Barbecue

   I was invited to a neighbors barbecue. We were suppose to bring something to eat. I dropped by the local bakery and bought a strawberry cheese cake. The invitation was in my mail box a week ago. I’ve been nervous about the party since then.

   It brought back memories of when my husband and I use to go to parties together. We’re divorced now for many reasons. I’d still get nervous going to parties even back then. I am always afraid I’ll be the woman sitting in the corner by herself with no one to talk too. Basically, the social out cast at the event. I tend to be an introvert. I’d rather stay home with a good book then party the night away. In school I had a few close friends. I value quality over quantity. So my friendships tended to be meaningful and quite close. As the years progressed, it became more difficult to meet people. So my friends live far away from me now. We catch up with FaceTime and letters but somehow it's not the same.

   I have to force myself to accept social invitations. I think I have a social phobia but I’m not sure. Back in the day, when my husband was around we would go to parties together. If all else failed I’d have him to talk too. Not the most interesting thing to do at a party. But as I said I’m not very good at socializing.

   Which brings me to why my marriage didn’t work. It wasn’t because we were opposites. No he liked a good book rather than a night of dancing too. Tom and I liked to do things together. Trips, vacations, dining, were some of the things we enjoyed. We actually got along quite well for a while. Then poker night started: at first it was a few hours on Thursday night. Then after a while he was coming in at two o’clock in the morning. I should of known something was up. Because he’d come home smelling fresher than when he left. You can always tell another woman’s soap.

   When we were dividing up property. He got to keep Nancy. Divorces are so messy but ours was straight forward. We wrapped it up within six months. They live only a few towns over; thank goodness I don’t run into them at the super market. I thought it was Tom’s loss really. I’m a good person and I made an excellent wife. Not to mention the fact that I thought we were spiritually connected through our faith. All of that down the tubes now, except the part about my faith. I’m still a believer and like to go to church on Sunday.

 It’s Saturday, so I dress carefully. A pair of capri’s and a light top is all that’s needed for a casual barbecue. I don’t want to be too late so I leave at six o’clock cake in hand. I know I have to get out more so this is a good start. I arrive at the house across the street. They have tulips growing in the front of the house. How nice there all different colors. I go around to the back of the house were a crowd is starting to form. I don’t see my hostess yet, so I go in the kitchen were she’s getting trays of entree’s ready for the party. We greet each other and I deliver my cake. I tell Karen that she’ll want to keep this cake cold for later. She thanks me and tells me to go have a good time.

   A man sticks out his hand and says “ I’m Billy.” I say “ I’m Sue”. 

   He says, “Nice to meet you.”While I look for a wedding ring.

   “ I live in the house across the street. Where do you live?”

   “ I’m from Portland originally But I just moved her for a job. I live about a block away just getting usta the place. Would you like to see my house sometime?” 

I think to myself this must be too good to be true. He’s single!

   “ I mean after the party, I’m quite proud of the renovations.”

   I say “ sure, we’ll just sneak away early and have a look at the place.”

   The party goes well, I don’t get that fear of being left out. It’s mostly neighbors which is fun to meet. You pass them every day but don’t get the chance to introduce yourself. I enjoyed getting to know my neighbors and Billy kept a watchful eye on me through out the party. I asked Karen about Billy and she told me he’s an old friend. Who just moved back to the area. He’s average height and average build with a dazzling smile. Usually at parties I suffer in silence. I keep my fears in check and no one knows how much I just want to go home.

   Billy meets me at the back gate and were off to his house to see his renovations. I am somewhat relieved that the party is over. If I give myself a rating it’s a 9 out of 10. Billy’s kitchen is beautiful. The heart of any home is the kitchen. He did the work himself. New cabinets, new countertops, a back splash, and it is grey and white. We have a seat at the island and he pours two glasses of wine. We talk for a while, he tells me about his new job and I tell him about my old marriage. He says it’s a shame when christians can’t stay together. 

   It is a shame because we took those vows before God. I took my vows seriously. Tom I’m not so sure about. I’m not judging him but I’m saying that when you marry someone it is a big deal. You’re suppose to stay with that person for life. It’s like I feel I disappointed God. Although, It was not my choice. I pray for married couples that they have the determination to stay together.

   I tell Billy it’s getting late and I have to go. He walks me home.

   He says “ This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

   I say “ I hope so”

   He says “ I’ll call you next week.”

We bid each other ado.

   I tell myself nothing ventured, nothing gained. If I wouldn’t of pushed myself to go to the party. I would not of meet any of these interesting people. I’m afraid that as I get older, I’ll become a shut in. For some people this sort of thing is easy. For me it’s a challenge. But I’d rather challenge myself then let these opportunities go by. There are few things more important then overcoming fear.