The Proof of the Pudding

“Hey, man watcha up to”?

“I’m just trying to write some poetry”.

“Cool man – Hit me with a line or two”.

“I’m not sure I want to share it yet”.

“C’mon man you need to get some feedback, after all, I’m your best friend”.

“Ok, ok, but it has to be constructive criticism”.

“Goes without saying”.

“The first line goes – ‘Things haven’t been the same since you stole my heart away’ “.

“Ok, so it’s a social commentary about the evils of organ harvesting”?

“No, it’s a poem about lost love”.

“No love lost in that first line, I’m tellin’ ya, keep going”.

“The midday sun is scorching the front porch”.

“Whoa there buddy, the sun doesn’t scorch the porch, it would burst into flames”.

“It’s just a figure of speech – poetic licence”.

“You’re telling me that you need a licence to write poetry, what happens if you are writing without a licence, do the police stop you, Is it a felony or a misdemeanor.?

“No, no, no. Poetic licence is just saying that you can change the facts or the rules to make the story more interesting”.

“Why the hell do you need a licence then, if you are allowed to break the rules anyway”?

“No, no, no, it’s just – oh forget it”!

“C’mon don’t get upset, I’m really trying to understand this poetry gig. What’s the next line”?

“I listen to the bird’s Sweet Soft Songs”.

“Why have you got three words starting with S, couldn’t you find any words that started with something else”?

“It’s a device used in poetry called alliteration”.

“So, as well as unlicensed writing, there is littering allowed as well, the world of poetry must be littered with licentious, literary criminals”.

“There you go – you just did it!”

“Did what”?

“You just used alliteration”.

“No, I didn’t”!

“Yes, you did – Three words starting with the letter ’L’ ”!

“Yeah, but I did it unintentionally – can’t be littering, you have to throw it on purpose to litter, next line please”?

“The wind blows through your hair so fair”.

“Why don’t you just say blonde”?

“Because I don’t mean blonde Fair hair doesn’t mean just blonde it can mean all different types of light-shaded hair. And besides – I wanted to use another type of poetic device called Assonance.”

“Ass what”?

“Assonance”

“Now you are being crude – I think”!

“It doesn’t mean what you think it does”.

“What does it mean, please tell”?

“It means the repetition of two or more vowel sounds within a line”.

“So, it’s your ass making the sound of two farts, a fancy term for bowel noises”.

“No, I said vowel”.

“Bowel starts with ‘B’ fella”.

“Vowel starts with ‘V’ “!

“Bowel starts with ‘B’”!

“I’m talking about vowels with a ‘V’ - ‘a,e,i,o,u’ to be precise “.

“Oh, I see”.

“The next line goes”.

“Hold up!  before you go to the next line, I have a question”.

“What is it”?

“You’ve done four lines and none of them rhyme with each other, I thought this was poetry”?

“It is, you can have free-form poems that don’t rhyme at all”!

“This is doing my head in! Is there any part of poetry where you must follow the rules”?

“Well, if you are writing a Shakespearean sonnet, it must follow a specific rhyming scheme, and have a specific structure”.

“Hey, I’ve heard of Shakespeare! – He’s the guy who said ‘The proof is in the pudding’ “!

“He didn’t say that”!

“Yes, he did”!

“No, he said ‘The proof of the pudding is in the eating”!

“No difference”!

“Yes, there is”!

“What’s the difference”?

“Well, if you are looking for proof in a pudding literally, it could become quite a messy affair, whereas eating the pudding can prove it’s good”.

“I think you’re drawing a bow there”!

“A long bow”!

“Longbow, short bow, what does it matter”!

“Drawing a longbow means you are exaggerating, it’s an Idiom”.

“Is that like when you say, ‘I dredge the thought’”?

“dread”.

“dredge”!

“No, it’s dread the thought”.

“I had an omnivorous feeling you were going to correct me then”?

“Ominous, ominous”!”

“I had a feeling that this was going to happen, that’s why I brang my dictionary what I brought at the shops”.

“You brought your dictionary”.

“Yep, at the shops”

“No, you brought your dictionary here”!

“No, I brought it at the shops. then I brang it here”.

“That you bought at the shops”.

“No, I brought it”.

“You are exasperating”!

“Please don’t start talking about asses again? here, let me look in my dictionary”.

“Look up Omnivorous”.

“Here we go, ‘giving the worrying impression that something bad is going to happen’, that would be like ‘dredge’ yeah”?

“You must be looking at Ominous”!

“You are right, I am! Sorry about that, let me look, OK, here it is, ‘feeding on a variety of food of both plant and animal origin’. I’ll have to bring this dictionary back to the shop I brought it from, obviously, the definitions have been mixed up”.

“This is unbelievable”

“It’s ok don’t stress it’s more than likely a temporary abhoration”.

“You probably mean ‘aberration’”.

“Maybe”.

“That really had me stomped for a while”!

“Stumped, stumped’”

“Well, I will take on the resolving of this issue off my own back”.

“Bat, bat”!

“Where’? Oh my gosh, you scared me don’t do that, I dredge the very mention of bats”!

“Let’s just forget about this whole conversation”!

“No, please, tell me about the sonnet rules, but don’t mention puddings”?

“Ok, the first three parts of the sonnet are called ‘quatrains’”.

“Like the long lines that come from the back of jet engines”?

“Those are contrails”.

“That doesn’t make sense – there were no jets back in Shakespeare’s times”.

“Let’s just say they are three sets of four lines”.

“No way, no jet has twelve engines”!

“This is going to be too difficult, If I start talking about alternate rhyming schemes, you are going to be lost”.

“Oh, you mean like ABAB – CDCD and EFEF, yeah I probably would be”!

“You Bastard”