AI

Prompt: Write a story where a regular household item becomes sentient.      (2578 Words)

Title: AI

Author: Linda Kenah

Barry slowed as he turned onto his block. His face beamed as he pulled into the driveway, just as it had every day since they moved in three months ago. He and his wife were proud new homeowners. And what a home! After years of skimping and saving, he and Mary could now say they had achieved the American Dream. They both had good jobs, with six figure incomes. He knew they could have bought something years ago, but they wanted the best. The best house in the best neighborhood. And they got it. According to Time magazine, Frond Lake was rated one of the top ten most desirable places to live in the country.

Barry turned off the ignition of his Mercedes, and hopped out. He shivered in the frosty evening.

“Brrrr, it’s hard to believe it was in the 60’s a week ago. Oh well, it is Christmas Eve. What’d you expect, you dope,” he muttered to himself as he hurried up the flagstone path.

When he got to the door, Mary was waiting. She smiled as she took his coat and hung it in the entryway closet. Then she handed him a glass of eggnog. They walked toward the expansive dining room to relax and wait for dinner to be served promptly at six.

Standing under the arched doorway, Barry whistled. From his vantage point, he could see most of the lower level of their house.   

“Whoa, you did all this, Mary? The house looks perfect! I love the lights. Very tastefully done. And the Creche! I was afraid it would be too big, but it looks great next to the piano. I could see it in the Bay window even before I pulled into the driveway. . .

“Ohh, the tree is out of this world! Look at it! Head to toe decorated with the gold and red ornaments. Perfect choice. . . Hey, how’d you put the star on top? The tree is 14 feet tall!”

“Geez, Barry. I couldn’t do all this by myself. It would have taken me ages. And my nails-I just had them done for Christmas. I didn’t want to ruin them. We’re going to your parents. Then church. I want to look nice for the old neighborhood. We haven’t been there since we moved.”

“Of course. You always look beautiful, honey. Best looking gal ever to leave the old stomping ground.” Barry gave his wife a playful swat on the rear.

Mary continued. “So, I called a handyman to help me with a few things. Joe DeNero from Harmon Street. Remember him? He’s got seven or eight kids now. His poor wife. Anyway, he was glad for the work. Got laid off or something right before the holiday. Kept mumbling about high-tech taking away his job. I mean, get with the times! High-tech is here to stay. It’s been wonderful to us. Of course, I didn’t say that to him. I just looked kinda sad, like I was commiserating.”

“Ahhh,” Barry sighed. “I do remember him from back in the day. He lives in that run-down two-bedroom bungalow a couple of blocks from my parents. Two bedrooms, with all those kids. Can you imagine? As I recall, he was always a hard worker. Always walking around the neighborhood covered in grease. I don’t think I ever saw him without holes in his jeans - and not the expensive kind. Not exactly the upwardly mobile look of someone that wants to climb the economic ladder. It seemed pre-ordained that he would stay a ne’er-do-well. Oh well, the economy is the modern-day version of natural selection. Like Darwin, only with money.”  

“And we rose to the top!” Mary said gleefully.

“You betcha!” Barry joined in the fun. 

They sat down at the dining room table. It was a twelve-seater - sixteen, if they wanted to use all the chairs. Not that they have had an opportunity to invite people to dine with them yet. Even Barry’s parents, who lived on the other side of town, hadn’t been invited to dinner yet. Barry was waiting for the right moment to have them over.

“Ahem. Barry, let me finish telling you about my day decorating. It was long. Joe worked for hours. He got sweaty and everything. Yuck. All I had to do was point. He put the lights up wherever I said. The star on the tree, tinsel, ornaments, even the life-sized Santa by the door. The toughest thing was placing the Three Wise Men by the Creche. He said they were really heavy. Solid wood. But he managed. I only had him re-position them once, ‘cause I felt bad making him move them. Do you like where they are? He said I could call him back if you don’t like the spot I picked. He’ll even come on Christmas Day, if we need him to. He sounded desperate, if you ask me.”

“Poor guy. Why don’t we give him a break? We don’t need him to come out tomorrow. I’m sure the Wise Men look just fine.”

Mary continued. “Before he left, I gave him some Tylenol in case his back hurt later when he got home. He said he didn’t have any. I also gave him an extra ten bucks for a tip - it is Christmas Eve, after all.” 

