See Me

Warmth filled her cheeks but coldness gripped her heart. She hugs herself tight amidst the buzzing crowd. Her eyes, trying to capture dark curly hair, tall and built figure, but nothing. Maybe he won’t come again, she thought. She brushes the wetness off her face and looks up at the sky. Why did she even hope that she’d see him? The cold metal in her hand buzzed and she stared at the screen. “Hello?” she says. The world around her continues in silence as the man speaks to her ears. “It’s okay. I’m heading home anyway. Happy anniversary.” She takes the phone away from her ears and walks ahead. Her head hung low and the rain continuously fell, hiding her tears from the onlookers.

She arrives at her house. Dark, cold rooms greeted her. This hasn’t felt like home since her parents passed. Picture frames hung on the wall, displaying the memories frozen in time. She thought she had no tears left to cry. Glass shattered against the wall. She threw the closest thing to her, one after the other. “I miss you. I miss you.” She kept chanting those words when footsteps echoed through the house. Warmth enveloped her and calloused fingers caressed her face.

“Lily, breathe. I’m here, baby. Please, breathe. I’m here. I’m here.” Her sobs grew louder. She clutched her chest and rammed her hands on it. “Stop, Lily. Please, stop. I’m here, baby. See? I’m here,” he says. He places a kiss on her forehead and cups her face. He looks straight in her eyes.

“Reign?” she asks. “Reign! I waited for you! Why didn’t you come? I thought you left me.” His warm breath fanned her face. A smile spreads on her face and she jumps at him. “I’m so glad you came! Have you eaten? Do you want me to cook for you?” she asks. He held her hands and faced her towards him. His smile widens as he stares at her. She furrowed her eyebrows at him but he only smiled.

“I love you. Don’t forget that,” he says. They walk to the kitchen and she starts preparing their dinner. The huge smile on her face can never be taken off. Her cold heart feels warm again. Her hum of happiness coated the room and he smiles at the sight of her, dancing to her own tune. He rarely sees her happy. It’s partly his fault. But the lies he had woven have caught him trapped and he doesn’t know how to get out of it.

“Reign, can you set the table, please? Dinner’s almost ready,” she says. She turns back to cooking after sending him a smile. He gets up and does as he’s told. They shared a hearty meal he would never forget. After their dinner, he takes her to her room and bids her good night. Lily held on to his hands, the smile gone from her face. “When will I see you again? How long do I have to wait, Reign?” she asks. Tears flooded her face. He’s rooted in his place. He’s forgotten how to speak and the words don't seem to want to come out. He doesn’t know what to say. If he tells her the truth, it will break her even more.

“Lily, don’t worry. I’m here. I’ll be here,” he says. His heart tightens at the lies he continues to weave.

“No, you won’t. You don’t see me anymore, Reign. I’m tired. You can leave now.” She turns her back on him. He can still hear her sobs. I’m sorry, Lily. He walks towards the door and closes it. His eyes trained on her. Maybe it is best to tell her the truth. But his heart continues to tighten. He heaved a deep breath and walked out of her house. Tomorrow. Tomorrow, I will tell her the truth. I see you, Lily. It’s you who doesn't see me.

The next morning, she finds herself alone in her room again. She goes out towards her living room and turns on the television. She needed the noise to distract her thoughts. When her parents died, she expected Reign to be there for her, but he was absent during those times. She waited for years for him to come back to her. To tell her that he will always stay beside her. Every year, during their anniversary, they would plan to meet. And every year, she is always left to wait. The ringing of her phone brought her out of the lingering memories. Reign’s name is plastered on the screen. “Hello?” she says.

“We need to talk,” Reign says. I wonder what took him so long to talk to me, Lily thought.

“Okay.” She hung up the phone and made her breakfast.

Alone. She has been so accustomed to being alone. At first, she wanted Reign by her side every time, but he always had his excuses. She thought Reign was cheating on her. It broke her heart just thinking about it. They have been together since high school. They shared most of their life together. He supported her and she supported him. It was sad how she lost all of it and is now left with an empty shell of her past. “Lily,” someone said from behind her. Reign is standing before her. His hair disheveled and dark bags are prominent under his eyes.

