The view from where you are is exquisite, except for its rush hour. As you approach the large ceiling-high windows of your modern skyrise apartment, you notice the cars beeping and screeching below you but that’s not what you're interested in, is it? As you glare at the sinking sunset, your computer abruptly reflects on to the window, suddenly becoming the thing you are MOST interested in. “Who would be working at this hour” You question as you glance at the clock on the microwave that reads, 7:00pm. You walk over and sit at your desk and read the preview of the most recent notification, an email from Anonymous sender. That’s odd. You slowly drag your mouse over the “open message” button and the email opens and fills your screen. As you begin reading this email, you notice it’s a letter, that makes you stop in your tracks. “We have recently become aware that you and your husband’s business has been taking the customers that used to be loyal to us. Now, we wouldn’t want anything to happen to this dear husband of yours, would we? So how about, you provide us with every cent you have earned in the past 2 years, or else you will never see your husband again. You have until sundown tomorrow. Tik Tok.” Your heart begins to feel as if it is going to bust out of your chest and you run as fast as you can to the bedroom, where your husband should be, except he’s not. All you see is a small slip of paper that is laid on the bed. You rush over and pick up the paper and carefully open it. “I got us into this mess, it's my responsibility to get us out,” It reads. As you read over it a couple of times to look for something other than what was written, you notice the letters R, T, E, O, E, N, O and U are underlined. You rush back to your desk and frantically grab out your notepad and pen and begin scribbling down possible words that your husband could have secretly left you. Could he be sending you a message? It takes five minutes before you are able to find a possible word that could be useful. Route One. You slide your mouse down to the google button and type in ‘Route One’. Bing! The first result that appears is a map that shows Route One as being the closest highway to the outskirts of the city your living in. “Why would you be sending me to an industrial area, Rob?” You question. But without hesitation, you grab your keys and rush to the carpark, reverse out and begin heading towards route one. 5 minutes pass and you turn onto route one, and all you can see in the distance is a factory and a warehouse. “Come on Rob, which one? Which one Rob, please” You question, hoping to feel some sort of guidance as to where your husband could be. A split-second decision finds You pulling up to the warehouse and parking behind it. It's dark, so you quickly switch off your lights and pull up slowly. You carefully grab a crowbar out of the boot of the car and slowly head towards the back entrance. But Suddenly, SMASH! Everything goes black and you feel yourself falling, falling, falling. You feel your body hit the ground below you, and you feel your face smash into the concrete. Faintly, you can hear voices. "You didn't have to hit her that hard." "You told me to make sure that she doesn't get inside" "Yeah, but I didn't mean to smash her across the head with a cricket bat! Are you insane! Do you understand how much damage this can do to this business." "Well, it can't do damage if she doesn't know." "Hurry up. Move her. I honestly don't care what you do with her, as long as she's gone! Do you understand me." "How could you do this to your own wife. That's just horrible. Your horrible." "One, do not call me horrible, or who knows where you'll end up. Maybe at the bottom of the river? And secondly, you understand the circumstances of this marriage. It is purely a label, nothing more. Now get her out of here before she wakes up. I have business to attend to inside, and the next time I come out here, she better be gone. " And suddenly, the conversation goes quiet. You give yourself a second to fully understand what you had just heard. Was that your husband talking? "It couldn't have been. Rob would never do this." You assure yourself. You begin to slowly open your eyes but you feel yourself being lifted up and placed in the backseat of a car, presumingly yours. You hear the door slam shut and you hear the engine of your car turning on. "I'm so sorry Jen. This was never meant to happen. I was never meant to become involved with Rob and this horrible organisation. I couldn't let you be hurt if something happened to him, and so I left you that note. He is bounded to get injured, or even killed Jen. He has enemies, and I would never be able to forgive myself if I didn't reach out to you. I didn't intend for you to receive that email. I have no idea how that happened. But of course, Rob has tabs on everything you do. Everything you open, every letter, every email, every location. Everything. As soon as he found out you got that email, he got furious. Rob isn't who you think he is, and I know you cant hear me right now, and you never will. I just hope you forgive me. I never meant to kill you, I never meant to hit you that hard. He was watching Jen, and he would know that I wasn't loyal to him if I didn't hit you. I can't risk that, not even for you and I'm sorry. I never meant for this to happen. How did I get you into this mess? I'm sorry Jen.I'm so so sorry. Please, forgive me. You need to forgive me" You recognise this voice, but where from? Where do you know this voice from? " Does he think I'm dead" You question subconsciously. You slowly reopen your eyes and glance your eyes to the car mirror. It cant be. No. It can't be him. You realise you know this person.
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2 comments
Hey, Maya. I got paired up with you on the critique circle, so I'm here to read your work and gives you critique. So, I really like your story and the plot -- it's really amazing. I also love the cliffhanger at the end. However, what I didn't like is that you didn't space out your work. Everything was so clustered up. Spaces are important because they make your stories more presentable. Leave spaces after each dialougue and if you want to talk about a new point (they're a little bit like paragraphs) Maybe reading other people's stories ...
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Hey Kelechi! I really appreciate this, sorry for such a late reply. I love hearing feedback, and so i really appreciate how much you have helped me! Ill make sure to take this into consideration! Maya :)
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