Wanting a live change

Wanting a life change

When I look back on my early years I lived in the lap of luxury. My parents possessed a well appointed house in Greenwich. My bedroom was a large, airy room filled with toys, books and objects carefully selected and approved by my mother. I was an only child. I often thought I would have loved a brother or sister to play with. I occasionally asked my mother if she was going to give me a playmate. Her reply was always the same. The responsibility of one child is enough. I was the center of their attention and in those early years my mother took the time to read to me stories that sent me to sleep dreaming about adventures waiting for me to have.This introduction to the written word and the love of books has remained with me to this day. I sometimes wonder if families of only one child influences a child to read more as playing with toys after a certain time becomes boring.

I later married a woman who was an only child. She too is an avid reader. My father was a judge and my mother a partner in a prodigious lawyer firm. Both had busy lives. We had a live-in maid, not a nanny, whose many responsibilities were not only to make sure the daily cleaning woman did her job correctly but at the same time keep an eye on me. With parents of this intellectual and social standing I was molded, influenced and expected to follow the classical well trodden path of an education in top tier schools ending up in a well known university. There were no surprises. This sense of duty and conformity had been well ingrained into my profile and personality.

At the university I met my future wife. It was obvious we were just made for each other like wine and cheese. She was an only child, her father was a judge that knew my father and her mother was a teacher. The coincidence was even more strange because they live in the same town as my family. When I saw the two judges together I sometimes imagined which judge I would hope to stand before for some civil or criminal crime I had committed. My father had a kind face but his dark eyes reflected a serious understanding of the law with little compassion for human fragility. Whereas my wife’s father's face showed a man deeply compassionate and prepared to adapt the law to the circumstances under judgement. My choice was a foregone conclusion.

Both of us on graduation wanted to be teachers. I found a job as an English literature professor at a university. My future wife was more interested in primary school education and found a job as assistant to a school's principal. We took a year to settle into our jobs before announcing our wedding date. Both our parents were in seventh heaven, not only had they become firm friends but looked forward to an idyllic period of grandchildren. Showering love with no responsibility. They gave us a wedding that surpassed all our expectations of their love, generosity and wishes for the future. Even relatives from America came. There must have been over two hundred guests. Champagne flowed in a never ending stream of bubbles of joy and dancing.

It must have been in the third year of our marriage that we both started to feel the pressure for our respective parents to start thinking about creating a family. At this stage we started to discuss the matter. At the present we had an enviable lifestyle when compared to many of our friends. Long holidays with interesting travel destinations. Time to read both professionally and for leisure. Reasonably well paid jobs without the daily constraint of continually chasing and worshiping the mighty dollar. As for observing and educating children and young adults, our daily working lives saw them in all their stages of development; it was certainly a responsibility.

The discussion then turned to having a child. It has always interested me that a child did not ask to be born. Was it the result of a selfish act of love making on the parents behalf or an act of uncontrollable desire to create a family. From my superficial observation a child either grows up molded by their parents or rebels. We both thought that accepting the responsibility of bringing up a child would not be a good idea. It would be an annoying constraint to our present freedom to be continually worrying about a third or fourth member of the immediate family. It would surely have disturbing consequences on our style of life. In the early years, dealing with nappies and tantrums was not for us. We listened to our parents comforting them without promising.

It was three years later we received the tragic and devastating news that our parents had died in a plane crash. There were no survivors. The plane was an inland flight from Jordan's capital to Baghdad. Over the last several years our parents had the habit of traveling twice a year together on cultural trips to various countries they found interesting. The investigation into the accident was never ending, also finalizing our parents' testaments. During this period we spent two years in a tunnel of bereft and misery. There was a long period of silence between us and the searching for a quiet corner of tranquillity.

For my fiftieth Birthday we threw a party for forty close friends and relatives. It was a happy, joyful occasion. A week later I organised a romantic dinner provided by a well known local chef for the two of us delivered to our house. I ask my wife to come back there at 8.00. As a surprise, I dressed as a woman. Her immediate reaction was one of disbelief and curiosity.

