Chapter 1

Reyna had been taught to count when she was nervous.

One, two, three, four. Pull your anxiety to your lungs.

Four, three, two, one. Let it out with your breath.

Keep your posture. Chin up. Shoulders back. Hands relaxed and in front of the body. Unless a gentleman extends his arm.

She had memorized all the rules by which a Princess of the Realm should behave herself. And had forced herself to behave accordingly on all occasions.

Today, though, Reyna could feel the sweat gathering low on her spine, the tight constriction of her corset as it dug into her chest and no matter how much she fanned herself, it was impossible to get rid of the too warm feeling. 

So, she tried to repeat the steps her mother had taught her so long ago:

One, two, three, four. Pull your anxiety to your lungs.

Four, three, two, one. Let it out with your breath.

‘’Is something wrong, dear sister?’’

Reyna’s attention snapped to Frederic Heartforge, her older brother, who sat across from her on the dining table. He had mastered the art of looking effortlessly regal with much more grace than her, although that might have been because the demands made of the Crown Prince were very much different than those made to the expendable younger princess.

Frederic lounged on his chair, his hold on the silverware relaxed, golden blond hair perfectly styled out of his face. Yet, the smile that twisted his lips was the tiniest of bits strained.

‘’Wrong?’’ her father echoed, slowly raising his head from the papers he had been analysing. ‘’What’s wrong?’’

Below the table, Reyna’s hands tightened over the fabric of her skirt, the urge to reach over and kick him in the chins almost too much to bear. Frederic had always been the unbearable brother, but ever since they’d gone from being three siblings to two - with their older sister moving in with her husband - he seemed to always, always, have an eye out for what she was doing.

‘’No, dear brother,’’ she said and picked her own knife and fork. 

Do not tremble, Reyna, she told herself, remember your station. Your role. You are Reyna Heartforge.

‘’Is it your betrothal?’’ her father guessed. And Reyna cringed at the words, thrown so carelessly in her direction. ‘’Because Duke Drystan is both honourable and kind. He will treat you well, I can assure you.’’

Her lips trembled and she forced a breath through her nose.

‘’No, father. There is not,’’ Reyna whispered. The lie, so painfully clear in her voice, made her cringe inward.

Wind whistled outside, so violently that for a moment the room drowned in its roar, its fury. The weather had made a turn for the worse after the Winter Solstice. Fitting since that was the day that Reyna seemed incapable of letting go as well.

‘’Is it the land?’’ he pushed forward, neglecting her words. ‘’Or maybe because you’ll be a Duchess and that’s below your station? I hope you know that —‘’

Putting her things down, with a little more force than was befitting a girl of her station, Reyna said, ‘’No, father. That is not the problem.’’

Reyna closed her eyes and cursed herself for the slip up.

‘’So, what is the problem, then?’’ her father insisted, offering the documents to a servant. 

Her entire body rebelled at the idea of confessing, her stomach knotted just with the thought. Slowly, Reyna took a deep breath, allowed her hands to relax over the fabric of her skirts. Shoulders back, chin up, the perfect picture of a princess, she finally turned to face her father.

King Nathaniel Heartforge was a man of ostentation, dressed in deep reds and rich golds, his callused hands adorned by large rings in three of its fingers. He was also her mirror, physically at least, with the same light blond hair and royal blue eyes; the same up twist to their full lips and annoying crease between their eyebrows.

With a sigh, and what she hoped was a furious look at her oblivious brother, Reyna confessed, ‘’All my life, I was trained to be a wife, a mother and a Lady.’’

‘’And what a fine lady you have grown to be,’’ her father confirmed with a gentle smile.

Reyna’s heart twisted painfully. Yet, now that she had given leeway to the words, she found that she could not contain them any longer, ‘’With you and mother, I learned that a man’s betrayal is inevitable. Even with my brother, I saw the same happen, even though he is yet to wed.’’

Frederic spluttered wine over his food and proceeded to cough, heat rising on his face, a startling contrast to the deep green of his suit. Her father, though, kept his gaze solemnly on her, unflinching and emotionless and since he did not interrupt her, Reyna allowed herself to continue.

‘’And so I prepared myself to lie and betray him in return,’’ she confessed. ‘’But I have known Duke Drystan all my life so I know he is a sincere, kind and good man. And even before father announced that I was to be married, the Duke came to me. He asked if I would accept him in marriage, promised to cherish and protect me above all else. Even his title and the Crown.’’

Her throat closed up and Reyna was ashamed of the tears that clogged her words, ‘’What am I supposed to do, father, brother, if there is no other woman? If there’s no bastard son? How do I act, if there is no reason to lie or betray?’’

Tell me, she wanted to demand, tell me how to live a life that is so different of everything I’ve known until now. Tell me how to take the steps my heart longs for.