“You’re here. Have you eaten? I’ve got some spare foods,” she says and gets up from her seat to serve him some food.

“It’s fine. There’s something I need to tell you.” His heart pounds fast and his head throbs in pain. He promised to keep her safe and happy but he’ll be breaking that promise today. He doesn’t want to hurt her with all of his lies, but it’s too late for him to take everything back. “I’m so sorry, Lily,” he says.

“Reign.” Her voice still sounds so sweet. He wishes to hear her call his name over and over again. But he doesn’t have the right to keep her by his side. She doesn’t belong to him. He doesn’t have her heart. He doesn’t have her mind. They’re both stuck in a past they can’t forget. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me. You don’t have to change anything,” she says.

“I have to. I want all the lies to stop. I don’t want to see you like this anymore. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I’m sorry. I loved you so much that I couldn’t bring myself to tell you the truth. At first, it was just to make you feel better. But I found myself falling for you. Caring for you much more than just a friend. A brother trying to make her little brother’s girlfriend feel better. I’m sorry that I lied. Reign is gone. Reign, my little brother is gone. We shared that name. Reign Alexander Zuniga. He’s the man you love and will always love. Reign Asher Zuniga. His older brother by a minute. I didn’t want to lie to you, Lily.” Her feet gave up on her. Sliding down the floor with her hand in her face. Her trembling lips won’t let the words out of her mouth. “Lily, forgive me. Reign won’t like to see you like this,” he says.

“No. Reign is alive. You are Reign. You are. Don’t say things like that. You’re here with me.” She shakes her head profusely as he tries to look her in the eye.

“Lily, stop. Don’t trap yourself with your past. He will always be with you. Look at me. I won’t let you kill yourself with all this loneliness. Did you think I didn’t know about all those times you tried to kill yourself? Do you think my brother will be happy seeing you like this? Lily, listen to me. We aren’t in control of what happens in our life. It was an accident. Please, you’ll make Reign sad by being sad.” She couldn’t hear anything. Memories of them together flashes through her mind one by one. “I guess, up until now, you really don’t see me, huh? I love you, Lily.” He pulls her body closer to him and caresses her hair.

“He’s gone? He’s really gone?” she asks. She looks up to him. He couldn’t bear to see the pain in her eyes. The broken look he sees in her eyes grips his heart tight. He couldn’t find the words to say and instead nodded at her.

“Do you want to go see him?” She nods at him. She gets up but her legs fail her. Reign helps her and they get into his car. It wasn’t a long drive and she finds herself walking up to a path. She reads the name written on the tombstone. Reign Alexander. Tears flooded her face once again and she slumped on the ground. Her heart clenched and her breathing got heavier.

“Reign,” she says. “I’m sorry. I should’ve visited sooner. I’m so sorry.” Her cries get louder and it breaks his heart to see her like this. He joined her on the ground. He held her as she cried. She keeps on saying he’s gone. He couldn’t do anything. He doesn’t know what to do. All he wanted to do was take all the pain away and see her happy. He planted a kiss on her head and held her closer to him. Lily continued talking to him. He listened and could feel his heart breaking slowly. It was getting darker. He urges her to go back home with a promise to come back and visit again.

“How are you feeling?” he asks. Lily has been quiet the whole ride. Her gaze settled outside the window. He can feel it. He lost her. She wasn’t his to begin with, but it still hurts. A sigh left his lips. It was all his fault. He couldn’t blame anyone but himself for falling for her.

“I’m fine.” That was all she said. She didn’t even spare him a glance. He drops her off at her house. She doesn’t say anything and doesn’t invite him in. He didn’t want to leave her but he didn’t feel invited to be with her.

“Maybe one day, you will finally see me,” he whispers.

Days passed in a blur without Reign beside her. She was expecting him to call or visit but nothing. Well, he wasn’t really someone who shows up when expected. He rarely calls her or visits her even before. She has tried contacting him but she couldn’t reach him. One day, her call finally reached him. “Hello? Reign! Where have you been?”

