This is a story of me and my 'Anpanman', I think it is easy for me not to reveal myself.
'The wind was blowing from West to East and I was standing on my rooftop, facing towards the direction of wind.' I was alone at home and not in the mood of doing anything that's why wondering about my past experiences with my parents. I was trying to recollect memories of my childhood. It was really difficult to find even a single of it. There must be reason behind this , either I have a bad memory or I don't want to keep my past experiences with me. But, I kept thinking and finally got some of it, i.e. about my dad. It was not so great, even though I was happy that I recollect few memories.
People used to say, " Hey! you are just like your father." This bothers me the most. We rarely see each other, although I was staying with him. Sometimes, I make me literally uncomfortable because, I never want to accept this truth.
When I was 4, I had a strong desire of being a Dad's girl, but circumstances wasn't in my favour.
Now, I am 20 but, my dream didn't come true till now. I still remember that day, when I was playing with my friends, in front of my house. Suddenly, a voice strikes my ears," Hey, you bloody! Go in and do your work."
I was 7 at that time and after that I never stepped out of my house because, I don't want to get scolded again in front of my friends again.
I said my last Good bye to my friends.
It was a turning point in my life and the day I never forget. That was the day I saw Anpanman for the first time in my dreams. It was a mixed feelings of both sadness and happiness. I have noone to answer my questions," Why I am being treated like this?"
Anpanman was completely based on my imagination, who became my everything like friends, parents, sister, brother etc. although he was of my age. I started sharing my joys and sorrows with him. I usually talked to him.
Anpan, will you like to play with me? I asked.
He replied with his sweetest possible voice," Yes, baby.
His eyes is so beautiful that I can't control myself from falling in love with him, and also helps to forget all my nightmares. His single word makes me feel worthwhile. He wants to be one of the best rapper in the world. I love seeing him rapping. He always make me understand the meaning behind his lyrics. We are spending time with each other more often. Probably, he was the reason of my life. I am always looking for him and waiting for night because he always comes to me when everyone else is sleeping except me.
Everytime he came with a new surprise like a new rap, chocolate,gifts etc.
Everytime, My questions for him was, "Why?"
But everytime he gave me a smile, which make me completely speechless. I know that I love him, but never noticed that I started loving him like crazy.
Everytime, I woke up and he was gone, which make me feel terribly sad but I consolidated myself that he will come again.
We started growing up gradually but I felt like time is flying.
The relationship between me and my dad becomes worst. I always thought that I can make him proud but it never happened. I was good at academy and everytime secured my position in top 3 students in my class. He never felt proud of me or my achievements. I was always a burden for him. Anyhow I was living with him because I have nowhere to go.
When night comes, I forget everything that happens with me during the day because Anpan make me feel happy and relaxed, I felt safe around him. I never knew how much I mean to him till the day when I heard my father was talking about my marriage. I never heard him calling my name lovingly. That day was like a dream for me . He called me by my name and said, "Dear, I have a good news for you." Firstly,I could not believe on my ears.
I was excited about the news but it was a shock for me that he fixed my marriage with someone I never seen before. I was trying to prepone night so that I can meet Anpan. I wanted to tell him everything. He already knew about it that's why he came with the biggest surprise of my life. It was the day I want to keep with me even after my death. He asked me," Can you please close your eyes?"
I never saw him asking for anything from me so, I closed my eyes quickly. He made me blindfolded. After a few minutes he opened my eyes. I was in pleasent shock. A bunch of red roses are in his hands and he was sitting on his knees. I never feel the sentence 'I love you' so deeply. He said me those three magical words I wanted to say him for a long time. It hypnotized me and kept me on the seventh heaven.
Words could not out of my mouth so, I nodded in agreement. We hugged each other as tightly as possible. Now he is completely mine. He promised me that he never leave me alone. Alike ordinary people we went for movie, restaurant and walked together on the open street. He sang the best song for me. I wished I have control over time because I wanted to stop it right there in his arms. 'I love him more than love.'
But that time flied with the speed of light.
As I opened my eyes a face, I hated the most, appeared in front of me, that was my dad.
Shouting, how dare you to sleep after sunrise. Get ready for shopping for your marriage. Don't you know you have a lot of things to do. He said.
He left me with a lot of unanswered questions. I don't know where I can get answers to all these questions.
I still wanted to know, why he was like this? Why my dad never accepted me as her daughter and treated me like a servent.
After that day I never saw Anpanman again. Why he left me like this in my crucial time when I needed him the most?