Waiting on the Cape by Glen Benison

I kept it a secret for all these years, our vow made while staring into the starlit sky. I never even told my drinking buddies about my hopes, about the prospects for you and me. I suppose I was too embarrassed to speak of it, afraid that my friends would view me as a hopeless chump.

           But I went back to see if you would show up, back to the seashore, to that same area of the beach where we romanced. I was there at midnight, just as we planned.

           I realize that under the influence of intense passion, a person might be led to make a promise that may not be seeped in sincerity. That is what certainly can happen when two people, like us, get caught up in sharing a heated moment, embracing beneath a starry sky, standing in the cool sand.

           We left each other that night with a solemn promise. Did you forget our commitment? Our bond? 

           You headed back to Vermont to start your studies in Engineering, after your summer job bartending on the Cape ended. Cape Cod dies at summer’s end so I went to Boston searching for bar gigs where people might want to hear my music, where someone might discover me and market my talents.

           Tears streamed from your sea blue eyes that August night as we touched and tirelessly hugged each other, our anxiousness not quite in rhythm with the ocean’s slow heaving waves. You told me that I ignited something within you, a sensation so unique that you felt we should explore it further. But first, you said, your studies.

           You said you did not want to part with me but you knew that you must. Your schooling would require your total focus.

           “Five years,” you whispered. “I’ll be done in five years.”

           “That’s a long time to wait.” I breathed into the nape of your neck. “We’ll likely be different people by then.”

           “No,” you said and touched my lips with your fingers. “Love endures. Don’t ever forget that. Ours especially will endure.”

           “I won’t forget that,” I said.

           And then we sat down and tumbled back upon the sand dunes. Your sky blue summer dress wrinkled between our entangled bodies. I recall we didn’t sleep much that night, spending hours talking beneath the cloudless sky. When dawn arrived, our vow was explicit. I agreed that the best thing was to let you go so that you could complete your schooling. We would wait out the five years.

           Well I went back to the Cape five years later. Five years to the day, to the hour. I walked the same area of the beach, letting the wet sand squeeze between my toes, listening to the waves claw upon the shore. I felt so certain I would find you there.

           My anticipation of meeting up with you again gripped at my stomach, tying my nerves in knots. I sat among the dunes, at the very place where our love was uncovered. Even after these five years, I was certain it was the exact spot of our last rendezvous.

           I sat there for two hours. My ears perked with every new sound before I realized that you weren’t going to show up. My mood faded to a dark, midnight blue. I couldn’t believe you were standing me up. I tried to convince myself that you were out there somewhere in your world, still in love with me. I wondered if perhaps you had come to believe that I was unattainable since I have now become a successful recording artist. I told myself that you had come to feel that you weren’t good enough for me anymore, that I could have any lover I wanted.

           Well, if that was your thinking, then I guess you didn’t really grasp the type of person that I am. That would surprise me. Yet, then again, maybe you had moved on and didn’t want or need me any longer.

           I continued to sit on the sand, waiting and hoping. I strummed my guitar creating new music, tossing lyrics into the wind. I was a lonely, heartbroken soul. A fool for sure.

           I came to realize while there on the beach, that our love simply failed to persevere through the stiff parameters we had set. We had believed then that even by us choosing not to communicate during those five years, our relationship was special enough, strong enough to see it through. It was our, your plan, to allow your total focus to remain on your schooling and to avoid the temptation of you abandoning your dream to pursue our love too soon. I see now that was a plan built on sand, ready to crumble over time.

           As I sat alone in the moonlight that night, I composed this song while the memory of you plucked at my heartstrings. The song is a ballad, a painful ballad, and the lyrics tell the story of our relationship. These are my words and as I wrote them, they seeped with sorrow. They express how you not showing up haunted me.

           Only now, am I finally ready to share them.

           I have had the lyrics of this story of our romance printed upon the jacket of my latest CD so anyone who buys an album will be able to read about our unrequited love. Perhaps even you will read my story and feel the pain you delivered.

           If you should be wondering, know that I am no longer embarrassed that you duped me. Time has healed that wound. I believe the world needs a few romantic suckers like me.

           You know, sometimes it is worth taking a chance just like I did and although I say I am not embarrassed, I am still hurt. You will see.

           Listen closely to the lyrics of this song. They are written for you and I hope they might allow your thoughts to drift back to that night. Just you and I together, beneath the stars. You and I on the Cape.

           Imagine what could have been.