Tears prickled her eyes and Reyna turned away from her father, focusing instead on the window. Frost had started to form around the corners; from the distance it reminded Reyna of small mournful crystals.

Why did she speak at all? Words were a weapon, one of the only Reyna knew how to use, and she had just laid at her father’s feet all of hers.

‘’Forgive me, father, brother,’’ Reyna forced herself to pick her knife and fork back up and to cut a bite size piece of her steak, her gaze fixed on her task instead of her father. ‘’The nerves of tomorrow’s ball must be getting to me. It is my first time seeing the Duke after the last campaign.’’

She chewed slowly, to give herself a few precious moments of silence. It reigned between them now, so heavy Reyna could practically feel the men’s gaze on top of her.

For all these years, she’d plotted and betrayed and worried only over her own whims. Whatever she desired was hers, whatever she despised disappeared. A Princess did not concern herself with things as trivial as the consequences of her wishes.

But this was… different somehow. It had been since the moment the Duke stood in front of her, dark eyes bright with hope. His words an uninvited caress she found herself unable to resist.

For some stupid, irrational reason, the friendship they had shared when both were young, free of the burden of battles and titles, had lingered with Reyna. Even after all the years of backstabbing and lies, in front of him, Reyna found herself going back to that little girl, enamored with the ginger hair and playful grin, with the ease with which he had seen the world. 

And so, this one thing that had long ago blossomed, Reyna found herself unwilling to betray. 

‘’Will you leave us, Frederic? You can keep drinking elsewhere,’’ her father said. 

Reyna’s head snapped back towards her brother, eyes wide and pleading. But because it was unbefitting of a royal to beg, even to one’s own family, the words caught on her throat. Harmless and immobile. 

‘’Of course, father,’’ Frederic bowed his head. ‘’I bid you both farewell.’’

Father didn’t bother to take his gaze from his glass of wine long enough to respond to Frederic. Instead, he waved a dismissive hand towards his son.

Reyna watched her brother leave, body paralised at the horrible prospect of the lecture that awaited her. Her heart galloped in her chest in a thunderous beat that threatened to unravel her from the inside.

‘’I apologize, father,’’ she repeated. ‘’I spoke out of turn, please for—‘’

Blue eyes met hers and her words died out. There was a look of contempt in her father’s face as he extended his hand towards her. Automatically, Reyna placed her on top, focusing all her attention on not letting her arm shake. 

‘’Reyna,’’ her father paused, and let go of the glass to turn fully towards her. He sighed, ‘’I love you, little one. But you must know that you were born to a different role than that of your brother and sister. Cayla married for the good of the realm, and Frederic will do the same when he comes of age. Yet, you have no duty to fulfil to this kingdom but that of being happy.’’

 She opened her mouth and he tightened his grip on her fingers, ‘’Listen to me, Reyna. None of those who bear the Crown go into marriages because their hearts command it. We go because it is payment for the many blessings God saw fit to entrust us with.’’

Her father’s gaze was bright with emotion when he whispered, ‘’Much like the rest of our family, neither me or your mother, felt more than disinterested attachment when we wed. We did our duty, but there was never any feeling between us. That’s why it was so easy to lie and betray, Reyna. Because nothing but the Crown held us together. I could have behaved myself better, I will not lie, with your mother and your brother and sister, but if there is one thing I will take when I meet our maker is that I did good by you.’’ He smiled, tender and soft, ‘’Duke Drystan made sure the entire realm knew of his affection for you. And only because I am certain he will treat you well, love and respect you like you deserve,did I allow this most uncommon union.’’

Those words…

Her body deflated, suddenly so much lighter and she succumbed towards her father. He caught her awkwardly with an arm around her waist, accepting her embrace. 

‘’I don’t know how to be good,’’ the words were pressed to her father’s shirt. ‘’What if I can’t be anything but evil and untrustworthy?’’

Tender fingers threaded through her hair, ‘’You don’t have to be perfect, Reyna.’’ Her father’s voice was low, his chin resting on top of her head, ‘’Listen to your heart, trust it. And trust your husband as well.’’

Trust.

Did she even know what that was? 

*

Chapter 2 

Reyna stood on the balcony, a scarf thrown over her shoulders to protect her from the cold, while she watched the snow fall.

Behind her, music bled into the air as the ball raged on. Their recent war victory fuelling the nobles' need for celebration. Reyna had performed her duties, by entering at her father’s arm and opening the ceremony by dancing with her brother, to the delight of all guests.

Maybe later, she would muster the will to go play the princess, but for now, she had decided to give herself a moment to sulk over the absence of the Duke. After spending the night tossing and turning, nervousness over today’s ball and her father’s words keeping her awake, Reyna had fussed with her maids for the perfect dress and the jewels to complement it.

