For Lina

In retrospect, I really did not think that she would have become such a huge part of my life. I don't know why it happened but all I can say is that I'm glad it did. 

It's funny how the littlest things tend to have the biggest impact on our lives. I've noticed how as time goes on, people never tend to separate the significant moments from the insignificant. But to me, and to her, we were the most significant people in each other's lives.

It started in eight grade, I was so intimidated by everything. School hasn't exactly been a “safe” place for me to sort of speak. I was intimated by the people, the teachers, the environment, the work, I just picked at everything and it ate me alive. The kids in the school sucked, their ideologies, attitudes, and stereotypical mindsets sucked even more. But aside from that I wasn't exactly a social butterfly, considering my social anxiety and lack of will to hold a conversation with the opposite gender. I wasn't the best looking girl in the grade either, and I knew that. It made me insecure. I hated the way I looked and hated the idea that in order for me to talk to someone, they had to look at me. 

I was sitting at a table full of kids I had never met before. I knew of them, but I didn't think they knew me. How could they? I was practically invisible, and anybody paying attention to me must've been short a couple screws. For the first day of school, everyone around me was unnecessarily loud. It didn't make sense to me, how people were able to form connections and relationships so quickly. I felt awkward, it made me feel bad, like I wasn't completing the assignment or something. Our homeroom teacher gave us ten minutes to get to know our peers. God I hated the first few weeks of school, icebreakers, and cliche games. Could this get any worse? 

I had gone an entire day without speaking to anyone, I walked alone in the hallway, sat alone at lunch, and went through all my classes without a single interaction. That day I went home and I cried, I hated it here. I didn't want to go back and experience another day of that. On the bus ride back home I was talking to myself in my head going over how horrible my day was. I was good at that. I had always been that way, forcing myself to be there for me because who else would do it. I kept telling myself that things would get better, and that I just needed to hold on a little longer.

There she was sitting across from me one chair to the left the next morning. She was so pretty, it always bothered how she didnt see what I saw. She had everything a girl could want. A pretty face, a nice body, brains, and even an amazing personality. Me on the other hand? I'm not even sure I compared to her in a dip. But I guess she saw something in me because this was the beginning of our forever. 

I can't remember what class it was that we were in. She said my name, and introduced herself. I was shocked, I didn't even know how to respond. I smiled, and told her my name as well. I couldn't tell if she was talking to me out of pity or genuine interest. But whatever it was, I was so grateful that she interrupted my mind dwelling because I had begun digging myself into a dark subconscious pitiful hole. I had already convinced myself that I would be spending the rest of my year alone, sad, and depressed. 

The bell rang, and class was over. It was time for lunch Oh joy I thought to myself.

Hey wait up! I stopped in my tracks to see who was screaming. 

It was her, it was Lina.

Desi if you want, you could come sit with us at lunch. She glanced over to her friends, motioning to Trevor, Mia, Charlotte, Xenia, and Joy.

 I couldn't come up with any possible answer for why she would ever consider asking me to sit with them considering she had already acquainted herself with a decent group. 

After all that's happened over the past couple of years, it seemed as if these memories ceased to exist. I had forgotten how we met, and how our friendship began considering the events that followed after. Eventually I had gotten really close with the entire friend group. They were really nice to me, and as it turned out we all shared similar interests, hobbies, music taste, and ideas. But you know how it goes, friend groups in middle school and high school never truly last.

Lina and I had been through a couple of friend groups as time progressed. We did everything together and we were there for each other through thick and thin. And I mean THIN. Including the late night drunken facetime calls, the early morning meltdowns, the fights over out stupid ex’s, the many mental breakdowns, the highest of highs, and the lowest of lows. She taught me things and I taught her things. We shared many laughs together along with many tears. I had never been so grateful to go through so many friend groups with one person. That includes freshman, sophomore, and junior year of high school. 

I ended up getting really close with her family as she did with mine. They say that in your lifetime you'd be looking to find your other half, and I was convinced she was mine. She understood me so well to a point where all I had to do was give her one look and she knew it was on my mind. There was no one else I'd rather be scream-laughing with on the phone at 5 am on a summer morning or crying with after getting my heart stomped on… AGAIN. 

I don't know where I’d be without her today, we grew together as people, and are better versions of ourselves today because of each other. So this is for you Lina. Thank you for coming into my life and making me who I am today.