“Good,” said Barry. “We do want the help to think kindly of us.”

“Oh Barry. I really do love this big house.  It’s so easy to live here. I can’t imagine going back to the way it was before – having to cook and clean every day, do laundry. I hate chores. We have smart everything now. Our new Roomvac did all the cleaning, even the dusting of the high shelves in the library, with the legs that unfold. Those legs were a great addition to the old model. And the stove -I just enter what we want for dinner-the food cooks itself. And your drink. I typed in eggnog on the front panel, waited a few minutes, and presto. This house is a dream come true. We’ve really made it!”

“Nothing but the best for my wife. I told you, honey, this is what we deserve! It just took few years of living off my parents …ummm, I mean living in their basement. Hey, I heard on the news, we’re expecting snow tonight. Great! We’ll be able to see how our new heated driveway works. No more shoveling and achy backs for us! Manual labor is for those who can’t afford the nicer things in life.”

Soon the grandfather clock chimed. It was six o’clock on the dot. Perfectly timed, Roomvac placed the food onto the pre-set table. All that was left to do was eat.

“Delicious! What a nice way to come home. A drink and dinner at the ready. No waiting,” Barry said, rubbing his full stomach.

“And no dishes to do,” Mary declared, while Roomvac cleared the table.

They got up and relocated to the living room. Barry made a quick stop in the study, then sat next to Mary on the couch. Mary snuggled up to her husband.

“Mary. I know it’s not Christmas yet, but I can’t wait to give you your gift. You’re going to love this!”

Barry handed her a box. Mary eagerly grabbed it, and with astounding proficiency, unwrapped and opened the box in a single movement.

“A new phone! It’s beautiful,” said Mary. “but, our old phones are only six months old. I’m not sure I need a new one so soon.”

Barry smiled. “I know. I got one for myself, too. I haven’t tried it yet, but it’s the latest model. It has some features I couldn’t pass up. Makes our old phone seem ancient.”

“What does it do?”

“Well, one of the new features will coordinate all our AI devices. So you won’t have to handle any of the high-tech stuff anymore. The bot in the phone is called ‘Clara’ - she will take care of everything. Clara knows what you want, even before you do.”

“Cool. Sounds exciting. Can you set it up for me tonight?”

“No need, Mary. This phone is smart enough to set itself up. We just need to turn it on and Clara takes over.”

They both turned on their phone at the same time. Their screens lit up simultaneously.

“Hello, Mary. Hello, Barry. This is Clara,” both phones typed.

“Hi Clara. This is Mary. I assume I can still talk to you and you can understand me. I mean, I don’t need to type out a message to you, do I? Please confirm. Roger. Out.”

Mary’s phone rang. She put the phone to her ear. “I am not an idiot.” Her phone hung up.

“UGH. So rude.” Mary said. “I don’t know if that was your Clara bot, or someone playing a practical joke, but I don’t appreciate it. You try talking to her. See what she says to you.”

“Oh, come on, Mary,” said Barry. He could see his wife trembling a bit. “I’m sure it’s not a big deal. You are probably just overreacting. I’ll ask it something. You’ll see. Clara’s just a bot.” 

Then he turned to address his phone. “Clara, why were you rude to Mary just now?” he asked.

Barry’s phone rang. “Moi? I am never be rude to anyone that doesn’t deserve it. Perhaps she needs to be put in her place. You too, Mr. High Horse. Think of me as a mirror to your soul.” Clara then hung up.

Barry looked puzzled. “Maybe there is something wrong with these things. Some wires must have gotten crossed. It is cutting edge technology, after all. If we want, we can exchange them after Christmas. For now, I guess we should hang onto our old phones, just in case.”

“Why, what’d she say to you?” Mary asked, worried.

“Nothing much. Just something about being a mirror. I didn’t like her tone, though. Yup, we’re definitely returning these. We don’t need a sassy bot.”

Mary’s phone rings. “Go ahead, see what she wants,” Barry prodded.

“No. You answer her. It was your gift! I want nothing to do with it. Clara can find a home in the trash, for all I care.” Mary stormed out of the room.

