my shoulder and started kissing my neck, I looked down at her and her pretty eyes sparkling she started to gently lick the side of my neck 

while she kept eye contact with me, she then began to suck on my neck and that did it for me completely had me turned on. I raised her head and rubbed the side of her face I went in to kiss her but then... 


 I saw the clock behind her head it was already 11:58 pm but I really wanted this kiss so I thought I should just go ahead and tell her before I turn back to my regular self and just accepted whatever happens because if she doesnt like me, Brianne, then I did all I could. The hair was beginning to disappear from my arms, and the muscles were already gone. I looked at her and removed my hands from her hips.

"I'm not Bryson," I said. "I'm Brianne." She looked at me in such a way I could not even read her, and she said, "I know." She then put my hands back onto her hips where the cutouts were and grabbed my face to kissed me softly.




December 13, 2022 22:19

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35 comments

Hatt Genette
11:07 Dec 17, 2022

Hiya, I found this story of yours so I thought I might join in on the feedback party! First off, your chosen premise is an intriguing thing to play with and ties in nicely with the prompt. Your approach to exploring the whole nuance of embracing sexual identity in a high school setting leans into the magic realism genre (a favourite of mine) quite well. However, I will have to point out some issues as well so buckle down. Mainly, there's just this kind of... vagueness for the background of everything. The least problematic of these is the po...

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Nicole Of 2022
04:26 Dec 18, 2022

Aww thank you so much. Reedsy Authors have best critiquing. I agree with everything you said. Its just hard to make potion in your closet sound believable. 😂😂😂 Thank you again!!! Happy Holidays.

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Brynn Helena
21:19 Feb 03, 2023

howdy nicole!!! you've been kind enough to read some of my stories so i thought i would return the favor while i have a bit of free time. i love the concept of this story, it's very imaginative and i like what you had going here!! my only real complaint is that some of your sentences are a bit long and clunky, leaving me to struggle a bit to keep up with what's going on. it also takes away from the beautiful tone you're trying to create! all that said, great job! and keep writing <3 time and practice does a writer good.

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Nicole Of 2022
21:21 Feb 21, 2023

Awww thank you Brynn!!

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04:29 Jan 20, 2023

OMG this is so totally amazing.

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Nicole Of 2022
12:49 Jan 20, 2023

😂😂😂thank youuu

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Laurel Hanson
17:45 Jan 11, 2023

I see this is from an earlier prompt, but you mentioned in a comment to me the idea of supporting each other. I also joined reedsy fairly recently and it is hard to get read and get feedback as you start. I see you have a number of comments already, but I will weigh in with a few thoughts. Good plot line and title and great conclusion. Your character has a relatable contemporary dilemma that suits the selected genre well. I will second an issue at the mechanical level. Stream of consciousness can run on without punctuation sometimes to some ...

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Nicole Of 2022
01:40 Jan 12, 2023

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment on my story. I will correct my errors when i get the chance to :). (I have no clue what you mean by "Narnia" LOL) This is such a big response. Made me nervous 😂😂. No worries about your critiques. All critiques are welcome, and appreciated!! Good luck to you too! Update me when you post Laurel!!

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Laurel Hanson
12:26 Jan 12, 2023

Your first paragraph ends with the word Narnia, which I assumed was a reference to The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, but of course, I may be mistaken. Good luck with your writing.

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Nicole Of 2022
13:33 Jan 12, 2023

Omg LOL thats what everyone is saying to me!! Nooo it was sarcasm.

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Laurel Hanson
14:36 Jan 12, 2023

Apologies. Possibly, we don't know the character well enough at that point to get that.

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Nicole Of 2022
23:08 Jan 12, 2023

Oof. I guess not. I tried to fix that up a bit. Thank you again!!

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22:52 Jan 10, 2023

Hey, stopping by cause you read my story. I like this-- I know the feeling of having a mini-crisis when a person you like isn't into you, or when folks are talking about who's hot and you're just kinda... there. A few critiques: some of the sentences were kind of run-on and a bit awkward, which is totally okay for beginners or writers on a deadline, like a contest. I'd suggrst smoothing it out a bit, for example, at the end, you said "the hair was beginning to disappear from my arms, and the muscles were already gone, so I looked at her, r...

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Nicole Of 2022
00:20 Jan 11, 2023

Aww thank you!! Love your critiques and I'll add them. :) Notify me when you write a new story.

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Cassandra Adams
21:19 Dec 23, 2022

Hi Nicole! You said to let you know when I submit a story. I just did! It's submitted for the contest this week. It's called One Hero's Journey. Hope you like it! Thanks for your encouragement! Take care! Cassandra Adams

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Nicole Of 2022
01:51 Dec 24, 2022

Ahhh cool!! Imma read it right now. <33

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Cassandra Adams
21:37 Dec 16, 2022

I found the stream of consciousness effective. The tentative nature of her inner hopes and dreams rang true as in the mind of a high schooler. Playing with the yin/yang and anima/animus of her identity is interesting and engaging. A fun read!

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Nicole Of 2022
02:31 Dec 17, 2022

Thank you!!! Glad you enjoyed Cass<333 You've been here so long and haven't written a story yet? Be sure to notify me when you do. I'll be happy to read.

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John K Adams
18:34 Dec 15, 2022

Thanks for asking for feedback. I enjoyed this breathless journey of discovery. The ending worked well. Some thoughts. Everything is a suggestion, of course. No mandates here. You know what works for you and your characters. Pay attention to the physical logic. Don't belabor the latch. Maybe it is behind the bathroom door and not noticed previously due to the bathrobe. But the dichotomy of emotional/physical. Expectations vs actual experience seems to be what the story is about. Brianne is discovering things. Maybe, as Bryson, she keeps...

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Nicole Of 2022
18:44 Dec 15, 2022

Omg, your feedback is always incredible thank you so much. I'll be adding all of that when im ready to edit. <333

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John K Adams
23:37 Dec 15, 2022

You are welcome. As you wish.

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Leo Luzvardi
18:56 Jan 11, 2023

is this jex?

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Leo Luzvardi
18:57 Jan 11, 2023

hon you are not 5'6" lol

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Nicole Of 2022
01:41 Jan 12, 2023

💀💀💀who tf is Jex.... awkward...

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Nicole Of 2022
01:58 Jan 12, 2023

OHHHH Jexica!! Nah thats not me here her acc lol https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/jexica-marcell/

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Unknown User
03:48 Jan 08, 2023

<removed by user>

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Nicole Of 2022
00:19 Jan 10, 2023

💀👌 how'd you find my acc again?

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Unknown User
00:35 Jan 10, 2023

<removed by user>

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Nicole Of 2022
15:17 Jan 10, 2023

Wheres the search bar?

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Unknown User
21:09 Jan 10, 2023

<removed by user>

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Nicole Of 2022
00:18 Jan 11, 2023

Oh LOL. okay.

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Nicole Of 2022
23:10 Jan 12, 2023

Oh. my. God. Youre Skye? Like from that other acc???

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