“What is going on? You look adorable.”

“Darling, what do you think of my surprise? I want to pass the rest of my life as a woman. I have passed the last fifty years experiencing life as a man with its advantages and disadvantages. I don’t think I have ever felt very masculine. I prefer books to sports, elegant restaurants to dinners, and travel to difficult destinations as opposed to the well known tourist routes. Theatre to the cinema. Probably my great pleasure is being home with you beside me reading. But, I ask you, my treasured life’s partner, without your approval I would consider abandoning my dream.

“Wow! I suggest we start the delicious looking meal while I enjoy and digest the food and your dream.”

There was a silent pause for about five minutes before my wife spoke.

“How do you intend to transform yourself into a woman? It is funny to think one of my great attractions to you is in fact your slightly effeminate side.”

“Naturally I have researched the subject. In essence there are two areas to examine. The top: breasts, possible slight facial changes, voice and hair. The bottom: considerably more complicated with surgery. I don’t intend to touch this area. I worship our love making. From my research and talking with people about the subject there are two interesting options. Six months in either Switzerland or Thailand. The people I spoke to suggested Thailand as it has an excellent clinic run by two well reputed French surgeons. It certainly a destination more interesting and exotic that Switzerland

“What about your teaching job and our family and friends?”

“The teaching job. Don’t forget I have tenure. It is a very liberal minded university. Of course I will have to go in front of the board of trustees. If they don’t approve of my sex change I will be out of a job I love. From a material point of view our parents left us enough money for living into eternity. As for friends and family the shock and surprise will, no doubt, divide opinions. If you are, I am prepared to accept the consequences.”

“I hear and see you are very serious about this life change. With a certain amount of trepidation I give you my blessings, but please give me the reasons why?

My angel, I am tired of living in a predominantly male society, of often reading in the news about husbands and girl friends abusing their wives or girl friends ,tired of rich men treating women as trophy wives, students boasting about their conquests, need I go on. I want to learn and feel about the woman's point of view and her life and place in today's society. What better way than becoming a woman!”

“When are you planning to leave?”

“I have organized a six month sabbatical absence starting at the end of this semester. I have booked, to be confirmed. the clinic in Thailand four days after I start my sabbatical leave. I hope in your school holidays you will come and visit me.”

My wife did come to visit me. She was greatly impressed by my progress and the professionalism and dedication of the staff at the clinic. Six months later I stepped off the plane at JFk to see my wife searching for me. At first she didn’t recognise me. I had to stand before her before she threw her arms around my neck with a scream of delight. She stood back in a state of admiration and bewilderment.

“Your hair, voice, figure and a slight alteration to your face. My darling, you have become a very good looking woman.”

The first week of living together as two women was curious and at the same time exciting. Going shopping together for clothes, make-up, and perfume allowed me an intimacy with my wife I had never experienced. Even the experience with shopkeepers was an eye opener. The men at the sales desk were either dominant or flirtatious. The women were courteous and kind. Buying and discussing articles in women magazines was a world I never knew existed. Making love to her was a whole new experience. We both enjoyed it.

In the second week we had not as yet contacted any relatives or friends preferring to keep our secret under rapps for a few more days. I had an appointment with some members of the university trustees in ten days. As our second week progressed I thought it would be interesting to test the reaction from the male community to two good looking women. The ideal place would be at an old dance club we used to go to. I had heard it was under a new manager and had become very successful. Friday night we dressed to the nines. At 10: 00 clock we were sitting at the bar in the club having our first cocktail. Five minutes later we were joined by two men who I imagined were in their forties asking us if we would like to join their table. After the introduction it took another five minutes to be with them on the dance floor. Back at their table after a dance both men thought it was their right to start fondling us with, no doubt, kisses to come. I and my wife pick up our glasses and left their table

In parting I said.

“ Sorry guys, we are two lesbians having a night out.”

An interesting question. What will be the university's position on the professor's gender change ?

David Nutt July 2025