The Perfect Recipe

“Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance.” - Pride and Prejudice, 1813, Jane Austen

The Autumn Equinox is almost upon us. This Friday, in fact. The dough has rested; the filling is chilled, and the sun is filtering through the trees out here at the cabin. I always loved this kitchen—it smells like pine, crisp and refreshing. If you were here, I’d offer you some sweet tea and a slice of apple pie that I made this morning. The first batch of the special pies is baking now. Smells good, doesn’t it? Like carrots, onions, potatoes, and meat. Oh my goodness, the smell of the ground meat! You have to season it just right. And nothing is better than grounding your own meat. It is worth the extra work. My granny Josie told me over and over, “A woman should know her worth–and her meat.”

I like to listen to Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice soundtrack while I cook. I have my thin blond hair pulled into a small ponytail, and I know I am covered in flour, but I don’t care. The one good thing about being here is that I don’t have to worry about my looks. My granny Josie taught me to cook because she said plain women like us needed to know how to cook. Food was the next best way to a man’s heart. If you ain’t beautiful, fill his belly. I learned that with my beloved Jordan.

I guess I can tell you my story as I work on the next batch of pies. It’s one way to fill the time. My name is Palmer Page. I live in Autumn Brook, Pennsylvania, where we bought a house on Maple Lane.

All the trouble started about two weeks ago. I needed a cake recipe for the bakery job opening at Food & Fare. The store I have worked at for the last seven years. All of my granny’s cookbooks were here at my cabin, and I wanted to find the perfect recipe. I grabbed Jordan’s iPad and tapped the browser, and up popped the homepage with the most-used apps on the screen. I was about to click on the Google icon, but something made me click on the “F” icon next to it. The screen that popped up was Jordan’s Facebook account. I wasn’t even aware that he had one. Curiosity got the best of me when I noticed that on the top of the screen, it showed that he had an active message. I hovered over it with the mouse for a moment. Finally, I clicked on it and couldn’t believe what I saw.

My eyes glided over the words fast and then slower with each message. Her name was Jenifer. She was a second-grade teacher, twenty years old. Almost half my age. She has an obsession with frogs. Her page had a meme or picture, one after another, nothing but frogs. She made one comment on the way Jordan always smells like cinnamon from the gum he chews all the time. They even made a few comments, making fun of me.

I scrolled and scrolled. What stopped me in my tracks was a photo of the two of them together kissing. They were at the Pickle Barrel, dated last week. I thought he was at the dentist. He wrote beneath it: “This is how I always think about us.” I closed the app. I turn off the iPad. My eyes burned, and my hands felt sweaty. Then I heard it. A click. From the bookcase in the living room. I got up and went to look, and I saw that my granny Josie’s box was open. On the morning of my wedding, I received the box from her. She said it would open when I needed it. She was always…peculiar. At the time, the box would not open. I now opened the wooden lid. Inside was a folded letter and a necklace with a round stone, pink with black veins.

I opened the folded note and found that it was a letter from Josie. The letter said:

“My Dearest Palmer,

If you’re reading this, he’s done it. Like your grandfather did to me. I, of course, hoped that it wouldn’t happen, but I was afraid it might. You may have your grandpa’s eyes, but you have my blood running through your veins. We are under a curse. I didn’t fight it. I let myself become it. You can too, but once you do, you can’t go back. This wound goes bone-deep. Your grandfather found himself with another woman while in the war. She was a Japanese woman. She sent me this necklace and told me what I am telling you. He never knew that I found out what he did, and he didn’t know until the end what it had done to me. You can close this box and forgive him, or you can wear the necklace, take on the curse, and get your revenge. Some women mend, some make do, and some just hunt. Cook it right! Love you always, Gran Josie. P.S. In the end, it will have to be him.”

I sat on the couch in the quiet house. I just held the letter in one hand and the necklace in the other. The pain in my chest was so painful that I wished for death. I missed my granny Josie so much and wished she were here with me instead of this letter. I bit my lip and slowly put the necklace around my neck. The stone and black cord felt warm on my skin.

“It isn’t what we say or think that defines us, but what we do.”- Sense and Sensibility, 1811, Jane Austen

Wow! Time flies when you are having a good time. I was so into the story that I almost burned the first batch of pies. Let me pull them out. I think the next batch is almost ready to go into the oven. I’ll cut up the carrots and potatoes as I tell you what happened next. When Jordan came home, I said nothing to him about what I had found. Instead, I cooked his favorite dinner and dessert that night. Even though I was so hurt, it felt good to hear him go on and on about how good it was. I sat there with a smile plastered on my face as I listened to him go on and on about his day at work. While he was in the shower, I looked over his keys and found one that I didn’t recognize. I carefully pulled it off the key ring.

The next day, I stood in front of the apartments in town. I saw Jenifer come out of one and watched as she walked to her car. I could feel an animal part of me clawing at my insides, begging to have its way with her. I could almost feel my hands around her neck getting tighter and tighter. Scratching at my neck, I waited for her car to disappear. I strolled my way towards her door. No one was around as I walked to the door and easily slid the key into the lock. I locked the door behind me. I wasn’t even sure what I was doing here, but I know I had my grandpa’s favorite hunting knife in my back pocket.

The apartment looks just like you would expect. She has decorated in mostly green with a little pink here and there. Glass frogs line a shelf above the television, and an embroidered pillow with a frog on a lily pad. She had a vanilla folder on the coffee table that was filled with children’s drawings. To the right of the door was a barn door that led to a cute little kitchen. Frog magnets on the fridge and, of course, a cookie jar in the shape as well.