“Just somewhere. You? Have you been taking care of yourself?” Silence filled the line. How should she tell him that all she could think of was him? Her mouth opened and closed in search of the right words to say. “Lily?” he asks.

“Of course, I have. When will you come back?” she asks.

“I’m sorry, Lily.” She stopped pacing back and forth. Her heart pounded faster than normal at his words.

“What do you mean? There’s nothing to be sorry for. Reign, I’ll be waiting, okay?” Those were her last words before the call ended. It hasn’t been long since her heart healed from old wounds. She didn’t expect to get them broken this fast.

A text popped up on her phone and Reign’s name glared at her from the screen. She opens his message and her heart breaks some more.

Dear Lily,

I don’t know where to start this message and how I should tell you what I want you to know. I guess I could start this off by saying I love you. I truly did. I love you more than I loved any girl from my past. I love you more than I love myself. I told you last time, although, I’m not sure if you heard me, but I didn’t expect to find myself falling for you. Before my brother took his last breath, he asked me to look after you. He knew you would be sad to lose him. He knew it would break you. I did what he wanted, but I never expected to love you. When you saw me, you were so happy that you finally saw Reign again. I didn’t have the heart to tell you the truth after I saw you smiled at me. You were so bright back then. I was afraid to take that light if I told you that Reign is gone. We spent years together and, there, I find myself compelled to you. I have planned to tell you about Reign for so many times but I couldn’t bring myself to do so. Even more so, when I accepted my feelings for you. But it was hard for me to be with you when all you can see in me was Reign, my brother. I distanced myself, most of the time. I loved you from afar. I took care of you when you didn’t know. During your parent’s death, I was with you. But, still you didn’t know. And my fear came true when your parent’s died. Your light was gone. That broke me too, you know. I wanted to take all of your pain away. If only I could. But, I was in a dark place, too. Same as you. I wanted to tell you so many times that I’m here. I’ve always been here. But, you wanted Reign. You want my brother, not me. You asked me, when will I see you? I have always seen you, Lily. From the very start, it was you. But do you see me? When will you see me, Lily? How long do I have to wait for you, Lily? Until you can finally see me.

Sobs racked her body after she read his message. All those times, he was there for her. She remembers how he always made her happy, but then everything changed one day. During her parent’s death, she was a walking zombie. She didn’t know what happened but that everything has been taken care of. All she did that time was mourn and wallow in self pity. Reign was there. Reign Asher was there for her. She asked him how long she had to wait for him. She asked him if he sees her when all this time, she was the blind one. How did she not see him? I’m sorry, Reign.

Eight years later



Standing in front of his tomb, she lays the bouquet and smiles. She didn’t believe it was possible for her to smile again. She hasn’t seen Reign in a long time. “Hi. I’m sorry, I couldn’t visit you often. Life has been hectic. I have a stable job now. Well, as stable as it can get.” Her smile drops as she remembers him. “I haven’t seen your brother in such a long time. I hope he’s doing okay. Watch over him, okay? I hope you’re also happy now. Thank you so much, Reign. I love you,” she says. She caresses his tombstone and gets up to leave. Her gaze is up in the blue, cloudless sky. When her gaze lowered, she found herself staring at a set of green eyes. “Reign,” she whispers. Her feet moved on its own and she jumped at him. Water pooled at her eyes. Her smile grew on her face. “I miss you.” Warm hands enveloped her body. His reflection shined in her eyes. “Thank you, Reign. Thank you for everything. I’m glad you came back.”

He nods at her. “I’m glad I came back,” he whispers. Her bright smile is back and his breath hitched at the sight.

“I was afraid I wouldn’t see you again and that I won’t be able to tell you this.” He waited for her words. His heart raced against his chest. His grip on her arms tightened. “I love you, Reign. I hope you can see it,” she says. Her smile took his breath away again and his eyes watered. He let out a breath to calm himself and looked her in the eyes again.

“I—,” he stutters. Breathing in and out again, a smile grew on his face as he said the words, “I love you too.” Finally, she can see him. They see each other. May it be forever.