All for a man that hadn’t come. 

She huffed in annoyance and curved her arms around her middle. The night was pretty, at least. With the snow turning the darkened garden into a scene from a fairytale.

A hand caressed the side of her shoulder, and Reyna jumped at the sudden freezing cold intrusion.

‘’How dare—‘’ the words died in her mouth as she beheld who now stood at her side.

Duke Drystan. 

He was wearing a black and silver suit, snug to his body not only by its cut but… by water. The Duke stood in front of her dripping wet, his face usually pale, now rosy from the cold, ginger hair a disarray of wind-blown strands. 

‘’I—‘’ he started, eyes wide, and wiped the back of his neck in the way Reyna knew it meant he was nervous.

Her heart kicked like a wild bird in her ribcage, so fast Reyna felt like she might pass out from sheer happiness of having this man in front of her. 

He had come.

Reyna immediately dipped her head, her own cheeks warming, ‘’I hope you will pardon my outburst, Duke. I’m afraid you caught me by surprise.’’

‘’We’ve known each other for years, Reyna. I believe I’ve told you to call me Drystan.’’

Her memory had not done him justice. He looked like a wish given form under the soft light of the candles. Too eerie, too perfect, to ever be allowed to fully step into the world of mortals. 

‘’Drystan,’’ her voice was low as she tasted the letters.

He smiled at the wonder in her voice and she found that she could not make her lungs obey her. She had never allowed herself to say his name so openly. 

Drystan. It had the sweet tang of hope.

‘’Can I— Will you allo—‘’ he stopped colour rising in his cheeks.

‘’You are very wet,’’ Reyna added stupidly.

‘’I collapsed,’’ Drystan explained and reached for her hand, taking it in both of his. ‘’I arrived yesterday late at night. One of my soldiers was injured so it took our company a little more than the others to arrive. I passed out from tiredness as soon as I arrived at the mansion. The servants didn’t know to wake me—’’ 

‘’I’m not owed an explanation,’’ Reyna reminded him.

Yet, the heavy, uncomfortable weight that had dragged her chest the entire night, had started to lessen when she saw Drystan.

He blinked, surprised by her words. Then shook his head, sending droplets of water scattering in all directions, ‘’You are.’’ He said fervently. ‘’And I wouldn’t dare to miss this ball,’’ he pressed a hand to the side of Reyna’s face, gaze steady and dark on hers. ‘’I rode here because the servants were taking too damn long with the carriage, do you know why, Reyna?’’

Her hands twisted nervously in front of her. Of course she knew.

Drystan was so close that his breath stirred her hair and if she was brave enough to lift her head, she might...

No. 

She couldn’t do it.

‘’Will you give me my answer now, Reyna? Was this enough time for you to consider me worthy?’’ he asked softly, leaning in to whisper the words in her ear.

Reyna’s head shot up in astonishment and stopped, surprised to find the Duke hovering just an inch away. He was so tall he had to bend to reach her, even with her high heeled shoes.

‘’You’ve never been unworthy. Drystan.’’

‘’Then say yes,’’ he pleaded and threaded his fingers through her hair, somehow stepping closer, so much so that his chest brushed hers. ‘’Forget betrayals and lies and whatever nonsense you believe. Let me be yours, Reyna.’’

Reyna closed her eyes and leaned into that welcoming touch, letting him fill her senses. 

One, two, three, four. Pull your anxiety to your lungs.

Four, three, two, one. Let it out with your breath.

‘’I don’t know how to take that leap,’’ she admitted. ‘’And I have no wish to see you hurt at my hand.’’

‘’Truste me,’’ Drystan pleaded. ‘’Choose us.’’

Trying to keep her nerves at bay was useless, she couldn’t resist this - him. Reyna forced her eyes open, her hand shaking as she placed it over his. So many emotions coated her skin, even now, in the midst of so much, one thing was painfully clear for Reyna: she longed for him, to be the one at his side. Always.

Slowly, she placed her other hand on his chest, over his thundering heart, ‘’I swear on my life, that I will do my best to be the wife you deserve.’’

Before she could blink, he had her in his arms and off the ground, and was twirling them both around. She shrieked and threw her hands around his neck which only made him laugh harder.

‘’There’s people,’’ Reyna tried and failed to conceal her own grin.

But Drystan’s joy was so contagious she felt intoxicated by it. Were there ever truly doubts that her place was by his side?

Putting her down, he reached for her face once more. His eyes so bright that her stomach knotted in anticipation. 

‘’May I steal a kiss, Reyna?’’

She grinned, breathless, ‘’I don’t think you’re supposed to ann—‘’

Words, thoughts, it all scattered at the feel of his mouth on hers.

Yes. For this, she would try her hardest to hear her heart.