To the left of the kitchen was another door leading to a hallway. I went to the bathroom on the right. More frogs. There was a pretty bottle of perfume on the sink. I pick it up and smell and it reminds me of a coconut cake with a hint of orange that I usually make around Christmas. I spray some on my wrist and the back of my neck. I think to myself that I must have a cut or something because it burns a little when the spray hits it.

I leave the bathroom, and at the very end of the hall, I come to her bedroom. She doesn’t have any frogs in here, but it is all an emerald green. She has a vanity dresser in front of the bed. I sit on the bed and look into the mirror. I imagine this is where she and Jordan hook up when they are together. As I look into the mirror, my reflection disappears and I can see them naked on the bed, making love. Jordan is looking at her beautiful face and putting his fingers through her long, thick, dark hair. He kisses her perfectly plump lips, and his hands are all over her goddess-like body. My blood feels like it’s on fire, and it feels like my head is pulling away from my body. I must be getting a migraine.

I walk over to her closet and look through her clothes. All bright colors and designer tags. Everything I look at is about two sizes too small for me to even think about wearing. I walk over to the little window in the room and I decide to unlock it. When that is done, I get a feeling that it is time to leave. I go through the hallway, through the kitchen, past the living room, and out the door, locking it behind me.

That night, when Jordan came home, I placed the key back on his key-ring. I made him another of his favorite dinners, but this time I added an extra ingredient, some strong sleeping pills I picked up from the store. When he fell asleep, I felt restless. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen next, but I had a feeling it was going to change me forever. My head felt light and dizzy, and it felt like my neck muscles were stretching. I checked to make sure that Jordan was good and asleep, and I stepped out onto the back porch we had screened off for privacy. I sat down on one of the rocking chairs we had out there. I then felt my head lift off my shoulders, and it turned around all the way, and I saw my headless body sitting in the chair rocking back and forth. I knew where I had to go next.

“If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.” - Emma, 1815, Jane Austen

Thankfully, for the late hour, I didn’t see anyone as my head floated back to the apartment. I found my way back to the window that I had unlocked earlier that day. There she was, lying on the bed. She was wearing a shirt that I recognized, one of Jordan’s. She was lying on her side towards the window, snoring lightly. I floated past her into her kitchen and found the knife block on the counter. I carefully got the knife positioned in my mouth and worked my way back to her bedroom. Before she knew what happened, I slid the blade across her throat and spit out the knife. I grabbed her throat with my teeth, sucking the blood down my throat. She seemed to grab at me, but her fingers went through me like I was a ghost. I watched in part horror, part fascination, as she slowly died. I picked the knife back up and put it back where I got it. My head floated back to my body, and I fell asleep.

After Jordan went to work the next morning, I drove back to the apartment. I looked into the window and saw that she was lying on the bed where I had left her. I couldn’t believe it had happened. Upon entering the apartment in haste, I promptly moved her body to the bathroom. I will spare you the details by saying that I made it a little easier to bag her up and get her to my car. I made a call to work to tell them I had to take some time off. My boss was very nice about it. I haven’t taken a vacation in a while. I then called Jordan.

“I think I am going to take a break and head to the cabin for a while, if that’s okay?”

“Sure, hon, that sounds great!” I’m sure he had many plans in his head at the time he was going to have with Jenifer with me gone. Sorry, hon, I’m going to be spending time with her now!

“Yeah, I’m pretty excited. I think I’m going to make some of those mini meat pies for the block party Claudia is throwing next weekend.”

“That sounds awesome, Palmer. Save one for us, too, huh?”

“Will do, my love.” I hang up and start the drive to the cabin where we are now. For the first couple of days, I hung the meat in the walk-in freezer. I picked apples from the woods and started rereading Pride and Prejudice. At night, I let myself sit on the porch and I toured around the unbroken forest before bed. I haven’t been this relaxed in forever.

I stripped the meat from the bones. Even after I made the 48 mini meat pies, packaged some steaks, and made some sausage links, I still had about forty pounds of meat to store. I pulled the pies out of the oven and put the newly prepared next set of pies in the oven. I chop more onions, carrots, and potatoes, and the soundtrack music hums in my head. From the fridge, I remove the meat. It’s all pink and peppered. I see my reflection in the window, and I notice next to the necklace, there is a dark purple vein running from the necklace to my hairline. I remember then seeing that same thing on my granny Josie’s neck. I think she would be proud of me if she could see me.

Friday night, I wrap the pies in foil and load them into the car. I called Jordan to let him know I was on my way home. He sounds off, but I can tell he is trying not to sound like it.

“Maybe you can come up to the cabin with me soon? It may do you some good. I feel fantastic. We could have a little weekend, just us. You and me and the stars.”

“Yeah, maybe,” he says.

“A woman has her limits,” Grandma had said. I remember now seeing my granny Josie kiss my grandpa as they pulled out of the driveway on the way to go to the cabin for the last time together. I think to myself, Could I ever do that? Maybe love deserves a second slice. I know it won’t last forever, but for now, I will enjoy Jordan as is.

Sometimes we’re born soft and plain. But when you cook long enough, you learn the tough cuts are the most flavorful of all. I think about the block party and how I am going to watch as my neighbors and Jordan eat these beautiful pies. Part of me feels a little bad, but mostly, I didn’t have a choice, did I?

“For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbours and laugh at them in our turn?” - Pride and Prejudice, 1813, Jane Austen