No More Waiting

Again.  

It's the first thought that goes through Alice's mind, when a text of her boyfriend pops up on her phone screen. — ‘I got caught up on something. Gonna be a little late. Love you.’ , — it said.  

There comes a moment when you see that things aren't how they used to be, and you have to decide if they're worth fighting for or if it's better to just let go.  

Alice's mom's voice echoed inside her brain as her fingers wavered on the call button. No. She wouldn't call. It's been a long time since he called to justify his actions. Or even to ask how she was doing.  

The woman's freezing hands clasped the phone together, as if keeping herself to giving into the anger flowing inside her body at the moment. 

Again.  

Alice didn't get up from the bench beside the fountain, using the excuse that the big warm coat she was wearing kept her there, not letting her move. She was so tired.  

Tired of waiting and waiting for him. Waiting for someone who would never be on time on her life in the moments she needed most. Or to simply just be there, without a reason to.  

She doesn't remember the last time they said I love you with actually meaning and not because they were used to say the three words.  

It was always rushed. The last thing to say in a call. The last thing to type in a message. The last thing to say when one of them left the house. But it hadn't actually meant something in quite a while. Like a forgotten letter left to waste in a pile inside a box somewhere in your moving stuff: it must've meant something to you some time in your life, until it stopped being important. Later on, you probably won't remember it anymore. Or need it.  

The worst part was that she was the one feeling those things. Alice didn't remember what loving Harry felt like, not anymore. She wanted to. She really did.  

So, as her hands played with a butterfly sticker some kid must've glued on the bench she was sat at, her mind wondered through possible outcomes their conversation would have once he got there.  

A few minutes later that felt like hours, a panting and grumbling sound startled the thoughtful woman sitting alone by the water fountain, evoking her to search for the unknown source of it.  

A man on the oposite side of the monument had his hands on his knees and breathed heavily, as if he had just finish running a thousand miles marathon.  

Alice would recognize that worned out shoes anywhere.  

He must have sensed the stare and looked up, finding her dark brown eyes in a flick of second, before she swerved away. A curl falling asleep on her face due the action.  

Harry walked to her after straightening his back, not realizing the gloomy atmosphere he had brought with the moment he stepped into the park.  

“— I'm sorry.” the man begun, ready to apologize like he was so used to “— I had an emergency meeting to attend and I couldn't miss it, when I looked at the time it was way past nine and no reservations could be available at this time...” Harry sat down beside her, sighing. He sounded defeated, apologetic.  

She was glad, he should be. But why would he schedule a reservation today?  

“— I didn't forget our anniversary, okay?” Oh. “— I just didn't have any time to- actually, that sounds worst, doesn't it?”  

Alice blocked out everything he said next due her mind alerting today's date: 7th of July, when they made it official.  

“— ...if you want.” Harry's voice came alive to her again. She blinked, staring at the ground. He wasn't the only one forgetful in this relationship. “— Love?”  

“— Hm?”  

“— Are you mad?” He moved to put a hand on her tight the way it used to always sooth her no matter what had happened, then deciding against it. That reminded Alice something had changed.  

“— No.”  

She just didn't think they were worth fighting for anymore.  

When she finally glanced at Harry, he seemed conflicted on feeling bad or relived about her answer. He was inclined to feel relieved. It was an easy way out, anyway. She didn't blame him.  

He took a glimpse at her hand resting on the bench, contemplating whether or not should intertwine with his. Why is he hesitating?  

“— I can't do this anymore.”  

He paused his fingers from reaching out, eyebrows furrowing. “— Do what?” 

“— This.” she said as a simple conclusion in an essay.  

“— What?”  

Now the woman really didn't know if her boyfriend was just playing dumb or trying to absorb what she was talking about.  

“— Alice?” he questioned after a pregnant pause, tone getting desperate to grasp the why's of that conversation.

“— It's okay for you to forget a few traditional movie nights,” Alice said, resting against the bench after feeling discomfort on her back for the previous position. A cold wind breezed past them and she grasped onto the memory of he holding her against his body to warm her up in the cold streets of the city “— or a few walks in the winter.”  

Harry suddenly felt the need to interrupt, but his tongue seemed tight as a rope.  

“— Even two dinners at my mom's during the last weekends. That's okay.”  

Harry knew it wasn't.  

“— It's okay for you to keep me waiting on friends gathering or dinner dates for most of these last two years,” she bit her cheek, he saw it. “— Or at home, because you had something important to do and I missed you.” his heart clenched at the last sentence  

“— Alice-” 

“— It's not okay...” her tight voice interrupted him abruptly, not really caring for what he was going to say “— For things to stay exactly how they are right now.”  

She turned to him completely, pursuing her lips, ready to throw the bomb  

“— I can't, no, I won't, keep waiting for you to realize these things or waiting for you to have time to talk about it.” Harry stared, not reacting at first “— I won't keep waiting for you when there's nothing to wait for anymore.” 

He back away as if he had been slapped. 

“— What? Alice-” he sputtered out “— What are you talking about? We can work this out. Do something else tomorrow-” 

“— You still think I care about an anniversary, Harry?” she shook her head, avoiding the hurt look on him when she said an anniversary, as if it was no longer an important matter “— I'm just tired. We both stopped putting efforts in this relationship a long time ago.” Alice concluded, getting up.  

Harry shook his head, quietly protesting inside his head and leaving his hair disheveled.  

As her hands seeked comfort and warmth on her overcoat, he eyed the girl he was supposed to be in love with for the rest of his life, but that was long forgotten too. She was right. He didn’t want her to be. 

“— I’m sorry, Harry.”  

She really was. 

“— It’s okay.”  

He really was. And she heard on his voice and saw in his eyes that he was tired to.