Insanesbury's

From: Stephanie Brown [StephBrown@aol.com]

To: Manager, Insanesbury’s [VDPayne@insanesbury.co.uk]

Subject: Complaint

Dear Sir,

I’m writing to express my dissatisfaction with your recent delivery. My order was for:

A bed of roses.

A bowl of cherries.

Instead, I received:

A rotten egg. In truth, I would have accepted a curate’s egg; a mix of good and bad.

A crusty roll. You really should do something about your skin condition.

Various items from your ‘Simply’ range. How did someone with your limited intellect rise to the position of manager?

And a rotten apple. Since my delivery, I’ve heard that your younger brothers behave in a similar fashion to you, thus proving that one bad apple does indeed spoil the whole barrel. Additionally, my informants have also told me that your father was a serial adulterer, evidencing that the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree.

On reading this, you might conclude that it’s sour grapes. Indeed, it’s not. When you arrived at my house in Quality Street, I was ready for a Celebration. Rather than the fresh goods I expected, everything soon became stale, but sadly not hard. I intend to approach the Office of Fair Trading and lodge a complaint under the Trade Description Act. When we met, you told me that you were solvent and single. In reality, you’re broke and married. I’d therefore like you to return my money without delay.

Yours disappointedly Steph.

From: Manager, Insanesbury’s [VDPayne@insanesbury.co.uk]

To: Stephanie Brown [StephBrown@aol.com]

Subject: Complaint

Dear Steph,

Thank you for your correspondence. I have considered your complaints and found them unfounded. The items that you ordered were delivered. In fact, I went above and beyond to ensure that you were satisfied at all times. Having sought feedback from other customers, they have all confirmed that my goods are of high quality and given them a five-star rating.

Regarding your allegation that the goods you received were not as you ordered, I would draw your attention to our original contact, where you stated that you were seeking a ‘fun-loving guy’. At no point did you specify that he should be single, nor did I say that I was. I told you that I was ‘unattached’, and that is the truth; I have no attachment to my wife. Regarding my financial situation, I believe that you have become confused. The items that you paid for, i.e., meals out and a holiday, were in payment for my services. And I am definitely a ‘fun-loving guy’.

I’d like to express my regret that you feel ‘disappointed’. Thank you for sharing your buns with me and taking the trouble to write.

Yours sincerely Vince David Payne, Manager.

From: Stephanie Brown [StephBrown@aol.com]

To: Manager, Insanesbury’s [VDPayne@insanesbury.co.uk]

Subject: Complaint

Dear VD Payne,

‘Disappointed’ that’s the understatement of the year! You appeared on the dating app giving a false age, marital status, and occupation. The bouquet that you gave me on our first date, wilted and drooped the next day (like many other things). I suspect that it was past its sell-by date (again, like other things), as was the mismatch of food that you arrived at my flat with, when you said that you’d cook me a meal.

When I booked and paid for our holiday, you promised, PROMISED! that you would pay me back the next month. When I asked you for the money, you feigned forgetfulness, saying that you thought that it was my treat. Whilst we were away, you spent the entire week ogling the girls on the beach. When I challenged you about this, you laughed and said, I quote, ‘Window shopping, all part of a manager’s job.’.

You browsed the internet with me looking at estate agents, but when I asked when we would move in together, you came up with excuse after excuse. ‘I’m too stressed with work at the moment.’, ‘We need to wait until property prices drop.’, ‘I want us to buy something really special.’ Etc, etc.

If you do not pay the £549.00 that you owe me for the holiday by the end of the week I will consult my solicitor.

Steph.

From: Manager, Insanesbury’s [VDPayne@insanesbury.co.uk]

To: Stephanie Brown [StephBrown@aol.com]

Subject: Complaint

Dear Ms S Brown,

I’d like to express my gratitude to you for visiting my wife. She enjoyed her time with you and was much amused by your sense of humour and drama. You will be aware that an injunction is now in place prohibiting you from coming within 500 metres of me or Mrs Payne.

As for your threat to seek legal action to recover the sum of £549.00, you will find that without adequate proof, there will be no case to answer.

Please desist from making any further contact with me or my family. Failure to do so will result in further legal action.

Yours sincerely

Mr V.D Payne

Thrustpivot review

Insanesbury’s, Huddersfield

See what reviewers are saying.

Steph Brown

16 March 2025

If I could give this store no stars I would. Only visit it if you’re prepared to accept substandard, overpriced, mispackaged goods. When these issues were raised with the manager, Vince David Payne, he refused to discuss them and became threatening.

Reply from Insanesbury’s

Hello Steph,

Thank you for taking the time to review our store. We are sorry that you were unhappy with our range of products. Our aim is to provide good value food at a reasonable price. Additionally, it’s important to us that our staff are courteous at all times, and listen to our customers’ views and investigate any complaints. If you would like us to look into this for you, please email info@insanesbury.co.uk quoting CN-62025.

Thanks again for sharing your experience.

All the best,

The Customer Service Team, Insanesbury’s

From: Stephanie Brown [StephBrown@aol.com]

To: Customer Services Team [info@insanesbury.co.uk]

Complaint. CN-62025

Dear Customer Services Team,

Thank you for agreeing to investigate the above complaint. However, whilst the issue will never be fully resolved for me, I have decided to put it down to experience and shop elsewhere.

Thanks again Steph Brown

From: Customer Services Team [info@insanesbury.co.uk]

To: Stephanie Brown [StephBrown@aol.com]

Complaint. CN-62025

Dear Steph,

Thanks for getting back to us. We’re sorry to have lost your custom. Should you ever change your mind, you might be interested to know that the current manager, Mr Vince Payne will soon relocate to our Publicity Department. We feel that this role will utilise his extensive descriptive skills and creative imagination.

Kind regards, The Customer Services Team.