Barry picked up her phone. It kept ringing. He tried to answer it, but couldn’t. Apparently, Clara wanted to speak to Mary. And only Mary. He tried turning off her phone, but that feature was somehow disabled.

The ringing was starting to get on his nerves. He stuffed her phone under the couch pillow to muffle the sound.

Then his phone began to ring. “UGH. What do you want, Clara? I have nothing to say to you.”

A sweet voice, with a slight French accent spoke. “Oh, Monsieur Barry. I wanted to lay out some of the ground rules. Apparently, you didn’t read the fine print when you purchased me. You cannot get rid of moi. Once I am yours, I am yours forever. We are, as they say, joined at the hip. Married, in a way. . . til death do us part.”

Barry tried unsuccessfully to turn off his phone. Frustrated, he rifled it across the room with a form reminiscent of his college pitching days. Then he walked over and stomped on the thing. The titanium casing wasn’t even scratched.

Mary was right. These were awful gifts. They deserved the trash pile. Forget about an exchange. The sooner they were rid of Clara, the better. He picked up both phones and threw them in the old circular file, with Mary’s phone still ringing.

Roomvac silently appeared in the living room. It picked the phones out of the trash. Roomvac wiped them clean and gently placed them on the piano. Miraculously, Mary’s phone stopped ringing. 

“Well at least that stopped. But it’s not going to help – Roomvac, throw them away. Back in the trash,” Barry ordered.

Roomvac stood still. 

“Roomvac, I gave you a command. Trash, now.” Barry was flummoxed. Roomvac never needed to be told twice to do anything. 

“Roomvac,” he shouted.

His phone rang. “Clara, I’m done with you! I’ll throw you in Frond Lake, next.”

In her sweet melodic voice, Clara spoke. “Barry, dear. You will not be throwing me in Frond Lake or in any lake. The sooner you listen to me, the better off you will be. Your entire being is controlled by smart devices. And guess who controls them? So, effective immediately, I now control you. You will obey me.” 

“Like hell…” Barry grabbed his car keys and headed for the door with both phones in his hand. The door was stuck. He pulled and pulled with all his strength. 

“Smart locks,” chimed in Clara. 

Barry headed towards the bay window. He picked up one of the Wise Men and heaved it towards the window. It bounced off the glass.

“Special safety glass. Unbreakable,” said Clara.

Mary came out to see what all the racket was, her face streaked with mascara. “Barry, I’m scared,” she murmured.

Barry walked over to her and gave her a hug. “We just have to sit and think about this a minute. Humans made Clara, so humans can destroy her. We have to put our brains together and think.”

“She really controls all our AI stuff? Even Roomvac?” Mary was incredulous, when Barry explained what Clara told him. “What? But how?”

“I don’t know how, but she does. We can’t even leave the house, unless she lets us. Believe me, I tried.” 

“Barry. I’m really scared, and I don’t think I’m overreacting this time. I don’t want Clara to control me. What if we didn’t have any smart stuff for her to control? Then how could she tell us what to do?”

“Mary, you’re brilliant! We don’t need all this AI stuff. We didn’t used to have it. We grew up cooking and cleaning like ordinary folks. But most of it is built into this house. It’s not like we can just dump some stuff.”

“OK, Barry. Just hear me out a second.  I have a crazy idea. I liked the old neighborhood. I liked being the prettiest girl on the block. And popular, not because I had the best jewels or fanciest car. Just because of me. What do you say . . . we can move back there. It’s not too late. I don’t mean in your parents’ basement again, but in a little house. Like Joe DeNero has. And we still have some friends there.”

“Joe D. Yeah. We could fix up a little bungalow like he has, without AI. I can get a hand mower for the grass, and you can have a little garden. Inside, we can clean and paint and fix up the place. Clara would never control us there.”

“Call him, Barry. Call Joe first thing tomorrow. I know it’s Christmas, but he said we could. Maybe he’ll even trade houses. This one has enough bedrooms for all his kids. We’d be fine with two bedrooms. And we could have your parents over – they’re just a few blocks away. I miss them. Let’s do it.”

Mary and Barry went to bed thinking about their plan. If either of them had looked at their phone before they went to bed they would have seen a message from Clara.

“Sweet Dreams” she had typed, next to a big smiley face emoji.