A One Bedroom in Brooklyn

It had been twenty-four years since she'd last seen it, but the place looked exactly the same. Pictures of special friends and crazy adventures hung near the bar.  Stacks of vinyl albums and books displayed neatly in rows on the Ikea shelving, an old record player rests in the place of a television. Her eyes locked on the book she gifted him on his 40th birthday, it was in the same place the last time she was here. She had just met him a few weeks earlier, she wasn't sure the gift would be well-received however when she saw it she knew he'd love it. Harvey Stein, Coney Island: 40 years, perfect! He's a kid from Brooklyn born and bred, he swore he'd never leave, and he hasn’t yet. He wasn't into birthdays and refused to tell her what day in April it was, but she knew it was coming up from conversations at the bar with his friends.  One night after a date he dropped her off at home she ran inside and brought him out the wrapped gift, no card.  "Here you go just a little something I picked up, don't open it until your birthday,"  The look on his face said it all, he was intrigued and amused. A few days later she received a text while at work. "Hey doll,  thanks for the book, it looks great on my table. Love the history."  She replied, "Glad you like it! Now I know what day it is. Happy Birthday!" 

The murmur of conversation pulls her back from her memory. The faces have changed, however, the atmosphere remains the same.  A new group of vagabonds loyally assembled, telling stories and reminiscing about their youthful triumphs. Drinking and laughing, everyone living in the moment.  A Jackie Wilson song fills in the background, playing softly from the vintage jukebox filled with artists of the last three generations. It was like stepping back in time, to a familiar place; the only place she ever felt she could truly be herself. 

He looked the same too, older of course; his hair still gray and meticulously kept, that devilish grin, boisterous laugh, and a twinkle in his eyes. Their eyes met as she walked through the door and for a moment her heart stopped.  "Hello, doll," he said and gave her a sly smile. He walked over to greet her, she felt her knees go weak.  How does this man still have such a hold on her after all these years?  He reached his arm around her waist and pulled her close, gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and she exhaled. " Hello Dean, it's been too long." Standing there she became all too aware that she was older too.  Her long blonde hair now sprinkled with gray, fine lines highlight her brown eyes, but her smile, well her smile is big and bright today. 

They met 32 years ago on a pier in Manhattan.  It was Saint Patricks Day in NYC and the party was in full swing.  It was a chance meeting.  It was the Emerald Society party on Pier 90.  She was there with a guy she was dating and his friends.  Her date, drunk and acting like a child; was too much for her to deal with so she stepped outside to sneak a cigarette with her girlfriend.  There he was, she almost didn't notice him.  He milled around them a bit then swaggered up to her and threatened to jump off the pier.  She looked at him and said, “now, don't go doing that, it'll ruin my day.”  How's that? Dean said.  “Because I'll have to jump in after you and that will mess up my hair” He looked at her and laughed a hearty belly laugh, then introduced himself. At first, she thought he was trying to get her friend's attention but after a few minutes it was clear, it was her he wanted. He had been eyeing her all day she realized when he said, “I’d never embarrass you like the guy you’re with”  With that, he gave her a card and told her to give him a call when she was ready to get rid of the bum.  She was hooked. Right then and there. She’d never felt such a draw to someone before.  She went back inside, took one look at the bum; pulled out her phone, and texted Dean her number.  They had their first date the following weekend.  

She was a divorcee with four kids, he was a dedicated bachelor.  They couldn't have lived more different lifestyles.  She had just got back into dating and was trying to find herself again. His tales of travel mesmerized her.  He was a natural storyteller. Time with him was easy, with no expectations, just the two of them enjoying each other.  She felt free for the first time in her life.  She knew she wasn't his one and only, and yet, she didn't give it much thought. She didn't feel possessive or jealous.  He made her feel like the most important person in the room.  He just looked at her, and she knew he was hers. One evening at his house he took her by the hand, looked into her eyes, and said “I'll never lie to you. Don't ask a question you don't want to know the answer to.  You might not like what I have to say, but I promise you, I will always tell you the truth”  She believed him.  She spent her life questioning everyone's intentions. And here is this guy, who comes out of nowhere and she trusts him without question. They dated over the next few years on and off. It worked. He introduced her to herself. She felt free when she was with him.  Free from responsibility, free from expectations, free from judgment.   

Deep down she knew she needed more.  She had healed from the hurt of her broken marriage, found herself again, her children were growing up and she wanted more. She mustered up the courage to broach the subject and he let her down easy.  He told her they were perfect for each other, but their lives were on different “trajectories”.  He said “ I live in the real world, even if we tried harder, we couldn't make this work and we would ruin what we had.  I’d prefer to keep things as they are.  But I know you need more.  I’d love to see you in a more permanent situation with someone who can love you and take care of you, the way you deserve.”  it hurt more than she wanted to admit but he was right.  She came to a point where she had to push the issue so he could end it because she couldn't.  

They went their separate ways, stayed in touch, but kept a distance. Friends, ex-lovers, confidants. It was just understood.  She eventually met that person who loved her and cared for her and her children.  She married and settled in.  But she always thought of Dean. She just couldn't shake him. She cared for him.  It had been years since she’d seen him, but she carried him with her, always.

One Halloween night she and her husband were at a costume party when out of the corner of her eye, she saw him walk through the door.  There was no mistaking it. Her heart skipped a beat and she felt the adrenaline rush through her.  She turned and looked at her husband. Shit! Surely, he wouldn't see her.  The bar was packed with hundreds of people.  With that, she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned around, “Hey Doll, long time” He looked straight into her eyes and smiled. She introduced him to her husband and he congratulated them on their nuptials. It was all surreal. She felt almost embarrassed. Her husband's demeanor changed.  It was like he felt the chemistry between them. Dean had a drink with them, then moved on to survey the single prospects.  He kept coming back though, even bringing the lucky pick of the night with him.  He invited her and her husband to accompany them to the next watering hole.  Her husband declined.  She smiled compliantly and thanked him for his invitation, but politely declined. Inside she was dying.  She wanted to go, she wanted to be with him! She watched him walk away, through the crowd; hand in hand with HER, The nameless, faceless one-night stand.  He turned and looked at her as he walked out the door.  She felt sick. She felt guilty.  

How could she feel this way? Standing next to her husband, the man who loved her with all his being. Her mind was racing. She knew she would never be able to return that love, for she gave her heart away long ago. What she could offer her husband were commitment and love, but he would never possess her soul. She had to make a choice.  She had to choose her family. She decided to marry, she couldn't break up her home.  She couldn't sacrifice her children's security.  They had finally felt safe and had a loving home with two parents again.  The divorce had been hard on them.  They were very little but their lives were turned upside down.  They had never known what it was like to live in a two-parent home.  Now they had it.  They had peace, they had stability, parents that loved them. She had to stop living in dual worlds.  She had to dedicate herself to her husband. He deserved that. 

Here she was again after all these years, twenty-four to be exact.  He had welcomed her with open arms.  She was standing in his living room.  The very one she danced in with him so long ago.  The crowd of people started to thin.  It was getting late, the booze was running low. One by one the vagabonds swaggered out into the street.  Soon they were alone.  She was free. Sitting together face to face, it was like a dream.  She looked into his eyes and asked “ do you mind if I stay for a while longer?” he took her hand and answered, “stay forever.”  Their time had finally come. She still loved him and that was all that mattered